Interview with Werner Herzog

The filmmaker Werner Herzog is an inspiration to me. Mostly because he's completely insane. Sometimes, being insane is bad. Like when you're a serial killer. But when you're a movie director, I think it's a great trait.

Anyway, here's an interview with the man. And if you've never heard of him or his movies, take a moment to educate yourself. Here's his wiki page, and here's a fantastic video of him commenting on his relationship with actor Klaus Kinski:

"Best Death Scene Ever."

At least that's how it's billed on YouTube. And while I don't usually buy into the superlatives of YouTube users, I'm confident this has been labeled correctly.

FBI Training Video

So yeah...

No one has ever accused the FBI of being "current," but this video really takes the cake. Apparently a training video to give local/state police precincts a better understanding of Satanic ritual killings (my memory could be hazy but the late 80s/early 90s these were prevalent in the news media), this shows you exactly how out of touch people really can be...

First, let's take a look at the set. Maybe it's just me, but a morgue or sterile medical setting seems slightly more professional than a 3-2-1 Contact set. But hey, I'm not a federal investigator.

Wardrobe? I'd like to tell you how the video ended, but the shirt gave me a seizure. I can only imagine the producer speaking to the guy the night before...

Producer: "Ok, so have you got the script?"

Investigator: "Yes, I've been going over it. Looks good. Actually, I do have a question though."

Producer: "Ok..."

Investigator: "What should I wear? Something conservative? A suit?"

Producer: "No, we don't want this to be too stodgy. We want it current, so the video has a long shelf life. So maybe a nice shirt or something."

Investigator: (hangs up). "Yes! Off to Chess King!"

The constant references to a "model" are a nice touch, until he pulls the sheet and reveals an attractive, actual model. I thought for sure it would be a mannequin, or at the very least some Resuci-Annie they borrowed from the American Red Cross. But no, they zigged when I thought they would zag. And we're all reaping the rewards. The model is pretty, and just the sort of person you would expect to be targeted by a Satanic cult. Her bikini is stylish (I'm wondering if she and the main guy went to the mall together, and when he made a right to the Chess King, she headed down to Hot Topic), and while the pen drawn tattoos certainly betray the realism they had going, (I guess she isn't a method actor) aside from the slight breathing, she makes a great corpse. You can tell the cameraman was a fan of her work, as he lingered about a beat too long on the breast pentagrams.

I think however, my favorite part of the video comes at the 2:10 mark. Up until this point we've been presented with a fairly straightforward tutorial on what to look for on a suspected ritual killing crime scene and corpse. What to look for in regards to body markings and particular scarring. And then we get treated to this gem...

"Another thing that is oftentimes done in ritualistic homicides, is a penis is placed in the mouth of the deceased victim."

Now, I'm obviously no crime scene investigator, but something like that probably is going to be observed before the cuts on the back of a victim's heel. You might want to bring up the mouth/penis chit chat a little earlier in the tutorial. Just give everyone a heads up (no pun intended).

I can only hope more of these videos come to light, and they necessitated more wardrobe changes. Please. I beg whoever might have access.

Um, So This Happened...

I'm assuming this is either a viral video for the Russian version of The Office, or some sort of marketing promotional video for a Russian sex boutique...

Stray observations...

• One guy, and like 7-8 attractive women. It's a mail order bride service, right?
• They spent like 6 minutes choreographing the dance moves right? It eerily reminds me of a night I spent at Ommegang brewery (4 people will get that joke).
• No, I don't speak the language, so I'm not 100% what they're trying to promote, but I'm fairly certain they failed.
• No, seriously, what's the deal with the Russian Michael Scott? I need to know his story.
• You know this whole thing was the Russian Michael Scott's idea, right?

A Star Is About to be Born

Lyoto Machida, a light heavyweight in the UFC is scheduled to fight Rampage Jackson this weekend in the Octagon. Why should you care? Only because Mr. Machida is getting fighting advice from the one and only Steven Seagal...

Now, I'm going to assume once Rampage gets news of this, the fight will be off. But in the off chance that it isn't called, it looks like I'll be ordering UFC PPV this weekend.

Movie Trailers: Battle Los Angeles

Ever since hearing this movie was a mix of Black Hawk Down and Independence Day, I've been intrigued. And now, here's the trailer...

Initial thoughts - I'm underwhelmed. While it certainly has some moments where it delves into gritty, urban warfare, I'm worried it jumps around too much all over the globe. Black Hawk Down worked because it felt tight, claustrophobic. You cared about the characters not because you knew who they were (seriously, character development was a dirty word on that movie), you cared about them because of the fucked up situation they were in. And this Battle: Los Angeles has the chance to up that ante.

Let's hope it's just a bad trailer.

Star Wars Awesomness

Dear Internet,

I will never leave you.

Love,

Me.

Michael Caine Impersonations About Michael Caine Impersonations

Looks like I have a new show to hunt down and watch...

I only wish they would have done Michael Caine in Jaws: The Revenge. Then my day would have been complete.

Politics Are Stupid

I’m not an overtly political person.

Yes, I vote. No I don’t campaign. My wife suggests I can barely match my clothes; I don’t think I’m the right person to help steer the country.

And yes, I hate it when people don’t vote. But I realize that’s a choice too, and I’m in no position to tell anyone what to do and not do. But yeah, I really hate it. It takes like 30 seconds. It doesn’t hurt. You can make a joke out of it if you want. And I can’t think of any reason not to do it. Remember New Coke? We could have been stuck with New Coke if people didn’t vote. And Coke 2: Electric Bugaloo (as my college roommate called it) was terrible. (Though if they called it Coke 2: Electric Bugaloo I probably would have voted for it. Because, c’mon – breakdancing movies are never bad references.)

Yes, I believe big business runs this country…way more than any Democrat or Republican. Policy is made more on their interests than the interests of the people. I’m pretty sure this belief is why I loved Rubicon (and that was my contractually obligated “Watch Rubicon” moment of this post).

Yes, I could go into minutely fine detail about conspiracies I believe in about the voting public and how little we know about the government and how it creates policy, but we’re all seen (or should see) 3 Days of the Condor. Redford did it much better than I ever could, and did it much more handsomely than I ever will be.

All that said, this past election and the current climate it’s created is stupid.

And it has nothing to do with the results on election night (well not too much at least).

It wasn’t hard to predict the democrats would lose some control. People are mad because the economy isn’t doing as well as it used to do, and, when in doubt, blame the people in charge. Right or wrong, that’s pretty much always going to happen. Attention spans are not are strong suit in this country, unless it involves The Simpsons.

I hate hearing the Republicans, immediately after winning, talking about getting the president out of office in 2012. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love spite. It drives many of my decisions. And it is not healthy at all. I don’t recommend it for anyone. But I also don’t represent people’s interests, or create policy that affects a large body of people.

I also hate that the Democrats are lamenting they didn’t have enough time for their programs/policies/whatever to work. The arrogance they displayed, up until they realized they were going to lose their all-power status, was kinda lame. And the message that we now must all come together…? Yeah, something, something dollar short.

I hate labels. I hate that politics have come down to “what team are you on.” I hate that the interests of the people are ignored while the people in charge throw marketing taglines out there, but deliver nothing. It’s not about winning or losing, guys. It’s about, you know, the people?

Politics are a game. Just like Monopoly. Democrats and Republicans are the wheelbarrow and thimble traipsing around the board. And we are the Chance and Community Chest cards. Sure, everyone wants to win second place in a beauty contest. But you’re kidding yourself if you don’t think the real prize they’re playing for is 2 hotels on Boardwalk.

It’s a shame it’s gotten like this. Because I don’t think the country is divided as politicians make it out to be. At the end of the day, we want to see progress. And yet all we’re getting is victory speeches and promises that the “other guys” will be gone soon. And the victory speeches are even that good. Has no one ever seen “Victory?” Take a page from Pele. His speech is way more passionate than anything I’ve seen in the past 18 months – bad acting and all.

I’ll still vote. Because I like to vote. It makes me feel good. I like wearing a sticker the rest of the day. It makes me feel as though I did something important. I like getting a quizzical look from the older gentleman volunteering at the polls as I give him the double guns on the way out. I like the nice little rush when I walk out of the booth. I just wish the elected officials got that rush too. But watching the elections, and the back and forths, something tells me, they’d hate getting the double guns from me.

Abandoned Amusement Park

If you've ever had the desire to head to an Amusement Park after hours, this video might change your mind.

Hammer's Back!

Word to the wise - you don't diss MC Hammer. Jay-Z did recently (in a song from Kanye West - does someone have a flowchart so I can keep up?) and then this happened...

As far as diss tracks go, I dunno. I mean the visuals are certainly there, what with fat Jay-Z running through the woods, but the song...well it leaves a little to be desired.

Obviously Hammer saw an opportunity to become relevant again for a bit, and hawk his clothing line, so kudos to him for wrapping all that in a new song. But really, it feels a little forced, and not at all catchy. Next time you want to go for crazy, please consult the master:

YouTube Recommends...

Not sure what YouTube recommends for you, but this is what I get, and I felt I just had to share it with you...

Neil Diamond: Music Critic

I am not ashamed. I enjoy Neil Diamond. And even if you don't (heathen!) you may enjoy his take on some of the more recent music groups.

And also for this...

Your welcome.