Monday, November 22, 2010

FBI Training Video

So yeah...

No one has ever accused the FBI of being "current," but this video really takes the cake. Apparently a training video to give local/state police precincts a better understanding of Satanic ritual killings (my memory could be hazy but the late 80s/early 90s these were prevalent in the news media), this shows you exactly how out of touch people really can be...

First, let's take a look at the set. Maybe it's just me, but a morgue or sterile medical setting seems slightly more professional than a 3-2-1 Contact set. But hey, I'm not a federal investigator.

Wardrobe? I'd like to tell you how the video ended, but the shirt gave me a seizure. I can only imagine the producer speaking to the guy the night before...

Producer: "Ok, so have you got the script?"
Investigator: "Yes, I've been going over it. Looks good. Actually, I do have a question though."
Producer: "Ok..."
Investigator: "What should I wear? Something conservative? A suit?"
Producer: "No, we don't want this to be too stodgy. We want it current, so the video has a long shelf life. So maybe a nice shirt or something."
Investigator: (hangs up). "Yes! Off to Chess King!"

The constant references to a "model" are a nice touch, until he pulls the sheet and reveals an attractive, actual model. I thought for sure it would be a mannequin, or at the very least some Resuci-Annie they borrowed from the American Red Cross. But no, they zigged when I thought they would zag. And we're all reaping the rewards. The model is pretty, and just the sort of person you would expect to be targeted by a Satanic cult. Her bikini is stylish (I'm wondering if she and the main guy went to the mall together, and when he made a right to the Chess King, she headed down to Hot Topic), and while the pen drawn tattoos certainly betray the realism they had going, (I guess she isn't a method actor) aside from the slight breathing, she makes a great corpse. You can tell the cameraman was a fan of her work, as he lingered about a beat too long on the breast pentagrams.

I think however, my favorite part of the video comes at the 2:10 mark. Up until this point we've been presented with a fairly straightforward tutorial on what to look for on a suspected ritual killing crime scene and corpse. What to look for in regards to body markings and particular scarring. And then we get treated to this gem...

"Another thing that is oftentimes done in ritualistic homicides, is a penis is placed in the mouth of the deceased victim."

Now, I'm obviously no crime scene investigator, but something like that probably is going to be observed before the cuts on the back of a victim's heel. You might want to bring up the mouth/penis chit chat a little earlier in the tutorial. Just give everyone a heads up (no pun intended).

I can only hope more of these videos come to light, and they necessitated more wardrobe changes. Please. I beg whoever might have access.

No comments: