A List of People I Would Rather Host the Oscars Instead of Billy Crystal

1. Rutger Hauer

2. Chris Elliot and/or Bob Elliot

3. That guy in the office that always seems to cross the line when there's a woman in the room

4. This guy

5. Courtney Love

6. Tony Clifton

7. Bob Zmuda

8. Chip Gardner

9. The collective voice of Twitter

10. A hobo