Week 16 Picks with Goose - So you're saying there's a chance?

I won't spend too much on this column addressing the silly complaints Cline lobbed toward me for last week's picks. I'll simply say that I doubt he would have said anything had there not been a 4 game swing in the standings. But hey, why dwell on that, or the fact that he called me out on not being "entertaining" enough in my picks? I mean, we'll ignore the fact he missed the joke... he was probably hard at work writing his one December non-picks blog post.

But it's the holidays, so enough quibbling. We're here for you, the bored reader, to mildy entertain and amuse. And what could be more entertaining than children being scared out of their minds by Santa Claus?

Picks and more on the flip side...



I'm already down 0-2 this week, based on David Garrard's absolutely abysmal play Thursday night (I might need a couple of Cline's bank statements to see if this was on the up and up - nothing like fixing a game to right the ship) and then being so distraught about Thursday's loss ignoring the Saturday night game. Hey, when only 6 people can see it, it doesn't necessarily stand out in the collective conscience. Oh well, I would have picked Dallas anyway, and it's good to see those morons lose. Can't wait to see what T.O. has to say. Regardless, let's move on and see if I can chip away at the lead anymore.

As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold...

Miami -4 @ KANSAS CITY

What better time to pick Kansas City when their front office is in turmoil? Well, I can at least use the argument that Miami really hasn't seen too much cold weather and Arrow Head used to be tough to win in for the visitors. Back in the 80s. Maybe the Dolphins will get flash backs, just like this picture invokes. This looks less like a trip to see Santa and more like an LSD flashback on the set of Suspiria.



Don't know what Suspiria is? Well, you should. Here's a little taste. Oh, it's a tad gory so all you little kids taking notes to get your gambling fix in, don't watch it.



Atlanta @ MINNESOTA -3

Let's go Minnesota. 3 isn't too much to cover. Speaking of cover, Santa's getting a little fresh here, no?



ARIZONA @ New England -8

Maybe it will be poor weather and a low scoring game? Ok, I got nothing other than to say Arizona pulling this off would be an early Christmas present.

As for this kid, I'll be honest - I'd have the same reaction on this guy. And a green shirt, Santa? What is this, amateur hour?



NEW ORLEANS @ Detroit +7

If I had to guess, I'd say this is the game Detroit wins. But I also liked Sports Guy's breakdown of Brees wanting 5,000 yards. So I'll go with the Aints here. As for this picture, well it certainly tells a story. I've seen 'Nam vets show more emotion than the little girl with her "100 mile stare."



Cincinnati @ CLEVELAND -3

The battle for Ohio! If that doesn't get everyone pumped up than I don't know what will. Possibly the battle of two coaches who will not be coaching next year? Which team is more pathetic at this point?

I included this picture not so much for the scared child and absolute lack of care seen in Santa's face and more for the Dark Side of the Moon backdrop they chose to use.



CAROLINA @ Giants -3

If there's been a constant in my picks, it's that I've ridden Carolina to success. If only I could say that about 10 other teams, I'd be in decent shape.

I dare say this Santa is enjoying the child's upsetness.



Philadelphia @ WASHINGTON +5

It would be perfect for the Redskins to man up and stop the streak the Eagles are currently on. And in any other year, that would dash the hearts of many a Philly fan. Luckily, in 2008 this happened though:



So we're not as suicidal as normal.

As for a Santa picture, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I don't think this picture was Dad's idea.



PITTSBURGH -2 @ Tennessee

If the season was 9 weeks long, Tennessee would probably be celebrating a Superbowl victory. But it's not, and I hate to say it, but I think the Titans' holiday might be spoiled - much like this child's:



SAN FRANCISCO -5 @ St. Louis

Seems a little ballsy to take San Fran giving so many points, but you gotta do what you gotta do. And while there's nothing so great about the child's reaction here, I do appreciate the photographer getting the supple side boob of who we can presume was mommy looking on.



BUFFALO @ Denver -7

Buffalo has a lot to play for, right? Like...um...trying to show that the promising start to the season wasn't a fluke? Remember when Berman soiled himself on ESPN about the Bills fantastic start? Pretty much like this Santa soiled himself realizing he had to do this for another 12 hours.



NY Jets @ SEATTLE +4.5

Favre is a HOF quarterback, there's really no argument. But this year, he's had trouble managing his team. He can only do so much before he feels he has to force things. And now, out on the west coast, I think it's going to bite him one last time, and he'll be left holding the shreds of the Jets' season. Need an pictorial analogy? I'm glad you asked!



SAN DIEGO @ Tampa Bay -3

This one's a toss up. I have no idea who will win and lose. Kinda like this picture.



Houston @ OAKLAND +7

We all lose watching this one.


Whatever your persuasion, enjoy the holidays!

Week 16 NFL Picks With Cline -- I Miss Nadav Henefeld

The NFL season and the calendar year 2008 and Goose's chances to pull this out are all winding down. 

To honor all of that, some of the best pictures of 2008 will accompany my pick.  These all come from Boston.com's The Big Picture.  This great site puts out 2-3 high-quality collections of pictures revolving around a theme every week.  They've collected the best of 2008 into 3 different volumes and are well worth checking out.

Part 1 -- Part 2 -- Part 3

Props go to Goose for originally pointing me The Big Picture's direction.  And you can get their posts as an RSS feed here.

---

Now onto Week 16 in the league where they play... FOR PAY!

Week 15 Records:

Cline -- 6-8-2 (-$360) (LOTW=L -- BDCS=W)
Goose -- 8-6-2 (+$40)

Overall Records:

Cline -- 109-80-4 (.577) +$970 (LOTW=6-6 -- BDCS=7-5)
Goose -- 99-90-4 (.524) -$1030

Schedule/Lines:

INDIANAPOLIS (-6.5) at Jacksonville

I'm up a game already this week.  Thankfully the NFL's staging of these only-on-a-channel-no-one-gets classics resulted in my favor.  Speaking of something I'm pretty sure is staged, here's a pic from some alleged South African police crackdowns.  If this guy is really injured, why are none of the photographers helping him.  That straw and rock surrounding him are a little too well arranged for my liking.

 

 

BALTIMORE at Dallas (-4)

Disgusting story of the week.

Arousing story of the week.

 

 

MIAMI (-4) at Kansas City 

Yes, the Chefs have been playing well lately, but I have to go with the team that needs the game more.  Note that this will be a recurring them this week.

This wasn't one of the Best of 2008, but it was one of my favs.  It currently is my desktop at work.  You have to love a city whose reaction to floods are hip waders and drinks.

 

 

ATLANTA at Minnesota (-3)

This game flummoxed me.  Both teams have been playing well recently.  As well as he's played, I think Ryan has a rookie stinker in him.  This could be the week, going on the road against a good defense.  But then I realized Tavaris Jackson was behind center for the Vikings.  Decision made.

This game could be played as fast as a bunch of flying Kenyans:

 

 

Arizona at NEW ENGLAND (-8)

I've done well taking Arizona at home and avoiding them on the road.  This goes double with them going in the shitter since they clinched the division and triple with the Pats needing this game.

This week I'm avoiding them like a Pakistani motorcycle acrobat:

 

 

New Orleans (-7) at DETROIT

Another one I struggled with since I think that Detroit will win one of their last two games.  I know Brees will be trying to put up some #s to possibly break Marino's record, but I'll take my chances.

This one makes me giggle:

 

 

Cincinnati at Cleveland (-3)

Gah.  The only thing worse than this game would be someone taking inspiration from Wild Wild West.  The only thing worse than that would be if they were French.

 

 

Carolina at N.Y. GIANTS (-3)

Maybe I'm crazy, but I gotta think the Giants right the ship this week. And yes, I'm going against Carolina again, even though they keep proving me wrong.

I'm gonna take the plunge with the G-Men.

 

 

PHILADELPHIA (-5) at Washington

The Skins are done, and the Eagles are setting their fans up for a fall next week in Dallas.

At least they aren't as out of place as this guy:

 

 

Pittsburgh (-2) at TENNESSEE

The  Steelers luck runs out this week.

This is a striking image, even though a similar one was recently used in a Valkyrie trailer.  Speaking of which, Cruise should not be the lead in that movie.  It's a cool story, but every time I see the trailer, I don't think "hey, this could be a good Nazi movie", I think "hey, there's Tom Cruise in an eye patch".

 

 

San Francisco (-5) at ST. LOUIS

Double gah.  To make up for thinking about this travesty, here's a cute blonde in space.

 

 

 

Buffalo at DENVER (-7)

Stick a fork in the Bills.  And here's two awesome horse pictures in honor of the Broncos:

 

 

 

 

N.Y. JETS (-4.5) at Seattle

I have no confidence in this pick.  None.  I do have confidence that this guy is awesome.

 

 

HOUSTON (-7) at Oakland

This guy makes most denizens of Oakland's Black Hole look like pussies.

 

 

San Diego at TAMPA BAY (-3)

Both teams need this game, but San Diego doesn't deserve to reap the benefits of that desperation.  What does that mean?  I don't know.  I just like looking at people putting plastic balls in a lake.

 

 

Green Bay at CHICAGO (-4)

I'm off the Green Bay juice.  Which means they'll probably win this game.  To close this week, I'll give you a sense of how I'm gonna feel next week when this epic battle concludes.

 

The Good...the Bad...the Beautiful #37

THE GOOD:



Who knew Josh Groban was this cool? A medley of television show theme songs - much better than it sounds.

Bad and Beautiful on the flip side...



THE BAD:



What is mountain bike bog snorkeling? Exactly what you think it is.

THE BEAUTIFUL:



Cobain sticking it to the man.

Week 16 NFL Lines

My apologies, but I mistakenly overwrote this post while trying to get Week 17 lines up. The gist was that I accused Goose of being hypocritical by doing the same things (not entertaining with the picks post, basing picks on the other's picks) that he had accused me of doing earlier this season.

The comments persist as does Goose being wrong.

Top Chef - Colicchio is pissed!

I don't know about any of you, but to me, it seems like this season, Collichio hasn't been too happy with the quality of the food the chefs have been presenting. He has yet to really rave about anything, and appears downright curmudgeonly just about every time the camera catches him. Taking its cue from the main judge, the show has been uneven in quality. No one has really stepped up and given us something to drool over, and a caterer from Jersey who's afraid to step foot in New York has been consistently winning challenges the past few weeks.

It's enough to make a chef want to say something. And that's exactly what happened last night. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

See more on the flip side...



Quickfire Challenge.

1 pot cooking! It's something viewers should be able to get behind, since it really limited the chefs from getting too crazy. Of course, it looked like some of the chefs bent the rules slightly (not that I'm accusing anyone of cheating, but I'm not sure you're adhering to the spirit of the competition with the use of a food processor) and prepared some decent looking dishes for guest judge Martha Stewart to sample for the 6 minutes she was there. Seriously, did she wander into the wrong building and simply stick around for a little bit before realizing her mistake? Is that all the Martha Stewart we're going to see this year? Why she's an expert of 1 pot cooking eludes me.

Anyway, Ariane wins with a cauliflower puree and beef thing. I'm sure it was delicious, and Martha was taken aback with the lack of butter in it, but honestly, it didn't give me the 1 pot vibe I thought the show was going for. It looks like a normal dish any cook could create. I'd much rather they rewarded Hosea's paella. But hey, who am I? Ariane wins again, Jamie complains that it wasn't her, and it feels like every other episode of Top Chef.

Elimination Challenge

Martha ducks out to buy a crock pot and figure out what 1 pot cooking really should be, and the rest of the chefs find out about the elimination challenge. In a absolutely perfect you-couldn't-show-the-difference-between-the-races-any-better moment, the Harlem Gospel Choir walks into the kitchen, singing carols. Carla, the lone black contestant is bobbing her head, while the other chefs share looks of confusion, astonishment, and yes, even a little bit of fear. I am glad Top Chef actually addressed it, by having both Carla and Hosea give their accounts of the moment (Carla was psyched and apparently immediately recognized them; Hosea suggested he and some of the other chefs were scared about what the next challenge was.)

Whatever - the choir was there to give the chefs their inspiration for their next dishes - each of the 12 had to cook around one of the days of "The 12 Days of Christmas," for an AIDS benefit being hosted by Natasha Richardson! Inspiring yet probably a little intimidating, it seemed that this threw some (all?) the chefs for a loop.

So now we're left with shopping and prep work and everyone telling us how their dishes relate. Everything seemed decent, but again nothing was crazy or spectacular. I'm not sure what it says about Jeff's cooking when he basically says he thinks everyone is playing safe and that he wants to show the judges he is "cooking circles around everyone" and yet he basically makes a salad. It made the top 3 so it had to be good, but still - anyone think Jeff is a crazy innovative chef based on what he's plated this season?

Day of the big benefit, a fridge apparently is left open, or something. It wasn't really made clear. Maybe no one really knows what happened. Hosea suggests it's not a great idea to put a bunch of steaming stuff into a fridge, but then we never hear about that again, so who knows. What we do know is that Hosea's, Radhika's and Melissa's dishes are affected the most. Radhika comes close to jumping out the window, but in true Christmas spirit al the chefs come together to help them and put something together for the big show. It's a nice moment, and shows some compassion. Not sure if it happens in seasons' past, but whatever. I (and the judges) believe it helps Radhika's dish, which annoys me even more when she's chosen as one of the top 3. Basically a mistake improved her dish. That doesn't bode well for her in the future.

All the dishes go out and the chefs stand over them hawking them to the people at the AIDs benefit. There's a montage of everyone trying them, judges giving opinions, and Colicchio making faces that border on disgust. I think he might have been embarrassed that he was a part of this mess as it seemed everyone was a little disappointed with the quality of food served.

Top 3 - Hosea, Jeff, Radhika and Stefan. There were actually 4. Seemed like it came down to Jeff and Hosea, with Hosea taking the Michelle Bernstein autographed book (anyone else find it silly that the prizes are always autogrpahed copies of chef books? I don't think I have the ego to suggest a copy of my book, autographed is such a prize. Ok, maybe that's not true either).

Bottom 3 - Eugene, Patricia Arquette's stunt double (aka Melissa) and Jamie who has to be hoping she doesn't "win" here. Eugene is indignant, Jamie, only slightly less so, and Melissa is hoping for a sequel to Desperately Seeking Susan with more explosions.

The judges' panel dismisses them, and then pretty much sums up the season so far, stopping just barely of calling the chefs mediocre. Tom says he wants to address all the chefs, and I'll admit I still didn't piece together what was going to happen.

Tom walks in, tells everyone they stink, and that they better step it up, before dropping the Christmas bombshell that no one is being eliminated. It's a true Christmas miracle! Until next week, when six get eliminated. Well I don't know that for sure, but wouldn't it be awesome?

Next week's previews look awesome, with Fabio speaking my thoughts about Jamie's proclivity to use scallops for everything!