Friday, April 1, 2011

Personal Writing: A Historical Perspective

Cleaning out my office (ok, really just shuffling papers from one pile to another pile), I stumbled across a pad of paper with some brief writings I did about 15 years ago. And since I found it mildly interesting, I figured I would share it with you. Don't worry, it really isn't that long...

Television Pitches

I think these were from an old email chain with some of my friends about 15 years ago. Back when we would sit at our jobs, and actively try to avoid our work and keep our sanity. Well, figuratively speaking, since one you read this, I'm guessing you'll be questioning mine.

Pitch 1:
Two old men who sit on their porch all day, complain about how it was better in the old days, and sip lemonade, and then realize the porch is really a time machine. Each week they decide to travel back in time to fix things, but always make things worse.

(I would like to point out that this idea was written 15 years before Hot Tub Time Machine came out...Just saying)

Pitch 2:
Joe and Louise are in love, but Louise dies in a horrible accident. However, because their love is so strong, Louise is given the chance to return to Earth, as a wolverine. Watch how these two overcome their problems to rekindle the passion they once had.

(You'd think these were written by a 12 year old, but no, I was in my twenties)

Pitch 3:
Randy is a logger. One day in the mill, he falls into a vat of wood pulp, swallowing a great deal. Barely surviving the ordeal, he loses his job and becomes an assistant park ranger in Yosemite Park. There he learns his accident has given him the ability to communicate with trees. When he learns the trees plan a hostile takeover of the world, he joins them to wage an epic battle.

(I'd like to point out this was written 15 years before The Happening. Actually, maybe I wouldn't like to point that out.)

Pitch 4:
Max is a crack hacker and he's only 14. One day he hacks into a top secret AI lab. Before he can get out, his computer zaps Max, bringing him into a mystical world underwater. Max realizes he can breathe underwater and assumes command a kingdom of sea horses.

(I'm anxiously awaiting AMC to pick this one up)

And then here's the next page of the pad...

Top 10 Worst Jobs

10. Parachute tester
9. Amish electrician
8. Bullet proof vest tester
7. Insurance coverage salesman for kamikaze pilots

And that's it...I guess insurance coverage salesman for kamikaze pilots couldn't be topped. Though I still think amish electrician is funny.

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