Full disclosure - I have never watched one single episode of Celebrity Apprentice, or regular Apprentice. No, I'm not one of those anti reality TV people, crying that they signify the downfall of modern civilization. I mean, you put Brett Michaels in a house (or bus) with a group of marginally attractive "ladies" and I'm popping popcorn in anticipation. I just never got on the Trump train way back when. So, you can take that into consideration when reading the rest of this.
I do know my bottom of the rung celebrities, and it seems Trump has amassed some doozies for his latest show. My goodness. I assume he sent out his casting directors with explicit instructions to visit bus stations and Howard Johnsons to round out his crew. He might be breaking laws without using quotes around "celebrity" or at least throwing an asterisk next to it.
That isn't to say there aren't some intriguing characters on the show. In fact I think there are just enough to get me to at least think about watching the first episode, airing this Sunday night. Perhaps not the most glowing endorsement, but it's an endorsement nonetheless. And Trump has to be happy with that, right? Right?
On the flips side, a breakdown of the odds I give each "celebrity" to win this whole shebang...
Apologies for not including photos. For some of these people, I'm fairly sure you've never seen them before. To get a look, please visit the official Celebrity Apprentice site. Names are followed by what NBC describes them as being famous for. That in itself is full of humor...
My personal odds on favorite to win. She showed some intelligence and moxie on (and I can't believe I A. saw this; B. remember this; and C. admit to this) 1 vs. 100. See for yourself:
As a poker player I think her competitiveness will really come out, more so than her "I just want some TV exposure." It's going to take her a long way and possibly give her what she needs to win the whole thing.
Andrew Dice Clay
At some point he is going to mouth off (over under 6 minutes into the first meeting with Trump) which won't endear him to many people. Will Trump find it cute? Possibly the first 75 times it happens, but then that 76th time will come along and BAM - so long Diceman. Somewhere Nora Dunn is weeping laughing right now.
R & B Star
First of all, calling McKnight "star" without at the very least preceding it with "former" might be grounds for libel. Second of all, I think his lack of star appeal on the show will take him far. Far enough to win? Time will tell (and hopefully someone who watched this show, because I'm already having regrets telling you all I might watch the first episode).
I can guarantee one thing - Ms. Roderick will not be eliminated in the first round. She could openly make out with Steve Wynn on Trump's Polar Bear rug (you know he has one) and she isn't getting eliminated. Why not? The 2 Bs. Blond and Bosomy.
When you look at the list and think about it, Clint Black might be the biggest star there. Sure, not to us snobby, hipster northeastern viewers, but to that ginormous middle part in the country we like to call Boring Part of the Flight Land, this guy is Elvis...or something. Trump knows this, wants Celebrity Apprentice to get huge ratings and therefore won't even entertain the notion of firing this guy before the semis. A safe bet.
Model, Deal or No Deal
Being brunette isn't going to help her. Neither is the fact that her biggest gig seems to be opening a silver suitcase. She's eye candy so that might save her a few rounds, but unless we hear "Ivy league education" and her name in the first episode, Trump will quickly writer her off.
Rodman's stint can go one of two ways. He'll be kept around a couple rounds, ending up in the bottom fairly routinely to show off his "off the cuff" nature in the boardroom, until he's finally eliminated toward the end, or he'll storm off the show within 15 minutes. There's really no middle ground. Also, I'm assuming there's a boardroom and multiple people up for elimination that Trump ultimately decides on, but if that's not the case I apologize.
Sure, he has a multiple personality disorder, but any guy who ever played Russian Roulette, no matter what personality it is, is going to get some props in my book.
He works on cars I think? He's listed as an entrepreneur so that has to count for something. Other than that, this guy is a wild card, and wild cards always seem to make some noise in irrelevant reality TV competitions, which is why I love this guy for a value bet. And if you don't know what a value bet is, well that just means you don't have a gambling problem. Consider yourself lucky.
Another one that will run her mouth. I really can't see Ms. Rivers willing to sully her (perceived) status and stoop to some of the lower levels she will have to to win some of the show's challenges.
There's something to be said about our society when someone is a big enough star to go on a reality show because she's been on previous reality shows. If I were the other contestants, I'd put a target on Khloe's back for degrading their already questionable celebrity status. I doubt she'll get any favors from them. And Trump? He's going to be mad that he could only get Khloe from the Kardashian Klan, and will more than likely hold it against her. First round exit? Don't bet against it.
Producer? I'm impressed! Melissa went a long way on that celebrity survival show in the jungle, so she has experience with advancing in reality TV competitions (I wonder if that's on her resume? - skilled in advancing on reality TV competitions). She also has something that no other contestant has - the desire to show up her mother. Don't sleep on the spite a daughter has to stick it to mom.
This is the type of contestant that can sneak up on everyone. I'm 90% sure none of the other contestants know who she is (75% probably don't know the women have a professional golf tour), so no one is going to perceive her as a threat. Plus, I follow her on Twitter and she seems pretty smart.
Figure Skating Champion
What's Scott Hamilton been doing for the past 25 years other than Olympic figure skating commentating? Pushing his agent to get him on a show like this. Add that to a competitive drive and a Napoleonic stature and you have the makings of a reality television celebrity. He wins this and he takes that title away from Khloe. Cat fight!
1 google to 1
I opted for the largest number known to man for Mr. Green's odds because there is no way Trump let's the person responsible for this:
Win anything he's involved in. And there's no way Tom Green is going on this show to win anything from Donald Trump. They probably have some weird agreement already worked out behind the scenes already for Green to do something "Tom Greenish" on the third show so rump can get all theatrical and toss him off.
R&B Star, TLC
Not Left Eye, not the other one, but the other one from TLC. Apparently she went by T-Boz. I'm guessing there will be such a general state of confusion as to which one she was in TLC, followed by false accusations of her burning down former Atlanta Falcon Andre Risen's house that she'll garner a lot of the sympathy/anonymity one needs to succeed on these shows.