Pool Shark!

Sadly, not the pinball game...

I fully expect to see a serious version of this movie to come out sometime next Summer.

[via guyism]

Australian Television is Better than American Television

Based on this clip at least...

Everything goes wrong from the word "go" in this morning news show segment. But please stay for the end when the host gets excited for dropping an "awesome" line in at the end. It might be my favorite part, aside from the other guy saying "You better go to another segment!" after hooking the duck (you'll understand when you watch).

Jaws Returns...

It seems Jaws has recently been injected back into the pop culture zeitgeist.

First, it's certainly no Indiana Jones moment, but Cory Turner, reporting for NPR, casts out in hopes of finding the original mechanical shark (affectionately known as "Bruce," named after Spielberg's lawyer).

The film's art director, Joe Alves, was hired to create the shark, and he remembers very clearly how he decided on those 25 feet. He made two life-size paper drawings of Bruce — one 20 feet long, the other 30 feet. He took the two to a parking garage on the Universal Studios back lot and put them side by side for studio executives. In a classic Goldilocks moment, the bigger shark seemed too big and the little shark too little. So Alves took the middle road.

Thirty years later, Jeff Pirtle, NBC Universal's manager of archives and collections, invited me to his office on the Universal Studios lot and showed me a number of Alves' original schematics for the shark. The width of those famous jaws: nearly 5 feet. The head alone, according to one schematic, weighed 400 pounds.

How pumped would you be just to have a portion of the original drawings?

Of course, that's not the most interesting Jaws related article I've read in the past week. I mean, Take a look at this article, over at Overthinking It that deconstructs the movie. I mean really deconstructs the movie.

Jaws was a trailblazer here, as in so many things. Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) begins the movie as the epitome of American manhood, almost to the point of cliche. He’s a loving husband, a devoted father, and a solitary lawman protecting his community. When confronted by the shark, however, everything spirals out of control. He watches a little boy get chewed up in front of his eyes, and is publicly berated by the grieving mother. Then the shark strikes again, despite the security measures he puts in place… and this time, his own child is nearly taken. If the first two-thirds of the movie is about anything, it’s revealing the impotence of male stereotypes.

Now, I'll be honest, I've seen Jaws well over 100 times, and never delved so deep into it's psyche. But I loved this article. I mean, I'm not going to try to convince you that any of it was done deliberately, but even if it wasn't, it's a great look into what possibly could get into a movie from a director's subconscious.

16 NFL Degrees of YouTube Wackiness

Sweet Fancy Moses, the NFL has returned like the swallows to Capistrano, like stink to a monkey, and like an O’Neill brother to a buffet line containing mussels.

And with the NFL season beginning, so does an even bigger battle.  The battle between myself & Goose to see who can be less mediocre at picking winners against the spread.

As you no doubt saw in Goose’s announcement, we’re doing things a little different this year.  We’re using an ESPN Pigskin Pick ‘Em group to manage not only the head-to-head struggle between Goose & myself, but amongst other Popcorn Trick readers.  It’s free to enter, and if you hurry, you can still get in. 

After the jump, you’ll see my picks and also the results of a little YouTube experiment. To hold you over, here’s NBC Sunday Night Football lead color man in his younger, swinging days.  I feel 15% less creepy in comparison.  Enjoy.

2008 Wrap-Up

Things were close for a while, but I pulled away down the stretch to the point where I put less than the minimal amount effort I had been expending previously.

The final #s speak for themselves:

Cline: 126-94-5 (.573), +$950

Goose: 113-107-5 (.514),  -$1650

I’m as close to getting that theoretical $950 as I am to actually collecting on the bet we made (case of High Life & a sushi buffet dinner).

This year’s stakes have yet to be determined, but since (a) there’s no chance I’m going to lose and (b) there’s no chance Goose will ever pay off, he can name the stakes.

 

Week 1, In the League Where They Play… FOR PAY!

In honor of the 16 games on tap starting tomorrow, I’m going to try a little experiment.  Starting with a random, relatively benign YouTube video on the front page, I’m going to see how weird, esoteric, and hopefully raunchy I can get merely by using the Related Videos links to traverse an ever-widening radius of ridiculousness.

1. Double Pool Flip (or “Bad Parenting 101”)

I was intrigued by the image for this vid, but it turned out to be a fat guy married to a too-hot-for-him brunette taking his kids to some kind of Gymboree or something.  He calls his children Son Tard & Princess Tard, stares creepily at the camera, and bitches about traffic going to a Craig Ferguson taping.  And he calls him funnier than Kimmel.  Asshole.

I was hoping for a lot of people jumping into a pool. I was disappointed.

2. Food Battle 2009 (or “Enthusiasm <> Comedy”)

I was trapped in the world of parents filming themselves talking about kids. AARGH.  And most of the Related Videos were by the same guy as the last one.

So my choices were limited.  This is basically two high-energy fans of the Ashton Kutcher School of Yellacting doing stupid things with food.

I did like when the guy straightened his tie t-shirt at 2:20 and the chick at 4:28 was pretty hot.

3. Beatbox Dub FX (or, Beggars Can’t Be Choosers)

If I thought my options were limited after the bad fat dad video, they were almost non-existent after the last one.  59 of the 60 related videos were by the same Smosh crew.

Like finding the one sorta-okay stripper at a terrible strip club, I clung to this one for dear life.

Never heard of these guys, but it’s a nice combo of sax and dub.  The beatbox is a little weak, though.  Maybe I can give some lessons.

 

4. No Pants Subway Ride 2009 (or, “Hitting the Subway Lottery”)

Life is routine.  It’s easy to become zombies, just going through the motions and becoming part of a pattern..

The good people at Improv Everywhere has made it their life’s mission to disrupt those patterns by creatively organizing large groups of volunteers to fuck with people’s heads.

In January of this year, they had people take off their pants on the NY Subway.  Even the jaded hipsters of Gotham did a double-take.

 

5. Best Game Ever (or, “Who the Fuck is Charlie Todd?”)

Originally I wasn’t going to use the same YouTube account for 2 videos in a row, but I love this one. 

Improv Everywhere picked a random Little League game and roll up with a crowd, announcers, a portable JumboTron, and even a fricking BLIMP.

I’m assuming Charlie Todd is an aspiring announcer who needs the pub.  But how much free time does Jim Gray have on his hands?

 

6. Mario: Game Over (or, “Bill Hader, as Luigi”)

This is certainly an edgier Mario than the Captain Lou version I was raised on.  Good use of the phrase “mook”.

 

7. The Snail (or, “Funniest Thing a Frenchman Has Ever Done”)

I did not have high hopes for this one.  I won’t ruin the punch line, but this seems like the funniest traffic jam ever.

8. Shark Attack in Australia (or, “I Hope They Contacted the Australian Prime Minster”)

Sorry to bring the room down, but there’s still hope that the man taken by the sharks is still alive and living as only the second human King of the Sharks.

 

9. Shark Attack Art (or, “I May Not Know Much About Art, But I Know What is Batshit Crazy”)

These idiots, sorry “artists” apply a “mixture of sardines and blood and salt water” to a children’s drawing of a shark and then take pictures of the shark attacking the “art”.

Wow.

 

10. Why Lindsay Lohan Loves Fashion Week (or, “Of Course This is Related to a Shark Art Video”)

Finally, Cosmo tracks down Miss Lohan to answer the burning question of what she likes, rather loves, about Fashion Week.  Apparently it’s because it’s so high-energy and something about adrenaline.  I think a reporter would get the same answer during Cocaine Week.

Also I love that Frédéric Fekkai has so many accents on his first name.

 

11. Que Pasa Cosmopolitan Cocktail Making (or, “I Need a Drink After That Last Video, Make It a Girl Drink”)

No words, just a moderately attractive female bartender making a drink. Ah… That is refreshing.

 

12. Cocktail Movie by Tom Cruise (or, “That Wasn’t a Predictable Segue, At All”)

I would have hated being a bartender after this movie came out.  Everyone would expect a choreographed routine all the time.  That had to create an incredible backlog of orders.

 

13. Cocktail Recut (or, “Hang in There For the Punchline”)

Not normally a fan of recut trailers, but this one goes for the absurd and hits it.

 

14. Recut UHF Movie Trailer (or, “Any Excuse to Link to UHF”)

ALL of the Related Videos were for recut trailers.  So of course, I went with UHF. The recut doesn’t really add much, but IT’S UHF!

A seriously underrated movie. Some of Drescher & Jackson’s best work.

15. UHF Movie Review (or, “Thank You, Mustachioed Guy”)

Thank you for getting me out of the Recut Trailer ghetto.

The payment was listening to this guy mumble and cough semi-coherently for 2 minutes about UHF.

 

16. Weird Al – Jerry Springer

Barenaked Ladies + Springer + Weird Al = Genius.

OK, maybe not.  He’s done better work.

 

Wow, what a long strange journey. I’m exhausted.

My NFL Picks

Tennessee at PITTSBURGH (-6)

Miami at ATLANTA (-4.5)

DENVER (+3.5) at Cincinnati

MINNESOTA (-3.5) at Cleveland

Jacksonville at INDY (-6.5)

Detroit at NEW ORLEANS (-11.5)

DALLAS (-3.5) at Tampa Bay

Philly at CAROLINA (-0.5)

Kansas City at BALTIMORE (-8.5)

NY Jets at HOUSTON (-4.5)

Washington at NEW YORK GIANTS (-6.5)

SAN FRANCISCO (+6.5) at Arizona

St. Louis at SEATTLE (-7.5)

Chicago at GREEN BAY (-3.5)

Buffalo at NEW ENGLAND (-10.5)

SAN DIEGO (-6.5) at Oakland

Links of Interest 5/11

Quantum physics is hard.

See how the swine flu became the swine flu.

This article is scary for two reasons – it suggests Wal-Mart employees can predict a recession, and…well that should be good enough for 2 reasons.

Looking at how underdogs win.

Watch out, the sharks have a secret lair! And while it’s a different species of shark, this discovery now gives the plot of Jaws: The Revenge credence. Not the shark following someone to Jamaica based on revenge, but that a cold water shark would hang out in the warm waters of Jamaica. Scientists, however are still trying to figure out how Michael Caine’s shirt could be completely dry 8 seconds after he was completely submerged in water.

I’m not 100% sure these are supposed to turn me on.

Least bankable stars in Hollywood.

Every so often a new search engine is unveiled and hailed as the one that will take down Google. And every time I have to use Google to find it. So...

JJ Abrams is the golden boy right now with the success of Star Trek. Here’s a list of franchises he should now turn his attention to.

Cool idea for a picture – the path of a Roomba in a room.

A list of funny one liners from I have A Pony, Steven Wright’s classic comedy album, which is getting re-released tomorrow.

Links of Interest 2/12

Woman swims across the Atlantic.

Or does she? 250 miles? What is this, amateur hour?

Ok, you want to get nuts about time? Let's get nuts about time.

Oh those wacky Japanese with their fetishes.

Humans aren't the only ones to use tools.

I'm in the wrong business. Though I guess if I were in the human trafficking business, I could say the same thing - from my car made out of gold!

The idea of shark repellants just sounds made up.

The case of the poisoned peanut butter. What happened, how it happened and how it was exposed. Encyclopedia Brown would be so proud!

Ok, no jokes about a pot o' gold here.

The Amish might not be so Amish after all.

A closer look at that 819 billion dollar stimulus package - in chart form!