Thursday, July 1, 2010

Larry King Rides Off Into the Sunset

So Larry King is retiring after around 2 million years of being the host of his own show on CNN. Over at Salon, they have a rundown and favorite moments of his show, as a tribute. Which is good, but not great. So I've decided to do my own tribute.

You see, about 10 years ago, for whatever reason, my friends and I began writing fake Larry King articles to each other. (Yes, I know it's trendy these days to have done this, but you have to believe me when I say we were on board with this before many of the mimics. Like 90% of the rest of the Internet too. Twitter? I had that idea in middle school. Ask me about it and I'll write 5000 words about it).


I've decided to revisit those parodies one last time, in honor of Mr. King's sailing into retirement. But with a twist.

I've also included one of King's original articles. Have fun trying to figure out which one is the real one and which one is the awesome one (i.e. mine). Enjoy!

  • Whatever it takes, the Dodgers should sign Manny Ramirez or face the wrath of King!
  • I don’t know about you, but I think our election campaigns are TOO SHORT!
  • When I put my Citicorp card in the ATM, will money come out?
  • If anybody has seen Joe Biden, ask him to give me a call!
  • Will double breasted suits ever come back?
  • Milk is a movie you should not miss, if only for the performance of Sean Penn...
  • Will the Lakers ever lose again?
  • Has Michael Connelly ever written a bad sentence?
  • I wonder if Native Americans celebrate Thanksgiving – or even if they should?
  • Why does it take so long for the recount in Minnesota?
  • There are 3 guarantees in life: death, taxes and Don Rickles' new book will be funny...
  • In this economic crisis, is anyone making money?
  • The NY Jets story this year is one of football’s most thrilling and entertaining
  • Raising young boys at my age is wonderful, but rather tiring!

I've gotta admit, when I get called for jury duty I'm secretly excited.
For my money, American singers start and end with Mr. Mel Torme.
Call me old fashioned but I miss the days when you had to dial a phone.
Anyone else think we should start calling Bill Clinton The Silver Fox?
Sometimes, when I need to relieve some stress, I'll kill a homeless person.
You know who doesn't get enough credit? Delta Burke!
If I had to name my favorite television detective, I'd say it's Rick Simon.
Nothing beats a good ol' fashioned train ride.
You might not believe this, but I think Major League 2 is better than the original.
I've masturbated in over 75% of the rooms in the White House.
Why hasn't anyone invented ketchup and mustard in the same bottle?
If it were socially acceptable, I think I'd wear a suit made of human skin.
Nothing beats the smell of bacon in the morning.

(Larry King's article courtesy of Larry King Live blog.)

No comments: