Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Week 14 NFL Lines

After a terrible Thanksgiving, Goose bounced back to have a pretty good week for him. He only lost 1 game to me in the standings.

9 up with 64 games left.

I'll put it out there now and tempt the fuck out of fate...

...after the jump.

There's no way I'm losing this lead.

It's not improbable, it's not implausible, it's flat-out impossible.

Here's a brief list of things that are higher on the probability charts than me pulling a 64 Phillies with this thing:

  • Peyton Manning will turn down a televised endorsement opportunity.
  • John Madden will be able to describe what his genitalia looks like.
  • Joe Buck will not make me want to reach through the TV and stop his heart.
  • Goose will make it through an entire Battle of the Network Stars episode without masturbating to completion.
  • Loyal reader hendge will throw away that smelly Mariners hat of his.
  • Loyal reader Drew will walk past a dry cleaner without stopping in to chat.
  • Loyal reader K-Chop will go an entire day without caffeine or the word "prolly".
  • My landlord and infrequent reader Shane will swing by Whole Foods on his way home from work to pick up the ingredients to make a macrobiotic dinner from scratch.

You hear that Fate? Karma? Fortuna? Daikoku? Ganesha? Abudantia?

That's the sound of the rusty gates closing on this season. Goose, good luck next year because the 2008 NFL Picks champion is the same guy who got a leather-lunged 9-year old to echo my call of "HE'S IN OUR KITCHEN!" at the Flyers game last night. Who is that? Me, that's who. Chris Motherfucking Cline.

!cid_392

Hey, if you're gonna "set yourself up for a monumental collapse", you may as well do it belligerently, right?

Week 13 Records:

Cline -- 9-7 (+$40) (LOTW=W -- BDCS=W)
Goose -- 8-8 (-$160)

Overall Records:

Cline -- 94-65-2 (.591) +$1290 (LOTW=6-4 -- BDCS=5-5)
Goose -- 85-74-2 (.535) -$510

Schedule/Lines:

  • Thursday, Dec. 04
    • Oakland at San Diego (-9.5)
  • Sunday, Dec. 07
    • Jacksonville at Chicago (-6.5)
    • Minnesota (-9.5) at Detroit
    • Houston at Green Bay (-6)
    • Cleveland at Tennessee (-14)
    • Cincinnati at Indianapolis (-13.5)
    • Atlanta at New Orleans (-3)
    • Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants (-7)
    • Kansas City at Denver (-9)
    • Miami at Buffalo (-1)
    • N.Y. Jets (-4) at San Francisco
    • New England (-4.5) at Seattle
    • St. Louis at Arizona (-14)
    • Dallas at Pittsburgh (-3)
    • Washington at Baltimore (-5)
  • Monday, Dec. 08
    • Tampa Bay at Carolina (-3)

My Thursday Pick:

Oakland at SAN DIEGO (-9.5)

Ugh. Oakland stinks, but I also think that San Diego is just about done for the year. Atlanta did everything they could to hand them that game, and they said "No thanks, we're good." I'm going to put my money on a veteran team playing a night game to put up one last stand before reverting to mediocrity. Also, Oakland stinks.

Ephemera:

I searched for "sushi celebration" in YouTube. This isn't what I was looking for, but was happy to find it nonetheless.

I couldn't find anything for "Schlitz celebration", but was happy to find this nonetheless. By the way, has L-Rich ever sung better lyrics than ("Beer makes it good... There's no debate... Beer makes it good... Schlitz makes it great...")? I think not.
One more kick to the ribs of Fate:

3 comments:

kchop said...

Wow, so you're saying that there's a greater chance I'll slip into a coma than of Goose winning the bet? Wait. Actually, if I were in a coma, I'd communicate through rapid eye movements or similar, "I prolly need my IV hooked up to a Monster Kaos in order to pull out of this..." Shit, Goose, looks like you're SOL....(I mean, prolly SOL.)

Goose said...

I see Cline is trying the reverse jinx move, which he also tried with the 2008 Phillies. Ah, teh 2008 Phillies. That gives me an idea...

To rip a page out of Cline's book, I'll leave my pick in a comment, and go with the RAIDERS, simply because I'm sure San Diego is going to win.

hendge said...

Hey, you leave my Mariners lid out of this lunacy!