Week 17 NFL Picks With Cline -- I Miss Steve Bartkowski

It's really too bad this isn't closer. I almost wish Goose's blitzkrieg counter-attack was a little more successful than 2 games in 2 weeks.  Week 17 is, in a word, wacky.  Some teams have everything to play for, some have nothing, some want to impress their coach or prospective new employers, some are already planning their off-season.  It would've been interesting if this competition were actually, you know, interesting.

Since I only need to go 4-12 to guarantee a victory, I'm feeling pretty confident.  Also, I'm happy there's no oddball games. All 16 take place on Sunday.    

In honor of the New Year's Eve happening next week, for each of the games, I've attached some NYE goodness.  Most of them are musical, but not all.  For example, in case you were wondering the best way to torture a fly this NYE, here you go:

 

 

Now on to Week 17 in the league where they play... FOR PAY!

Week 16 Records:

Cline -- 8-8 (-$160) (LOTW=L -- BDCS=L)
Goose -- 8-8 (-$160)

Overall Records:

Cline -- 117-88-4 (.571) +$810 (LOTW=6-7 -- BDCS=7-6)
Goose -- 107-98-4 (.522) -$1190

Picks:

St. Louis at ATLANTA (-14.5)

I don't love this line, since I could see Atlanta winning by 14, but I'm going to keep riding them. 

And heeeeeeeerrrrreeeee'ssssss ABBA:

 

Jacksonville at BALTIMORE (-12.5)

I have zero confidence in Jacksonville at this point, and Baltimore needs this.  The only way the Jags cover is if Baltimore doesn't get a defensive TD and it's a low-scoring 13-3 type game.

Here's a hot chick who is trying to teach us the meaning of the word "Resolution". I think.  I can say for her sure that she's hot:

 

 

OAKLAND at Tampa Bay (-13)

My theory on this game?  Tampa Bay knows that a win by them will eliminate from playoff contention the very team they need to win to get them into the playoffs (i.e. the Eagles).  So their heart won't totally be in it, and Al Davis hates Jon Gruden (not the guy I know who looks like Jon Gruden, the real Jon Gruden).

 

That all adds up to my last Big Dog Cover Special, which I neglected to pick in last week's post. Ditto my Lock of the Week.  Though I did make them in the Excel sheet I use to track my picks, both lost (Detroit & Denver).  So here's your last Big Dog picture of the year:

To make up for my neglect last week, here's the worst MMF in history: Sinatra, Dino, & Ruth Buzzi.  Hang in till the end for a little Charles Nelson Reilly:

 

 

CLEVELAND at Pittsburgh (-10.5)

Pittsburgh is locked into the #2 seed, and I think they'll be resting some players.  Cleveland will earn a victory of some sort here, whether it be moral or actual. 

And speaking of moral victories not at all, here's Jeff Mangum at New Year's show:

 

 

NEW ENGLAND (-6.5) at Buffalo

Despite Buffalo winning last week to make the SD/Denver tilt mean something this week, I have no confidence in them.

And since Buffalo is the closest city to Niagara Falls, here's Loverboy performing there at a recent NYE celebration.  New York & Times Square gets Christina Aguilera (ooh... foreshadowing), Niagara Falls gets Loverboy fronted by Cartman.  It's just not fair.

 

Kansas City at CINCINATTI (-3)

Cincinnati has not been terrible recently. That should be considered high praise for them.

And I have nothing but high praise for this guy, especially when he shakes his head and pretends to be electrocuted:

 

Detroit at GREEN BAY (-9.5)

I've been trying to inspire Detroit to get their first W, or at least cover the last few weeks with mixed success. This is not a good recipe for them to do so.  A probably-not-as-bad-as-their-record Packers at home in the cold.  And there's rumors of the Packer Bikini Girls showing up:

I feel for the Lions, but they just don't stand a chance.  Maybe if they were getting another point, I could be tempted to throw my support behind them.  But alas, no.

Speaking of tempted, I'm tempted to get this guy do do a workout video focusing on the upper body.  Though he may have to stop talking about how much he likes candy.

 

Chicago at HOUSTON (-2.5)

I watched too much of the Bears/Vikings game last week to ever pick the Bears again, even with a playoff spot on the line.

I've never been to a Flaming Lips show, which is a sin.  Normally their concerts are ridiculous affairs, but on NYE they probably do everything short of animal sacrifice.

 

TENNESSEE (-3) at Indianapolis

It's a damn shame these teams are locked into their respective playoff slots.  As it is, I'm assuming Dungy will continue his practice of resting starters.  This is basically an anti-Sorgi pick.

Has anyone had a weirder career than David Johansen?  New York Dolls, Buster Poindexter, Scrooged, Let it Ride, etc.  Kinda reminds me of Kerry Collins.

 

N.Y. Giants at MINNESOTA (-6.5)

The Vikings need the game, the Giants don't.  It's that simple.

And speaking of simple, this song is simply brilliant:

 

 

Carolina (-3) at NEW ORLEANS 

I got burned by my Lions love last week, and forgot about Drew Brees' campaign to break Dan Marino's record. I'm going to try and get on the right side of that action.

Speaking of which, check out the action in a pale imitation of Tyray and his Big Ticket Living (NSFW!) crew.  If you have Comcast digital cable, check BTL out.

 

MIAMI at N.Y. Jets (-2.5)

 

Here's a prediction.  Favre gets injured and doesn't see the second half.  Madden then drives his RV into a wall in a futile attempt to kill himself.

This clip goes from creepy to annoying to hot (i.e. Dick Clark introducing Seacrest introducing Miss Christina Aguilera):

 

 

DALLAS at Philadelphia (-1.5)

I honestly have no idea what's going to happen in this game.  I was ready to get back on the Eagles bandwagon until that sandpaper handjob of an effort last week.  But Dallas will most likely be in a situation where a win gets them in the playoffs, so I'll unconfidently go with them.

Apropos of nothing, here's a montage of clips from a NYE Government Mule show.

 

 

Seattle at ARIZONA (-6)

Seattle had their feel-good game for Holmgren last week. I think the Cardinals are tired of hearing about how bad a playoff team they are.  Also, I may have flipped a coin.

In somewhat surprising news, Mariah Carey can count down from 10.  She's also apparently friends with Snoop from The Wire.

 

DENVER at San Diego (-8)

I'd feel better about this pick if the game were at home, but there's no way a game for the division between an 8-7 team and a 7-8 team isn't close. I'll take the points.

Pearl Jam's "Leash":

 

Washington at SAN FRANCISCO (-3)

Two words: "Team Mustache". If it worked for us, it can work for them.

 

 

And finally, isn't every year the Year of the Mustache: