While a somewhat leading title to the article, it's always interesting to hear about "lost" or "scrapped" albums by artists. That Britney Spears went through a period with one is even more so.
What is the guy who thought up and created Loose Change, the 9/11 truther "documentary" doing these days? Pretty much about as much as you would expect.
I'm really beginning to question the lists made at Flavorwire, and suspect not much thought is being put into them. This list of "most frightening gangsters on film" include 3 characters who aren't gangsters. And while it has Christopher Walken on the list, it's for his role in True Romance, NOT King of New York, where he was a much scarier gangster. And why, since they obviously wanted to include Gary Oldman in some capacity, didn't they pick HIS character from True Romance, instead of from The Professional, where he plays a cop? This is just a bad list. And that's why I'm including it. For its awfulness.
Read about what some suggest is the most innovative restaurant in the world.
Not sure why we need Stephen Hawking to tell us the threat of A. I. when we've all seen Terminator and The Matrix.
If you're a Stanley Kubrick fan, you will marvel at all the things you can buy inspired by his movies.
Britney Spears has a new album out, and you know it's serious because it's called Britney Jean. Why not enjoy this track by track listening review of it?
Who doesn't love Japanese game shows? Apart from the occasional participant of a Japanese game show?
I guess I would find this look at British people labeling the United States funnier if it weren't for the fact that I doubt the average American could do much better. Case in point, here's a look at Americans attempting to label the countries in Europe. Apparently everyone thinks Scandinavia is simply "Cold."
Sorry American prisoners, I don't care how badass your ink looks, it's not going to trump Russian prison tattoos.
If you find yourself with some time and a television this holiday weekend, here's a look at some shows you could binge watch, courtesy the A.V. Club.
While I'm questioning the validity of some of these (after all, we do live in the age of Photoshop) they still are a great assortment of perfectly time photos.
Be careful when you go abroad. Especially so if you're a successful businessman.
In my top five of places/times I would head to would be hanging out with Michael Caine in the 60s.
A possible answer to what's been plaguing all of our minds for so long: what is the meaning behind Britney Spears' video Toxic?
What if we didn't need the Papal enclave because the real pope didn't resign? Because the real pope might be living in the midwest of America. Hey, it's a theory. And here's a documentary about that theory...
Apologies for not having these picks out on Friday, but with the Phillies winning the World Series, schedules go out the window. By 10:30 AM Friday, I was Schlitzed up and looking for a place to urinate in a crowd of 2 million. But that's a story for a fetish pay site and not this wholesome, family blog. Just shoot me an email and $4 and you can have the whole sordid, sexy story.
Anyway, as I was saying, it was just impossible for me to get my picks up yesterday. But that doesn't mean I'm going to shirk my responsibility and give you nothing! No, I'm taking time out of my busy weekend of doing nothing to update this blog and post my picks. And while I had a bit of a stumble last week, I'm still turning a profit (with the juice on there as well) and I'm not looking to stop now.
I realize of course, though that there are plenty of you who still are a little skeptical of my pics, and I can certainly understand that. In fact, I ran into a regular reader last week who point blank said, "no one is reading your sites for your NFL picks." While it stung tremendously, and I contemplated jumping off a cliff (a small one, but still) I could see where he had a point. While we here at The Popcorn Trick enjoy sports, they're are few people who look at us as gambling experts. Though our records say otherwise, it's not easy to change that public perception.
And I'm not going to start here. Sure, I could give you a bunch of meaningless stats that make it look like I've done a lot of research to come to my conclusions, but that would be disingenuous. Therefore I've decided to take a different approach to encourage you to read my pics...hot chicks.
That's right, I am labeling each game based on a famous celebrity (or famous hot character in a movie) so that you may enjoy at least looking at my picks a little more. It's the least I could do.
I hope you enjoy this kind of research more than the stats. I know I certainly have.
On the flip side, the picks - and the ladies...
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.
The Bijou Phillips Game
Jets @ BUFFALO -4.5
Here it is week 9 and it still seems like people are waiting for Buffalo to fall apart. I don't think they're going to fall apart. I think they have a good, solid squad that gets them into the playoffs. Once in the playoffs, it might be a different story, like they're just kinda glad they got there. But they're not going to be ready for that level. In fact, I'm gonna say they'll even be surprised at what gets thrown at them.
You know, kinda like Bijou Phillips in Havoc. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. If you haven't, well...seek it out and fast forward to about 57 minutes in. You'll see what I mean then. And please don't ask me what I thought of the movie. I've only seen about 4 minutes of it in total.
The Catherine Martin Game
DETROIT @ Chicago -9
I'm pretty sure I'd rather be stuck down in a well with the Senator's daughter than be subjected to this game.
I'm 99% Brooke Smith played Catherine Martin in Silence of the Lambs, but after looking at her imdb.com bio page, I had to triple check. This is the same woman? She's a chameleon!
The Megyn Price Game (aka The Sit-com Wife Game)
JACKSONVILLE -7 @ Cincinnati
You know the drill. Funny, unattractive men always seem to have a sitcom wife they'd never pull in real life. Grounded for Life was no exception. Of course, because everyone knew this, producers tried to make it at least somewhat plausible. Ergo Donal Logue didn't marry Courtney Cox, he married Megyn Price. That's Jacksonville. They're not going to do anything flashy, or surprise anyone, but they're professional, have a good coach and know what they're doing. Right now they're plugging on, attempting to keep its head above water long enough to make a run into and then through the playoffs. Cincinnati is trying to...well I'm not sure what it's trying to do.
The Kristen Wiig Game
Baltimore -3 @ CLEVELAND
At first glance, Cleveland doesn't look like the good pick here. It seems unconventional. But in the NFL, unconventional is oftentimes the way to go. It's the same with Kristen Wiig. Sure, she doesn't get the "ohmygod she's beautiful" comments, but that means you're looking past her. And that's when you realize you're an idiot.
This just feels like a game Cleveland is going to win. Cleveland showed everyone a few weeks ago they're not as bad as people made them out to be. That every other week they have mede themselves out to be as bad as everyone thought they were is besides the point. I'm taking the frisky team hear at home. And I'm taking Kristen Wiig to be frisky. With Amy Poehler gone, she better be, or you're gonna hear the cyclical "SNL should be cancelled" comments real soon.
The Rhea Perlman Game
Tampa Bay @ KANSAS CITY -10.5
I love Carla Tortelli and everything but let's face it, when you're faced with a number of women and one of them happens to be Rhea Perlman, she's going to be at the bottom of the list. Doesn't that feel like Kansas City's season to this point? And it's not like there's a huge population of people begging for Tampa Bay to be on national television every week (thank god). In fact, watching this game might be what it's like when a peeping tom stumbles across the Devito household's bedroom window.
The Jessica Alba Game
Houston @ MINNESOTA -1.5
I'm going to get torched for this one...but you know how the guys in your high school drooled over the head cheerleader, and you looked at her and wondered why everyone thought she was all that? No? Well then you were one of the guys drooling and I feel bad for you. Seriously, Alba doesn't do it for me. I'm not saying she's not stunningly attractive, I just don't think she is anything special than all the other "it" girls that have come and gone in Hollywood. Sort of like Minnesota. It seems that before the season people were jumping on the Minnesota bandwagon, simply because Adrian Peterson had a great first year. But what else did they have? A below average quarterback and a decent defense. Enough to get out of the division? Time will tell...
All that said, I'm still taking them this week. Houston on the road? I'm not an idiot.
The Jennifer Aniston Game
Arizona -9 @ ST. LOUIS
I'm guessing every day Aniston goes out the door she wants to make Brad Pitt jealous. I know she's supposedly moved on, but think about it. When she was with Pitt she was #1. She most likely pranced around figuring there was nothing she couldn't have or get. On top of the world, beautiful, no way did she see Pitt leaving her. In fact, there was only one chance he would have - unfortunately that happened. Seriously, as beautiful as Aniston is, I've yet to run into anyone (male that is) that blames Pitt for leaving her for Jolie. Amazing.
Kurt Warner is going back to play the team he took to the Super Bowl. I bet he didn't think after that historic run there'd be any way this current situation would come to fruition. Let's see how he plays it. Does he cover the points, or try to make everyone jealous by hooking up with a somewhat popular male guitarist in hopes of making everyone in St. Louis jealous. Or, well you know what I mean. St. Louis isn't Jolie (they're not even Jolie's brother at this point) but I don't see them folding up shop just yet.
The Angelina Jolie Game
Green Bay -1.5 @ TENNESSEE
Speaking of Jolie, she's still the diamond standard right? Quick, name someone universally sought after as the sexiest person in the world right now. Sure, you'll get some wildcard answers, but average it all out and it has to be Jolie, right? Well, that's Tennessee in the NFL. I don't see how Green Bay can be favored on the road against an undefeated team, but Cline gets the lines, so I'll go with the big guns. Normally, I'd say the line is telling me something, but that hasn't helped me all year, so why should I keep listening?
The Cindy Crawford Game
Miami @ DENVER -4
Some people think she's lost a step. Whatever. She's beautiful and defying time as the years pass. Just like Denver. Ok, sure - she's not on top like she once was. She no longer adorns college dorm walls the way she did in the early 90s. She no longer sits on the bleachers of every male teens' fantasy spread eagled and ready to give into whatever fantasy your acne covered mind can conjour.
But she's still got it.
Mike Shanahan does too. And I'm not taking a Miami squad that has done nothing in Denver until I see something more out of them.
The Britney Spears Game
Dallas @ NY GIANTS -9
Big NFC matchup each team with a batshit insane receiver. Kinda like Britney Spears. Both are talented, and both are ready to blow their career up in any given second. Look for the Cowboys to get smoked and their Britney Spears to get even more crazy.
The Lindsay Lohan Game
Atlanta -6 @ OAKLAND
Sometimes she's a wreck; sometimes she's gorgeous. One minute she's dating Hollywood hunks; the next she's canoodling with lesbian DJs. I can't get a read on either of these teams, so I'm taking the home dog. But it wouldn't surprise me at all if I saw tomorrow Atlanta won 45 million to 3. Ok, it would be a little surprising, since that's physically impossible to do in 60 minutes of football, but I wouldn't be stunned.
The Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie Game
PHILADELPHIA -3.5 @ Seattle
These two coaches go way back, being two disciples of the Bill Walsh offense. Both in Green Bay, they then went on to coach different teams, all the while slowly morphing into the same person. In fact, you get Craig Stadtler in the same room with these two and you could film Multiplicity 2.
The Cheerleader from Heroes Game
New England @ INDIANAPOLIS PK
As recently as a year ago, the only thing you could do to get away from the buzz of this game is call in Michael Caine:
Now all it takes is Jerry Seinfeld and some crappy animation:
What does that have to do with Heroes and more importantly the game? Not much, I just wanted to get a Michael Caine reference in here. Actually that's not entirely true...just like Heroes used to be awesome and now it's crappy, so is this matchup. But the show still has that hot cheerleader chick so people are going to watch. And this matchup still has Peyton Manning and bad blood, so people are going to watch. I just hope he can do enough to put this awfulness behind him:
Such promise. Such disappointment.
The Jennifer Garner Game
PITTSBURGH -1.5 @ Washington
Big time ass whooping for both teams. Both will look good doing it too. Bring your camera. This one's gonna be hot!
And no - I have no good reason to link this clip, but I doubt I'll hear complaints.
It's a poorly kept secret that American celebrities occasionally head over to Japan to hawk products in return for big bucks. And who can blame them? Easy money for not a lot of work? I'm guessing most, if not all of us would jump at the chance to do something like this. I know I would (hint to all you rich Japanese executives that need a "typical" American blogger to be the next face of your product).
That being said...
These spots can still be great fodder for awkwardness, looniness, and absurdity. For the past day I have waded through the muck and mire of U.S. celebrities endorsing Japanese products, and I'm truly at a loss to explain what is going on in some of these spots. Which only make them better. So, thanks in large part to Japander.com, which indexes many of these ads, I have compiled what I think are the top 21 celebrities hawking Japanese products, and have included evidence for each one. Why 21? Because that's the fewest I could narrow it down to. Please enjoy the videos I've chosen...
#21. John Travolta
Obviously done right around the time The Experts came out, Travolta doesn't do much to sell this Japanese drink, other than dance around like a poor man's Kevin Bacon and say something in Japanese. You can also see the genesis of some of the classic dance moves he later employed in the Pulp Fiction dance scene. And here I thought that was all Tarantino's direction.
#20. Kyle McLachlan
2 ads for the Subaru Imprezza that utilize both Kyle McLachlan's sex appeal(?) and quirkiness. I'm 65% sure the man being thrown into the pile of boxes that starts off this youtube video is unrelated to the commercials. Of course, I can't explain McLachlan's actions - and it is possible the man falling into the boxes had previously been fighting Kyle, which led him to buy a Subaru. It's a little confusing. Of course it's "See Spot Run" compared to other Japanese commercials, so I'm not going to sweat it. #19. Michael Jackson
Back when Micahel Jackson was normal, he chose to market his image and music for Suzuki Scooters. Great song, great dancing, amplified by the fact that the female model appears to have gotten her dance techniques watching video of people having gran mal seizures. I also enjoy the "wink" Mike tries when telling us "love is his message." It's one eye for wink, two eyes for blink, Mr. Jackson. Apparently, Japanese directors don't like second takes.
#18. Britney Spears
Sure, Britney looks sexy here, dressed as a an extra from the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century episode where Buck travels to a future go go bar, does something anachronistic yet still mildly sexy and beds 11 future-garbed dancers (ok so that episode happened in my head), but the music choice is really uninspired. I even thought I saw a faint glimmer of train wreck recognition flash through Britney's eyes during this one. When Britney recognizes something's wrong, it's time to reevaluate. It's definitely not the music I would have picked when I had "futuristic whore Britney" dolled up and ready to sell my Go Go Tea.
#17. Charlie Sheen
I'm not sure it's possible for Sheen to look more uncomfortable in this bed. On the bright side, his hair looks perfect. I'm also not sure what he's selling. It's set up as though it's air conditioning, with everyone in the apartment complex uncomfortable, but then what's with the the woman hogging the covers? Is it because it's too cold? And for that matter, what's with pairing Sheen up with such a homely actress?
#16. Anthony Hopkins
I can hear the phone conversation now...
Japanese Executive: I have this great idea for a commercial, and we need you. Sir Anthony Hopkins: While I'm flattered, I just don't think I'm comfortable endorsing your product. Japanese Executive: Just wait, you're going to love this - Sir Anthony Hopkins: Look, I'm a knight. I'm an Oscar winner. I'm Japanese Executive: It starts with you and 2 beautiful models riding in a car, and then 3 of you walk arm in arm to a waiting private jet... Sir Anthony Hopkins: I'm listening...
#15. Natalie Portman
Starts off normal enough (as normal as Japanese commercial can be) with Ms. Portman showing up to an audition on a motorcycle. Walking into the room, she pulls out a fencing epee, dances around a little bit and then somehow teleports to some Spanish villa to commence in a duel with the guy who dresses up as Captain Jack Sparrow at Disney sponsored corporate events. She finds herself back in the audition suddenly, shares a look with the head guy there - the kind of look two people share after licking faces in the coat check room of a swanky bar while their spouses remain oblivious seated at their table - and gets the part. I assume her nailing the audition had a lot to do with using Lux Super Rich Shampoo in her morning shower, though I bet the whole come hither stare didn't hurt her chances - or the skin tight outfit she chose to wear.
#14. Ben Stiller
Looking exactly like a Japanese anime character, Ben Stiller somehow builds upon his trademarked manic performance to "comic" effect. Seriously, if the Japanese were to remake Cool World, Ben Stiller would be perfect in the role of "cartoon-guy-who-becomes-real" that is supposed to be the Japanese manga representation. (I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed for making a Cool World reference.) Also, check out the size difference between Stiller and the football players at the end. Is he on his knees?
#13. Harrison Ford
Harry does his best Marcel Marceau impression, if Marcel Marceau hung out with Japanese people in saunas and also spoke during his performances. I do give Ford a lot of credit though for speaking Japanese throughout the commercial.
#12. Jean Claude Van Damme
Here's a series of 4 vignettes that tell the story of Black Black, a gum product that gives you an extra boost of energy. In the first two, we find a groggy Van Damme, who just can't seem to stay awake on his feet. But with Black Black's crystal meth like boost of energy, he has the strength to do some flying kicks. Realizing he could probably make a lot of money hooking people on to this wonderful productthe next vignette finds Van Damme speeding down the road to catch up with a sleepy truck driver in need of a boost of energy. Not done playing the part of the Pusherman, Van Damme slyly offers some Black Black to his limo driver on the night of what is obviously the premiere of Sudden Death, who then proceeds to speed off down the street, throwing Van Damme and his lovely lady friend to the floor of his car (probably Van Damme's plan all along). This all happens while a Japanese cover of Burning Down the House is playing (at least is really really sounds like it). And this is only #12 on the list!
#11. Sylvester Stallone
I'm not sure where to begin. The connection any of these activities have to pork products (ham, sausage) is tenuous at best. I mean, when you see Sylvester Stallone playing the cello, do you think it's time for ham?
I am mildly curious about what kinda of symbolism bicyclists-turning-into-a-waterfall-of-sausages is supposed to signify.
#10. Steven Seagal
This commercial proves there is still truth in advertising. I can totally believe Steven Seagal would get winded after cracking some bad guys' skulls. I can also totally believe he would rock a sleeveless Hawaiian shirt while downing an energy drink.
#9. Hulk Hogan
The same culture that is kicking our ass producing affordable electronics is the same one that saw Hulk Hogan in the 80s and thought it he had a singing voice good enough to sell...I don't know, an air filtration system? Who can pay attention to the product while the Hulkster is wearing those freakishly mesmerizing white shorts? Unrelated, the baby comes out of nowhere, doesn't it? Not sure the editor's choice of fading the baby shot in after Hogan's longing gaze was the wisest choice.
#8. Madonna
What is it with the Japanese and women brandishing swords? Madonna, in full Samurai garb, shows off her flute skills, tries to sneak up on a dragon wearing what can only be described as really impractical shoes, and swings a sword in its general direction that either kills it or turns it into a glowing gold orb. It's a little unclear. It's possible the glowing orb was in the dragon's head. Anyway, getting that orb was hard work, and having succeeded, it's now time for a drink. Legend - an alcoholic beverage good enough for Samurai/flutist Madonna.
#7. Dennis Hopper
Everything in this ad screams Dennis Hopper, except for his disposition; he's downright cheerful. He loves his rubber duck and wants to share that joy with others, including his director. What perfectly sane person wouldn't? But things take a turn when the director foolishly thinks the Hopper's rubber ducky is for him. I have no idea what they're trying to sell.
#6. Peter Falk
I get the Columbo spots - it's a timeless pop culture reference that I'm sure the Japanese just lap right up. I'm a little less clear on the bartender spot; I assume he's comparing the whiskey to the arc of a movie, but it sure looks like he's just ready for a little midnight tryst with an attractive Asian businesswoman barfly as she orders a whiskey (and a whiskey). Seriously, I think Charles Bukowski would have trouble putting down that much hooch. And did Falk just ask for a happy ending?
Ok, I'll admit it. I don't get the Columbo spots either.
#5. Nicholas Cage
These ads prove that in real life Cage is more Sailor Ripley than Ben Sanderson. I do love the stereotypical portrayal of Americans in the second ad, that is until Cage starts the alien hoedown.
#4. ZZ TOP
It's an exact replica of a ZZ Top video, until the Small Super Mover makes an appearance. You'll never watch the "Legs" video the same way again.
#3. Meg Ryan
Ok, had I ever shouted, "It's a UFO!" while in the car with my parents, they would have just called me stupid and mocked me for the next 45 minutes. Not perky Meg Ryan. She happily takes the kids on a sojourn to what looks like the surface of the moon to witness the UFOs/a meteor shower. And I wouldn't even rank that as her most egregious offense. No, child services gets called once the kids testify under oath that she, after driving for hours chasing something in the sky, has no idea where they are. Navi Navi Dingo indeed.
#2. Bruce Willis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Bruce didn't really examine the script until after arriving in Japan. Otherwise I'm guessing he would have had one of his script doctors write out the nightcap.
#1 Arnold Schwarzenegger
It's hard to watch these and not think Arnie is playing a Japanese stereotype. And when I say that, I don't hold Schwarzenegger responsible whatsoever. That's on the people making the commercial. That said, this is exactly what I envision all Japanese television to be like: frantic, kinetic, non-sensical, and completely awesome.
And one more for good luck - I couldn't include this in the list, because it technically has no celebrity in it, but it's by far the greatest commercial I stumbled across. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Biz Markie Doll...
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out how to get my hands on one of these.
