Week 17 NFL Picks with Goose - Now or Never

It's true, things look grim. 8-8 last week helps me not one whit; and other than a complete Cline collapse means I will be doling out sushi and delicious beer.

Of course, I still have one day left - a day of mediocre football games and questionable effort - to make up the ground and come out of nowhere to take the crown.

And because I still have that one chance, I unleash the full power of the underdog on all of you, in an attempt to taste the delicious nectar of the gods on my lips freely while increasing my mercury levels. Hopefully not too much so that I have to pull a Piven, but we'll see how it goes.

On the flip side the underdogs and the picks...



As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold...

ST. LOUIS @ Atlanta -14.5

St. Louis has been playing for "pride" for weeks now - Atlanta has no idea how to beat that, right? Actually, I think St. Louis might simply be playing just for half time before they simply just give up and roll...kinda like what the allies thought about doing in Victory. Hopefully, the Rams have a Caine-esque leader among them that will urge them on to go out and take the field, forgoing offseason freedom...



JACKSONVILLE @ Baltimore -12.5

This could be a pretty hard hitting game, right? Two physical teams going up against one another. Jacksonville definitely feels like Danie LaRusso, don't they? Sweep the leg!



(Quick note: I never liked the about face Johnny does at the end, handing LaRusso the trophy and telling him, "You're all right." He went from an illegal move (dropping the elbow on Danny boy's leg) to giving him the ultimate respect by handing him the trophy in like 8 seconds. That's now way a Cobra Kai should act. C'mon.)

Oakland @ TAMPA BAY -13

A game with huge implications for a number of teams in the NFC. If Tampa Bay loses, it opens the floodgates for possible playoff scenarios. Jesus, I kinda hope Tampa Bay simply wins so we don't have to see the idiots on all the post game show collectively jizz on one another trying to explain what it means for certain teams. Speaking of jizz...



I mean seriously - Biggs getting Elizabeth? No chance Vegas has odds for that on any board.

Cleveland @ PITTSBURGH -10.5

Is Dorsey still leading this bunch? I'm thinking the group of guys I played football with in college could beat Cleveland tomorrow, and one of those guys lost a toe! (PSA - Never play football in the snow with a sneaker you've duct taped together) Speaking of the cold, and ice and insurmountable odds, what better place to show the Mighty Ducks taking on Iceland?



(I'm guessing Julie "the Cat" Gaffney got pucked like crazy after that save. Even if she does show good sportsmanship at the end.)

New England @ BUFFALO +6.5

No idea how Buffalo wins this game, but I can't take New England and gain any ground. And that line is suspiciously low... It's almost like the Bills are playing for an entire country against a robotic opponent that shows no fear.



KANSAS CITY @ Cincinnati -3

Bengals a favorite? I know they're at home and they're playing the Chiefs, but still... As for this upset, say what you want about the Matrix films, but the freeway scene is a work of art:



DETROIT @ Green Bay -9.5

There has to be some element of pride the Lions are playing for today, right? Right? Them winning would be a miracle...



(The way sports are played now, something like this simply can't happen. And that's a shame.)

CHICAGO @ Houston -2.5

Chicago has something to play for still, and while Houston has been hot of late, I still think the Bears show up and give it their all. I'm not saying Houston is Buddy Revell or anything...



(Guy just doesn't like people touching his jacket. Seriously, after seeing your principal get laid out, could you still fight? It might have some psychological significance.)

Tennessee @ INDIANAPOLIS +3

I'll take Indy plus some points at home. Why not? Also, while I'm not sure there's an underdog in this fight, I'm not going to pass up the chance to give you this video - especially when the fight begins with a guy pornographically licking a knife:



GIANTS @ Minnesota -6.5

I think resting players is a mistake - especially when you have a bye already. Takes them longer to get into the game and messes things up. Giants ran right through the playoffs last year, barely making it and look where it got them. And I think Coughlin knows that so he's not going to give a sideline ticket to everyone. This one ends closer than you'd think.



Why this video? Well, it's a major upset for any guy being able to make it through the entire 1:36 even with the allure of women kissing women. Wow, was that tough. Fitting for a Giants game however.

CAROLINA -3 @ New Orleans

Inter-division rival with two teams that I assume don't like each other. I mean who knows? Regardless, I think it's going to be close - each team loves the weapons they have.

Speaking of weapons - powdered glass to the face... I don't care who you are, that's going to hurt. I know I've linked to this before, but I doubt I'm going to get any complaints - especially when one guy uses his own guts to try to strangle another guy. That's dedication.



Miami @ JETS -2.5

I don't like hitching my star (or anything else) to Brett Favre, but he might feel he has something to prove here. Although if I were Mangini, I think I'd throw the game as an ultimate fuck you to Belichek. Let's hope he's not thinking like me.



Upset here? This is Rik Ocasek's wife. Yeah this guy:



Dallas @ EAGLES -1.5

Eagles win this game after it's determined it means nothing. In a way, it's the ultimate fuck you to the fans. Luckily for us, the greatest upset in the making already happened this season:



No, not the actual world series - the fact that the media didn't drown us in stories about how awful the fans were during the celebration. I'm still shocked.

SEATTLE @ Arizona -6

You telling me the Seahawks aren't going to be charged up to give Holmgren a win on the way out?



Denver @ SAN DIEGO -8

Eight points be a lot. Especially for a game that has ridiculous playoff/division implications. Good to see a team that could go 8-8 will make the playoffs.



WASHINGTON @ San Francisco -3

Anyone else think Singletary acts like the guy in 300 during half time? Uh, me neither.

Week 14 NFL Picks with Goose - the Annexation of Puerto Rico

Yeah.

It's not going so well.

But no one thought the Little Giants were going to win, right?



Though the redheads from last week gave me some hope, and gave me some exciting upset picks, in the end all I got for it was 8-8 and one more game behind Cline. I was really hoping I went 11-5 to bring the redhead theme back, but it's not going to help.

So in the spirit of blog synergy, I too have plugged my ipod in and set it to random, just like Cline. Unlike Cline, my Ipod's AI (I'm 75% certain this thing has gone sentient, and picks songs just to fuck around with me depending on my mood. What - you think Apple wouldn't do something like create artificial intelligence and not tell anyone? Think again!) will most likely churn out stuff I hate, exposing the fact that I keep songs on my ipod that I hate. Why do this?

Do you really want to know?

It's for the peaks and valleys of life. Get stuck in the valley, it makes the view from the peak that much nicer. All peaks and no valleys can make this world a very boring place.

And there's your philosophical thought for the day.

Enough about that though. Let's take a look at what this does for me, on the flip side...



The one thing I am choosing to do different here is meditate about the game during the random song that comes up. That way, at least I can blame something else when I go 4-12.

As Cline pointed earlier as well, I can't pick Raiders games, so I'm heading into Sunday 0-1. Not a big surprise there.

As always, picks are bold and CAPITALIZED...

JACKSONVILLE @ Chicago -6.5

Song: Short Side of Nothing - Los Lobos

Ok good, we at least start out on a positive note. Los Lobos are a criminally overlooked band. I know most people, if they associate them at all, associate them with La Bamba. And that's a shame. So I'm going to go with Jacksonville being criminally overlooked in this game and pulling the upset.

Enjoy the band guesting on Sesame Street...



(A brief flash of brilliance went through my head of finding clips of all the bands on my list on Sesame Street performing, but I don't think that's going to be possible.)

Minnesota @ DETROIT +9.5

Song: Autobahn Music Box - Cut Copy

I got this album (Bright Like Neon Love) after hearing raves about Cut Copy. Unfounded raves in my opinion. Sorry, I just can't get into them. So I might as well go with Detroit, as I really can't get into them either - but the Ipod knows, right? As long as I can decipher the clues it's giving me?

Houston @ GREEN BAY -6

Song: Cressy St. Breakdown - Cookin' on 3 Burners

Cookin on 3 Burners is a side project from some of the guys in The Bamboos, which I have hyped a few times on this blog. It's a decent song, nothing too special or far away from The Bamboos, which makes me wonder why they even needed to split off. No matter, I think Houston is going to have a breakdown, giving the ball back to a gimpy Schaub for this game. Not that their other options are that great.



(Amazingly, typing "Cookin on 3 Burners" into youtube produces a live in-store recording of the song. If that isn't a sign for something, than I don't know what is. I do love watching oblivious customers walking around in the background)

CLEVELAND @ Tennessee -14

Song: WeFunk on CKUT 90.3 FM Montreal - Various Artists

It's here when things started to get weird. WeFunk is a weekly funk program based out of Montreal. Back in the day, you used to be able to download their shows. Now it seems you can just stream them from their site. I recommend checking it out, if for nothing else than a good, groovy mix of music. This show happened to be 1 hour and 58 minutes long so I'll be back in a little bit.

Anyway, with the funk here, I'm going with Cleveland. Stranger things have happened than a team rallying around Ken Dorsey and playing hard. What those stranger things are, I just can't think of right now.

And for no other reason than I just sat though this, here's global superstar Gerardo performing...



(I love the description of this video: "Last star rap Gerardo (Rico Suave) performing one of his 90's greatest hits "We Want the Funk"."

Fantastic.

CINCINNATI @ Indianapolis -13.5

Song: The Piper Cherokee - Bobby Hughes Experience

You're all going to think I'm a huge electronica fan, when nothing could be further from the truth. Although, this band is awesome. Unfortunately, I have no idea who it's telling me to pick here. So fuck it, I'm going with Cincy here.

Atlanta @ NEW ORLEANS -3

Song: Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits

First of all, fantastic song. One of my favorite Dire Straits songs. Such a great love story...just like Cline with his secret Atlanta Falcons love (check out his picks, you'll see). But just like Romeo and Juliet, this love affair is destined to not work out.

And here it is live...



PHILADELPHIA @ Giants -7

Song: Talk About the Blues - Jon Spencer Blues Explosion



If this fan made video to this song doesn't tell you everything you need to know about this game, then I don't know what to tell you.

Kansas City @ DENVER -9

Song: Flamingo Kid - Violent Femmes

Yes it's true, I'm the one that has 2 Violent Femmes albums. A perfect song for this game, as I love the Violent Femmes, but not so much this album (Why Do Birds Sing?) It's decent, but if you want to hear the Femmes, you put in the self titled. It's just like this division. It used to be good, and occasionally has good games, but really, we all want the Elway/Okoye days, right?

Speaking of Okoye - Keep looking, Keep learning, keep laughing...



Miami @ BUFFALO -1

Song: Just - Marc Ronson/Alex Greenwald

It's colder than a witch's tit in Toronto right now. Actually, I have no idea, I just wanted to give a shout out to that phrase that my 10th grade history teacher used to repeat. It could be balmy in Toronto for all I know. I'm still going with Buffalo. Not that the song selection is helping me out at all. I can't connect these even remotely. Perhaps you can if you click here.

JETS -4 @ San Francisco

Song: Rondo Do Capitao - Seco & Molhados

Yeah, why don't I stop trying to make connections to games? This album was on the list of "Top 100 Latin American albums" (or something - my Spanish/Portugese isn't that great), of which I have 20 or so. Here's some more for you to chew on:





Ok, tell me what other blog is giving you the goods like this. Seriously, tell me, I want to know, to see if I have to ramp it up. Because I will. You're not getting the Latin America's version of Pink Floyd in anyone else's NFL picks, are you?

(The album is great by the way, and I can't recommend it enough.)

NEW ENGLAND -4.5 @ Seattle

Song: Kilo - Ghostface Killah (feat. Raekwon)

Belichek is pretty much a ghostface killa coming off a loss. I don't see Seattle having much of a chance.

And because I care, here's Ghostface giving us some sex talk (beware the saucy language)



St. Louis @ ARIZONA -14

Song: Paranoid Android - Radiohead

2 touchdowns? I'm paranoid about this pick.

Dallas @ PITTSBURGH -3

Song: LDN - Lily Allen

Barber doesn't look like he's playing, and if he does, that field in Pittsburgh isn't the world's greatest. As for the song, I'll make no excuses for enjoying the occasional Lily Allen tune.

WASHINGTON @ Baltimore -5

Song: On the Serious Side - Tower of Power

Fantastic song, from a fantastic band...perfect for a good matchup here. He who wins controls the northern suburbs of DC for the year. Let's call it the Chevy Chase cup. Who's with me?

Enjoy this clip of ToP performing probably their most well known song...



(If I ever build a time machine, top 5 destinations is a early 70s Tower of Power show. It's that simple)

Tampa Bay @ CAROLINA -3

Song: Fallen Apart - Moon Boot Lover

How appropriate a song title for my picks run to this date. Enjoy the Sunday docket of football games!

Week 13 NFL PIcks with Goose - Desperate Times call for sexy redhead measures

As you may or may not have read, I am behind Cline with my picks. While I am still confident I am going to win, and thus be able to bathe in a tub full of Schlitz while gorging myself on only the finest buffet sushi, there is a bit of concern with how many games are left. (That Green Bay, fighting for their division, went down to New Orleans on Monday night and bombed, I mean, how can you be a fan of that team right now? It almost makes me want to root for Favre). And after last week's very poor performance, I find myself in a somewhat larger hole. So I have to come out stronger than ever, and call on the big guns.

Cheerleaders.

Find out more on the flip side...



Yes, I'll be taking a look at both teams' cheerleader squads in an effort to help me decide who is going to win. It's a very complicated formula I'm using here.

So, let's begin with the Thursday Turkey Games.

As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold...

Tennessee -11 @ DETROIT

Right off the bat, we step into a void so deep I almost can't believe it. Apparently, the Detroit Lions do not have an official cheerleading squad! What is this, North Korea? That can't possibly be true. No wonder they stink. Is anyone in Detroit outraged? This is much worse than taking wide receivers in the draft for the last 37 years. To not have a cheerleading squad, well I don't believe it.

I mean Tennessee has a squad, and while I don't really appreciate the daisy duke look (wasn't a big Dukes of Hazard fan - I know, you can throw rocks in my direction, but even at age eleven I found it a little silly that the police could never catch the Duke boys. I mean they have to know where they lived. They couldn't get a warrant? The judge was Boss Hog and he HATED the Duke Boys. Something was very fishy in Hazard county), fuck, at least they're sexing it up for the fans.

Anyway, I searched but found no Lions cheerleaders. But there is something we can do . We all know the power of the petition. It's gotten presidential candidates on state ballots and, well not much else. But if we don't try something then Detroit is destined to fall into more obscurity. And I hope, that by uncovering this horrible misstep by the Detroit Lions organization, the Lions will at the very least rise up and show they will not take playing in front of cheerleaderless fans - or at least cover the 11 points they're getting.

Seattle +12.5 @ DALLAS

Another huge reveal about myself - I hate the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Perhaps it's because I hate the Dallas Cowboys, but I just can't get behind their outfits. You know, i might have a bias against western attire in general. Frills do not make things sexy, and neither do accesories - two things western garb seems to have a plethora of.

However, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader outfits are absolutely stunning compared to the monstrosities the Seahawk gals are wearing. What the fuck is going on here? They appear to be dressed as white footballs. I'm embarrassed - for them, for me, for all of us.

ARIZONA +3 @ Philadelphia

Quick story. Watching the Eagles game on Sunday at a friend's house, I made a couple of smart bets on the activity of the game. When McNabb got benched (in a close game for a back up quaterback that made Koy Detmer look like the Marlboro Man) we immediately made an o/u on times the camera would pan over to McNabb on the sidelines. At 14.5, the over was free money. I mean free. FOX Sports would cut to a particularly bad roadkill carcass if it was titilating enough (and had something to do with the broadcast). We stopped counting at 19, and I left $2 richer. Thank you FOX.

What does that have to do with the game tonight? Nothing. I just like bragging about gambling stories in which I win.

Now, in the world of cheerleading, this is an epic battle. The Eagles cheerleaders for years have been given their props (rightly so) for being an attractive bunch. And Arizona, well they're Arizona. You can walk down the street and get hit by a beautiful girl falling out of a tree they're so plentiful. I mean, here you go...


Beauty...enthusiasm...athleticism...

And then on the other hand we're treated to this...



Simple...classy...ok not classy, but you get the point. So who do I pick?

I'm going with Arizona. After Sunday's dismal Eagles performance, followed by a near mutiny on talk radio against McNabb, Reid, and whatever else, I thought I would get a respite from the team, since the game is to be on the NFL Network, which I don't get. Sadly, one of the local stations will be picking up the broadcast, which means I'll have to watch. And with the cold weather, I doubt the cheerleaders will be much less than a parka. So I'm going with the team that could win their division getting points, and not the team that might not win another game the whole year. But remember, at least we have this:




Ok, what did we learn after Thursday's games other than I need an act of God or Cline to miss posting his picks to win this bet. We learned:

• Dallas, when all its star players are healthy, is a good team
• Donovan McNabb has his best games with adversity swarming around him
• The Lions quit on their fans and the sport awhile ago, and couldn't even muster a decent performance for their traditional Thanksgiving game. And they definitely don't deserve cheerleaders.

Oh and one more thing - never underestimate the power of the redhead.

Seriously, how else do the Eagles win? With that nugget of information, I'm going to tweak my cheerleader searching to focus on any redheads in the squads, since it obviously fired up the Eagles. So, let's get into Sunday's games...

SAN FRANCISCO +7 @ Buffalo

Both squads have redheads...

San Fran's Amy:



vs. Buffalo's Alison:


I don't know about you, but I think Amy might be able to start for the 49ers on Sunday. And I mean that in the very sexiest way possible. I live the 49ers to cover, even in the cold of Buffalo.

BALTIMORE @ Cincinnati +7

Tricky. The Ben-gals boast a number of different types of redheads. They also have an awesome flash thing on their website that is cool. Go see for yourself. However, the Ravens one up them by going to individual videos of the ladies, including swimsuit shoots and interviews. And while it seems Adrienne is the only redhead on the squad, she more than makes up for the lack of quantity. But see for yourself here.

Cincy has been playing teams tough, and the Ravens are coming off a big win, but I can no longer put stock in things like that. I've just spent the last 30 minutes watching cheerleader videos. But I do it all for you guys.

COLTS -5 @ Cleveland

As we learned Thursday, a team without an official cheerleading squad is terrible. If I had any inclination to doing research, I'd take a look at the numbers of teams without cheerleaders and see what they've done historically against the spread. Of course, the other question I'd like to throw out there is what kind of message are teams sending to the city's female population when it can't put forth a little effort and get twenty-five attractive women to cheer?

While we ponder that, please enjoy Larissa, from the Colts official cheerleading squad. And take them minus the points. Quinn, who seemed to at least have a rhythm with the Browns is out, and Anderson is back in. That can't be good if you're a Browns fan.

Carolina @ Green Bay -3

I chose Green Bay last week based on the argument that they can't afford to lose more games in their division. It backfired on me. But who says you should learn from your mistakes?

Wait, scratch that. I just did a couple searches, and yes, you see that right, Green Bay also does not have cheerleading squad. Are you kidding me? What's worse, it seems that the fans had a say in the matter. I don't understand - why would you vote against them? What does it hurt you?

I'm changing my mind and going with Carolina here.

CAROLINA +3 @ Green Bay

Carolina needs to stay on track in the south. Look for them to cover. Besides, you know their cheerleaders are frisky. My research has also uncovered a red head on the Carolina Panthers' cheer squad, as well as a cheerleader named "Hodges." I don't know about you, but Hodges sounds less like a name for a cheerleader and more for a renegade detective working the streets and getting chewed out for his maverick style by the boss. If her last name is McGettigan I'm officially done making picks.


Miami -9.5 @ ST. LOUIS

Not only is the driving euro-techno beat that meets you at the Dolphins' cheerleader website annoying, it also appears at first glance they have no redheads to speak of. Meanwhile, the Rams, who seem to know what they're doing (in cheerleading hiring only - let's not discuss the on field decisions they make) have employed a red head, the lovely Shannon. I can't ignore statistics like that, so I'll take the Rams to cover at home, and force the Dolphins to show me they can cover that big a number on the road. And while the picture of Shannon I've included certainly doesn't show her as a redhead, if you click here and scroll down, you can see what I'm basing my very scientific picks on.

New Orleans @ TAMPA BAY -3.5

Sadly, neither cheerleading squad appears to have a redhead. So it looks like I'll just have to give this game my astute analysis (you've been warned). New Orleans is coming off a short week and a big win, so I like the Bucs at home. Though I do like the Saints cheerleader's squad name: The Saintsations.

Giants -3.5 @ WASHINGTON

I'm finding it amazing that so many teams are in this league sans cheerleaders. I thought it was an officially sanctioned thing by the NFL. Turns out that's not the case. The New York Giants don't have a cheerleading squad? Blasphemy!

Luckily, the same can't be said for the Washington Redskins. They most certainly have a squad, and a lovely redhead named Heather to boot. Gotta go with Washington here. Heather's not gonna let the Redskins lose!

Atlanta @ SAN DIEGO -4.5

Battle of possibly the fake red heads, ironically in a game that suggests the two teams might also be fake. And don't get me wrong, I'd love for Atlanta to be the real deal, I'm just not sure how much stock we can put in a rookie QB. But as long as he keeps winning, he'll prove me wrong. I'm still going San Diego here. Carissa just seems like she could take Courtney in a mud wrestling venue. But don't take my word for it. If yo have the means, then please, set it up. And give me a call. I'd love to watch.





Pittsburgh @ NEW ENGLAND -1

I wanted to go with Pittsburgh here. I really did. I think they're going to play for revenge and get fired up and it's going to be a tough game. But then I saw they don't have a cheerleading squad. What's worse, is that they once did, going back to 1961. For whatever reason however, they disbanded, and no one picked up the torch after that.

And not only does New England have a squad, and not only does it boast a red head, it gives you more information about each cheerleader I've ever seen. For example, I know Brittany's favorite color is blue, she loves R. Kelly's Ignition remix (who doesn't) and she's not going to survive for very long on a deserted island with chapstick, a water bottle and a toothbrush.

DENVER @ Jets -7.5

So the Jets are coming off a huge win against Tennessee, and the Broncos are coming off a horrendous loss against the Raiders. If only I knew what this meant. The Jets are flying high right now, kicking ass and taking names. The Broncos are...well they're just the Broncos and I don't think that's going to help them this week. And since I'm now a Favre fan after the Packers absolutely got destroyed Monday night in a very crucial game, everything points toward me taking the Jets. Everything except the most important thing of course...





You see, on the redhead front, the Jets are lacking, and the Broncos aren't (oh they certainly aren't). So I gots to stay true to my formula and take the Broncos. I mean, I guess I could argue that Laura here could potentially be a redhead, but the bio says brown, so I am too.





Kansas City at OAKLAND -3



This one was easy. Kansas City has no one on the squad that I can even squint at and pretend they have red hair, while Oakland at least forced one of their cheerleaders to die their hair a totally unnatural yet totally sexy shade of red. What? No one else is turned on by artificial hair colors? Um, me neither. Let's move on.




Chicago Bears @ MINNESOTA -3.5

Another easy one, another team without an official cheerleading squad. It's hard to believe. How can the Bears, one of the most storied franchises in the league, not have the wherewithal to get a bunch of scantily clad ladies to dance around during games? Is that so hard?




Meanwhile, someone up in Minnesota has a serious redhead fetish, and I don't mind at all. Going on the redhead formula I've put together, the Vikings should win on Sunday 126-6 and the six points will be a touchdown with a missed extra point.

Jacksonville @ HOUSTON -3

Tough one since Jacksonville has redheads:


and so does Houston:


How do you break the stalemate? You go with the team that has identical twins cheering for them on the sidelines:

Week 12 NFL Picks with Goose - Referees suck UPDATED

Though it has nothing to do with our overall records (since we both took Pittsburgh to cover) how inept do you have to be to mess up the last play in the Pittsburgh/San Diego game last Sunday on replay? It boggles the mind. I'm not going to suggest the refs were trying to cover the spread for the Chargers, since that makes no sense. But seriously, why does the play even go to replay? Wounded pride?

Anyway, with Cline already posting his pick yet again in a comments section somewhere on the site, an act tantamount to spitting in readers' faces, since he can't be bothered with, you know, tapping out a couple paragraphs, I again will come in and save the day with some form of mediocre entertainment to get you through at least the next 45 seconds. So you have at least that. What you Cline defenders cling to at night I'll have no idea, and I don't want to know. I mistakenly dabbled in that trade in some other columns, and quickly ordered the Silkwood showerhead to cleanse my body.

Anyway, enough about that. On the flip side - the picks!



This week, I've chosen to link to some local news of each town, and see if there's any correlation between that and how the NFL teams are performing.

As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.

Cincinnati @ PITTSBURGH -8.5

In Pittsburgh, we have the lovely Trina Orlando (hey, it's Pittsburgh) giving us the scoop on the latest Bingo scam that's been rocking the yellow and black town., while Cincinnati welcomes three Cheetah cubs to the world.

I don't know about you, but cheetah cubs seem like they're going to be the talk of the town. And with the Bengals playing like cheetah cubs, I'm going with Pittsburgh to control the ball in some rough weather and cover the double digit spread.

Stop back tomorrow for the rest of the picks.

Picks for Sunday's games below...

Houston @ CLEVELAND -1

It's cold up here. Cold as a witch's tit as my 9th grade history teacher was fond of saying. I'm a big proponent of southern teams getting a little wonky in the cold, so I'll take the Browns.

San Francisco @ DALLAS -6

For whatever reason, people have been writing off Dallas recently. This is the same team that many picked to go to the Superbowl! See, that's kind of my entire point with making these picks - no one has any clue how a season is going to go. It's near impossible to pick the Superbowl winner before the season, so why bother? Things that flare up in the middle of the season have a way of not becoming an issue by the end of the season and vice versa. Dallas somehow seems like they've righted the ship - at least for this week, so I'm going with them.

TAMPA BAY -7 @ Detroit

I gotta think if Detroit is going to come out for any game, it's going to be the one on Thanksgiving. At least I hope it's that one, making this a lame duck performance by them. We'll see.

Jets @ TENNESSEE -1

I've been hearing some chatter tis week about how the Jets are looking frisky, after beating the Patriots. Sure it was a good win, but everyone realizes the Patriots aren't the 2007 Patriots, right? Tennessee doesn't feel like they should be undefeated, but they are, so you have to give them credit. I will ride that rocket until they get knocked off. I just don't see the Jets being the ones to do it - especially in Tennessee.

Buffalo -5 @ KANSAS CITY

Flip a coin on this one.

Chicago -4.5 @ ST. LOUIS

Wow are some of these games bad. I guess Chicago is still fighting for the division title, but really. I'd rather eat my own feces than have to watch this game. Figuratively speaking of course.

New England @ MIAMI -1.5

If Miami has proven anything to us in the past few weeks, it's that they have no idea how to play as a favorite. I still like to think Belichek is still a decent coach, and even though he's hated by the entire league, I think he wins here.

Minnesota @ JACKSONVILLE PK

Color me stupid for staying on the Jacksonville bandwagon.

PHILADELPHIA @ Baltimore -2.5

Philly has to win here convincingly after last week's performance or it's pack it up time and thanks for nothing. Had the Phillies not won the world series, the city would be burning right now. Speaking of the Phillies winning the world series...



OAKLAND @ Denver -8.5

Oakland has shown me nothing to suggest it will cover, which is why I'm picking them probably to win.

CAROLINA @ Atlanta PK

This is the kind of Carolina team that sneaks into the Superbowl to make it a snoozefest. Until then however, I say enjoy the ride. I'll keep asking Atlanta to prove it before I take them against a good team.

GIANTS @ Arizona +6.5

I want to take the Cardinals so much, but I just can't do it. In the past few weeks they've become the experts' boutique pick, with talk or Warner being the league MVP. But the Giants just pound you into submission, and I wouldn't be surprised if they knocked Warner out of this game and rolled to a win.

WASHINGTON @ Seattle +3

Zorn factor.

INDIANAPOLIS -4 @ San Diego

Everyone talks about the job Belichek is doing; what about the job Dungy has done?

GREEN BAY @ New Orleans -1.5

Isn't Favre from down around here? He's going to be charged up to play down there, and probably nought a lot of tickets for family and friends to see him maybe this one last time. What? Favre doesn't play for Green Bay anymore? When did this happen? Why didn't I hear about it? You'd think they'd cover it more. Oh well. I already bolded Green Bay.

Week 11 NFL Picks with Goose: Something's fishy UPDATED

I will not go into another rant about how Thursday night football stinks; I did that here to great effect.

There are much more pressing issues at hand.

1. There has been a lot of inane chatter about the lines Cline and myself use. Inane because if you have ever gambled, you will know it's impossible to find two places with the same line. It changes over geography, over injuries, over team biases, over bookie discretion. It's silly to suggest one line is "better" than the other. We get our lines from ESPN, partly because it's a national website that everyone has access to and can easily check, but mostly because it's easy. Remember, when in doubt, realize we will always take the easy way out.

The other reason it's silly to argue about out lines is because other than a case of Schlitz, a romantic sushi dinner, and pride, these picks pretty much mean nothing. Certainly nothing to the reader of this site (unless you can get a line on Cline or me winning; if you can drop me a line, we can make a killing). Neither have us at any point have suggested anyone should be using our picks - to do so would be foolhardy. We're just doing this to show everyone out there that there is no such thing as a football expert that can consistently make money. Or, if there is, he/she is not wasting time giving out the golden picks. They are cashing in on their expertise and living in a house made of something really expensive.

All that said, we here at the Popcorn Trick are a service oriented entity, and always bend over backwards to please our visitors. Except the many anonymous posters in the Jonny Quest comments section who apparently don't understand what "deconstruct" means. They're a bunch of idiots.

To everyone else, in an act of good faith, we have dumped the ESPN lines for what some call more "accurate" lines. Whatever that means. So, if you've been using are lines, or are planning to use our lines, let it be known you are an idiot. Now go comment on the Jonny Quest post.

2. I'm not going to come right out and suggest Cline has been a part of some chicanery with his picks last week, but if you'll notice the trail he's left posting them, you'll see a trend. They initially start in the comments sections of my posts, followed up by a haphazard, thrown together post that made it up on the blog hours after games started.

You'll also notice that we coincidentally tied last week. As I've said, I'm making no accusations until I have further proof, but I do have my sources in place and am receiving some startling intel.

I'll also call out a certain someone for defending Cline's integrity and remind him how close we were to an all out bar fight with a number of ninjas the last time we were all in San Francisco (and let me stress - I was all for a bar fight) due to the actions of Mr. Cline. I hope you feel good aligning yourself with that evil incarnate.

On the flip side, my pick for tonight...



As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold:

Jets @ NEW ENGLAND -3.5

It's a coin flip as to which team is more pumped. There's more sub plots and back story involved than in a James Michener novel. Rather than try to breakdown anything to do with this whatsoever, I'm just going to go with the tattered sleeved one and say he comes out on top. Crowd is going to be into it, more so than other games, and I've got a feeling Mangini is going get all pass happy, which means Favre will throw something like 27 interceptions and the Patriots will prevail.

Ok, we're back for the rest of the weekend's picks. I just want to point out that it's mighty interesting that yet again, Cline makes his pick in my post's comments, and it was suspiciously the same pick as me.

To all you defenders of Cline (I giggle every time I read that) I will point out what that action could possibly suggest: Obviously, Cline took no time to make a post and look at the game, he simply made the pick. And he obviously read my post and saw my pick.

So, as someone who is ahead of me by a few games, what easier way can he secure victory than to simply mimic my picks?

Take a look at least week's similar pattern, and you'll see where it's getting more and more curious. I'm so surprised we "tied" last week, after Cline's "laptop" he was "working on" "crashed" and he had to use my comments for his picks. Hmmm.

Hey, I'm just asking questions. I would like to poll the participants of that suspicious Apples 2 Apples controversy Cline was involved in.

To make up for it, I will marry each pick below, with an awesome youtube video that captures the essence of the game.

On to the picks...

Denver @ ATLANTA -6

How crazy is it that Atlanta is laying 6 points? Everyone in the beginning of the year gave them no shot; now they have an outside chance to win their division!

I can't tell you how mad I am that I can embed this video, so I beg you to check it out. Every Falcon fan should get ready like this.

Philadelphia -9.5 @ CINCINNATI

9.5? Living in Philly, I hear all the Reid bashing and it has to be taking some kind of toll on this team. It's a lot of points to give up on the road. And while I won't label the Bengals "frisky," I will point out they've had some close games this year.

Can you believe someone went to this amount of work for the Cincinnati Bengals?



Chicago @ GREEN BAY PK

It must be the Philly fan in me, but I can't stop laughing at this video. And it's not supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be uplifting, inspirational and uniting.

Green Bay lost a tough one last week, so they can't afford to lose this week against another division rival.

That they used Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" unironically (and by the way - I love the song), with this makes it absolutely perfect. If someone did the same with the Eagles he would be hunted down and killed, like Ice-T in Surviving the Game:



Except, you know, they wouldn't make the same mistake and have the tables turned on them.
(Quick note: Look at the star power of this movie: Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, Busey, Charles Dutton (Roc Live!) F. Murray Abraham...if you haven't seen this movie, I can't recommend it enough as one of those Saturday afternoon with nothing else to do movies)

HOUSTON @ Indianapolis -9

I know everyone is exclaiming the Colts are back after next week, and they might be for all I know, but I sense a little letdown. They'll most likely win, but hopefully by less than 9.

I'd also like to point out that while the Texans might not be any good, they also might have the most number of youtube videos of their cheerleaders out there. Good lord.



New Orleans -5 @ KANSAS CITY

Good god could there be a worse game? Let's see who announces this mess...Why it's Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick! Well, I know one of those people. Seriously, I just wiki'ed Brennaman, read his bio, and I still don't know who he is.

To tide you over, here's Brian Billick's blog.



Love the fact this guy hits up Price Choppers. It's where sane people shop.

Oakland @ MIAMI -10.5

If this doesn't get you pumped up for the game you have no heart:



Actually you know what - I had to include this one too - let's update this shizznit:



Wow. I'm embarrassed and I had nothing to do with it. I don't even root for the dolphins

Ton of points. I fell into this trap last week and got burned. But I'm like the kid with incredible nerve damage in my hand. I touch the stove but can't feel the heat. Why wouldn't I do it again?

Baltimore @ GIANTS -6.5

Giants are clicking. Some might call it a trap game, but Coughlin has turned into a genius in getting his team to play.

And I know it's old, but c'mon it's John McEnroe:



(seriously what the fuck is going on here? Didn't he have writers?)

Minnesota @ TAMPA BAY -3.5

I've got nothing. I'll take the home team. Did anyone else know Tampa Bay's record is 6-3? For my sake I hope we see a lot of this on Sunday:



DETROIT @ Carolina - 14

I'm certain Carolina is going to win, but I can't in good faith give up 14 points. Which of course means I absolutely should. But I won't. Let's go Lions!

I'm 90% sure the last guy (sorry I don't know who he is) saying "believe in now" in this clip, did not, does not and will never believe in now.



St. Louis @ SAN FRANCISCO -6

Neither team is going to do what they did last week, but I think St. Louis will at least be closer to past performance than the 49ers. If not Singletary might show more than his boxers.

This clip speaks for itself:



ARIZONA -3 @ Seattle

I don't like either side of this one. I'll take the Cardinals I guess, because I own an Iowa Barnstomers jersey.



Obviously Warner's completing that pass - he's just that accurate.

Tennessee -3 @ JACKSONVILLE

Why am I climbing aboard the Jacksonville bandwagon after they've let me down countless times in the past? Because this guy, a fan got on Monday Night Football:



That and I think Jacksonville plays good teams tough.

San Diego @ PITTSBURGH -4

San Diego stinks. I've heard Tomlinson is a second half player or something, but still. Pittsburgh is coming off that tough loss and won't want to lose again.



DALLAS -1.5 @ Washington

It's rare when NFC teams sweep their divisional matchups. It's the Cowboys' turn to win in this rivalry.



(Anytime I find a video connecting Hitler and the Cowboys, I'm going to put it up. It's that simple.)

Cleveland @ BUFFALO -5

I can't take Cleveland after watching this:



That's it. I'm off to go slit my wrists. Actually, I think I've found my new email signature:

"Bruce Smith was a man of stature, he had limbs that were impossible to fracture."

Week 9 NFL Picks with Goose - World Fucking Champions!

Apologies for not having these picks out on Friday, but with the Phillies winning the World Series, schedules go out the window. By 10:30 AM Friday, I was Schlitzed up and looking for a place to urinate in a crowd of 2 million. But that's a story for a fetish pay site and not this wholesome, family blog. Just shoot me an email and $4 and you can have the whole sordid, sexy story.

Anyway, as I was saying, it was just impossible for me to get my picks up yesterday. But that doesn't mean I'm going to shirk my responsibility and give you nothing! No, I'm taking time out of my busy weekend of doing nothing to update this blog and post my picks. And while I had a bit of a stumble last week, I'm still turning a profit (with the juice on there as well) and I'm not looking to stop now.

I realize of course, though that there are plenty of you who still are a little skeptical of my pics, and I can certainly understand that. In fact, I ran into a regular reader last week who point blank said, "no one is reading your sites for your NFL picks." While it stung tremendously, and I contemplated jumping off a cliff (a small one, but still) I could see where he had a point. While we here at The Popcorn Trick enjoy sports, they're are few people who look at us as gambling experts. Though our records say otherwise, it's not easy to change that public perception.

And I'm not going to start here. Sure, I could give you a bunch of meaningless stats that make it look like I've done a lot of research to come to my conclusions, but that would be disingenuous. Therefore I've decided to take a different approach to encourage you to read my pics...hot chicks.

That's right, I am labeling each game based on a famous celebrity (or famous hot character in a movie) so that you may enjoy at least looking at my picks a little more. It's the least I could do.

I hope you enjoy this kind of research more than the stats. I know I certainly have.

On the flip side, the picks - and the ladies...



As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.

The Bijou Phillips Game

Jets @ BUFFALO -4.5

Here it is week 9 and it still seems like people are waiting for Buffalo to fall apart. I don't think they're going to fall apart. I think they have a good, solid squad that gets them into the playoffs. Once in the playoffs, it might be a different story, like they're just kinda glad they got there. But they're not going to be ready for that level. In fact, I'm gonna say they'll even be surprised at what gets thrown at them.

You know, kinda like Bijou Phillips in Havoc. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. If you haven't, well...seek it out and fast forward to about 57 minutes in. You'll see what I mean then. And please don't ask me what I thought of the movie. I've only seen about 4 minutes of it in total.



The Catherine Martin Game

DETROIT @ Chicago -9



I'm pretty sure I'd rather be stuck down in a well with the Senator's daughter than be subjected to this game.

I'm 99% Brooke Smith played Catherine Martin in Silence of the Lambs, but after looking at her imdb.com bio page, I had to triple check. This is the same woman? She's a chameleon!

The Megyn Price Game (aka The Sit-com Wife Game)

JACKSONVILLE -7 @ Cincinnati

You know the drill. Funny, unattractive men always seem to have a sitcom wife they'd never pull in real life. Grounded for Life was no exception. Of course, because everyone knew this, producers tried to make it at least somewhat plausible. Ergo Donal Logue didn't marry Courtney Cox, he married Megyn Price. That's Jacksonville. They're not going to do anything flashy, or surprise anyone, but they're professional, have a good coach and know what they're doing. Right now they're plugging on, attempting to keep its head above water long enough to make a run into and then through the playoffs. Cincinnati is trying to...well I'm not sure what it's trying to do.

The Kristen Wiig Game

Baltimore -3 @ CLEVELAND

At first glance, Cleveland doesn't look like the good pick here. It seems unconventional. But in the NFL, unconventional is oftentimes the way to go. It's the same with Kristen Wiig. Sure, she doesn't get the "ohmygod she's beautiful" comments, but that means you're looking past her. And that's when you realize you're an idiot.

This just feels like a game Cleveland is going to win. Cleveland showed everyone a few weeks ago they're not as bad as people made them out to be. That every other week they have mede themselves out to be as bad as everyone thought they were is besides the point. I'm taking the frisky team hear at home. And I'm taking Kristen Wiig to be frisky. With Amy Poehler gone, she better be, or you're gonna hear the cyclical "SNL should be cancelled" comments real soon.

The Rhea Perlman Game

Tampa Bay @ KANSAS CITY -10.5

I love Carla Tortelli and everything but let's face it, when you're faced with a number of women and one of them happens to be Rhea Perlman, she's going to be at the bottom of the list. Doesn't that feel like Kansas City's season to this point? And it's not like there's a huge population of people begging for Tampa Bay to be on national television every week (thank god). In fact, watching this game might be what it's like when a peeping tom stumbles across the Devito household's bedroom window.


The Jessica Alba Game

Houston @ MINNESOTA -1.5

I'm going to get torched for this one...but you know how the guys in your high school drooled over the head cheerleader, and you looked at her and wondered why everyone thought she was all that? No? Well then you were one of the guys drooling and I feel bad for you. Seriously, Alba doesn't do it for me. I'm not saying she's not stunningly attractive, I just don't think she is anything special than all the other "it" girls that have come and gone in Hollywood. Sort of like Minnesota. It seems that before the season people were jumping on the Minnesota bandwagon, simply because Adrian Peterson had a great first year. But what else did they have? A below average quarterback and a decent defense. Enough to get out of the division? Time will tell...

All that said, I'm still taking them this week. Houston on the road? I'm not an idiot.

The Jennifer Aniston Game

Arizona -9 @ ST. LOUIS

I'm guessing every day Aniston goes out the door she wants to make Brad Pitt jealous. I know she's supposedly moved on, but think about it. When she was with Pitt she was #1. She most likely pranced around figuring there was nothing she couldn't have or get. On top of the world, beautiful, no way did she see Pitt leaving her. In fact, there was only one chance he would have - unfortunately that happened. Seriously, as beautiful as Aniston is, I've yet to run into anyone (male that is) that blames Pitt for leaving her for Jolie. Amazing.

Kurt Warner is going back to play the team he took to the Super Bowl. I bet he didn't think after that historic run there'd be any way this current situation would come to fruition. Let's see how he plays it. Does he cover the points, or try to make everyone jealous by hooking up with a somewhat popular male guitarist in hopes of making everyone in St. Louis jealous. Or, well you know what I mean. St. Louis isn't Jolie (they're not even Jolie's brother at this point) but I don't see them folding up shop just yet.

The Angelina Jolie Game

Green Bay -1.5 @ TENNESSEE

Speaking of Jolie, she's still the diamond standard right? Quick, name someone universally sought after as the sexiest person in the world right now. Sure, you'll get some wildcard answers, but average it all out and it has to be Jolie, right? Well, that's Tennessee in the NFL. I don't see how Green Bay can be favored on the road against an undefeated team, but Cline gets the lines, so I'll go with the big guns. Normally, I'd say the line is telling me something, but that hasn't helped me all year, so why should I keep listening?




The Cindy Crawford Game

Miami @ DENVER -4

Some people think she's lost a step. Whatever. She's beautiful and defying time as the years pass. Just like Denver. Ok, sure - she's not on top like she once was. She no longer adorns college dorm walls the way she did in the early 90s. She no longer sits on the bleachers of every male teens' fantasy spread eagled and ready to give into whatever fantasy your acne covered mind can conjour.

But she's still got it.

Mike Shanahan does too. And I'm not taking a Miami squad that has done nothing in Denver until I see something more out of them.


The Britney Spears Game

Dallas @ NY GIANTS -9



Big NFC matchup each team with a batshit insane receiver. Kinda like Britney Spears. Both are talented, and both are ready to blow their career up in any given second. Look for the Cowboys to get smoked and their Britney Spears to get even more crazy.

The Lindsay Lohan Game

Atlanta -6 @ OAKLAND


Sometimes she's a wreck; sometimes she's gorgeous. One minute she's dating Hollywood hunks; the next she's canoodling with lesbian DJs. I can't get a read on either of these teams, so I'm taking the home dog. But it wouldn't surprise me at all if I saw tomorrow Atlanta won 45 million to 3. Ok, it would be a little surprising, since that's physically impossible to do in 60 minutes of football, but I wouldn't be stunned.


The Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie Game

PHILADELPHIA -3.5 @ Seattle

These two coaches go way back, being two disciples of the Bill Walsh offense. Both in Green Bay, they then went on to coach different teams, all the while slowly morphing into the same person. In fact, you get Craig Stadtler in the same room with these two and you could film Multiplicity 2.

The Cheerleader from Heroes Game

New England @ INDIANAPOLIS PK

As recently as a year ago, the only thing you could do to get away from the buzz of this game is call in Michael Caine:



Now all it takes is Jerry Seinfeld and some crappy animation:



What does that have to do with Heroes and more importantly the game? Not much, I just wanted to get a Michael Caine reference in here. Actually that's not entirely true...just like Heroes used to be awesome and now it's crappy, so is this matchup. But the show still has that hot cheerleader chick so people are going to watch. And this matchup still has Peyton Manning and bad blood, so people are going to watch. I just hope he can do enough to put this awfulness behind him:



Such promise. Such disappointment.

The Jennifer Garner Game

PITTSBURGH -1.5 @ Washington

Big time ass whooping for both teams. Both will look good doing it too. Bring your camera. This one's gonna be hot!







And no - I have no good reason to link this clip, but I doubt I'll hear complaints.