Cool Shit 4/11

If you're a Jeep head, or even just like cool cars , check out these models currently out in the desert being off-roaded.

More documentary recs you can stream right now (if you have Netflix). Also fair warning about Dear Zachary (which is on the list), it WILL make you question humanity. Do not watch it if you have a warm heart.

A pretty damning piece (if you didn't think this actually went on to begin with) about paying collegiate athletes to play at specific schools. It will never stop; everyone is doing it.

Nootropics. Supplements to help possibly your most important organ: (get your mind out the gutter sickos) the brain.

Really cool aerial photography of famous places.

Websites you should know that can help with your professional life. Unless your professional life consists of not acting like a professional. Then you only need one site: xhamster (NSFW)

Want to get your hands on Google Glass? Have $1,500 burning a hole in your pocket? You've got a chance, but only for 24 hours.

A list of unnecessary movie sequels could be infinity long and still wouldn't probably grasp how stupid Hollywood can sometimes be. Fortunately this list only has 10.

By now you've heard about it, Stephen Colbert is taking over for David Letterman. My completely unnecessary, meaningless thoughts: I don't know what he brings new and innovative to an already crowded late-night marketplace. I have never watched a single second of his current show. I know what it is however, and know there's simply no way he can fully bring that to CBS. My guess is he will do a nightly segment where he morphs that into some sort of "news break" to take advantage of his talent. Unfortunately, it will be pandering and a fraction of what he does on Comedy Central. It's unfortunate that television can't think creatively, since you know, it is a creative medium.

Cool Shit 9/24

In 2013, I'm posting an article about a school banning a book. We are doing something wrong.

A quick little video with facts about Playboy. What an interesting, wonderful magazine. Especially true after the book banning article.



I haven't seen it yet, but it sounds awesome. It's a Norwegian film called Troll Hunter, and it's on Netflix. While this article talks about the director getting a chance to make an American remake, take a moment to at least watch the trailer here:



If you're a child of the late 80s/early 90s, you'll enjoy these 15 facts about Nickelodeon. Also, it gives me an opportunity to link to this article I wrote way back about the top Nickelodeon kids' game shows.

I'm not even sure where to begin with this Japanese robot karate movie. The trailer below simply doesn't do it justice, so after watching, read this article about it.



Our continuing coverage of the movie Escape from Tomorrow, the movie shot on the Disney property, takes us into a detailed account of just how the movie was made exactly. And Disney? They're still mum. Conspicuously mum.

Punk rock couture can be purchased for $375 at Urban Outfitters. You know, I don't blame Urban Outfitters for trying to cash in. I mean, sure it's disgusting and expensive, but that's what capitalism allows. No, I blame punk rockers. In their quest to destroy the tradition and identity of other groups they deemed stupid and materialistic, they instead simply created their own identity to be cashed in on. Instead of mocking others for their look, they should have shredded any sense of materialism, or at least not put such effort into the rebellion of style. But now, that's where we are.

Cline's last wish - to meet Stephen Baldwin. MAKE IT HAPPEN

Yes, it's true, that's Cline's last wish. Until he makes another one, I think it's only fair we try to grant him this one. Besides, his other wishes are really creepy and unwholesome, so working on this one at least means we don't have to delve too deep into his weird fantasies.

Yes, you can help. Go here, and vote for Cline's blog post (It's the one at the bottom. Methinks someone is trying to bury him. Don't let them get that satisfaction! Vote him through!)

A little backstory. A completely legitimate and not sketchy email landed on the desk of The Popcorn Trick's Chief of Email, talking up a contest loosely linked with NBC's "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here." The email said as long as you had a valid passport and could prove you were a US citizen you could enter.

Entering meant agreeing to write a series of blog entries based on someone's topic of choice and the reality show. Being deathly afraid of celebrities, and seeing a chance for Cline to double or even possibly triple his number of posts, I quickly decided he was the right person for the job. And he didn't disappoint. Seriously, check it out here, and give him the vote. Eventually, after a few more blog posts, we could see our man Cline jet setting off to Costa Rica, to most likely catch some as yet unknown disease. And who doesn't dream of at least knowing Patient 0 of a global pandemic? So do all you can do, vote all you can and tell your friends. Let's get Cline to meet a third tier Baldwin! (Yes, I rank Daniel #2).

And the relevance of the Megan Fox picture? It has both nothing and everything to do with this competition.

The best hook-up moment possible...

What's yours?

I'm not talking real stories here either - unless you're totally awesome and banged Bo Derek after the beach scene from 10.

No, I'm talking about the best possible scenario you can think of that you would tell your friends about years and years from now... A story the Native Americans would sing about around a campfire... a time when if death was the next thing after the hook-up, you'd be ok with it.

This idea was spurred on by a question from Sports Guy's mailbag from last week:

Q: I dare you to think of anything better than taking a girl home from the bar on Halloween and watching her put on her costume as she's leaving the next morning. Yeah, can't be done. Hands down the best hookup moment possible.
-- Adam V., Hibbing, Minn.

SG: I mean, it's not the BEST hookup moment possible, right?

I immediately started thinking about what I thought would be the best - or at least something better than this scenario (which, admittedly, is awesome).

Here's what I came up with:

Hooking up with your celebrity partner after taping the final episode of you winning it all on 100,000 Pyramid. Think Markie Post at the height of Night Court fame to get a clearer picture.

I'm sure I'll come up with some others, but I beg you to leave your own in the comments and see if you can beat either of the two laid out before you.

The Good...the Bad...the Beautiful #34

THE GOOD:



Possibly my favorite scene from the original The Office.

Bad and Beautiful on the flip side...



THE BAD:



There are some things you can't unsee. I'll give the guy credit. I didn't think it was possible to make that song any worse.

THE BEAUTIFUL:



Ever had a fantasy of some hot blond shredding Hendrix's Voodoo Chile on stage? Um, me neither, but it's still impressive.

Week 13 NFL PIcks with Goose - Desperate Times call for sexy redhead measures

As you may or may not have read, I am behind Cline with my picks. While I am still confident I am going to win, and thus be able to bathe in a tub full of Schlitz while gorging myself on only the finest buffet sushi, there is a bit of concern with how many games are left. (That Green Bay, fighting for their division, went down to New Orleans on Monday night and bombed, I mean, how can you be a fan of that team right now? It almost makes me want to root for Favre). And after last week's very poor performance, I find myself in a somewhat larger hole. So I have to come out stronger than ever, and call on the big guns.

Cheerleaders.

Find out more on the flip side...



Yes, I'll be taking a look at both teams' cheerleader squads in an effort to help me decide who is going to win. It's a very complicated formula I'm using here.

So, let's begin with the Thursday Turkey Games.

As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold...

Tennessee -11 @ DETROIT

Right off the bat, we step into a void so deep I almost can't believe it. Apparently, the Detroit Lions do not have an official cheerleading squad! What is this, North Korea? That can't possibly be true. No wonder they stink. Is anyone in Detroit outraged? This is much worse than taking wide receivers in the draft for the last 37 years. To not have a cheerleading squad, well I don't believe it.

I mean Tennessee has a squad, and while I don't really appreciate the daisy duke look (wasn't a big Dukes of Hazard fan - I know, you can throw rocks in my direction, but even at age eleven I found it a little silly that the police could never catch the Duke boys. I mean they have to know where they lived. They couldn't get a warrant? The judge was Boss Hog and he HATED the Duke Boys. Something was very fishy in Hazard county), fuck, at least they're sexing it up for the fans.

Anyway, I searched but found no Lions cheerleaders. But there is something we can do . We all know the power of the petition. It's gotten presidential candidates on state ballots and, well not much else. But if we don't try something then Detroit is destined to fall into more obscurity. And I hope, that by uncovering this horrible misstep by the Detroit Lions organization, the Lions will at the very least rise up and show they will not take playing in front of cheerleaderless fans - or at least cover the 11 points they're getting.

Seattle +12.5 @ DALLAS

Another huge reveal about myself - I hate the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Perhaps it's because I hate the Dallas Cowboys, but I just can't get behind their outfits. You know, i might have a bias against western attire in general. Frills do not make things sexy, and neither do accesories - two things western garb seems to have a plethora of.

However, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader outfits are absolutely stunning compared to the monstrosities the Seahawk gals are wearing. What the fuck is going on here? They appear to be dressed as white footballs. I'm embarrassed - for them, for me, for all of us.

ARIZONA +3 @ Philadelphia

Quick story. Watching the Eagles game on Sunday at a friend's house, I made a couple of smart bets on the activity of the game. When McNabb got benched (in a close game for a back up quaterback that made Koy Detmer look like the Marlboro Man) we immediately made an o/u on times the camera would pan over to McNabb on the sidelines. At 14.5, the over was free money. I mean free. FOX Sports would cut to a particularly bad roadkill carcass if it was titilating enough (and had something to do with the broadcast). We stopped counting at 19, and I left $2 richer. Thank you FOX.

What does that have to do with the game tonight? Nothing. I just like bragging about gambling stories in which I win.

Now, in the world of cheerleading, this is an epic battle. The Eagles cheerleaders for years have been given their props (rightly so) for being an attractive bunch. And Arizona, well they're Arizona. You can walk down the street and get hit by a beautiful girl falling out of a tree they're so plentiful. I mean, here you go...


Beauty...enthusiasm...athleticism...

And then on the other hand we're treated to this...



Simple...classy...ok not classy, but you get the point. So who do I pick?

I'm going with Arizona. After Sunday's dismal Eagles performance, followed by a near mutiny on talk radio against McNabb, Reid, and whatever else, I thought I would get a respite from the team, since the game is to be on the NFL Network, which I don't get. Sadly, one of the local stations will be picking up the broadcast, which means I'll have to watch. And with the cold weather, I doubt the cheerleaders will be much less than a parka. So I'm going with the team that could win their division getting points, and not the team that might not win another game the whole year. But remember, at least we have this:




Ok, what did we learn after Thursday's games other than I need an act of God or Cline to miss posting his picks to win this bet. We learned:

• Dallas, when all its star players are healthy, is a good team
• Donovan McNabb has his best games with adversity swarming around him
• The Lions quit on their fans and the sport awhile ago, and couldn't even muster a decent performance for their traditional Thanksgiving game. And they definitely don't deserve cheerleaders.

Oh and one more thing - never underestimate the power of the redhead.

Seriously, how else do the Eagles win? With that nugget of information, I'm going to tweak my cheerleader searching to focus on any redheads in the squads, since it obviously fired up the Eagles. So, let's get into Sunday's games...

SAN FRANCISCO +7 @ Buffalo

Both squads have redheads...

San Fran's Amy:



vs. Buffalo's Alison:


I don't know about you, but I think Amy might be able to start for the 49ers on Sunday. And I mean that in the very sexiest way possible. I live the 49ers to cover, even in the cold of Buffalo.

BALTIMORE @ Cincinnati +7

Tricky. The Ben-gals boast a number of different types of redheads. They also have an awesome flash thing on their website that is cool. Go see for yourself. However, the Ravens one up them by going to individual videos of the ladies, including swimsuit shoots and interviews. And while it seems Adrienne is the only redhead on the squad, she more than makes up for the lack of quantity. But see for yourself here.

Cincy has been playing teams tough, and the Ravens are coming off a big win, but I can no longer put stock in things like that. I've just spent the last 30 minutes watching cheerleader videos. But I do it all for you guys.

COLTS -5 @ Cleveland

As we learned Thursday, a team without an official cheerleading squad is terrible. If I had any inclination to doing research, I'd take a look at the numbers of teams without cheerleaders and see what they've done historically against the spread. Of course, the other question I'd like to throw out there is what kind of message are teams sending to the city's female population when it can't put forth a little effort and get twenty-five attractive women to cheer?

While we ponder that, please enjoy Larissa, from the Colts official cheerleading squad. And take them minus the points. Quinn, who seemed to at least have a rhythm with the Browns is out, and Anderson is back in. That can't be good if you're a Browns fan.

Carolina @ Green Bay -3

I chose Green Bay last week based on the argument that they can't afford to lose more games in their division. It backfired on me. But who says you should learn from your mistakes?

Wait, scratch that. I just did a couple searches, and yes, you see that right, Green Bay also does not have cheerleading squad. Are you kidding me? What's worse, it seems that the fans had a say in the matter. I don't understand - why would you vote against them? What does it hurt you?

I'm changing my mind and going with Carolina here.

CAROLINA +3 @ Green Bay

Carolina needs to stay on track in the south. Look for them to cover. Besides, you know their cheerleaders are frisky. My research has also uncovered a red head on the Carolina Panthers' cheer squad, as well as a cheerleader named "Hodges." I don't know about you, but Hodges sounds less like a name for a cheerleader and more for a renegade detective working the streets and getting chewed out for his maverick style by the boss. If her last name is McGettigan I'm officially done making picks.


Miami -9.5 @ ST. LOUIS

Not only is the driving euro-techno beat that meets you at the Dolphins' cheerleader website annoying, it also appears at first glance they have no redheads to speak of. Meanwhile, the Rams, who seem to know what they're doing (in cheerleading hiring only - let's not discuss the on field decisions they make) have employed a red head, the lovely Shannon. I can't ignore statistics like that, so I'll take the Rams to cover at home, and force the Dolphins to show me they can cover that big a number on the road. And while the picture of Shannon I've included certainly doesn't show her as a redhead, if you click here and scroll down, you can see what I'm basing my very scientific picks on.

New Orleans @ TAMPA BAY -3.5

Sadly, neither cheerleading squad appears to have a redhead. So it looks like I'll just have to give this game my astute analysis (you've been warned). New Orleans is coming off a short week and a big win, so I like the Bucs at home. Though I do like the Saints cheerleader's squad name: The Saintsations.

Giants -3.5 @ WASHINGTON

I'm finding it amazing that so many teams are in this league sans cheerleaders. I thought it was an officially sanctioned thing by the NFL. Turns out that's not the case. The New York Giants don't have a cheerleading squad? Blasphemy!

Luckily, the same can't be said for the Washington Redskins. They most certainly have a squad, and a lovely redhead named Heather to boot. Gotta go with Washington here. Heather's not gonna let the Redskins lose!

Atlanta @ SAN DIEGO -4.5

Battle of possibly the fake red heads, ironically in a game that suggests the two teams might also be fake. And don't get me wrong, I'd love for Atlanta to be the real deal, I'm just not sure how much stock we can put in a rookie QB. But as long as he keeps winning, he'll prove me wrong. I'm still going San Diego here. Carissa just seems like she could take Courtney in a mud wrestling venue. But don't take my word for it. If yo have the means, then please, set it up. And give me a call. I'd love to watch.





Pittsburgh @ NEW ENGLAND -1

I wanted to go with Pittsburgh here. I really did. I think they're going to play for revenge and get fired up and it's going to be a tough game. But then I saw they don't have a cheerleading squad. What's worse, is that they once did, going back to 1961. For whatever reason however, they disbanded, and no one picked up the torch after that.

And not only does New England have a squad, and not only does it boast a red head, it gives you more information about each cheerleader I've ever seen. For example, I know Brittany's favorite color is blue, she loves R. Kelly's Ignition remix (who doesn't) and she's not going to survive for very long on a deserted island with chapstick, a water bottle and a toothbrush.

DENVER @ Jets -7.5

So the Jets are coming off a huge win against Tennessee, and the Broncos are coming off a horrendous loss against the Raiders. If only I knew what this meant. The Jets are flying high right now, kicking ass and taking names. The Broncos are...well they're just the Broncos and I don't think that's going to help them this week. And since I'm now a Favre fan after the Packers absolutely got destroyed Monday night in a very crucial game, everything points toward me taking the Jets. Everything except the most important thing of course...





You see, on the redhead front, the Jets are lacking, and the Broncos aren't (oh they certainly aren't). So I gots to stay true to my formula and take the Broncos. I mean, I guess I could argue that Laura here could potentially be a redhead, but the bio says brown, so I am too.





Kansas City at OAKLAND -3



This one was easy. Kansas City has no one on the squad that I can even squint at and pretend they have red hair, while Oakland at least forced one of their cheerleaders to die their hair a totally unnatural yet totally sexy shade of red. What? No one else is turned on by artificial hair colors? Um, me neither. Let's move on.




Chicago Bears @ MINNESOTA -3.5

Another easy one, another team without an official cheerleading squad. It's hard to believe. How can the Bears, one of the most storied franchises in the league, not have the wherewithal to get a bunch of scantily clad ladies to dance around during games? Is that so hard?




Meanwhile, someone up in Minnesota has a serious redhead fetish, and I don't mind at all. Going on the redhead formula I've put together, the Vikings should win on Sunday 126-6 and the six points will be a touchdown with a missed extra point.

Jacksonville @ HOUSTON -3

Tough one since Jacksonville has redheads:


and so does Houston:


How do you break the stalemate? You go with the team that has identical twins cheering for them on the sidelines:

The Top U.S. Celebrities as seen in Japanese Commercials

It's a poorly kept secret that American celebrities occasionally head over to Japan to hawk products in return for big bucks. And who can blame them? Easy money for not a lot of work? I'm guessing most, if not all of us would jump at the chance to do something like this. I know I would (hint to all you rich Japanese executives that need a "typical" American blogger to be the next face of your product).

That being said...

These spots can still be great fodder for awkwardness, looniness, and absurdity. For the past day I have waded through the muck and mire of U.S. celebrities endorsing Japanese products, and I'm truly at a loss to explain what is going on in some of these spots. Which only make them better. So, thanks in large part to Japander.com, which indexes many of these ads, I have compiled what I think are the top 21 celebrities hawking Japanese products, and have included evidence for each one. Why 21? Because that's the fewest I could narrow it down to. Please enjoy the videos I've chosen...





#21. John Travolta


Obviously done right around the time The Experts came out, Travolta doesn't do much to sell this Japanese drink, other than dance around like a poor man's Kevin Bacon and say something in Japanese. You can also see the genesis of some of the classic dance moves he later employed in the Pulp Fiction dance scene. And here I thought that was all Tarantino's direction.

#20. Kyle McLachlan



2 ads for the Subaru Imprezza that utilize both Kyle McLachlan's sex appeal(?) and quirkiness. I'm 65% sure the man being thrown into the pile of boxes that starts off this youtube video is unrelated to the commercials. Of course, I can't explain McLachlan's actions - and it is possible the man falling into the boxes had previously been fighting Kyle, which led him to buy a Subaru. It's a little confusing. Of course it's "See Spot Run" compared to other Japanese commercials, so I'm not going to sweat it.

#19. Michael Jackson



Back when Micahel Jackson was normal, he chose to market his image and music for Suzuki Scooters. Great song, great dancing, amplified by the fact that the female model appears to have gotten her dance techniques watching video of people having gran mal seizures. I also enjoy the "wink" Mike tries when telling us "love is his message." It's one eye for wink, two eyes for blink, Mr. Jackson. Apparently, Japanese directors don't like second takes.

#18. Britney Spears



Sure, Britney looks sexy here, dressed as a an extra from the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century episode where Buck travels to a future go go bar, does something anachronistic yet still mildly sexy and beds 11 future-garbed dancers (ok so that episode happened in my head), but the music choice is really uninspired. I even thought I saw a faint glimmer of train wreck recognition flash through Britney's eyes during this one. When Britney recognizes something's wrong, it's time to reevaluate. It's definitely not the music I would have picked when I had "futuristic whore Britney" dolled up and ready to sell my Go Go Tea.

#17. Charlie Sheen



I'm not sure it's possible for Sheen to look more uncomfortable in this bed. On the bright side, his hair looks perfect. I'm also not sure what he's selling. It's set up as though it's air conditioning, with everyone in the apartment complex uncomfortable, but then what's with the the woman hogging the covers? Is it because it's too cold? And for that matter, what's with pairing Sheen up with such a homely actress?

#16. Anthony Hopkins



I can hear the phone conversation now...

Japanese Executive: I have this great idea for a commercial, and we need you.
Sir Anthony Hopkins: While I'm flattered, I just don't think I'm comfortable endorsing your product.
Japanese Executive: Just wait, you're going to love this -
Sir Anthony Hopkins: Look, I'm a knight. I'm an Oscar winner. I'm
Japanese Executive: It starts with you and 2 beautiful models riding in a car, and then 3 of you walk arm in arm to a waiting private jet...
Sir Anthony Hopkins: I'm listening...

#15. Natalie Portman



Starts off normal enough (as normal as Japanese commercial can be) with Ms. Portman showing up to an audition on a motorcycle. Walking into the room, she pulls out a fencing epee, dances around a little bit and then somehow teleports to some Spanish villa to commence in a duel with the guy who dresses up as Captain Jack Sparrow at Disney sponsored corporate events. She finds herself back in the audition suddenly, shares a look with the head guy there - the kind of look two people share after licking faces in the coat check room of a swanky bar while their spouses remain oblivious seated at their table - and gets the part. I assume her nailing the audition had a lot to do with using Lux Super Rich Shampoo in her morning shower, though I bet the whole come hither stare didn't hurt her chances - or the skin tight outfit she chose to wear.

#14. Ben Stiller



Looking exactly like a Japanese anime character, Ben Stiller somehow builds upon his trademarked manic performance to "comic" effect. Seriously, if the Japanese were to remake Cool World, Ben Stiller would be perfect in the role of "cartoon-guy-who-becomes-real" that is supposed to be the Japanese manga representation. (I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed for making a Cool World reference.) Also, check out the size difference between Stiller and the football players at the end. Is he on his knees?

#13. Harrison Ford



Harry does his best Marcel Marceau impression, if Marcel Marceau hung out with Japanese people in saunas and also spoke during his performances. I do give Ford a lot of credit though for speaking Japanese throughout the commercial.

#12. Jean Claude Van Damme



Here's a series of 4 vignettes that tell the story of Black Black, a gum product that gives you an extra boost of energy. In the first two, we find a groggy Van Damme, who just can't seem to stay awake on his feet. But with Black Black's crystal meth like boost of energy, he has the strength to do some flying kicks. Realizing he could probably make a lot of money hooking people on to this wonderful productthe next vignette finds Van Damme speeding down the road to catch up with a sleepy truck driver in need of a boost of energy. Not done playing the part of the Pusherman, Van Damme slyly offers some Black Black to his limo driver on the night of what is obviously the premiere of Sudden Death, who then proceeds to speed off down the street, throwing Van Damme and his lovely lady friend to the floor of his car (probably Van Damme's plan all along). This all happens while a Japanese cover of Burning Down the House is playing (at least is really really sounds like it). And this is only #12 on the list!

#11. Sylvester Stallone







I'm not sure where to begin. The connection any of these activities have to pork products (ham, sausage) is tenuous at best. I mean, when you see Sylvester Stallone playing the cello, do you think it's time for ham?

I am mildly curious about what kinda of symbolism bicyclists-turning-into-a-waterfall-of-sausages is supposed to signify.

#10. Steven Seagal



This commercial proves there is still truth in advertising. I can totally believe Steven Seagal would get winded after cracking some bad guys' skulls. I can also totally believe he would rock a sleeveless Hawaiian shirt while downing an energy drink.

#9. Hulk Hogan



The same culture that is kicking our ass producing affordable electronics is the same one that saw Hulk Hogan in the 80s and thought it he had a singing voice good enough to sell...I don't know, an air filtration system? Who can pay attention to the product while the Hulkster is wearing those freakishly mesmerizing white shorts? Unrelated, the baby comes out of nowhere, doesn't it? Not sure the editor's choice of fading the baby shot in after Hogan's longing gaze was the wisest choice.

#8. Madonna



What is it with the Japanese and women brandishing swords? Madonna, in full Samurai garb, shows off her flute skills, tries to sneak up on a dragon wearing what can only be described as really impractical shoes, and swings a sword in its general direction that either kills it or turns it into a glowing gold orb. It's a little unclear. It's possible the glowing orb was in the dragon's head. Anyway, getting that orb was hard work, and having succeeded, it's now time for a drink. Legend - an alcoholic beverage good enough for Samurai/flutist Madonna.

#7. Dennis Hopper



Everything in this ad screams Dennis Hopper, except for his disposition; he's downright cheerful. He loves his rubber duck and wants to share that joy with others, including his director. What perfectly sane person wouldn't? But things take a turn when the director foolishly thinks the Hopper's rubber ducky is for him. I have no idea what they're trying to sell.


#6. Peter Falk







I get the Columbo spots - it's a timeless pop culture reference that I'm sure the Japanese just lap right up. I'm a little less clear on the bartender spot; I assume he's comparing the whiskey to the arc of a movie, but it sure looks like he's just ready for a little midnight tryst with an attractive Asian businesswoman barfly as she orders a whiskey (and a whiskey). Seriously, I think Charles Bukowski would have trouble putting down that much hooch. And did Falk just ask for a happy ending?

Ok, I'll admit it. I don't get the Columbo spots either.

#5. Nicholas Cage





These ads prove that in real life Cage is more Sailor Ripley than Ben Sanderson. I do love the stereotypical portrayal of Americans in the second ad, that is until Cage starts the alien hoedown.

#4. ZZ TOP



It's an exact replica of a ZZ Top video, until the Small Super Mover makes an appearance. You'll never watch the "Legs" video the same way again.

#3. Meg Ryan



Ok, had I ever shouted, "It's a UFO!" while in the car with my parents, they would have just called me stupid and mocked me for the next 45 minutes. Not perky Meg Ryan. She happily takes the kids on a sojourn to what looks like the surface of the moon to witness the UFOs/a meteor shower. And I wouldn't even rank that as her most egregious offense. No, child services gets called once the kids testify under oath that she, after driving for hours chasing something in the sky, has no idea where they are. Navi Navi Dingo indeed.

#2. Bruce Willis



I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Bruce didn't really examine the script until after arriving in Japan. Otherwise I'm guessing he would have had one of his script doctors write out the nightcap.

#1 Arnold Schwarzenegger





It's hard to watch these and not think Arnie is playing a Japanese stereotype. And when I say that, I don't hold Schwarzenegger responsible whatsoever. That's on the people making the commercial. That said, this is exactly what I envision all Japanese television to be like: frantic, kinetic, non-sensical, and completely awesome.

And one more for good luck - I couldn't include this in the list, because it technically has no celebrity in it, but it's by far the greatest commercial I stumbled across. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Biz Markie Doll...



Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out how to get my hands on one of these.

The Good...the Bad...the Beautiful #14

THE GOOD:



Oh sure, no one would ever admit it, but Zachariah is singing about something all full blooded males have thought about. Honestly, there isn't much Zachariah can do that I won't find amusing. He got jobbed on ESPN (definitely should have won that stupid anchor competition) and he was great doing the announcing on Dodgeball with Bil Dwyer (who can do no wrong in my eyes either).

Bad and beautiful on the flip side...



THE BAD:



Going into this, I thought I was going to get a whole lot of awesome. Instead I got potential contestants acting silly and 8 seconds of Bob Barker looking bored. C'mon!

THE BEAUTIFUL:



Watching this is hypnotic. Her bum...her moves...her hat. Not sure if the outfit was purposeful or not, but if so it's a brilliant choice. She gives just enough so that you want see her in something more attractive. I like to call it "peekaboo cute."

Links of Interest 8/12

Time to get sexy...or watch music people get sexy.

Want to keep up to date on the medals being won by individual countries? Check out this cool interactive map.

You know how you might stumble across a link promising something that sounds too good to be true? And then you click on it and it just lists a couple vague things you already know? Well this is not one of those. I won't promise it works, and I take no responsibility if you try, but at least there was something you can sink your teeth into here.

A nice little review of some cheap beers.

Most of the time Sesame Street gets it, and it's awesome. But when they don't, it's even more awesome.