Friday, June 26, 2009

The Week That Was: 6/22 - 6/26

After Vh-1 canceled (or as they say, put it on hiatus until January of 2010 - just in case anyone wants to star their calendar), I realized I had no place to get my sarcastic pop culture references. After a lot of soul searching, binge eating and a Scientology audit, I realized what I had to do - I create my own pop culture revue on the web. I figured I'd only be competing with a few million other people, (being that sarcastic pop culture comments is the internet's currency) but dammit, I wanted to fill a void my 12 faithful visitors had.

And so I created, The Week That Was. (Seriously, I'm sure I'll rename it. Please don't turn your monitor off in disgust and go outside. There's nothing out there.)

TWTW is just a quick look at some of the big stories that happened in the past week, with some commentary lightly sprinkled through, like saffron on paella (I wanted to spike in chefs visiting for some reason).

Please enjoy...

Death Comes in 3s...
Not a good week to be an aging/cancerous/weird celebrity in Hollywood apparently. Early on, we said goodbye to Ed McMahon, who passed away (or faked his death to rid himself of debt (Click that link for the awesome outfit alone)). Mainly famous for ass kissing on late night television, his life was certainly much more accomplished, starring in several films, serving in the military, hosting Star Search and delightfully intro'ing hilarious bloopers and celebrity practical jokes...

Of course, I'll always remember him for being the side kick and announcer for one of the greatest talk shows of all time...Alf's Hit Talk Show:

Godspeed Mr. McMahon. You'll be missed.

Unfortunately, Mr. McMahon wasn't the only celebrity to die this week. After battling anal cancer (not a joke, and quite possibly the worst cancer to think about) for years, Ms. Fawcett succumbed this week to the disease.

One of the original Charlie's Angels, Fawcett shot to fame and soon became a sex symbol and quick go to lady for teenagers everywhere. Of course it wasn't until The Burning Bed however, that people really stood up and realized that yes, she could be ugly if she really, really tried.

Personally, I loved her most during her Battle of the Network Stars of course...

Watch this and enjoy her genuine indignation with the competition:

(Please also watch the awesomeness of Telly Savalas, the "subtle" racism of Robert Conrad, and the hidden athleticism of Gabe Kaplan. Want to know more? Check out my rundown here. I will never get tired of this clip. Dammit the 70s were awesome! )

I can't and don't ever want to think about the pain Ms. Fawcett was in at the end, so I can only hope she's now in a better place. Fare thee well, Farrah, you are gone, but certainly will never be forgotten.

And yet, possibly the most surprising death of all hit us just yesterday when we all heard about Michael Jackson first going into cardiac arrest, and then passing away. The pop world needs a new King. Regardless of the extracurricular activities we all heard about, no one can deny his talent and the mark he left on the world. I mean, the album the Thriller alone gives him unbelievable credibility. Just go here to see the list of ridiculous parodies the song alone has inspired.

The one biggest thing I'll probably remember him for that no one is mentioning? (Aside from his reverse Ralph Ellison experiment) is his sense of humor. How else would he repeatedly give Weird Al Yankovic the chance to parody his songs?

Enough about death though, let's move on to more things that are easier to make fun of...

Band of Brothers II: Taking it to the Water!
Earlier this week the trailer for HBO's The Pacific, the Japanese front bookend to the Band of Brothers miniseries HBO did years ago. And with the involvement of Spielberg and Tom Hanks, I think we can say it will be worth the watch. The trailer alone is full of the best parts of Saving Private Ryan mixed with character development that is sure to leave us all weepy when they get killed.

The Pacific

Too bad it wasn't like the end of Rocky II
Ok, because I neither care nor want to care about either Perez Hilton and of the Black Eyed Peas, this is the best summary I can come up with of this supposed altercation after 6 seconds of googling.

Perez Hilton was in Lady GaGa's entourage in Toronto. That statement alone could probably be a great headline for Star, but the story continues. They went to a club, where some? all? of the Black Eyed Peas were. Due to some earlier comments Hilton had made about some of the BEPs (possibly Fergie - and I called her out here so I could justify posting a picture of her) that were less than flattering, they confronted him at different parts of the evening.

Things possibly escalated, and Hilton said he called the harshest thing he could think of, which was, "Fag." Which...quite possibly is not going to overtake Roots as a symbol of equality in this country.

Apparently though the slur worked, and Perez was attacked. And then stalked back to his hotel by the BEPs, who were also staying at the same hotel. I guess they were heading back, but they were heading back in a threatening manner that Hilton couldn't deal with. And so he "tweeted" his distress to get the police to come. I guess because there is no website out there that imposes a 3 digit maximum that he could use to hit 9-1-1.

And of course, both parties involved had to immediately get their own "dis" video out there.

Perez Hilton video. video.

I also wanted to quickly point out the irony of getting a black eye, from a Black Eye (d Pea). I'm sure that's the first mention of that!

"Crying in Argentina?" More like...well you get the joke.
It seems that all it takes is to become a governor and you lose all sense of reality. At least that's what happened to South Carolina's very special governor Mark Sanford, after taking a week off to get a little play time with the bathing suit area of a delicious Argentinian news reporter.

Something tells me this isn't going to help his 2012 presidential run.

Although we may be over blowing some facts out of proportion. This article suggests that once he left the country, he "put his state at risk." Now, while I'm sure people were alarmed when he didn't show up and couldn't reach him, I'm also not 100% sure what risk South Carolina would ever be in. Maybe that's just me though.

Of course, if the story seems bizarre, the press conference takes it to a whole new level:

Some of my highlights include:

  • The clever euphemism he uses for lying: "Creating a fiction." I create a fiction every day when I tell my boss I have yet another dentist appointment.
  • He's a "bottom line kind of guy." Is it just me or should you think about not using the term "bottom" when admitting to an affair?
  • What the hell is the woman behind him laughing at? Ok, bad question, but really given the circumstances, she might not be the best choice to be standing back there.
  • Going to the Appalachian Trail is at once both a great and terrible excuse. Great because, really, who's going to go out there looking for you. Terrible because, really, who goes to the Appalachian Trail ever?
Maybe taping every conversation wasn't the best idea...
So this week also saw some more Nixon tapes released to the public, where he shows his rampant racism, sexism and many other isms I never knew existed. Look we all pretty much thought Nixon was a douche (look at how he treated that poor reporter in Nixon/Frost!) but these recent tapes pretty much cement it. Especially the abortion comment.

Transformer! Robots in Disguise...of money!
Despite Roger Ebert's "slightly" negative review, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen made over $60 million in it's first day out (Wednesday), which certainly lends credence to the idea that people love fighting robots and hate plots. When asked to comment, director Michael Bay blew something up.

Superstars. The poor man's Battle of the Network Stars
I didn't watch it. Not because I didn't want to, but because I wasn't home. But even if I were, I'm not sure I could have stomached ABC's Superstars. Not because I hate reality shows, but because I think they should just go ahead and pull out all the stops and bring back Battle of the Network Stars.

Regardless, Superstars pairs professional athletes and, I don't know other types of professionals (models? stars? sorta kinda famous people?) in teams to compete against one another. One team, comprised of current Buffalo Bill wide receiver Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa, who, her wikipedia page lists as an actress and model. I'll go with that, though I'm not certain starring in Max Havoc: Curse of the Dragon makes you an actress.

Anyway, doing what thousands of fans have wanted to do for years, Krupa rips into TO after his poor performance in the obstacle course here:

To be fair to TO, they were going up against the powerhouse team of Dave Charvet and Jennifer Capriati.

So there you have it, the first The Week That Was. I hope you enjoyed it and since I'm always looking for ways to improve things, please offer suggestions, comments, vitriol and cash offers in the comments. And please, if you have ideas what we can cover here in the weeks to come, send them along! Thanks again.

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