Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lost on an island with...?

In anticipation of tonight's episode, I've decided to devote a little time to those crazy cats on the Lost island. You already know my theories about what's going on (Time Loop!) but what you don't know are my thoughts on the "inhabitants" of the island. Well after the break, that's about to change...

This list breaks down, in order, who I'd want to be stranded with on the island. The person that I can gain the most from, and can help me get the most out of the island, whether it's escape, living there forever, or whatever. The formula is fairly complicated, and will change from week to week. With that said, here's the list:

1. Desmond

Ladies, am I right? Ok, we'll ignore his sex appeal and go with the facts. He can tell the future. And that ultimately led to Charlie's death. I wouldn't be able to thank him enough for getting that annoying little dragon chasing imp outta there.

2. Ben

Seems like one subplot to season 4 is "Ben gets beat up." Seriously, between Jack, Sawyer and Locke, this guy just can't catch a break, And that's a shame, because he is currently making Machievelli look like a teenaged girl trying to impress the stud quarterback. And that my friends, is a good enough reason for me to stay on his good side.

3. Sayid

His teen wolf impersonation last week got me on board. It also doesn't hurt that he's currently an assassin.

4. Locke

I'm still with him because he seems to know some things, but please, tone down the "oops" attitude. Would have been lower on the list if he didn't orchestrate the brilliant Hurley-in-a-closet-gagged plan to take the upper hand against Kate, Sayid and Yelly.

5. Kate

She's hot, but not above stabbing you in the back for your last peanut butter cracker. Still she's hot, and seems to know how to survive.

6. Jack

He's been under a lot of stress, since everyone looks to him to save him. (That's why I never became a doctor - everyone always looks to the doctor in times s of trouble. I don't need that aggravation.

7. Sun/Jin

Jin used to be cool when he cracked skulls for Sun's dad. Then he got to the island and he's boring. Then he kicks more butt. Then he gets boring. And Sun has always been boring.

8. Sawyer

Used to be the bad ass but now wants to play house? I know it's Kate, but c'mon. Get back to calling Ben a furby and let's go.

9. Claire


10. Just about everyone else, except for...

1,000,000. Hurley

Hurley's death will be a party at my house. Too bad we see he made it off the island. When we find out this whole thing is a figment of Hurley's imagination, you'll all join me in the hatred.

I'm holding judgment about the 4 new characters until we see a little more of them. Of course, other than Miles they all seem cool and would probably rank pretty high on the list. Of course, with this show that means Miles will save everyone awesomely and the other three will plot to kill Desmond.

Please feel free to agree (and to a lesser extent disagree) with me in the comments.


Evan O said...

You're CRAZY. Crazy as Desmond is SEXY (the only thing I agree with).

Ben goes to the top, it would have been Sayid - but as we saw recently - he takes his orders from my man.
If Ben weren't handcuffed the entire last episode, we would have been able to see the marionette strings knotted around his sly fingers. He runs this shit.

#2 - Sayid - he's good with a gun, banged hot/annoying Shannon, and has GREAT hair (present and future)

#3 - Locke - After Ben leaves to start his "Assassins are Us" bizz off the island, Locke will inherent the wind/island.... And he can make an awesome dog whistle

#4 - Desmond - He'd be up higher if he was involved in the drama a little more - he's a little disappointing: so much potential - but so little action, brotha'. Plus he dreamed about Charlie - What's with that?!

Now I will Bump everyone down, and put in awesome eye-patch dude that killed Charlie with a grenade as #1 on my list.

Why?...because I just remembered he killed Charlie with a Grenade and has an awesome eye-patch.

No one else would be on my island:
Kate, in reality, is married to Charlie - so she's an idiot.
Jack is a one-track minded wuss-bag
Sawyer, although humorous, is a negative nilly.
Sun and Jung(whatever) - snooze
Claire - She should dry her eyes, find a noose and go hang herself - she's a sourpuss.

Hurley's a nice guy - he could stay. But only if he shaved those great sideburns again.

sexual intercourse said...

Little doubt, the dude is totally just.