Celebrity Apprentice - Remind me why I watch this show?

The Real World (early seasons) gave us a sociological look at how people with different cultural backgrounds deal with one another when forced to live together.

Survivor gave us a reason to debate whether a person should try to play a game for a million dollars ethically or like a cutthroat.

Rock of Love Bus gave us women acting slutty/crazy for the affections of an aging rocker who may or may not wear a wig.

I bring these shows up not as a nostalgic traipse through the garden of reality television, but as examples of what reality shows are known for.

And to show that Celebrity Apprentice is nothing like them...



Aside from the occasional celebrity "staying in the background" while someone else takes the blame, there is no strategy. There's also no skill or intelligence involved, since so often celebrities are awarded based on who they know and how much money their contacts donate. There's very little drama, save for some staged theatrics and forced editing that guides the viewer through some cliches.

No, Celebrity Apprentice really has nothing going for it - and that couldn't have been more clear Sunday night with the last 5 standing.

Challenge - Create jingle and radio commercial for Chicken of the Sea. Everyone feels KOTU (CLint Black, Jesse James, Joan Rivers) has the advantage since with Clint Black, being that he's a singer and all. In fact many minutes are not only devoted to Team Athena (Annie Duke and Brande Roderick) lamenting that fact, but also beating us over the head with their awful singing voices. Why this show is on for 2 hours is anyone's guess.

In fact, it almost seemed as though there was too much kudos thrown Clint's way...as though a curve call was coming in the boardroom. Hmm...

Both teams go into the studio, do all their stuff, blah blah blah, come out, perform boring, stupid stuff and then head back to the boardroom. I refuse to dwell for both yours and my sanity.

Surprising no one, due to the editors' heavy handed editing approach, KOTU lost. The execs thought Clint's song was too country, which...yes, it was, but it was also kinda catchy, so...whatever. It seemed Trump and Ivanka both thought the execs got it wrong, but that might have been lip service to Clint. After all, Trump has yet to say anything bad about a celebrity, save Tom Green. I guess Trump doesn't see too much value in keeping Green on his good side.

Annie has a fake emotional celebration, forcing sobs out, giving herself all the credit in the world. Back in the boardroom, Clint gets fired pretty fast, setting up this final four:

Annie Duke
Brande Roderick
Joan Rivers
Jesse James

Ona normal reality competition show, this would be a great place for a twist, or tension, suspense, whatever. On Celebrity Apprentice, that would be too interesting/entertaining. So they go with the much more mundane "choose who we'd like to have in the finals."

And you think I'm kidding.

Trump gets that British guy Piers to come and interview the 4. We get about 15 seconds of each interview before all 4 go back into the boardroom and chat with Trump, before he cuts Brands and Jesse.

So the finals are Annie against Joan. At first, I was excited about this, because with 3 people axed in one show, they eliminated two potential hours I would have had to watch. But then they went ahead and ruined my excitement by announcing next week's finale would be 3 hours long.

3 hours? Can't wait to get the 20 minutes of Trump's son preening himself in a mirror.

Until next week...