Cool Shit 12/31

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Cool Shit 12/30

Wait, what? Piranhas? Christmas?

So they're trying to figure out how many drugs were distributed via Silk Road. And the numbers seem crazy to me.

Looking for an innovation? Try the pizza box industry.

I'm fairly certain you can't guess any of the items that were the most popular selling on Amazon this holiday season.

Ah the holidays. A time to get together with your family and ogle your hot cousin.

Enjoy a look back at 2013 with Google's Year in Review:



This New Year's maybe you wanted a casual, yet catered affair. And finally, if you're in Times Square, you can get it. It's just going to cost you $375. Oh yeah, and it's going to be at Applebees.

Cool Shit 12/27

It seems that lunches could be made healthier simply by eliminating lunchables, and replacing them with peanut butter sandwiches. Also, lunchables may be the way to beat the terrorists. By either making them into bombs or just offering them as snacks.

Taking a multi-vitamin or a dietary supplement? You might be turning your urine a bright green, but that's about it. Eat some fruit and vegetables instead to get your nutrients, and save your money.

It's harder than you think to be a vegetarian. Also, apparently a beaver's anal glands taste like raspberries. I'd be interested in hearing an interview from the guy who wrote the thesis on that one.

One of the things on my bucket list is to make sure I never see the movie The Bucket List. But that has nothing to do with looking at the bucket lists of National Geographic staff members.

News Bloopers! The best of 2013!



A documentary about a different kind of strip club. Sure, you might think you've visited some bad strip clubs, but I doubt they're like this one (save Lou Turks. Nothing touches Lou Turks). Read about the 2 women who went all in to make it.

Cool Shit 12/26

Unexplained phenomena that science can't exactly explain. Somehow, the missing sock in the dryer didn't make the cut.

Another oral history - this time about Trading Places.

What better time than now to look back and list some of the more unusual things people put up their rectums within the last year.

It's not all flowers and kittens today, as globally, we are in constant battle over the potential of a pandemic overtaking us. Here are the list of possibly diseases that will wipe us out.

It's the age old question that has plagued us since the beginning of time: Who would win in a fight, the Hulk or Superman? Well, now you can at least watch the fight and judge for yourself.

The gadgets from 2013 that are going to change your life. Hopefully for the better.

Peter Billingsley, the star of A Christmas Story is a lot more successful at life than you probably know.

A look back at the Star Wars Holiday Special. It's sad that train wrecks like this don't happen like they used to.

Wolf of Wall Street, Martin Scorsese's latest, is getting some insane chatter, both positive and negative. So why wouldn't you want to watch 11 minutes of raw footage from the shoot?

A closer listen to Do They Know it's Christmas?

Reprinting this piece I wrote back in 2008...certainly relevant to the season, and I still think it's strangely offensive. More so now, probably.

In doing some minor research looking for the most awesomest Christmas videos, I came across Band Aid's Do They Know it's Christmas? a charity song put together by Bob Geldof to help out starving people in Africa.



A catchy tune, it's one of the few Christmas songs I enjoy listening to (call me Scrooge or whatever, but I just can't get into the majority of the Christmas songs out there. Occasionally Feliz Navidad, but even that is starting to wear thin).

After watching the video of who's who in the 80's music world of Britain a number of times, however, I've come to an unfortunate realization about the song.

These lyrics are barely coherent, extremely bizarre, and borderline insulting.


I realize the song was written in a very short amount of time, but still. Perhaps just a little more time spent with the lyrics and a little less time demanding Boy George get on the Concorde to be a part of this, and we really might have had something here. Anyway, let's take a closer look...

It's Christmastime There's no need to be afraid
Who's afraid? It's Christmas time! A time for love, sharing, gift giving and cookies. So I'm not sure why anyone would be afraid. At first I thought the people afraid might be the people in Africa, who obviously aren't very aware about Christmas, but on repeated listen I don't think that's the case. I think Band Aid is telling the listener not to be afraid. And since I doubt there were many radios in the Sudan and Ethiopia, I'm guessing that's not the target audience. Who's afraid around Christmas?

Depressed? yeah, maybe a little.
Angry? Sure, mall traffic can be maddening.
Frustrated? Hey, who doesn't get a little annoyed when they're flopping around under the tree trying to get the damned lugnut on the bike at three in the morning Christmas Eve?

But afraid? Only on the set of Silent Night Deadly Night should people feel afraid during Christmas.

At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime
Ok, though a little clunky, I can't think of anything much better to rhyme with afraid. Which does of course make me question it's inclusion in the song even more, but I digress. These lyrics here actually do a great job of capturing the spirit of what Geffen was driving at, I think, so I have no problem with them.

But say a prayer
Now why can't I throw my arms around the world AND say a prayer? Both messages seem appropriate for one another. There doesn't seem to be any reason to choose.

Pray for the other ones
At Christmastime it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window And it's a world of dread and fear
Uh, this seems a little drastic. Dread and fear? Way to bring me down Bono/LeBon/Sting/Michaels/Other guy

Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears
Bitter? Who's bitter? Are they bitter with me? But I'm praying and stuff!

And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
This is sounding less like a plea for charitable donations and more like the announcement of the impending apocalypse with each line. Besides, who would use Christmas bells to chime doom? I can't imagine creating a sense of doom with the same sound as the beginning of Jingle Bells.

I gotta be honest, the song gets a little schizophrenic in places.

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
While I certainly do thank God that I'm not one of the less fortunate, it's not something I necessarily want to be reminded about. I carry that guilt in my heart. I don't need to think about it every time I hear this song on my way home from work between October and December (Yes, some radio stations began playing Christmas music in October. I'm going to go out on a limb and say we'll have year round Christmas stations in two years' time).

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime

This is misleading. First of all, there will be. Africa is a huge continent, boasting a variety of different eco-systems, including ones where temperatures get low enough to produce snow. Ever see Mt. Kilamanjero? Snow.

Second of all, if we're to assume that the lyrics are alluding to the regions where many of the starving people were from, well of course it's not going to snow during Christmas time. There's never going to be snow there. I don't need a song to tell me that.

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Yeesh. That's a little blunt. Do we really have to bring that up at a time like this?

(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows No rain nor rivers flow Do they know it's Christmastime at all?
Ok, this is a little disingenuous and rather ethnocentric. While I understand that missionary work is successful in some of the more remote sections of the world (and this is neither the time nor the place to argue the merits of Catholic missionary work) I can't imagine many of the people stricken by the drought in Africa during the early 80s had the religious knowledge to even understand the concept of Christmas. That makes the question about knowing whether it's Christmas time a moot point. Why would they even care? They just want something to eat.

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
Ok, now they're just being mean. Didn't they just confirm the absence of rain and river flows? I really don't feel the need to toast at a time like this. The irony feels especially cruel.

(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun

Oh yeah, three cheers for the starving people that are struggling to live day to day while these pop stars show up in their limos, perform a little diddy, and then head off to shower in champagne with one another.

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?
Feed the world Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmastime again
repeat then fade

Not sure they ever knew it ever was Christmas time, but at this point we're just quibbling. Heck, I'm glad the song was successful and people got the message out about the starving nations in Africa, but I wonder what would have happened had the lyrics been coherent. We may never know.

Cool Shit 12/24

When it comes to music, 2013 is so 2013. It's all about anticipating what's coming out in 2014.

Find out if you're a psychopath with this obviously completely 100% legitimate test.

Oh sure, you might be ok with ghostbusters taking care of spooky ghosts in your house or place of business, but what if that ghost was a relative, or a friend? Ghosts have rights!

The best stuff on Pinterest from 2013. I think we're scraping the bottom of the barrel when we're creating best of lists for sites that are, essentially best of lists already.

Oh it's a joke now because we giggled with anticipation watching Amazon PR blast the concept of drones delivering us goodies from their warehouses (a complete fabrication in my opinion), but give it a few years and you'll be wanting to identify and hide from the many drones that populate our sky.

The history of last meals.

Finally, do you think you're ready for the Tiger Train? Because I don't think you're ready for the Tiger Train.

Cool Shit 12/23

This guy thinks all of professional sports are rigged. And he has a book that, well I would't say proves it, because that would be a much larger story.

Bitcoin is so November 2013. It's all about dodgecoin. Don't know what dodgecoin is? That's because you shouldn't. Confused? You should be.

It's a good thing Indiana Jones was on our side, or Hitler would have had immortality when he found the Holy Grail.

The top 10 Saturday Night Live skits, according to Flavorwire.

Anyone interested in Transcendence, a movie where Johnny Depp becomes a smart robot?



Breakdown the data from our collective porn habits and some interesting tidbits emerge.

Can you make the perfect chocolate chip cookie?

Cool Shit 12/20

They didn't all make me laugh, but a lot did, so it's worth checking out these gifs from 2013.

Yesterday it was the oral history of the fight scene in Anchorman. Today it's the oral history for Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back video.

Listen, at this point you can't walk into a Wes Anderson movie and get surprised by what you see. You'll either enjoy it, or you won't. His style and love for symmetry is on full displaying his latest movie, The Grand Budapest Hotel...



I mean, it's cool to read about tracking great white sharks, but if the Jaws series taught me anything, it's that tracking them can lead to trouble, as sharks can hold vendettas and also leap out of the water and try to sink your ship.



Science has to come up with some alternate solutions to antibiotics, since viruses are getting smarter and more resistant. Well, maybe smarter isn't the right word. Or maybe it is and we just don't know it. Maybe think about that as you wash your hands with anti-bacterial soap!

Let's really ramp up this war on Santa. The only problem? We'd probably lose.

Cool Shit 12/19

New Between Two Ferns. It's their Christmas special!

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Happy Holidays Edition from Between Two Ferns      

Who doesn't want to watch a movie called Big Ass Spider?



By now you probably saw the pictures of the fog rolling into the Grand Canyon the other month, but have you seen the time-lapse of the whole thing?



Any interest in seeing what the Pinterest offices look like? Pin it if you like it!

Cool 360 degree panoramic views of the Bonneville Salt Flats at dusk and at night. Actually it's more than 360 degrees since you can go up and down as well as left and right. Let's just go with "immersive."

Hosting during the holidays but don't want to shell out the big cash on a cheese plate? Never fear, you can pull it off with a simple trip to the supermarket!

Cool Shit 12/18

The one thing I learned watching this 80s police training video is that criminals like to stab...A LOT.

Seriously, what are you going to do with this thing if you buy it? You're going to shoot rubber bands at things for about fifteen minutes, realize it's a nightmare to reload the rubber bands, and then sit it somewhere on the bookshelf behind your desk. For $50 I'll buy you a bag of rubber bands and sit in your office and shoot them with my hand at whatever you want.

An empirical look (as empirical as it could be I guess) at how bad NFL broadcasters are. Bet you can guess which one is statistically the worst!

I know I've posted about the quietest place on the Earth before, but this at least goes into a little more detail about why you couldn't hang in there too long (you eventually could hear your lungs!). Still, I'm pretty sure I could spend a few days in there at least, right?

An oral history of the crazy network all-out brawl in Anchorman. Worth it alone to read about the weapons selections.

A list of movies from 2013 that you may not have seen, but should have?

Timelapse time! This one of the beauty of California. You know, it's not all about the Hollywood sign and weed farms!



Check out this cool global map of wind directions. Zoom in, zoom out, this thing is crazy!

Cool Shit 12/17

The year in photo lists are starting to trickle in. This list is labeled, "the most surprising photos of 2013." While I'm not sure how surprising they really are, they do offer a look at some of the stranger moments and happenings from the past year. Definitely worth a look.

Bitcoin is a buzz word these days, as a form of digital currency. Maybe it takes off; I'm doubtful however, for the simple fact that it wasn't created by the big business, and therefore isn't necessarily condoned by big business yet. Oh sure, you'll hear stories that it's getting a foothold here and there, and there's the occasional story of a place accepting bit coins that isn't the dark web, but until Amazon opens its doors to Bitcoin, I'm going to assume it's a niche concept, and will soon become synonymous with Amway. But, if you want to attempt to understand just how Bitcoin works, this article is probably a good place to start.

Hollywood Blacklist for 2013 is out! No, it's not anything to do with race; the Blacklist is a list of the supposed best unproduced screenplays floating around Hollywood.

Ugh, I'm not sure how I feel about the news about a sequel to Rounders. I think the first movie worked so well (artistically at least, not financially) is because it was so mired in the nitty gritty of a basement poker game. Before the game's popularity on ESPN, the game was dirty, gritty and had an air of mystery around it. And the movie lived in that world, and worked hard NOT to offer the audience everything. But now, with the game more popular than ever, the natural inclination is to write a poker movie using that popularity. And I just don't know stylistically, if that will work. I hope I'm wrong. And I wish Malkovich was coming back, though it sounds like he isn't. How 'bout a Jannsen cameo at least?

I share this LA theater link for two reasons: 1) it updates us on the whereabouts of Brian Dennehy, and I for am glad to see he's getting work; and 2) I'm shocked, SHOCKED, Brian Dennehy is playing a cop in something.

Someone dug through Etsy for these Christmas gifts so you didn't have to. Of course, getting them depends on your relationship with that special someone. We here at The Popcorn Trick do not endorse the giving of any of these. That said, we hope they get you laid.

Cool Shit 12/16

To this day I find it amusing that stories (written word stories) can create so much upheaval for some people. Here's a list of 10 "controversial" short stories.

Trailer for Christopher Nolan's next film, Interstellar. Looks like a light-hearted romp!



A detailed look at Chernobyl. Because when you have a nuclear power plant disaster it can seemingly affect the entire globe.

Holiday movies aren't always hokey and sentimental. For example, take a look at these 13.

Trailer for The 12 O'Clock Boys - a group of kids/men that ride dirt bikes through the city of Baltimore. Named so for the attempt to get their bike straight to 12:00 when popping wheelies.



I don't care if you're Republican. I don't care if you're Democrat. I don't care about any of that. This article about absurd Pentagon spending should make everyone angry. Look, I realize that at "budget burning" is a thing and is necessary in the corporate world: basically, the idea that if you don't spend it, you won't get the money in the next year. Fair enough, when you're talking about thousands of dollars. But when we're talking about BILLIONS, and the government and public welfare, maybe we can change our line of thinking a little bit? Now, I'm no accountant, but at this point I don't think you need an accountant. I'm not sure who is suggesting that it's impossible to audit, but that is bullshit. It can be done, people just don't WANT it done. So I'm offering my services. For a fee (take it out of the bloat), I will figure out where the wasted money goes.

A photographer walks around the boundaries of New York City. Oh, and he brought his camera. And used it!

Cool Shit 12/13

The Kings of Kong documentary has given rise to a new breed of Donkey Kongers, but the spirit of rivalry still exists.

There are plenty of year end lists to be currently wading through. Like this one for example, for the best new beers of 2013.

So, want to take a guess what the lowest grossing movie made this year? $72

I can't speak to the effectiveness of any of these legal highs (because I like my highs illegal), so choose at your own risk. And let me know. And keep some for me. Because really, I'm not that picky when it comes to my highs. That first part was just a ruse. A terrible co-dependent ruse.

Hey guys, Beyonce has a new album out! It just dropped today. Unbeknownst to no one!

Love the People's Court (Wapner for life!) And this video of the Plantiff entrances takes me back...



So basically, James Bond would be in AA by now.

Want to know how the average NFL journeyman exists? This is a horrifying, cruel, sometimes-funny look at what an NFL player has to endure and go through to play the stupid sport of football.

Cool Shit 12/12

Is this song ready to go into the Christmas carol canon? I say yes. Why not? Also, mad props to Tracy Morgan for playing it completely straight. Sure, Fallon is no powerhouse when it comes to staying with the moment, but it still must have been difficult on that stage.



Don't think Tom Hanks portrayal of Walt Disney in his upcoming movie is going to take too many cues from his sketchy, jew-hating past.

Surfing in Alaska!

Damien’s Adventure – The Last Frontier from O'Neill on Vimeo.

The life of an illegal bookie. I'm going tone honest. The negatives of the business don't sound all that negative to me.

Check out the trailer for Bad Words, Jason Bateman's directorial debut:



A thorough takedown of the Williams and Sonoma catalog, because really, who owns (or has the kind of time one would need) a house that would cater to some of these things and designs?

Cool Shit 12/11

James Bond posters reimagined as designed by Saul Bass! Are these for sale? Can I buy these? I would buy every one easily! A ha! They are for sale. Please feel free to buy mean any/all of these. Seriously, any of these posters would make great Christmas presents. For me.


Run DMC's Christmas in Hollis was a song unlike any other when it came out, in that it was a modern Christmas carol that didn't seem immediately steeped in the traditions of long ago. Hear more about it from one of its creators.

They might not have been the best movies, but their posters sure look cool. Well, at least some of them. Not sure they represent the best of 2013, but who am I, anyway?

Awhile ago, we posted a trailer to the upcoming television show Helix. And now we have the first review, which suggests it will be good. Like Lost good. Well, Lost good up until the finale which made Lost not very good. But we're not here to live in the past. We can only hope this new show learns from our past mistakes. Honestly it looks like a cross between The Thing and The X-Files, which in my book, is a pretty decent mashup.

And finally, two new trailers wrap up today's cool shit...

There's a new Godzilla movie coming out. It has a lot to live up to following the Roland Emmerich masterpiece of 1998:



And then there's a new movie from the Wachowskis, Jupiter Ascending. Form the looks of this, it looks deliciously horrible :

Cool Shit 12/10

Not much going on, just hanging out, looking at this field of geese, and what? OH SHIT!

Ben Stiller talks Zoolander, and what it took to make it, and what it might take to make a sequel. 

So does anyone remember Tila Tequila? She was one of the original got famous for "being on the internet" personalities, and then she made the reality show circuit, before getting attacked by the audience at the Gathering of the Juggalos. 

And now what's she doing? Oh not much, just becoming a champion of the neo-nazi party. Actually, if she were just a neo-nazi, that might be ok, but apparently there's a little more to her beliefs.

Thinking about moving to Texas anytime soon? Then get ready to have crazy ants walking all over you. 

Cool Shit 12/9

I always figured one of the most dangerous jobs was "parachute tester" but that didn't make this list.

New Sherlock trailer...I guess spoiler alerts if you're not sure whether he survived the leap from the last season.



For those of you who need to plan a Christmas dinner, aren't a very good cook, but are extremely proficient with a can opener.

Speaking of trailers, here's one for Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark.



And if you like and/or hate Kelly Clarkson, I'm sure you will appreciate this review of her latest CD full of Christmas music.

Supermarkets are sneaky!

This article touches on the idea that I've always had about smart watches, that they're really not that necessary and will have a tough time in the marketplace. And with a bunch of different choices all vying for that small share of the marketplace, I don't think any will really succeed. I wish the article went into a little more detail about why companies think a smart watch is the next "big thing," my theory is that it's because they have a shallow vision and simply believe its the only place left to get into the tech market, in an attempt to bite into smart phone profits. But, in the 80s I thought Michael Knight looked cool; today not so much.

Cool Shit 12/6

So Paul McCartney is currently touring, and his opening act (or warmup act, whatever you want to call him) is Chris Holmes, who has put together a mashup of all things Beatles/Wings/McCartney related. And now you can listen to it without going to the concert.

So Congress just held a meeting about aliens, and what we should be doing to find out if they exist. But don't worry it's not as exciting as it sounds. Neither Will Smith nor Harry Connick Jr. were involved. For highlights, check here.

There's a debate whether the drug krokodil has shown up on American soil, and whether we should be worries if it has or will. But that's not the point of this article and video. This is a look at the drug in its homeland, Russia and the effects of it. Be prepared, it gets pretty graphic.

Well, this is some beautiful scenery out in the Moab desert, a cool place to go backpacking, maybe even some rock climbing, and wait - what, "magic backpack, what's going on, and HOLY FUCK!"



Check out pictures of a Russian ghost town 1300 km from the North Pole. Am I crazy for kinda wanting to visit?

If you like Tumblrs, you'll enjoy this list of the top 45 from 2013. Some will make you crack a smile, some will make you question the internet, and some, well I don't even know what they will do.

Cool Shit 12/5

It's never too early to start thinking about Sundance. Well, maybe it can be too early, but it's not now, since the 2014 lineup of films has just been released.

After reading some of these facts about our moon, I'm not so sure I can completely trust it anymore!

Basically, what this chart is saying, is if you move, the NSA knows about it and has a record on it. Hi NSA!

Spiders, spiders everywhere! Seriously, I'm not sure I could live in an area where this ever happened, especially after reading this:

Local residents said just walking around was tough to do without tons of spiders crawling up their legs, attempting to get to higher ground.

Right? Anyway, click on the link to see a billion spiders spinning their web all over the place. And if for nothing else, including this story gives me the opportunity to include this, the stuff that my childhood nightmare rested on:



Netflix's House of Cards is coming back in February...and here's a trailer to whet your appetite, though I wouldn't get too excited to get any clues about the direction it's going if you watch it:

Cool Shit 12/4

A "new" political movement, born out of the necessity that the current politics suck. Diving into Dark Enlightenment at first, it sounds as though it has some interesting beliefs. It's went you drill down to the racist portions of it that the ball of twine starts to unravel.

Also - these guys need a marketing company. To be taken seriously you shouldn't refer to yourselves as a movie villain, specifically a movie villain from a movie that people were so disappointed with. Also, having "dark" in your name? The connotation is kinda negative.

The trend of flavoring vodka has probably reached its apex, and then stumbled and crashed after releasing these flavors.

I want to eat with each one of these bizarre utensils. The "bitten" silverware specifically.

Want to see a cock fight? A legitimate, legal cockfight? Puerto Rico is your place! I think the one thing crazier than heading to Puerto Rico to watch a cockfight is heading to Puerto Rico to watch a cockfight and ordering ceviche there.

I want to believe this is exactly what spending an evening with Bill Murray would be like, but I can't. Still it's a fun story.

The latest trailer for Monuments Men, which gives you pretty much the entire movie, so if nothing else, you can't say you were surprised what this movie was about when it comes out.

Cool Shit 12/3

I love the legend of the Chicago Max Headroom hack, probably because it remains a legend and no one has ever been caught or taken credit for it. That doesn't mean there haven't been suspects over the years. Suspects that have recently come to, at least a moderate level of light.

With the increase of cameras and digital photography, we're only going to see more of these perfectly times pictures.

The MLB/Alex Rodriguez PED story is a tired one that few people outside of baseball writers care much about at this point. I'm pretty sure the majority of the public who have any type of interest believe he took steroids, but also are growing weary of the intense, terminator-like approach MLB (and specifically Bud Selig) are taking to ensure he is suspended for his actions. And yet, with this recent reveal of just how bizarre the situation has been and continues to be, the interest might start picking back up. Who realized there was such a tanning circle cult?

Enjoy these pictures of where trolls live, or Iceland as you might know it.

This might be a joke, but it also provides some valuable information if you ever find yourself on the wrong end of a mad baby.



Listen, I'm sure some people might feel 00000000 was too easy a passcode to launch nuclear missiles. But you have to understand, a much harder passcode, something like 55378008 would be much harder to remember and then how would we launch our nuclear weapons?

Cool Shit 12/2

2013 is so over; let's look ahead to 2014, especially in movies. Here's a list of 14 potential flops coming in the new year. Side note: what's with all the historical fantasy epics we're about to get?

So the fog rolled into the Grand Canyon a couple days ago, and somehow made it look more crazy and spectacular. And it only happens about once every decade.

The GI Joe Fensler parodies, ranked. If you don't know what they are, basically after the GI Joe cartoon from the late 80s, there would be a goofy little PSA starring some of the GI Joes and kids. Fast forward 10 years and someone (I assume "Fensler" turned them into parodies - bizarre parodies that will warp your mind. How pork chop sandwiches got only 10 though, I'll never understand.



Speaking of insane, here's a Japanese movie trailer about a girl who can merge with her teddy bear to become some sort of superbero in order to fight off zombies. Because of course.



And then, speaking of Japan, there's a company there that is talking about building a huge solar panel farm to create energy for the world. Sounds like a great plan until you hear that they are planning to build it on the moon. This sounds less feasible and more like the plot to a James Bond movie in my opinion.

Basically if you live near a lake of relatively substantial size, you can assume there's a sea monster in it.

Think Breaking Bad was all roses and unicorns? Check out this documentary of the "real Walter White," and maybe think twice about starting your own meth empire.