Friday, November 14, 2008

Week 11 NFL Picks with Goose: Something's fishy UPDATED

I will not go into another rant about how Thursday night football stinks; I did that here to great effect.

There are much more pressing issues at hand.

1. There has been a lot of inane chatter about the lines Cline and myself use. Inane because if you have ever gambled, you will know it's impossible to find two places with the same line. It changes over geography, over injuries, over team biases, over bookie discretion. It's silly to suggest one line is "better" than the other. We get our lines from ESPN, partly because it's a national website that everyone has access to and can easily check, but mostly because it's easy. Remember, when in doubt, realize we will always take the easy way out.

The other reason it's silly to argue about out lines is because other than a case of Schlitz, a romantic sushi dinner, and pride, these picks pretty much mean nothing. Certainly nothing to the reader of this site (unless you can get a line on Cline or me winning; if you can drop me a line, we can make a killing). Neither have us at any point have suggested anyone should be using our picks - to do so would be foolhardy. We're just doing this to show everyone out there that there is no such thing as a football expert that can consistently make money. Or, if there is, he/she is not wasting time giving out the golden picks. They are cashing in on their expertise and living in a house made of something really expensive.

All that said, we here at the Popcorn Trick are a service oriented entity, and always bend over backwards to please our visitors. Except the many anonymous posters in the Jonny Quest comments section who apparently don't understand what "deconstruct" means. They're a bunch of idiots.

To everyone else, in an act of good faith, we have dumped the ESPN lines for what some call more "accurate" lines. Whatever that means. So, if you've been using are lines, or are planning to use our lines, let it be known you are an idiot. Now go comment on the Jonny Quest post.

2. I'm not going to come right out and suggest Cline has been a part of some chicanery with his picks last week, but if you'll notice the trail he's left posting them, you'll see a trend. They initially start in the comments sections of my posts, followed up by a haphazard, thrown together post that made it up on the blog hours after games started.

You'll also notice that we coincidentally tied last week. As I've said, I'm making no accusations until I have further proof, but I do have my sources in place and am receiving some startling intel.

I'll also call out a certain someone for defending Cline's integrity and remind him how close we were to an all out bar fight with a number of ninjas the last time we were all in San Francisco (and let me stress - I was all for a bar fight) due to the actions of Mr. Cline. I hope you feel good aligning yourself with that evil incarnate.

On the flip side, my pick for tonight...

As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold:

Jets @ NEW ENGLAND -3.5

It's a coin flip as to which team is more pumped. There's more sub plots and back story involved than in a James Michener novel. Rather than try to breakdown anything to do with this whatsoever, I'm just going to go with the tattered sleeved one and say he comes out on top. Crowd is going to be into it, more so than other games, and I've got a feeling Mangini is going get all pass happy, which means Favre will throw something like 27 interceptions and the Patriots will prevail.

Ok, we're back for the rest of the weekend's picks. I just want to point out that it's mighty interesting that yet again, Cline makes his pick in my post's comments, and it was suspiciously the same pick as me.

To all you defenders of Cline (I giggle every time I read that) I will point out what that action could possibly suggest: Obviously, Cline took no time to make a post and look at the game, he simply made the pick. And he obviously read my post and saw my pick.

So, as someone who is ahead of me by a few games, what easier way can he secure victory than to simply mimic my picks?

Take a look at least week's similar pattern, and you'll see where it's getting more and more curious. I'm so surprised we "tied" last week, after Cline's "laptop" he was "working on" "crashed" and he had to use my comments for his picks. Hmmm.

Hey, I'm just asking questions. I would like to poll the participants of that suspicious Apples 2 Apples controversy Cline was involved in.

To make up for it, I will marry each pick below, with an awesome youtube video that captures the essence of the game.

On to the picks...

Denver @ ATLANTA -6

How crazy is it that Atlanta is laying 6 points? Everyone in the beginning of the year gave them no shot; now they have an outside chance to win their division!

I can't tell you how mad I am that I can embed this video, so I beg you to check it out. Every Falcon fan should get ready like this.

Philadelphia -9.5 @ CINCINNATI

9.5? Living in Philly, I hear all the Reid bashing and it has to be taking some kind of toll on this team. It's a lot of points to give up on the road. And while I won't label the Bengals "frisky," I will point out they've had some close games this year.

Can you believe someone went to this amount of work for the Cincinnati Bengals?

Chicago @ GREEN BAY PK

It must be the Philly fan in me, but I can't stop laughing at this video. And it's not supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be uplifting, inspirational and uniting.

Green Bay lost a tough one last week, so they can't afford to lose this week against another division rival.

That they used Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" unironically (and by the way - I love the song), with this makes it absolutely perfect. If someone did the same with the Eagles he would be hunted down and killed, like Ice-T in Surviving the Game:

Except, you know, they wouldn't make the same mistake and have the tables turned on them.
(Quick note: Look at the star power of this movie: Ice-T, Rutger Hauer, Busey, Charles Dutton (Roc Live!) F. Murray Abraham...if you haven't seen this movie, I can't recommend it enough as one of those Saturday afternoon with nothing else to do movies)

HOUSTON @ Indianapolis -9

I know everyone is exclaiming the Colts are back after next week, and they might be for all I know, but I sense a little letdown. They'll most likely win, but hopefully by less than 9.

I'd also like to point out that while the Texans might not be any good, they also might have the most number of youtube videos of their cheerleaders out there. Good lord.

New Orleans -5 @ KANSAS CITY

Good god could there be a worse game? Let's see who announces this mess...Why it's Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick! Well, I know one of those people. Seriously, I just wiki'ed Brennaman, read his bio, and I still don't know who he is.

To tide you over, here's Brian Billick's blog.

Love the fact this guy hits up Price Choppers. It's where sane people shop.

Oakland @ MIAMI -10.5

If this doesn't get you pumped up for the game you have no heart:

Actually you know what - I had to include this one too - let's update this shizznit:

Wow. I'm embarrassed and I had nothing to do with it. I don't even root for the dolphins

Ton of points. I fell into this trap last week and got burned. But I'm like the kid with incredible nerve damage in my hand. I touch the stove but can't feel the heat. Why wouldn't I do it again?

Baltimore @ GIANTS -6.5

Giants are clicking. Some might call it a trap game, but Coughlin has turned into a genius in getting his team to play.

And I know it's old, but c'mon it's John McEnroe:

(seriously what the fuck is going on here? Didn't he have writers?)

Minnesota @ TAMPA BAY -3.5

I've got nothing. I'll take the home team. Did anyone else know Tampa Bay's record is 6-3? For my sake I hope we see a lot of this on Sunday:

DETROIT @ Carolina - 14

I'm certain Carolina is going to win, but I can't in good faith give up 14 points. Which of course means I absolutely should. But I won't. Let's go Lions!

I'm 90% sure the last guy (sorry I don't know who he is) saying "believe in now" in this clip, did not, does not and will never believe in now.

St. Louis @ SAN FRANCISCO -6

Neither team is going to do what they did last week, but I think St. Louis will at least be closer to past performance than the 49ers. If not Singletary might show more than his boxers.

This clip speaks for itself:

ARIZONA -3 @ Seattle

I don't like either side of this one. I'll take the Cardinals I guess, because I own an Iowa Barnstomers jersey.

Obviously Warner's completing that pass - he's just that accurate.

Tennessee -3 @ JACKSONVILLE

Why am I climbing aboard the Jacksonville bandwagon after they've let me down countless times in the past? Because this guy, a fan got on Monday Night Football:

That and I think Jacksonville plays good teams tough.

San Diego @ PITTSBURGH -4

San Diego stinks. I've heard Tomlinson is a second half player or something, but still. Pittsburgh is coming off that tough loss and won't want to lose again.

DALLAS -1.5 @ Washington

It's rare when NFC teams sweep their divisional matchups. It's the Cowboys' turn to win in this rivalry.

(Anytime I find a video connecting Hitler and the Cowboys, I'm going to put it up. It's that simple.)

Cleveland @ BUFFALO -5

I can't take Cleveland after watching this:

That's it. I'm off to go slit my wrists. Actually, I think I've found my new email signature:

"Bruce Smith was a man of stature, he had limbs that were impossible to fracture."


hendge said...

Well, I'm not gonna defend Cline's integrity but as far as setting lines goes ... he is the man as far as setting Dating On Demand age lines when we bet on that. That has nothing to do with football ... I just wanted to get in a reference to betting on Dating On Demand.

Goose said...

Great call on that. I've seen many a money switch hands on a Dating on Demand night. That sounds like a blog post idea...

Cline said...

Would I cheat during a stupid game like Apples 2 Apples (mainly to end the game quicker)? Sure. And I'd do it again.

Would I cheat during something involving gambling, football, Schlitz, BBQ eel, giant Sapporo beer, and crab legs?

As Maverick said, "I never ever cheat."

As for the lines, I did notice that the lines seemed a little wacky, but as long as Goose & I were using the same ones, it didn't make much difference.

That was until ESPN went haywire earlier in the week and had 2/3rds of their lines as EVEN. So for at least one week we'll go with the Asian Whisperer.

As for the Ninja brawl, I don't think that just because I made a factual statement about the visibility of Amy Tan's foundational garments that was any reason to engage in fisticuffs. Luckily Drew talked them down off Mount Fuji.

Ooh... Haven't had a good Dating On Demand session in a while. I'm getting the itch.

Also, I'll take NEW ENGLAND and lay the points.

Goose said...

I would have gone with a black widow reference myself.

And I'm shocked you're using my comment section as a place to make your picks. The plot thickens...

Cline said...

The only thing that's thickening is my dick thinking about all the sushi you're gonna buy me. At least a plate and a half's worth.

Goose said...

I didn't need that visual.

Drew aka "the Asian Whisperer" said...

Wow i must have been drinking alot, because at first glance i did not recall a near brawl. But on further contemplation, i remember something about playing pool and some hot asian girl that Cline was spouting off about and some dudes we were playing with taking minor exception. But the guy was calling what he saw, he wasn't starting a fight for fightin' sake. Is that even right? Plus at that point he was on his second 6 pack and he was on vacation so you can't really blame him.

I think an entry of that weekend would be fun to read, from the night on the town to the evening at the awards party.

Dude, sweet lines this week.

gdr said...

(a) thank you for using real lines. The other ones were absurd (as in several points off)
(b) any college picks? The under the UNLV-Wyoming game was about as free as it's gonna get this time of year now that all the books are mostly adjusted
(c) my word verification is 'roper'. Can we see a post on the irreverance of one Normal Fell sometime in the near future? He perfected the art of starting into the camera out of the scene.

Goose said...

a) you're an idiot. It doesn't matter what lines we used. I'm not sure I can say it in a different way if you haven't figured it out.
b) college is inane without a playoff system.
c) I hate 3's Company.