Burt Reynolds...Football...Burt Reynolds explaining football. I'm willing to bet you're not going to anything much better than this on the Internet today.
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, August 27, 2010
Making the Game of Football Better
Chuck Klosterman, author of a number of pop culture books, and semi-frequent contributor to GQ, offers up five ways he would tweak the NFL to (in his eyes) make it better. Number three certainly intrigued me...
3. Microscopically increase the success of onside kicks.
Onside kicks work about 24 percent of the time. But that's a misleading figure; they rarely work if the opponent knows they're coming. From an entertainment perspective, it would be nice to increase the likelihood of the kicking team recovering its onside attempt, but not by too much—if teams suddenly recovered 40 percent, the game would become a farce. So how do we slightly increase that possibility? By changing where the receiving team lines up. Right now, it's ten yards from where the ball is kicked. Make that fifteen yards, which would force the receiving team to charge forward once the ball is kicked. It wouldn't change the metrics dramatically, but it would give the trailing team slightly better odds.
While I agree with him that this would probably make onside kicks more challenging for the teams involved, I think it would also drastically increase injuries, since you've now introduced the element of charging athletes to both sides of the ball. I can't imagine their collisions wouldn't cause some significant damage. And in this world of concussions under the microscope, I think we might want to rethink this one.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
A History of Video Game Football
It must be video game day here at The Popcorn Trick...take a walk down nostalgia lane with the slide show of football video games of the past 30 years...And scoff at George Plimpton making the poor choice backing Intellivision:
Saturday, September 19, 2009
NFL Week 2 Picks: Goose edition
I had a huge long intro talking about the dangers of picking games and blah blah blah, it got so long and stupid and indecipherable that I simply deleted it. And now, with a 102 fever, I just can't get myself to write another one. So you're gonna have to be satisfied with just reading the picks. Oh and about an awesome sign I saw on the way to a wedding!
Let's get to the picks...
As always, picks are bold and in CAPS...
CAROLINA PANTHERS +6.5 @ Atlanta Falcons
Division game which makes it slightly more important for each team. Last week Carolina got stomped by the Eagles, and Jake Delhomme had a performance that suggested Kim Basinger may have been in the stands. Well, I'm betting on Glen Close being in Atlanta this weekend, and though I doubt they had a son together, he'll at least be inspired to make up for his crap fest last week. Besides, Atlanta can't be as good as a 6.5 point favorite the second week in the season.
Minnesota Vikings -9.5 @ DETROIT LIONS
When your organization fondly remembers the Wayne Fontes years fondly, changes have to be made. Unfortunately, the Lions seem to make changes every year with the same poor results. Meanwhile, the Vikings bring the Favre circus to town. They also bring Adrian Peterson to town, which will more than likely cause them to win the game. But by 9.5 points? Are you telling me the Detroit faithful won't have the Silverdome rocking in this home opener? Wait, you are telling me that? Well, fuck it, I'm still picking the Lions. And I give you this Detroit readers, to get you pumped up...
BENGALS +9.5 @ Green Bay
I'm kinda hoping the Bengals aren't as bad as they showed us last week. Obviouly, since I'm picking them here. I just think since they didn't get it going before, they will in this game. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm not in love with this pick. But that's a lot of points.
HOUSTON TEXANS +7.5 @ Tennessee Titans
Team playing the team that moved from their city. Seriously, can someone explain how this works? The Houston team moves, presumably because they're not being supported by the city, and then gets replaced in a few years with a new team?
This is why people hate things.
OAKLAND RAIDERS +3.5 @ Kansas City Chiefs
Oakland is my sneaky, "better-than-everyone-makes-them-out-to-be-just-because-they-think-the-owner-is-crazy-and-because-their-coach-punched-one-of-the-other-coaches-in-the-face-and-sent-him-to-the-hospital-teams." There's one every year.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -5.5 @ NY Jets
After New England squeaked by Buffalo, and the Jets had an impressive last week in Houston, people started chirping about this game and how the Jets might be able to pull it off because they look hungry and New England looked old and blah blah blah. Then the line comes out and kinda returns things to normal. Belichek going up against a rookie QB? Yeah, I'm gonna take Belichek.
New Orleans +1.5 @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'll have a 2 week losing streak with the Eagles. I messed up last week big time going against them. Which of course means I'll mess up this week going with them. We have no idea who is going to QB, and no idea why they're favored. I know it's at home, but the Saints put up roughly 76,000 points last week. So this line is fairly weird to me.
ST. LOUIS RAMS +10.5 @ Washington Redskins
One thing I truly believe is that early in the season not team is as bad as everyone thinks and no team is as good as everyone thinks. Every team goes in believing they can do damage. Sure that wave crashes down on teams, but for the first three weeks, no matter the record, every team believes they can win. That's why I believe the St. Louis Rams will at least keep this game close.
Arizona Cardinals +3.5 @ JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
I have no reason whatsoever why I'm taking Jacksonville, so instead I will simply tell you about the awesome sign I saw this weekend on my way to a friend's wedding. Driving west from Philly, you hit God's country pretty fast. Rolling, green hills, lush agriculture, etc. Friday afternoon with the sun out, it really was a pleasant drive. Small town after small town flew past, each with its own unique charm. And then I passed what may be the most awesome sign I've ever seen advertising an event. As I wrote on Twitter, "I've never wanted to go and not go to something so much."
This is one of the few times that I would certainly not know what to expect going into a room. Meat Bingo? Are the markers made of meat? Do you win cattle? Is it some weird sort of sex cult? All of these things are in play. Sadly, I'll never know as I couldn't stick around all weekend to check out the awesomeness that Meat Bingo surely is.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS +1.5 @ San Francisco 49ers
I really believe the Seahawks are going to run away with the NFC West. Not because they're any good, but because the NFC West stinks.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers +4.5 @ BUFFALO BILLS
I'm not sure I could name a Bucs player other than Ronde Barber. And if you told me he retired it wouldn't be surprising. That doesn't mean they're a bad team, but it does mean they don't have too much cache in the NFL. And even though the Bills had a terrible loss slapped on them last week by the Patriots, I'm sure that locker room will band together and not let it get them down. It's not like they have any cancers in there.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS -2.5 @ Chicago Bears
One of my rules in life is if I ever see people cooking on the side of the road, I stop. After all, it's how I enjoyed chicken cooked by Amish people this weekend. What does this have to do with this game? Not much, I just wanted to get a picture of Amish cooked chicken into the article. BUt actually there is something to be gleaned from this awesome rule. And that's when in doubt with a game, and the game includes the returning superbowl champion, go with the favorites. I'm not saying you're going to win every time, but you are going to feel better with that kind of solid reasoning than with whatever reason you could come up with going against the superbowl champs. The Bears were a boutique pick to win this year's superbowl, but I don't see it. Yes, they have a strong defense and yes a great home field advantage, but even if Cutler morphs into a leader on the field, what kind of offense is he leading out there?
Cleveland Browns +3.5 @ DENVER BRONCOS
Another game I really know nothing about. So I'll take the home team. And the team that's playing against the Cleveland Browns. If the Lions had been contracted years ago like they should have been, then the Browns would be the punchline to all the jokes.
Baltimore Ravens +4.5 @ SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
Not sure I can justify picking the Chargers here, but here goes. LT is out. They looked uninspired against the Raiders last week. The Ravens are rolling and have superbowl aspirations. It seems like a no brainer.
So why are the Chargers 4.5 point favorites?
That my friends, is the line telling me something.
NY Giants +2.5 @ DALLAS COWBOYS
I'm going to be honest, I just hope the Giants punter continually boots his punts into the video screen until the game is suspended. Yes, I know that joke was easy and what everyone was saying, but that doesn't make it less funny.
Indianapolis Colts -3.5 @ MIAMI DOLPHINS
I don't think the Colts are as good as they've been in the past. I don't think the Dolphins are that good, but I think they think they're that good and they'll at least play tough and try to win. And I'm sticking to that.
Last week: 9-7
Let's get to the picks...
As always, picks are bold and in CAPS...
CAROLINA PANTHERS +6.5 @ Atlanta Falcons
Division game which makes it slightly more important for each team. Last week Carolina got stomped by the Eagles, and Jake Delhomme had a performance that suggested Kim Basinger may have been in the stands. Well, I'm betting on Glen Close being in Atlanta this weekend, and though I doubt they had a son together, he'll at least be inspired to make up for his crap fest last week. Besides, Atlanta can't be as good as a 6.5 point favorite the second week in the season.
Minnesota Vikings -9.5 @ DETROIT LIONS
When your organization fondly remembers the Wayne Fontes years fondly, changes have to be made. Unfortunately, the Lions seem to make changes every year with the same poor results. Meanwhile, the Vikings bring the Favre circus to town. They also bring Adrian Peterson to town, which will more than likely cause them to win the game. But by 9.5 points? Are you telling me the Detroit faithful won't have the Silverdome rocking in this home opener? Wait, you are telling me that? Well, fuck it, I'm still picking the Lions. And I give you this Detroit readers, to get you pumped up...
BENGALS +9.5 @ Green Bay
I'm kinda hoping the Bengals aren't as bad as they showed us last week. Obviouly, since I'm picking them here. I just think since they didn't get it going before, they will in this game. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm not in love with this pick. But that's a lot of points.
HOUSTON TEXANS +7.5 @ Tennessee Titans
Team playing the team that moved from their city. Seriously, can someone explain how this works? The Houston team moves, presumably because they're not being supported by the city, and then gets replaced in a few years with a new team?
This is why people hate things.
OAKLAND RAIDERS +3.5 @ Kansas City Chiefs
Oakland is my sneaky, "better-than-everyone-makes-them-out-to-be-just-because-they-think-the-owner-is-crazy-and-because-their-coach-punched-one-of-the-other-coaches-in-the-face-and-sent-him-to-the-hospital-teams." There's one every year.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -5.5 @ NY Jets
After New England squeaked by Buffalo, and the Jets had an impressive last week in Houston, people started chirping about this game and how the Jets might be able to pull it off because they look hungry and New England looked old and blah blah blah. Then the line comes out and kinda returns things to normal. Belichek going up against a rookie QB? Yeah, I'm gonna take Belichek.
New Orleans +1.5 @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'll have a 2 week losing streak with the Eagles. I messed up last week big time going against them. Which of course means I'll mess up this week going with them. We have no idea who is going to QB, and no idea why they're favored. I know it's at home, but the Saints put up roughly 76,000 points last week. So this line is fairly weird to me.
ST. LOUIS RAMS +10.5 @ Washington Redskins
One thing I truly believe is that early in the season not team is as bad as everyone thinks and no team is as good as everyone thinks. Every team goes in believing they can do damage. Sure that wave crashes down on teams, but for the first three weeks, no matter the record, every team believes they can win. That's why I believe the St. Louis Rams will at least keep this game close.
Arizona Cardinals +3.5 @ JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
I have no reason whatsoever why I'm taking Jacksonville, so instead I will simply tell you about the awesome sign I saw this weekend on my way to a friend's wedding. Driving west from Philly, you hit God's country pretty fast. Rolling, green hills, lush agriculture, etc. Friday afternoon with the sun out, it really was a pleasant drive. Small town after small town flew past, each with its own unique charm. And then I passed what may be the most awesome sign I've ever seen advertising an event. As I wrote on Twitter, "I've never wanted to go and not go to something so much."
This is one of the few times that I would certainly not know what to expect going into a room. Meat Bingo? Are the markers made of meat? Do you win cattle? Is it some weird sort of sex cult? All of these things are in play. Sadly, I'll never know as I couldn't stick around all weekend to check out the awesomeness that Meat Bingo surely is.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS +1.5 @ San Francisco 49ers
I really believe the Seahawks are going to run away with the NFC West. Not because they're any good, but because the NFC West stinks.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers +4.5 @ BUFFALO BILLS
I'm not sure I could name a Bucs player other than Ronde Barber. And if you told me he retired it wouldn't be surprising. That doesn't mean they're a bad team, but it does mean they don't have too much cache in the NFL. And even though the Bills had a terrible loss slapped on them last week by the Patriots, I'm sure that locker room will band together and not let it get them down. It's not like they have any cancers in there.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS -2.5 @ Chicago BearsOne of my rules in life is if I ever see people cooking on the side of the road, I stop. After all, it's how I enjoyed chicken cooked by Amish people this weekend. What does this have to do with this game? Not much, I just wanted to get a picture of Amish cooked chicken into the article. BUt actually there is something to be gleaned from this awesome rule. And that's when in doubt with a game, and the game includes the returning superbowl champion, go with the favorites. I'm not saying you're going to win every time, but you are going to feel better with that kind of solid reasoning than with whatever reason you could come up with going against the superbowl champs. The Bears were a boutique pick to win this year's superbowl, but I don't see it. Yes, they have a strong defense and yes a great home field advantage, but even if Cutler morphs into a leader on the field, what kind of offense is he leading out there?
Cleveland Browns +3.5 @ DENVER BRONCOS
Another game I really know nothing about. So I'll take the home team. And the team that's playing against the Cleveland Browns. If the Lions had been contracted years ago like they should have been, then the Browns would be the punchline to all the jokes.
Baltimore Ravens +4.5 @ SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
Not sure I can justify picking the Chargers here, but here goes. LT is out. They looked uninspired against the Raiders last week. The Ravens are rolling and have superbowl aspirations. It seems like a no brainer.
So why are the Chargers 4.5 point favorites?
That my friends, is the line telling me something.
NY Giants +2.5 @ DALLAS COWBOYS
I'm going to be honest, I just hope the Giants punter continually boots his punts into the video screen until the game is suspended. Yes, I know that joke was easy and what everyone was saying, but that doesn't make it less funny.
Indianapolis Colts -3.5 @ MIAMI DOLPHINS
I don't think the Colts are as good as they've been in the past. I don't think the Dolphins are that good, but I think they think they're that good and they'll at least play tough and try to win. And I'm sticking to that.
Last week: 9-7
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Return of The Popcorn Trick's NFL Picks!
Summer's over.
Sure, officially it will begrudgingly hold on for another two weeks, teasing us with another warm front for a few days before unceremoniously passing the torch to the young whippersnapper of Fall.
But seriously, those next two weeks?
Nobody's thinking summer.
Luckily, to take the place of longer days, skimpy clothing and hot, fresh sunlight, is the return of the NFL, which means the return of the Popcorn Trick's NFL picks. Legendary in their length, non sequitors and absurdity, these posts, if nothing else gave you something to read in anticipation of the week's games. And we see no need to change that.
However, we will be changing one thing...
You now have the chance to play against The Popcorn Trick! And win!
By now, you've obviously heard about the legendary Schlitz/sushi bet Cline and I made last year. And that I lost. And that I haven't paid it off yet. To that, I say...I have no excuse. Really. Cline won and I have not delivered the $8 case of Awesome, nor have I treated him to a feast of as much mediocre sushi as he can stomach. I could say it's because I don't want to Piven him, but that wouldn't be true. Who doesn't want to Piven someone when given the opportunity?
Our petty drama aside, this year we have decided to open up the picks to everyone out there with a chance to win. What you will win, I can't tell you yet. Pretend it's because the prize is so stupendously awesome that just knowing about its existence would cause you to hyperventilate.
Anyway, simply make picks and if you can beat Cline and myself (a feat probably not too difficult) you win!
Here's how to enter...
Click here.
Use this information:
Group: The Popcorn Trick Pick'em
Password: AnnexationOfPR
And start making picks. That's it!
And then every Friday (hopefully) I'll have my picks up for you to mock or genuflect. It all depends on how much youtube research I do.
Good luck! (not really)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Week 14 NFL Picks with Goose - the Annexation of Puerto Rico
Yeah.
It's not going so well.
But no one thought the Little Giants were going to win, right?
Though the redheads from last week gave me some hope, and gave me some exciting upset picks, in the end all I got for it was 8-8 and one more game behind Cline. I was really hoping I went 11-5 to bring the redhead theme back, but it's not going to help.
So in the spirit of blog synergy, I too have plugged my ipod in and set it to random, just like Cline. Unlike Cline, my Ipod's AI (I'm 75% certain this thing has gone sentient, and picks songs just to fuck around with me depending on my mood. What - you think Apple wouldn't do something like create artificial intelligence and not tell anyone? Think again!) will most likely churn out stuff I hate, exposing the fact that I keep songs on my ipod that I hate. Why do this?
Do you really want to know?
It's for the peaks and valleys of life. Get stuck in the valley, it makes the view from the peak that much nicer. All peaks and no valleys can make this world a very boring place.
And there's your philosophical thought for the day.
Enough about that though. Let's take a look at what this does for me, on the flip side...
The one thing I am choosing to do different here is meditate about the game during the random song that comes up. That way, at least I can blame something else when I go 4-12.
As Cline pointed earlier as well, I can't pick Raiders games, so I'm heading into Sunday 0-1. Not a big surprise there.
As always, picks are bold and CAPITALIZED...
JACKSONVILLE @ Chicago -6.5
Song: Short Side of Nothing - Los Lobos
Ok good, we at least start out on a positive note. Los Lobos are a criminally overlooked band. I know most people, if they associate them at all, associate them with La Bamba. And that's a shame. So I'm going to go with Jacksonville being criminally overlooked in this game and pulling the upset.
Enjoy the band guesting on Sesame Street...
(A brief flash of brilliance went through my head of finding clips of all the bands on my list on Sesame Street performing, but I don't think that's going to be possible.)
Minnesota @ DETROIT +9.5
Song: Autobahn Music Box - Cut Copy
I got this album (Bright Like Neon Love) after hearing raves about Cut Copy. Unfounded raves in my opinion. Sorry, I just can't get into them. So I might as well go with Detroit, as I really can't get into them either - but the Ipod knows, right? As long as I can decipher the clues it's giving me?
Houston @ GREEN BAY -6
Song: Cressy St. Breakdown - Cookin' on 3 Burners
Cookin on 3 Burners is a side project from some of the guys in The Bamboos, which I have hyped a few times on this blog. It's a decent song, nothing too special or far away from The Bamboos, which makes me wonder why they even needed to split off. No matter, I think Houston is going to have a breakdown, giving the ball back to a gimpy Schaub for this game. Not that their other options are that great.
(Amazingly, typing "Cookin on 3 Burners" into youtube produces a live in-store recording of the song. If that isn't a sign for something, than I don't know what is. I do love watching oblivious customers walking around in the background)
CLEVELAND @ Tennessee -14
Song: WeFunk on CKUT 90.3 FM Montreal - Various Artists
It's here when things started to get weird. WeFunk is a weekly funk program based out of Montreal. Back in the day, you used to be able to download their shows. Now it seems you can just stream them from their site. I recommend checking it out, if for nothing else than a good, groovy mix of music. This show happened to be 1 hour and 58 minutes long so I'll be back in a little bit.
Anyway, with the funk here, I'm going with Cleveland. Stranger things have happened than a team rallying around Ken Dorsey and playing hard. What those stranger things are, I just can't think of right now.
And for no other reason than I just sat though this, here's global superstar Gerardo performing...
(I love the description of this video: "Last star rap Gerardo (Rico Suave) performing one of his 90's greatest hits "We Want the Funk"."
Fantastic.
CINCINNATI @ Indianapolis -13.5
Song: The Piper Cherokee - Bobby Hughes Experience
You're all going to think I'm a huge electronica fan, when nothing could be further from the truth. Although, this band is awesome. Unfortunately, I have no idea who it's telling me to pick here. So fuck it, I'm going with Cincy here.
Atlanta @ NEW ORLEANS -3
Song: Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
First of all, fantastic song. One of my favorite Dire Straits songs. Such a great love story...just like Cline with his secret Atlanta Falcons love (check out his picks, you'll see). But just like Romeo and Juliet, this love affair is destined to not work out.
And here it is live...
PHILADELPHIA @ Giants -7
Song: Talk About the Blues - Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
If this fan made video to this song doesn't tell you everything you need to know about this game, then I don't know what to tell you.
Kansas City @ DENVER -9
Song: Flamingo Kid - Violent Femmes
Yes it's true, I'm the one that has 2 Violent Femmes albums. A perfect song for this game, as I love the Violent Femmes, but not so much this album (Why Do Birds Sing?) It's decent, but if you want to hear the Femmes, you put in the self titled. It's just like this division. It used to be good, and occasionally has good games, but really, we all want the Elway/Okoye days, right?
Speaking of Okoye - Keep looking, Keep learning, keep laughing...
Miami @ BUFFALO -1
Song: Just - Marc Ronson/Alex Greenwald
It's colder than a witch's tit in Toronto right now. Actually, I have no idea, I just wanted to give a shout out to that phrase that my 10th grade history teacher used to repeat. It could be balmy in Toronto for all I know. I'm still going with Buffalo. Not that the song selection is helping me out at all. I can't connect these even remotely. Perhaps you can if you click here.
JETS -4 @ San Francisco
Song: Rondo Do Capitao - Seco & Molhados
Yeah, why don't I stop trying to make connections to games? This album was on the list of "Top 100 Latin American albums" (or something - my Spanish/Portugese isn't that great), of which I have 20 or so. Here's some more for you to chew on:
Ok, tell me what other blog is giving you the goods like this. Seriously, tell me, I want to know, to see if I have to ramp it up. Because I will. You're not getting the Latin America's version of Pink Floyd in anyone else's NFL picks, are you?
(The album is great by the way, and I can't recommend it enough.)
NEW ENGLAND -4.5 @ Seattle
Song: Kilo - Ghostface Killah (feat. Raekwon)
Belichek is pretty much a ghostface killa coming off a loss. I don't see Seattle having much of a chance.
And because I care, here's Ghostface giving us some sex talk (beware the saucy language)
St. Louis @ ARIZONA -14
Song: Paranoid Android - Radiohead
2 touchdowns? I'm paranoid about this pick.
Dallas @ PITTSBURGH -3
Song: LDN - Lily Allen
Barber doesn't look like he's playing, and if he does, that field in Pittsburgh isn't the world's greatest. As for the song, I'll make no excuses for enjoying the occasional Lily Allen tune.
WASHINGTON @ Baltimore -5
Song: On the Serious Side - Tower of Power
Fantastic song, from a fantastic band...perfect for a good matchup here. He who wins controls the northern suburbs of DC for the year. Let's call it the Chevy Chase cup. Who's with me?
Enjoy this clip of ToP performing probably their most well known song...
(If I ever build a time machine, top 5 destinations is a early 70s Tower of Power show. It's that simple)
Tampa Bay @ CAROLINA -3
Song: Fallen Apart - Moon Boot Lover
How appropriate a song title for my picks run to this date. Enjoy the Sunday docket of football games!
It's not going so well.
But no one thought the Little Giants were going to win, right?
Though the redheads from last week gave me some hope, and gave me some exciting upset picks, in the end all I got for it was 8-8 and one more game behind Cline. I was really hoping I went 11-5 to bring the redhead theme back, but it's not going to help.
So in the spirit of blog synergy, I too have plugged my ipod in and set it to random, just like Cline. Unlike Cline, my Ipod's AI (I'm 75% certain this thing has gone sentient, and picks songs just to fuck around with me depending on my mood. What - you think Apple wouldn't do something like create artificial intelligence and not tell anyone? Think again!) will most likely churn out stuff I hate, exposing the fact that I keep songs on my ipod that I hate. Why do this?
Do you really want to know?
It's for the peaks and valleys of life. Get stuck in the valley, it makes the view from the peak that much nicer. All peaks and no valleys can make this world a very boring place.
And there's your philosophical thought for the day.
Enough about that though. Let's take a look at what this does for me, on the flip side...
The one thing I am choosing to do different here is meditate about the game during the random song that comes up. That way, at least I can blame something else when I go 4-12.
As Cline pointed earlier as well, I can't pick Raiders games, so I'm heading into Sunday 0-1. Not a big surprise there.
As always, picks are bold and CAPITALIZED...
JACKSONVILLE @ Chicago -6.5
Song: Short Side of Nothing - Los Lobos
Ok good, we at least start out on a positive note. Los Lobos are a criminally overlooked band. I know most people, if they associate them at all, associate them with La Bamba. And that's a shame. So I'm going to go with Jacksonville being criminally overlooked in this game and pulling the upset.
Enjoy the band guesting on Sesame Street...
(A brief flash of brilliance went through my head of finding clips of all the bands on my list on Sesame Street performing, but I don't think that's going to be possible.)
Minnesota @ DETROIT +9.5
Song: Autobahn Music Box - Cut Copy
I got this album (Bright Like Neon Love) after hearing raves about Cut Copy. Unfounded raves in my opinion. Sorry, I just can't get into them. So I might as well go with Detroit, as I really can't get into them either - but the Ipod knows, right? As long as I can decipher the clues it's giving me?
Houston @ GREEN BAY -6
Song: Cressy St. Breakdown - Cookin' on 3 Burners
Cookin on 3 Burners is a side project from some of the guys in The Bamboos, which I have hyped a few times on this blog. It's a decent song, nothing too special or far away from The Bamboos, which makes me wonder why they even needed to split off. No matter, I think Houston is going to have a breakdown, giving the ball back to a gimpy Schaub for this game. Not that their other options are that great.
(Amazingly, typing "Cookin on 3 Burners" into youtube produces a live in-store recording of the song. If that isn't a sign for something, than I don't know what is. I do love watching oblivious customers walking around in the background)
CLEVELAND @ Tennessee -14
Song: WeFunk on CKUT 90.3 FM Montreal - Various Artists
It's here when things started to get weird. WeFunk is a weekly funk program based out of Montreal. Back in the day, you used to be able to download their shows. Now it seems you can just stream them from their site. I recommend checking it out, if for nothing else than a good, groovy mix of music. This show happened to be 1 hour and 58 minutes long so I'll be back in a little bit.
Anyway, with the funk here, I'm going with Cleveland. Stranger things have happened than a team rallying around Ken Dorsey and playing hard. What those stranger things are, I just can't think of right now.
And for no other reason than I just sat though this, here's global superstar Gerardo performing...
(I love the description of this video: "Last star rap Gerardo (Rico Suave) performing one of his 90's greatest hits "We Want the Funk"."
Fantastic.
CINCINNATI @ Indianapolis -13.5
Song: The Piper Cherokee - Bobby Hughes Experience
You're all going to think I'm a huge electronica fan, when nothing could be further from the truth. Although, this band is awesome. Unfortunately, I have no idea who it's telling me to pick here. So fuck it, I'm going with Cincy here.
Atlanta @ NEW ORLEANS -3
Song: Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
First of all, fantastic song. One of my favorite Dire Straits songs. Such a great love story...just like Cline with his secret Atlanta Falcons love (check out his picks, you'll see). But just like Romeo and Juliet, this love affair is destined to not work out.
And here it is live...
PHILADELPHIA @ Giants -7
Song: Talk About the Blues - Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
If this fan made video to this song doesn't tell you everything you need to know about this game, then I don't know what to tell you.
Kansas City @ DENVER -9
Song: Flamingo Kid - Violent Femmes
Yes it's true, I'm the one that has 2 Violent Femmes albums. A perfect song for this game, as I love the Violent Femmes, but not so much this album (Why Do Birds Sing?) It's decent, but if you want to hear the Femmes, you put in the self titled. It's just like this division. It used to be good, and occasionally has good games, but really, we all want the Elway/Okoye days, right?
Speaking of Okoye - Keep looking, Keep learning, keep laughing...
Miami @ BUFFALO -1
Song: Just - Marc Ronson/Alex Greenwald
It's colder than a witch's tit in Toronto right now. Actually, I have no idea, I just wanted to give a shout out to that phrase that my 10th grade history teacher used to repeat. It could be balmy in Toronto for all I know. I'm still going with Buffalo. Not that the song selection is helping me out at all. I can't connect these even remotely. Perhaps you can if you click here.
JETS -4 @ San Francisco
Song: Rondo Do Capitao - Seco & Molhados
Yeah, why don't I stop trying to make connections to games? This album was on the list of "Top 100 Latin American albums" (or something - my Spanish/Portugese isn't that great), of which I have 20 or so. Here's some more for you to chew on:
Ok, tell me what other blog is giving you the goods like this. Seriously, tell me, I want to know, to see if I have to ramp it up. Because I will. You're not getting the Latin America's version of Pink Floyd in anyone else's NFL picks, are you?
(The album is great by the way, and I can't recommend it enough.)
NEW ENGLAND -4.5 @ Seattle
Song: Kilo - Ghostface Killah (feat. Raekwon)
Belichek is pretty much a ghostface killa coming off a loss. I don't see Seattle having much of a chance.
And because I care, here's Ghostface giving us some sex talk (beware the saucy language)
St. Louis @ ARIZONA -14
Song: Paranoid Android - Radiohead
2 touchdowns? I'm paranoid about this pick.Dallas @ PITTSBURGH -3
Song: LDN - Lily Allen
Barber doesn't look like he's playing, and if he does, that field in Pittsburgh isn't the world's greatest. As for the song, I'll make no excuses for enjoying the occasional Lily Allen tune.
WASHINGTON @ Baltimore -5
Song: On the Serious Side - Tower of Power
Fantastic song, from a fantastic band...perfect for a good matchup here. He who wins controls the northern suburbs of DC for the year. Let's call it the Chevy Chase cup. Who's with me?
Enjoy this clip of ToP performing probably their most well known song...
(If I ever build a time machine, top 5 destinations is a early 70s Tower of Power show. It's that simple)
Tampa Bay @ CAROLINA -3
Song: Fallen Apart - Moon Boot Lover
How appropriate a song title for my picks run to this date. Enjoy the Sunday docket of football games!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Week 12 NFL Picks with Goose - Referees suck UPDATED
Though it has nothing to do with our overall records (since we both took Pittsburgh to cover) how inept do you have to be to mess up the last play in the Pittsburgh/San Diego game last Sunday on replay? It boggles the mind. I'm not going to suggest the refs were trying to cover the spread for the Chargers, since that makes no sense. But seriously, why does the play even go to replay? Wounded pride?
Anyway, with Cline already posting his pick yet again in a comments section somewhere on the site, an act tantamount to spitting in readers' faces, since he can't be bothered with, you know, tapping out a couple paragraphs, I again will come in and save the day with some form of mediocre entertainment to get you through at least the next 45 seconds. So you have at least that. What you Cline defenders cling to at night I'll have no idea, and I don't want to know. I mistakenly dabbled in that trade in some other columns, and quickly ordered the Silkwood showerhead to cleanse my body.
Anyway, enough about that. On the flip side - the picks!
This week, I've chosen to link to some local news of each town, and see if there's any correlation between that and how the NFL teams are performing.
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.
Cincinnati @ PITTSBURGH -8.5
In Pittsburgh, we have the lovely Trina Orlando (hey, it's Pittsburgh) giving us the scoop on the latest Bingo scam that's been rocking the yellow and black town., while Cincinnati welcomes three Cheetah cubs to the world.
I don't know about you, but cheetah cubs seem like they're going to be the talk of the town. And with the Bengals playing like cheetah cubs, I'm going with Pittsburgh to control the ball in some rough weather and cover the double digit spread.
Stop back tomorrow for the rest of the picks.
Picks for Sunday's games below...
Houston @ CLEVELAND -1
It's cold up here. Cold as a witch's tit as my 9th grade history teacher was fond of saying. I'm a big proponent of southern teams getting a little wonky in the cold, so I'll take the Browns.
San Francisco @ DALLAS -6
For whatever reason, people have been writing off Dallas recently. This is the same team that many picked to go to the Superbowl! See, that's kind of my entire point with making these picks - no one has any clue how a season is going to go. It's near impossible to pick the Superbowl winner before the season, so why bother? Things that flare up in the middle of the season have a way of not becoming an issue by the end of the season and vice versa. Dallas somehow seems like they've righted the ship - at least for this week, so I'm going with them.
TAMPA BAY -7 @ Detroit
I gotta think if Detroit is going to come out for any game, it's going to be the one on Thanksgiving. At least I hope it's that one, making this a lame duck performance by them. We'll see.
Jets @ TENNESSEE -1
I've been hearing some chatter tis week about how the Jets are looking frisky, after beating the Patriots. Sure it was a good win, but everyone realizes the Patriots aren't the 2007 Patriots, right? Tennessee doesn't feel like they should be undefeated, but they are, so you have to give them credit. I will ride that rocket until they get knocked off. I just don't see the Jets being the ones to do it - especially in Tennessee.
Buffalo -5 @ KANSAS CITY
Flip a coin on this one.
Chicago -4.5 @ ST. LOUIS
Wow are some of these games bad. I guess Chicago is still fighting for the division title, but really. I'd rather eat my own feces than have to watch this game. Figuratively speaking of course.
New England @ MIAMI -1.5
If Miami has proven anything to us in the past few weeks, it's that they have no idea how to play as a favorite. I still like to think Belichek is still a decent coach, and even though he's hated by the entire league, I think he wins here.
Minnesota @ JACKSONVILLE PK
Color me stupid for staying on the Jacksonville bandwagon.
PHILADELPHIA @ Baltimore -2.5
Philly has to win here convincingly after last week's performance or it's pack it up time and thanks for nothing. Had the Phillies not won the world series, the city would be burning right now. Speaking of the Phillies winning the world series...
OAKLAND @ Denver -8.5
Oakland has shown me nothing to suggest it will cover, which is why I'm picking them probably to win.
CAROLINA @ Atlanta PK
This is the kind of Carolina team that sneaks into the Superbowl to make it a snoozefest. Until then however, I say enjoy the ride. I'll keep asking Atlanta to prove it before I take them against a good team.
GIANTS @ Arizona +6.5
I want to take the Cardinals so much, but I just can't do it. In the past few weeks they've become the experts' boutique pick, with talk or Warner being the league MVP. But the Giants just pound you into submission, and I wouldn't be surprised if they knocked Warner out of this game and rolled to a win.
WASHINGTON @ Seattle +3
Zorn factor.
INDIANAPOLIS -4 @ San Diego
Everyone talks about the job Belichek is doing; what about the job Dungy has done?
GREEN BAY @ New Orleans -1.5
Anyway, with Cline already posting his pick yet again in a comments section somewhere on the site, an act tantamount to spitting in readers' faces, since he can't be bothered with, you know, tapping out a couple paragraphs, I again will come in and save the day with some form of mediocre entertainment to get you through at least the next 45 seconds. So you have at least that. What you Cline defenders cling to at night I'll have no idea, and I don't want to know. I mistakenly dabbled in that trade in some other columns, and quickly ordered the Silkwood showerhead to cleanse my body.
Anyway, enough about that. On the flip side - the picks!
This week, I've chosen to link to some local news of each town, and see if there's any correlation between that and how the NFL teams are performing.
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.
Cincinnati @ PITTSBURGH -8.5
In Pittsburgh, we have the lovely Trina Orlando (hey, it's Pittsburgh) giving us the scoop on the latest Bingo scam that's been rocking the yellow and black town., while Cincinnati welcomes three Cheetah cubs to the world.I don't know about you, but cheetah cubs seem like they're going to be the talk of the town. And with the Bengals playing like cheetah cubs, I'm going with Pittsburgh to control the ball in some rough weather and cover the double digit spread.
Stop back tomorrow for the rest of the picks.
Picks for Sunday's games below...
Houston @ CLEVELAND -1
It's cold up here. Cold as a witch's tit as my 9th grade history teacher was fond of saying. I'm a big proponent of southern teams getting a little wonky in the cold, so I'll take the Browns.
San Francisco @ DALLAS -6
For whatever reason, people have been writing off Dallas recently. This is the same team that many picked to go to the Superbowl! See, that's kind of my entire point with making these picks - no one has any clue how a season is going to go. It's near impossible to pick the Superbowl winner before the season, so why bother? Things that flare up in the middle of the season have a way of not becoming an issue by the end of the season and vice versa. Dallas somehow seems like they've righted the ship - at least for this week, so I'm going with them.
TAMPA BAY -7 @ Detroit
I gotta think if Detroit is going to come out for any game, it's going to be the one on Thanksgiving. At least I hope it's that one, making this a lame duck performance by them. We'll see.
Jets @ TENNESSEE -1
I've been hearing some chatter tis week about how the Jets are looking frisky, after beating the Patriots. Sure it was a good win, but everyone realizes the Patriots aren't the 2007 Patriots, right? Tennessee doesn't feel like they should be undefeated, but they are, so you have to give them credit. I will ride that rocket until they get knocked off. I just don't see the Jets being the ones to do it - especially in Tennessee.
Buffalo -5 @ KANSAS CITY
Flip a coin on this one.
Chicago -4.5 @ ST. LOUIS
Wow are some of these games bad. I guess Chicago is still fighting for the division title, but really. I'd rather eat my own feces than have to watch this game. Figuratively speaking of course.
New England @ MIAMI -1.5
If Miami has proven anything to us in the past few weeks, it's that they have no idea how to play as a favorite. I still like to think Belichek is still a decent coach, and even though he's hated by the entire league, I think he wins here.
Minnesota @ JACKSONVILLE PK
Color me stupid for staying on the Jacksonville bandwagon.
PHILADELPHIA @ Baltimore -2.5
Philly has to win here convincingly after last week's performance or it's pack it up time and thanks for nothing. Had the Phillies not won the world series, the city would be burning right now. Speaking of the Phillies winning the world series...
OAKLAND @ Denver -8.5
Oakland has shown me nothing to suggest it will cover, which is why I'm picking them probably to win.
CAROLINA @ Atlanta PK
This is the kind of Carolina team that sneaks into the Superbowl to make it a snoozefest. Until then however, I say enjoy the ride. I'll keep asking Atlanta to prove it before I take them against a good team.
GIANTS @ Arizona +6.5
I want to take the Cardinals so much, but I just can't do it. In the past few weeks they've become the experts' boutique pick, with talk or Warner being the league MVP. But the Giants just pound you into submission, and I wouldn't be surprised if they knocked Warner out of this game and rolled to a win.
WASHINGTON @ Seattle +3
Zorn factor.
INDIANAPOLIS -4 @ San Diego
Everyone talks about the job Belichek is doing; what about the job Dungy has done?
GREEN BAY @ New Orleans -1.5
Isn't Favre from down around here? He's going to be charged up to play down there, and probably nought a lot of tickets for family and friends to see him maybe this one last time. What? Favre doesn't play for Green Bay anymore? When did this happen? Why didn't I hear about it? You'd think they'd cover it more. Oh well. I already bolded Green Bay.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Week 12 NFL Lines
To our new readers, here are the lines Goose & I will use to pick the games. Feel free to include your picks in the Comment section. I need to start stealing picks off someone better at picking games than Goose.
After a week of using some shady lines, we're back scrambling with ESPN's #s. Thanks, WWL, even though your best writer is blatantly ripping us off.
Full details and pictorial fun after the jump.
Week 11 Records:
Cline -- 10-6 (+$240) (LOTW=L -- BDCS=W)
Goose -- 9-7 (+$40)
Overall Records:
Cline -- 76-52-1 (.594) +$1110 (LOTW=5-3 -- BDCS=4-4)
Goose -- 72-56-1 (.563) +$310
Schedule/Lines
- Thursday, Nov. 20
- Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (-8.5)
- Sunday, Nov. 23
- Houston at Cleveland (-1)
- San Francisco at Dallas (-6)
- Tampa Bay (-7) at Detroit
- N.Y. Jets at Tennessee (-1)
- Buffalo (-5) at Kansas City
- Chicago (-4.5) at St. Louis
- New England at Miami (-1.5)
- Minnesota at Jacksonville PICK
- Philadelphia at Baltimore (-2.5)
- Oakland at Denver (-8.5)
- Carolina at Atlanta PICK
- N.Y. Giants (-6.5) at Arizona
- Washington (-3) at Seattle
- Indianapolis (-4) at San Diego
- Monday, Nov. 24
- Green Bay at New Orleans (-1.5)
More ESPN goodness:
Friday, November 7, 2008
Week 10 NFL Picks with Goose: The "I hate Thursday games" edition
Seriously, why the need to throw games on Thursday night? Yes, I get it, it means more revenue for the NFL. Now Goodell can get a gold plated yacht for his gold plated yacht. Because if gold plated yachts could talk, that's all they would be saying. "Can I get a gold plated yacht? Can I get a gold plated yacht?"
So now we have a game that about 14 people can see because the NFL Network is carried only on Cousin Larry's House of Cable Channels. Sure, there might be some Pacific Northwest public access television host sketching the action on a blackboard for his audience, but other than that, we have to squat around a radio ala FDR's Fireside Chats and "imagine" the action. Sorry, if I wanted awful, old time football memories, I'd rent Leathernecks.
Not to mention it means I've now got to get the pick up a full day early. Hey, thanks NFL! Let's not worry about the rampant crime and steroid scandals that you continue to sweep under that ready-to-burst rug, let's make sure you get a game on Thursday night!
Well, at least you made the matchup for the night a classic one - Denver @ Cleveland. Shouldn't it just be simulcast on ESPN Classic?
I will give the NFL network one bit of credit. It seems Mr. Gumbel will no longer be doing games. So no more pseudo-intellect play-by-play, no more stumbling through sponsors, and no more blatant name fuckups.
Actually, I'm going to miss him!
Pick(s) on the flip side...
As always picks are CAPITALIZED, and bold:
DENVER @ Cleveland -1
The Brady Quinn era begins...tonight! No idea why I continue to think Denver is a decent team, other than they probably have the most handsome coach in the NFL, now that Nolan was fired. What that counts for, I don't know, but I'm going with the road dog here - the AFC west is still wide open, Brady Quinn is not touchdown Jesus no matter what you've heard, and since no one is going to see this game, it probably doesn't matter who wins - I'll just mark it as a win no matter what.
Stay tuned for the rest of the pics tomorrow, when I actually have time to put some effort in.
Ok, I'm back, and a little less angry after receiving a telegram last night that Denver had beaten the Browns. I can't wait to read about it in the "newspaper." I feel even better that Cline took the other side. Now, I'm not going to say exactly why I think he may have gone with the Brady Quinns last night, but I do know this is his screensaver. Jump to your own conclusions. I have a neat mat you can use.
To the picks...
TENNESSEE -2 @ Chicago
I don't think the Titans will go undefeated this year. But I also don't think a team led by Rex Grossman is going to stop the streak. Even if it's in Chicago.
JACKSONVILLE @ Detroit +5.5
I actually just changed my mind on this game, and deleted a huge rationale about how Jacksonville stinks, since they not only didn't cover last week, they actually lost to Cincinnati. But then I figured there's no way they lose 2 weeks in a row to 0-8 teams. And then I figured there's no way they're going to let Detroit stay close to them, right? I don't have the time, inclination, ambition or desire to look up the last time a team lost to two winless teams in a row so late in the season, but it has to be rareified air, right? Now I'm torn. I kind of want Jacksonville to lose. But not enough to not take them here. There's simply no way Jack Del Rio allows this game to be close, right? Right?
Seattle @ MIAMI -8.5
8.5 points? Really? That seems insanely high. Which is exactly why I'm taking them. The Seahawks have to be annoyed with all these games on the east coast they have to keep traveling for. It can't feel good in week 10 to do all this flying. Pretty much the only way I see the Seahawks having any success is if the Redskins fire Zorn in the next 20 minutes, causing him to go into a insane rage and quickly sign with the Seahawks and lead them to a victory (or close cover) over the Dolphins to show Dan Snyder what a mistake he made.
Hey he's a lefty, so I wouldn't totally rule it out.
Green Bay -1 @ MINNESOTA
Is there any anger here left over from the Brett Farve saga? I have no idea. This is a battle for the NFC North. Records get thrown out the window. (Since both teams are 4-4 they really get thrown out the window). Flip a coin. I'll take the Purple People Eaters.
BALTIMORE - 3 @ Houston
I guess it's possible Houston could still surprise everyone and get into the playoffs like ESPN predicted, but really, it would take a pretty big effort. Meanwhile, is there a quieter 5-3 team than Baltimore. I seriously thought they were 2-6 until I looked up their record. Harbaugh is putting together a nice little run.
St. Louis @ NY JETS -4.5
I can't say I care even a little about this game. But for all of you out there who are Rams/Jets fans, you can feel good knowing Siragusa will be part of the announcing crew for this one.
New Orleans @ ATLANTA PK
I think the Falcons are playing with a bunch of confidence. Too bad ESPN didn't pick them as their sleeper. Now, this is exactly the type of game that a young team could lose. Going up against an underachieving but still dangerous team at home, coming off a big blowout. All signs point to taking the Saints. But I'm going to go rogue on this one and take the Falcons. No real reason other than games like this happen.
Buffalo @ NEW ENGLAND +3.5
Belichick should come out in a top hat and cape and twirl a mustache he's so hated in this league. I mean as long as it was an NFL sponsored top hat and cape. I'm still going with the man here since Buffalo lost last week and gave Evil Bill plenty of game tape to watch instead of sleep. Plus, points at home? I'll take them.
CAROLINA -7 @ Oakland
No idea alert! No idea alert! Oakland is painfully bad. Carolina is pretty good. I know it's on the road, but shouldn't this line be Carolina -47? Ok, that's exaggerated but you get my point. That it's only a touchdown is a little weird, but I'm still taking them.
Indianapolis @ PITTSBURGH -1.5
I have a strange feeling Indy played their superbowl last week. An awful, boring superbowl, but still...I feel a letdown. And I don't feel a letdown from the Steelers. In fact, they kind of feel letdown proof.
Kansas City @ SAN DIEGO -8
Denver winning forces San Diego to take this game a little more seriously. They can't lose or they fall further behind in what I like to call a "horrible" division. Yikes. I'd hate to be a fan of the AFC west right now.
I also heard LT is a second half "dynamo" and something like that has gotta be true. I'll take the Chargers to win this one easily.
NY Giants @ PHILADELPHIA PK
Can I beg off this one? Being an Eagles fan prevents me from looking at this one logically. Oh fuck it, take the Birds. Eli has never really done well against a Jim Johnson defense.
San Francisco @ ARIZONA -6.5
I thought Mike Singletary was ready to turn the 49ers around, even during this season. Then he took off his pants. I'm taking the Former Iowa Barnstormer in this one.
So now we have a game that about 14 people can see because the NFL Network is carried only on Cousin Larry's House of Cable Channels. Sure, there might be some Pacific Northwest public access television host sketching the action on a blackboard for his audience, but other than that, we have to squat around a radio ala FDR's Fireside Chats and "imagine" the action. Sorry, if I wanted awful, old time football memories, I'd rent Leathernecks.
Not to mention it means I've now got to get the pick up a full day early. Hey, thanks NFL! Let's not worry about the rampant crime and steroid scandals that you continue to sweep under that ready-to-burst rug, let's make sure you get a game on Thursday night!
Well, at least you made the matchup for the night a classic one - Denver @ Cleveland. Shouldn't it just be simulcast on ESPN Classic?
I will give the NFL network one bit of credit. It seems Mr. Gumbel will no longer be doing games. So no more pseudo-intellect play-by-play, no more stumbling through sponsors, and no more blatant name fuckups.
Actually, I'm going to miss him!
Pick(s) on the flip side...
As always picks are CAPITALIZED, and bold:
DENVER @ Cleveland -1
The Brady Quinn era begins...tonight! No idea why I continue to think Denver is a decent team, other than they probably have the most handsome coach in the NFL, now that Nolan was fired. What that counts for, I don't know, but I'm going with the road dog here - the AFC west is still wide open, Brady Quinn is not touchdown Jesus no matter what you've heard, and since no one is going to see this game, it probably doesn't matter who wins - I'll just mark it as a win no matter what.Stay tuned for the rest of the pics tomorrow, when I actually have time to put some effort in.
Ok, I'm back, and a little less angry after receiving a telegram last night that Denver had beaten the Browns. I can't wait to read about it in the "newspaper." I feel even better that Cline took the other side. Now, I'm not going to say exactly why I think he may have gone with the Brady Quinns last night, but I do know this is his screensaver. Jump to your own conclusions. I have a neat mat you can use.
To the picks...
TENNESSEE -2 @ Chicago
I don't think the Titans will go undefeated this year. But I also don't think a team led by Rex Grossman is going to stop the streak. Even if it's in Chicago.
JACKSONVILLE @ Detroit +5.5
I actually just changed my mind on this game, and deleted a huge rationale about how Jacksonville stinks, since they not only didn't cover last week, they actually lost to Cincinnati. But then I figured there's no way they lose 2 weeks in a row to 0-8 teams. And then I figured there's no way they're going to let Detroit stay close to them, right? I don't have the time, inclination, ambition or desire to look up the last time a team lost to two winless teams in a row so late in the season, but it has to be rareified air, right? Now I'm torn. I kind of want Jacksonville to lose. But not enough to not take them here. There's simply no way Jack Del Rio allows this game to be close, right? Right?
Seattle @ MIAMI -8.5
8.5 points? Really? That seems insanely high. Which is exactly why I'm taking them. The Seahawks have to be annoyed with all these games on the east coast they have to keep traveling for. It can't feel good in week 10 to do all this flying. Pretty much the only way I see the Seahawks having any success is if the Redskins fire Zorn in the next 20 minutes, causing him to go into a insane rage and quickly sign with the Seahawks and lead them to a victory (or close cover) over the Dolphins to show Dan Snyder what a mistake he made.
Hey he's a lefty, so I wouldn't totally rule it out.
Green Bay -1 @ MINNESOTA
Is there any anger here left over from the Brett Farve saga? I have no idea. This is a battle for the NFC North. Records get thrown out the window. (Since both teams are 4-4 they really get thrown out the window). Flip a coin. I'll take the Purple People Eaters.
BALTIMORE - 3 @ Houston
I guess it's possible Houston could still surprise everyone and get into the playoffs like ESPN predicted, but really, it would take a pretty big effort. Meanwhile, is there a quieter 5-3 team than Baltimore. I seriously thought they were 2-6 until I looked up their record. Harbaugh is putting together a nice little run.
St. Louis @ NY JETS -4.5
I can't say I care even a little about this game. But for all of you out there who are Rams/Jets fans, you can feel good knowing Siragusa will be part of the announcing crew for this one.
New Orleans @ ATLANTA PK
I think the Falcons are playing with a bunch of confidence. Too bad ESPN didn't pick them as their sleeper. Now, this is exactly the type of game that a young team could lose. Going up against an underachieving but still dangerous team at home, coming off a big blowout. All signs point to taking the Saints. But I'm going to go rogue on this one and take the Falcons. No real reason other than games like this happen.
Buffalo @ NEW ENGLAND +3.5
Belichick should come out in a top hat and cape and twirl a mustache he's so hated in this league. I mean as long as it was an NFL sponsored top hat and cape. I'm still going with the man here since Buffalo lost last week and gave Evil Bill plenty of game tape to watch instead of sleep. Plus, points at home? I'll take them.
CAROLINA -7 @ Oakland
No idea alert! No idea alert! Oakland is painfully bad. Carolina is pretty good. I know it's on the road, but shouldn't this line be Carolina -47? Ok, that's exaggerated but you get my point. That it's only a touchdown is a little weird, but I'm still taking them.
Indianapolis @ PITTSBURGH -1.5
I have a strange feeling Indy played their superbowl last week. An awful, boring superbowl, but still...I feel a letdown. And I don't feel a letdown from the Steelers. In fact, they kind of feel letdown proof.
Kansas City @ SAN DIEGO -8
Denver winning forces San Diego to take this game a little more seriously. They can't lose or they fall further behind in what I like to call a "horrible" division. Yikes. I'd hate to be a fan of the AFC west right now.
I also heard LT is a second half "dynamo" and something like that has gotta be true. I'll take the Chargers to win this one easily.
NY Giants @ PHILADELPHIA PK
Can I beg off this one? Being an Eagles fan prevents me from looking at this one logically. Oh fuck it, take the Birds. Eli has never really done well against a Jim Johnson defense.
San Francisco @ ARIZONA -6.5
I thought Mike Singletary was ready to turn the 49ers around, even during this season. Then he took off his pants. I'm taking the Former Iowa Barnstormer in this one.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Week 7 NFL Picks from Goose
I was tired.
It had been a whirlwind week, with 3 Phillies games (Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday) that went late into the night (at least late for a dad who hasn't slept past 8:00 in the past 2.5 years, due to lovely little girl who makes a meth addict look mellow), so that by 10:30 on Thursday night I hit the wall. The Rays, taking care of the Red Sox (how did that wind up?) couldn't hold my interest, so I decided to take a run through the channels one more time before turning in.
And that's how I found myself staying up until 12:30 watching Dante's Peak.
Not seen Dante's Peak? Shame on you...
What does that have to do with NFL picks? Absolutely nothing. I just wanted to brag about watching Dante's Peak for the 37 th time. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if there were a post dedicated to Dante's Peak in the near future.
Anyway let's get on to the picks. I gots hot last week (11-3) and I'm ready to keep it going. Check it out on the flip side...
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.
San Diego @ BUFFALO -2.5
The Chargers played a well executed game last week against the Patriots. They won by a lot. But that was at home, against a team that is in disarray. Maybe, maybe if they had Dan Fouts (and Rolf Benirschke) they win, but without those guys, the Bills avenge a 28 year old loss.
New Orleans -1 @ CAROLINA
What Carolina team will show up? What New Orleans team will show up? I don't think anyone knows. That makes it tough to handicap the game. I predict John Fox gets his guys up for this game after seeing they're an home underdog to a flighty New Orleans team.
Minnesota @ CHICAGO PK
I've been on the Orton train for awhile now. I liked since Purdue. I liked him better than the Sex Cannnon. I liked him better than Griese. How can I not. Look at that handsome fellow. Vikings shouldn't have won a squeaker last week, and the Bears shouldn't have lost one. I think they both were looking ahead to this week. Let's give it to the home team and the handsome one.
Pittsburgh @ CINCINNATI +7.5
More than a touchdown for a home dog, immediately has me leaning toward Cincinnati. Couple that with Chad Johnson saying the coaches are conspiring against him, and I of course have to go with the Bengals. I know, it doesn't make sense. And neither does this...
TENNESSEE -7 @ Kansas City
It used to be that Arrowhead was a tough place for teams to play in. Then Herm Edwards came along and promptly made it opponent friendly by bringing down the talent of the Chiefs. The Titans thank him this week.
BALTIMORE @ Miami -2
I'm still not comfortable with Miami getting points. I am comfortable with Jan Hammer's wardrobe and awesomeness in this video:
Sadly, he won't be playing in this game, so I'm taking the ancient Ravens.
San Francisco @ NY GIANTS -6.5
Eli Manning might have to wear a flak jacket. It won't matter.
Unrelated, where can I get my hands on a flak jacket? If I were Eli Manning I would wear this all the time. Imagine the chicks he could get - heck I'd get one and Snake Eyes around town like a ninja. I had no idea they looked like this! I thought they were strait jacket looking. This totally blows my mind.
DALLAS -6.5 @ St. Louis
The Rams are a boutique pick this week because of the uncertainty and turmoil currently swirling around the Dallas Cowboys. This article pretty much sums up that belief quite nicely. But let us not forget - these are the Rams. Jim Haslett is not a wizard. Wait a couple weeks for the Cowboys to implode.
Detroit @ HOUSTON -6.5
Let's take a look who's announcing this game...
Chris Rose and J.C. Pearson
Alright, I have no idea who either is, so let's google them...Ok, it looks like Chris Rose is the host of that Best Damn Sports Show show. I have a certain amount of pride not knowing that.
J.C. Pearson is a former NFL player, a defensive back for the Chiefs and Vikings.
So we know at least 2 people will be watching the game.
INDIANAPOLIS -3 @ Green Bay
Which is worse - the Peytons in that stupid oreo cookie commercial...
...or the Williams Sister in their commercial?
Trick question! Both are equally horrible!
Peyton Manning is still good enough to beat a schizophrenic Packers team.
JETS -3.5 @ Oakland
I'm invoking my "I have no idea how to pick a Raiders game" card here. You have been warned. My thinking is that Favre doesn't get beat by a team who recently switched coaches, but I really have no idea.
Cleveland @ WASHINGTON -1
Both teams played an unusual game last week; Cleveland, because they're not used to winning this year, and Washington, vice versa. I'm predicting each team to fall back in line with how they've been playing so far this season, and look at last week as the anomaly.
Seattle @ TAMPA BAY -9
Everyone keeps harping on Detroit as the worst team in the league - I might suggest those people start turning toward Seattle a little bit. It's hard to take Tampa Bay -9, but if my other choice is taking Seattle on the road with those points, I'm going the other way.
DENVER -2.5 @ New England
I think no matter who plays New England, they're always going to be pumped up for the game. New England won all their games last year, and did it with flair, style and in-your-face-attitude. Payback's a bitch.
It had been a whirlwind week, with 3 Phillies games (Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday) that went late into the night (at least late for a dad who hasn't slept past 8:00 in the past 2.5 years, due to lovely little girl who makes a meth addict look mellow), so that by 10:30 on Thursday night I hit the wall. The Rays, taking care of the Red Sox (how did that wind up?) couldn't hold my interest, so I decided to take a run through the channels one more time before turning in.
And that's how I found myself staying up until 12:30 watching Dante's Peak.
Not seen Dante's Peak? Shame on you...
What does that have to do with NFL picks? Absolutely nothing. I just wanted to brag about watching Dante's Peak for the 37 th time. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if there were a post dedicated to Dante's Peak in the near future.
Anyway let's get on to the picks. I gots hot last week (11-3) and I'm ready to keep it going. Check it out on the flip side...
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and bold.
San Diego @ BUFFALO -2.5
The Chargers played a well executed game last week against the Patriots. They won by a lot. But that was at home, against a team that is in disarray. Maybe, maybe if they had Dan Fouts (and Rolf Benirschke) they win, but without those guys, the Bills avenge a 28 year old loss.
New Orleans -1 @ CAROLINA
What Carolina team will show up? What New Orleans team will show up? I don't think anyone knows. That makes it tough to handicap the game. I predict John Fox gets his guys up for this game after seeing they're an home underdog to a flighty New Orleans team.
Minnesota @ CHICAGO PK
I've been on the Orton train for awhile now. I liked since Purdue. I liked him better than the Sex Cannnon. I liked him better than Griese. How can I not. Look at that handsome fellow. Vikings shouldn't have won a squeaker last week, and the Bears shouldn't have lost one. I think they both were looking ahead to this week. Let's give it to the home team and the handsome one.
Pittsburgh @ CINCINNATI +7.5
More than a touchdown for a home dog, immediately has me leaning toward Cincinnati. Couple that with Chad Johnson saying the coaches are conspiring against him, and I of course have to go with the Bengals. I know, it doesn't make sense. And neither does this...
TENNESSEE -7 @ Kansas City
It used to be that Arrowhead was a tough place for teams to play in. Then Herm Edwards came along and promptly made it opponent friendly by bringing down the talent of the Chiefs. The Titans thank him this week.
BALTIMORE @ Miami -2
I'm still not comfortable with Miami getting points. I am comfortable with Jan Hammer's wardrobe and awesomeness in this video:
Sadly, he won't be playing in this game, so I'm taking the ancient Ravens.
San Francisco @ NY GIANTS -6.5
Eli Manning might have to wear a flak jacket. It won't matter.
Unrelated, where can I get my hands on a flak jacket? If I were Eli Manning I would wear this all the time. Imagine the chicks he could get - heck I'd get one and Snake Eyes around town like a ninja. I had no idea they looked like this! I thought they were strait jacket looking. This totally blows my mind.
DALLAS -6.5 @ St. Louis
The Rams are a boutique pick this week because of the uncertainty and turmoil currently swirling around the Dallas Cowboys. This article pretty much sums up that belief quite nicely. But let us not forget - these are the Rams. Jim Haslett is not a wizard. Wait a couple weeks for the Cowboys to implode.
Detroit @ HOUSTON -6.5
Let's take a look who's announcing this game...
Chris Rose and J.C. Pearson
Alright, I have no idea who either is, so let's google them...Ok, it looks like Chris Rose is the host of that Best Damn Sports Show show. I have a certain amount of pride not knowing that.
J.C. Pearson is a former NFL player, a defensive back for the Chiefs and Vikings.
So we know at least 2 people will be watching the game.
INDIANAPOLIS -3 @ Green Bay
Which is worse - the Peytons in that stupid oreo cookie commercial...
...or the Williams Sister in their commercial?
Trick question! Both are equally horrible!
Peyton Manning is still good enough to beat a schizophrenic Packers team.
JETS -3.5 @ Oakland
I'm invoking my "I have no idea how to pick a Raiders game" card here. You have been warned. My thinking is that Favre doesn't get beat by a team who recently switched coaches, but I really have no idea.
Cleveland @ WASHINGTON -1
Both teams played an unusual game last week; Cleveland, because they're not used to winning this year, and Washington, vice versa. I'm predicting each team to fall back in line with how they've been playing so far this season, and look at last week as the anomaly.
Seattle @ TAMPA BAY -9
Everyone keeps harping on Detroit as the worst team in the league - I might suggest those people start turning toward Seattle a little bit. It's hard to take Tampa Bay -9, but if my other choice is taking Seattle on the road with those points, I'm going the other way.
DENVER -2.5 @ New England
I think no matter who plays New England, they're always going to be pumped up for the game. New England won all their games last year, and did it with flair, style and in-your-face-attitude. Payback's a bitch.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Week #6 NFL Picks with your host Goose
Much like the stock market in the past week, my picks have taken a nosedive. I hope you weren't surprised by this however. All the signs were there: my hedging on Oakland picks; my inexplicable love for the Lions to cover anything; my constant rantings that I don't know what I'm doing. Unfortunately, I also have to tell you that it's only going to get worse before it gets better.
But it will get better.
You see, I'm a Phillies fan, and right now, with them in the playoffs, I'm just not that interested in football. It's not where my mind is. I'm in playoff baseball mode, and there's nothing to get me out of that. So, I won't blame you at all if you head over and dip into Cline's picks. After all, he's doing much better than me, and his favorite team is whoever is currently selling the most merchandise. And I can guarantee you he's not rooting for the Phillies. Which is why I'm also including this video:
If you're not a Phillies fan, than it's hard to explain why these playoffs are so important. Philadelphia doesn't have a great history when it comes to playoffs. The last championship in the city was from the 76ers back in 1983 - and that was at a time when the NBA was about as popular as a speed skate-barrel jumping on Wide World of Sports.
So when the Phillies not only make the playoffs, they advance a round, the excitement in the city rises. So, even though Philadelphia is often considered a football town, right now, a lot of people have baseball playoff fever. So I ask you to give me this small pardon.
Anyway, while I'm obviously still making my picks, know that in about an hour or so, I'll be down at the ball park screaming like a baby on fire for the Phillies to beat the Dodgers and take a 2-0 lead in the series. As a tribute, I've decided to compare each game with a former Phillie of the past. I doubt more than 4 people will get all the references, but that's how we roll here so check the flip side for my picks...
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and Bold...
The 1983 Phillies game
Baltimore @ INDIANAPOLIS -1.5
Indy at home? Only 1.5? Yes, I know they didn't win last week so much as it was handed to them on a plate with a side of Sage Rosenfeld, but c'mon, it's still the Colts. This feels like they have one more shot in them to do damage, and 1.5 isn't that much to cover. Just like the Wheeze Kids of '83, before losing to that asshole Cal Ripken. Don't get me started.
The Rick Schu Game
DETROIT @ Minnesota -11
Ok, I really don't want to talk about it. Yes, I know I'm stupid, but no way is Detroit going 0-16, right? Right? And, much like Rick Schu was annointed the heir apparent Phillies 3rd basemen after Schmidt, I don't think the Vikings are as good as all the pundits do. Time will tell.
The Darren Daulton game
Oakland @ NEW ORLEANS -7.5
Daulton's crazy. Al Davis is crazy. I'm crazy. I wouldn't be shocked if the final score was 4-2. Still, I'm taking a Saints' squad that seems to at least be clicking on offense.
The Ivan DeJesus Game
CINCINNATI @ Jets -6.5
Feeling they needed to get over the hump and get some production out of SS, the Phillies traded for "superstar" Ivan Dejesus. We see how well that move turned out. Much like Favre is currently doing for the Jets. Oh, and the players given up for him? An aging Larry Bowa and a low-level prospect named Ryne Sandberg. And you wonder why Phillies fans hate their life?
Because I'm a Phillies fan and don't know what it feels like to win, I'm taking the Bengals.
The Ricky Otero Game
Chicago -5.5 @ ATLANTA
Right now Atlanta's frisky. They're scrappy. Not thought to do much, they're surprising everyone. In the end, the house of cards will surely fall, but I think they have a few more good performances left. Just like Ricky Otero. Now if only Matt Ryan would come out in a disproportionately large helmet, much like Otero's glove was to the rest of his body, we'd all be set.
The Travis Lee Game
Carolina @ TAMPA BAY +2
Quick, name both starting quarterbacks for this game - exactly. Just like many people are hard pressed to come up with the Phillies starting first basemen in 2001. The key piece in the Schilling trade to the Diamondbacks, the jury's still out on who made out better in that deal.
And you wonder why the Phillies in the postseason is such a big deal?
The Tyler Greene Game
ST. LOUIS @ Washington -13
Tyler Greene made an all-star game once, and he threw a knuckle curve. Destined for greatness (in the eyes of the Phillies' fans) he promptly disappeared. I see similar patterns with the Redskins and their season.
The Alan Knicely Game
Miami -1.5 @ HOUSTON
Who? Exactly. Much like this game. No one knows, no one cares. Although Knicely does have one of my favorite baseball card pictures of all time...This is the guy the Phils traded for Bo Diaz (who later tragically died trying to install a satellite dish) and went 0-7 in September of 1985. Great acquisition.
The Greg Jefferies Game
JACKSONVILLE @ Denver -2
I'm taking Jacksonville, which most likely means Denver will blow them out. It always seems to work like that. You see a team continue to cover, and finally decide to jump on the bandwagon and they procede to kill your chances. Exactly like when the Phillies signed Greg Jefferies.
The John Kruk Game
PHILADELPHIA -3 @ San Francisco
Who else thought John Kruk would have a heart attack every time he rounded first? Slightly out of shape for a church softball league, Kruk still managed to play and succeed in the big leagues. Looks can be deceiving. The line is begging you to take San Fran this week, (especially after the Eagles' past two weeks performances) which is why I'm going the other way, if that logic makes any sense.
The Tony Barron Game
Green Bay @ SEATTLE +7
Seattle is not very good, but they're playing at home, and Green Bay is not as good as its fans, the media and themselves think they are. Tony Barron was not very good either. In fact, he was a scab during the '94 strike, something Curt Schilling spoke frankly about as saying he hated scabs. However, Tony Barron also made one of the single greatest catches I've ever seen in person to preserve a Curt Schilling win at the Vet, laying out horizontal to catch a ball in right field. Afterward, Schilling waited to high five him on the field.
Tony Barron also got knocked out cold hiting the shortstop's knee with his head in an Astros game going in hard at second. At the time watching it, I thought it was the first death I had witnessed in professional sports. Somehow he got up. This has nothing to do with the Seattle/Green Bay game, but does paint a richer picture of my weird obsession with Tony Barron, a career minor leaguer who got a cup of coffee with the Phillies.
The John Felske Game
Dallas -3.5 @ ARIZONA
I love John Felske. in 1986, he led the Phillies to a second place finish in the NL East. That they were 21.5 games out of first is besides the point. Felske earned my devotion by employing the "Felske Five Man Infield™" bringing Glen Wilson into to play behind second late in a game to preserve a victory. No idea if he's the first to do this, but it doesn't matter; it was the first time I ever saw it. Of course, Felske was fired the next year after winning only 29 of the first 61 games of the season. So while I might love him, no one else does.
Kind of like Wade Phillips. A coach without a country. The Cowboys' success is attributed to assistants; their failure attributed to him. He can try to lead his team to victory, but I think at the end of the day, he's soon going to become a forgotten Cowboys' coach.
Take the Cardinals here. There's no five man infield gimmick here that can save the Cowoboys.
The Dave Hollins Game
New England @ SAN DIEGO -3
Pretty sure the Chargers have circled this game on the calendar. Nothing is going to derail them from trying to exact revenge against the Patriots. 3 points seem low, but I feel a rout. They're not getting distracted by anything - they're going in there to hurt the team that knocked them out and danced around in victory. Dancing isn't for football players (unless you're on Dancing with the Stars), and no one NO ONE will dance after beating the Chargers.
The Pete Incaviglia Game
GIANTS -7.5 @ Cleveland
Hate to give a home team more than a touchdown, but it's the Browns. That the Giants have nothing to prove will only motivate them more. They sailed through the Burress controversy. They'll sail through this game, looking to show a national audience they're still the team to beat. Chests out, the Giants offense might not look pretty, but it will strut around and toy with the Browns Monday night.
But it will get better.
You see, I'm a Phillies fan, and right now, with them in the playoffs, I'm just not that interested in football. It's not where my mind is. I'm in playoff baseball mode, and there's nothing to get me out of that. So, I won't blame you at all if you head over and dip into Cline's picks. After all, he's doing much better than me, and his favorite team is whoever is currently selling the most merchandise. And I can guarantee you he's not rooting for the Phillies. Which is why I'm also including this video:
If you're not a Phillies fan, than it's hard to explain why these playoffs are so important. Philadelphia doesn't have a great history when it comes to playoffs. The last championship in the city was from the 76ers back in 1983 - and that was at a time when the NBA was about as popular as a speed skate-barrel jumping on Wide World of Sports.
So when the Phillies not only make the playoffs, they advance a round, the excitement in the city rises. So, even though Philadelphia is often considered a football town, right now, a lot of people have baseball playoff fever. So I ask you to give me this small pardon.
Anyway, while I'm obviously still making my picks, know that in about an hour or so, I'll be down at the ball park screaming like a baby on fire for the Phillies to beat the Dodgers and take a 2-0 lead in the series. As a tribute, I've decided to compare each game with a former Phillie of the past. I doubt more than 4 people will get all the references, but that's how we roll here so check the flip side for my picks...
As always, picks are CAPITALIZED and Bold...
The 1983 Phillies game
Baltimore @ INDIANAPOLIS -1.5
Indy at home? Only 1.5? Yes, I know they didn't win last week so much as it was handed to them on a plate with a side of Sage Rosenfeld, but c'mon, it's still the Colts. This feels like they have one more shot in them to do damage, and 1.5 isn't that much to cover. Just like the Wheeze Kids of '83, before losing to that asshole Cal Ripken. Don't get me started.
The Rick Schu Game
DETROIT @ Minnesota -11
Ok, I really don't want to talk about it. Yes, I know I'm stupid, but no way is Detroit going 0-16, right? Right? And, much like Rick Schu was annointed the heir apparent Phillies 3rd basemen after Schmidt, I don't think the Vikings are as good as all the pundits do. Time will tell.
The Darren Daulton game
Oakland @ NEW ORLEANS -7.5
Daulton's crazy. Al Davis is crazy. I'm crazy. I wouldn't be shocked if the final score was 4-2. Still, I'm taking a Saints' squad that seems to at least be clicking on offense.
The Ivan DeJesus Game
CINCINNATI @ Jets -6.5
Feeling they needed to get over the hump and get some production out of SS, the Phillies traded for "superstar" Ivan Dejesus. We see how well that move turned out. Much like Favre is currently doing for the Jets. Oh, and the players given up for him? An aging Larry Bowa and a low-level prospect named Ryne Sandberg. And you wonder why Phillies fans hate their life?
Because I'm a Phillies fan and don't know what it feels like to win, I'm taking the Bengals.
The Ricky Otero Game
Chicago -5.5 @ ATLANTA
Right now Atlanta's frisky. They're scrappy. Not thought to do much, they're surprising everyone. In the end, the house of cards will surely fall, but I think they have a few more good performances left. Just like Ricky Otero. Now if only Matt Ryan would come out in a disproportionately large helmet, much like Otero's glove was to the rest of his body, we'd all be set.
The Travis Lee Game
Carolina @ TAMPA BAY +2
Quick, name both starting quarterbacks for this game - exactly. Just like many people are hard pressed to come up with the Phillies starting first basemen in 2001. The key piece in the Schilling trade to the Diamondbacks, the jury's still out on who made out better in that deal.
And you wonder why the Phillies in the postseason is such a big deal?
The Tyler Greene Game
ST. LOUIS @ Washington -13
Tyler Greene made an all-star game once, and he threw a knuckle curve. Destined for greatness (in the eyes of the Phillies' fans) he promptly disappeared. I see similar patterns with the Redskins and their season.
The Alan Knicely Game
Miami -1.5 @ HOUSTON
Who? Exactly. Much like this game. No one knows, no one cares. Although Knicely does have one of my favorite baseball card pictures of all time...This is the guy the Phils traded for Bo Diaz (who later tragically died trying to install a satellite dish) and went 0-7 in September of 1985. Great acquisition.
The Greg Jefferies Game
JACKSONVILLE @ Denver -2
I'm taking Jacksonville, which most likely means Denver will blow them out. It always seems to work like that. You see a team continue to cover, and finally decide to jump on the bandwagon and they procede to kill your chances. Exactly like when the Phillies signed Greg Jefferies.
The John Kruk Game
PHILADELPHIA -3 @ San Francisco
Who else thought John Kruk would have a heart attack every time he rounded first? Slightly out of shape for a church softball league, Kruk still managed to play and succeed in the big leagues. Looks can be deceiving. The line is begging you to take San Fran this week, (especially after the Eagles' past two weeks performances) which is why I'm going the other way, if that logic makes any sense.
The Tony Barron Game
Green Bay @ SEATTLE +7
Seattle is not very good, but they're playing at home, and Green Bay is not as good as its fans, the media and themselves think they are. Tony Barron was not very good either. In fact, he was a scab during the '94 strike, something Curt Schilling spoke frankly about as saying he hated scabs. However, Tony Barron also made one of the single greatest catches I've ever seen in person to preserve a Curt Schilling win at the Vet, laying out horizontal to catch a ball in right field. Afterward, Schilling waited to high five him on the field.
Tony Barron also got knocked out cold hiting the shortstop's knee with his head in an Astros game going in hard at second. At the time watching it, I thought it was the first death I had witnessed in professional sports. Somehow he got up. This has nothing to do with the Seattle/Green Bay game, but does paint a richer picture of my weird obsession with Tony Barron, a career minor leaguer who got a cup of coffee with the Phillies.
The John Felske Game
Dallas -3.5 @ ARIZONA
I love John Felske. in 1986, he led the Phillies to a second place finish in the NL East. That they were 21.5 games out of first is besides the point. Felske earned my devotion by employing the "Felske Five Man Infield™" bringing Glen Wilson into to play behind second late in a game to preserve a victory. No idea if he's the first to do this, but it doesn't matter; it was the first time I ever saw it. Of course, Felske was fired the next year after winning only 29 of the first 61 games of the season. So while I might love him, no one else does.
Kind of like Wade Phillips. A coach without a country. The Cowboys' success is attributed to assistants; their failure attributed to him. He can try to lead his team to victory, but I think at the end of the day, he's soon going to become a forgotten Cowboys' coach.
Take the Cardinals here. There's no five man infield gimmick here that can save the Cowoboys.
The Dave Hollins Game
New England @ SAN DIEGO -3
Pretty sure the Chargers have circled this game on the calendar. Nothing is going to derail them from trying to exact revenge against the Patriots. 3 points seem low, but I feel a rout. They're not getting distracted by anything - they're going in there to hurt the team that knocked them out and danced around in victory. Dancing isn't for football players (unless you're on Dancing with the Stars), and no one NO ONE will dance after beating the Chargers.
The Pete Incaviglia Game
GIANTS -7.5 @ Cleveland
Hate to give a home team more than a touchdown, but it's the Browns. That the Giants have nothing to prove will only motivate them more. They sailed through the Burress controversy. They'll sail through this game, looking to show a national audience they're still the team to beat. Chests out, the Giants offense might not look pretty, but it will strut around and toy with the Browns Monday night.
Friday, October 3, 2008
The Popcorn Trick - NFL Picks Week #5 (Goose)
So, how's it going with you? Hopefully well. In an amazing, off-the-board-at-Vegas upset, both Cline and myself are positive money so far. That is destined to change this week. Seriously, I doubt anyone is using are picks to break their bookie's bank, even with the witty reasons we give, but in the off chance you are, I'm suggesting you start looking for another source soon. I know that's not something handicappers usually admit, but until I have a 900 number where I get paid for making these picks, I'm going to be honest.
As for last week, we both went 7-6. bringing our totals for the year to:
Cline: 18-11
Goose: 16-13
It's a war or mediocrity, and there are no two people better suited to kind of slug it out.
On to the picks...(picks are bold and CAPITALIZED)
Tennessee @ BALTIMORE PK
I don't believe Tennessee is good enough to go undefeated. Therefore, they have to lose at some point. This is the game. Baltimore, though coming off a crushing loss, can't afford to lose.
Kansas City @ CAROLINA -7.5
Sure, Kansas City stunned everyone last week (everyone except me of course) including their coach I'm pretty sure. But that doesn't mean they suddenly got good. Still bad, I'm taking Carolina. But don't take my word for it, take the word of this guy whose sitting in front of a green screened Vegas strip...
SAN DIEGO -3 @ Miami
Same rules apply here. Yes, Miami beat New England. But I don't see them beating San Diego. Nor do I see them staying within 3 points of them. Miami will win a few more games, but this isn't one of them.
Washington @ PHILADELPHIA PK
I'm taking Philly simply based on where each team is in their schedule. Philly came off a game they could have won, so they're going to want to play tough. Washington came off their superbowl for the season so far, and are flying high enough to let that affect them. In Washington, maybe it's different, but it's not. Thankfully. I'll be driving home from the backwoods of Virginia and really don't need to hit that kind of traffic.
INDIANAPOLIS -4 @ Houston
ESPN the Mag tells me to choose Houston, since they are the magazine's sleeper this year. I don't know how a magazine can hype up a team and then call them a sleeper though. Isn't a sleeper by definition a team that beats low expectations that have been set by the media?
Regardless, I'm going with the Colts, as the Texans were my anti-sleeper pick.
Seattle @ NY GIANTS -5
Other than my extreme hatred for the Giants, there was something else telling me to take the Seahawks in this game. But I just can't do it. They stink. I know Burress is suspended, but I don't think that will be enough for the Seahawks. It would be great though since Burress is suspended if he just suited up with the Seahawks and played with them in a mask. That might turn the tables. Ok, so I reserve the right to change my mind - if the Seahawks start a wide receiver in a mask, take them +5.
Atlanta @ GREEN BAY -4.5
Even with Rodgers shoulder dangling out of its socket, I'm going with Green Bay. It's supposed to be negative eleventy degrees out there. No way Ryan leads a subpar team in those conditions. Besides, I'm on the same page as Fred Smoot:
Can I somehow get in a fantasy league with Fred Smoot next year?
Chicago @ DETROIT +4.5
Anyone besides me think Detroit is going to blow up now that Millen is gone? Me neither. But still, I'm going to keep taking Detroit and the points until they cover. It has to happen sometime, and against Kyle Orton at home is as good a time as any. Kyle's mangy beard may have beat the Eagles last week, but it runs into a buzzsaw in Detroit this week. I hope.
Tampa Bay @ DENVER -4.5
This line seems weird. Is Griese really only 4.5 point underdog good? In Denver? After Denver just lost to the Chiefs? Normally, I'd say this is some sort of trap game, or the line is telling me something, but instead, I'm just taking the Broncos. Chucky will be displeased.
BUFFALO @ Arizona +1.5
I flip flopped a few times on this one. I don't think Buffalo is as good as its record, but I think Buffalo thinks it's as good as its record. And I think Arizona doesn't think it's as good as its record and thinks it can't win this game. Whereas Buffalo thinks it can.
NEW ENGLAND @ San Francisco -1.5
Belicheck coming off a bye seems dangerous to me. Plus I heard some guy on the radio say he thinks Belicheck will get coach of the year for his potential ability this year coaching a Bradyless team. Some stranger on the radio's advice is good enough for me, so I'm going with the Patriots.
Cincinnati @ DALLAS -11.5
Dallas is starting to get just a little nuts...The TO non-story this week secures it. So, the Bengals are the perfect opponent for them. They'll blow up on them and everyone will forget about what TO said. Until a little later in the season. But we'll keep that on ice for now.
Pittsburgh @ JACKSONVILLE PK
Two teams that pretty much play the same exact way. In fact, I bet if they all switched jerseys, it would take until the second quarter for anyone to notice - including the coaches.
Vikings @ NEW ORLEANS PK
Another game I have absolutely no idea about. Do you think Frerotte can win on the road? Do you think Reggie Bush is coming around? I have no idea. I'm just glad the Raiders aren't playing this week.
As for last week, we both went 7-6. bringing our totals for the year to:
Cline: 18-11
Goose: 16-13
It's a war or mediocrity, and there are no two people better suited to kind of slug it out.
On to the picks...(picks are bold and CAPITALIZED)
Tennessee @ BALTIMORE PK
I don't believe Tennessee is good enough to go undefeated. Therefore, they have to lose at some point. This is the game. Baltimore, though coming off a crushing loss, can't afford to lose.
Kansas City @ CAROLINA -7.5
Sure, Kansas City stunned everyone last week (everyone except me of course) including their coach I'm pretty sure. But that doesn't mean they suddenly got good. Still bad, I'm taking Carolina. But don't take my word for it, take the word of this guy whose sitting in front of a green screened Vegas strip...
SAN DIEGO -3 @ Miami
Same rules apply here. Yes, Miami beat New England. But I don't see them beating San Diego. Nor do I see them staying within 3 points of them. Miami will win a few more games, but this isn't one of them.
Washington @ PHILADELPHIA PK
I'm taking Philly simply based on where each team is in their schedule. Philly came off a game they could have won, so they're going to want to play tough. Washington came off their superbowl for the season so far, and are flying high enough to let that affect them. In Washington, maybe it's different, but it's not. Thankfully. I'll be driving home from the backwoods of Virginia and really don't need to hit that kind of traffic.
INDIANAPOLIS -4 @ Houston
ESPN the Mag tells me to choose Houston, since they are the magazine's sleeper this year. I don't know how a magazine can hype up a team and then call them a sleeper though. Isn't a sleeper by definition a team that beats low expectations that have been set by the media?Regardless, I'm going with the Colts, as the Texans were my anti-sleeper pick.
Seattle @ NY GIANTS -5
Other than my extreme hatred for the Giants, there was something else telling me to take the Seahawks in this game. But I just can't do it. They stink. I know Burress is suspended, but I don't think that will be enough for the Seahawks. It would be great though since Burress is suspended if he just suited up with the Seahawks and played with them in a mask. That might turn the tables. Ok, so I reserve the right to change my mind - if the Seahawks start a wide receiver in a mask, take them +5.
Atlanta @ GREEN BAY -4.5
Even with Rodgers shoulder dangling out of its socket, I'm going with Green Bay. It's supposed to be negative eleventy degrees out there. No way Ryan leads a subpar team in those conditions. Besides, I'm on the same page as Fred Smoot:
Can I somehow get in a fantasy league with Fred Smoot next year?
Chicago @ DETROIT +4.5
Anyone besides me think Detroit is going to blow up now that Millen is gone? Me neither. But still, I'm going to keep taking Detroit and the points until they cover. It has to happen sometime, and against Kyle Orton at home is as good a time as any. Kyle's mangy beard may have beat the Eagles last week, but it runs into a buzzsaw in Detroit this week. I hope.
Tampa Bay @ DENVER -4.5
This line seems weird. Is Griese really only 4.5 point underdog good? In Denver? After Denver just lost to the Chiefs? Normally, I'd say this is some sort of trap game, or the line is telling me something, but instead, I'm just taking the Broncos. Chucky will be displeased.
BUFFALO @ Arizona +1.5
I flip flopped a few times on this one. I don't think Buffalo is as good as its record, but I think Buffalo thinks it's as good as its record. And I think Arizona doesn't think it's as good as its record and thinks it can't win this game. Whereas Buffalo thinks it can.
NEW ENGLAND @ San Francisco -1.5
Belicheck coming off a bye seems dangerous to me. Plus I heard some guy on the radio say he thinks Belicheck will get coach of the year for his potential ability this year coaching a Bradyless team. Some stranger on the radio's advice is good enough for me, so I'm going with the Patriots.
Cincinnati @ DALLAS -11.5
Dallas is starting to get just a little nuts...The TO non-story this week secures it. So, the Bengals are the perfect opponent for them. They'll blow up on them and everyone will forget about what TO said. Until a little later in the season. But we'll keep that on ice for now.
Pittsburgh @ JACKSONVILLE PK
Two teams that pretty much play the same exact way. In fact, I bet if they all switched jerseys, it would take until the second quarter for anyone to notice - including the coaches.
Vikings @ NEW ORLEANS PK
Another game I have absolutely no idea about. Do you think Frerotte can win on the road? Do you think Reggie Bush is coming around? I have no idea. I'm just glad the Raiders aren't playing this week.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Battle of the Network Stars - November 1978
I wonder if Roone Arledge has a time machine.
After my last rant about Suzanne Somers not being up to snuff for color commentary for the May 1978 battle, changes were made. Now, due to the paradoxes time travel introduce, it's impossible for me to know whether or not Arledge, the producer of the Battle of the Network Stars, (or a descendant wanting to buff the resume of the great producer, since Arledge died in 2002) invented time travel after reading my last blog post and told him to find someone better, or if he simply realized Somers wasn't good. Either way, we have a new color commentator for Battle of the Network Stars V.
Unfortunately, it is not the triumphant return of Telly Savalas.
It is Cosell's Monday Night Football partner, Frank Gifford, his head still on a swivel keeping an eye out for Bednarik coming 'round to level him.
It's your call on whether you think this move is an upgrade over Somers.
I'll say this, it adds another level of professionalism on an event that walks the line between seriousness and absurdity. I mean think about it (and I have), what current celebrities would do this today? What production companies would allow it? What insurance companies would? In this battle alone I counted 4 injuries to celebrities. Some even looked real. I doubt many agents, managers, assistants, lawyers or publicists would allow their clients to participate.
And that's a shame. Because Battle of the Network Stars November 1978 upped the ante a bit. Sure it starts off a little slow, but by the end you can tell these teams want to win...
Let's meet those teams...
ABC
Gabe Kaplan (captain)
Debby Boone
Billy Crystal
Joyce DeWitt
Richard Hatch
Maren Jensen
Robert Urich
CBS
McLean Stevenson (captain)
Valerie Bertinelli
LeVar Burton
Lou Ferigno
Pat Klous
David Letterman
Tim Reid
Charlene Titlon
NBC
Robert Conrad (captain) (he's back!)
Joseph Bottoms
William Devane
Pamela Hensley
Brianne Leary
Wendy Rastattar
William Shatner
Caskey Swaim
It's easy to handicap the event looking at these rosters. CBS, basking in their battle IV victory, seem content to mail it in; McLean Stevenson as captain is an insult to the other teams.
ABC keeps Kaplan and immediately has to be considered a favorite, while NBC, obviously embarrassed after their last performance, does what it takes to get Conrad back to lead their team. He's on the team because he starred in a miniseries called, "Centennial," and if that's not bending the rules to get his experience on the team then I don't know what is. I mean look at the picture they used to hype him up. Aside from looking as though he's about to attempt to regain an oil rig from Anthony Perkins (I dare anyone to get that reference), this man is balls to the wall ready to win this competition.Speaking of stacking the deck, CBS does tries the same trick with the addition of LeVar Burton to their roster for starring in One in a Million: The Ron LeFore Story. And that's not even a mini-series like Centennial. I get the feeling that NBC and CBS are playing pretty loose with the eligibility rules.
Event #1: Swimming
Swimming, the one true event that really highlights a player's strength or weakness doesn't disappoint. At first, I pegged Joe Bottoms for the "i'm-taking-this-more-seriously-than-any-acting-gig-I've-ever-done" (aka The Kevin Dobson Award) but then he showed off his ass when teh announced him for the swimming event, and that's not anything Dobson would approve.
Of course, Bottoms does appear to have grown up at least near water as he knifes through the water giving NBC an insurmountable lead, and a new swimming record. Devane helped as well, though he doesn't have the breathing down pat; had he breathed to the side NBC might have been able to lap the other two.
After the race we're also treated to a very lame and unfunny skit involving Kaplan and Robin Williams. As Williams is on the show because of his portrayal of Mork (from Ork of course) Cosell and Gifford repeatedly (ad nauseum actually) set him up to riff in "Ork" language. Kaplan "translates." It's hard to watch.
After swimming:
NBC - 100
ABC - 75
CBS - 50
Event #2: Rowing
ABC has a stranglehold on this event, having never lost (unless they did during the lost '77 battle). This race is no exception. ABC cruises to victory as Kaplan doesn't even get wet rowing the anchor leg of the race. I did enjoy William Shatner's polo shirt and popped collar look, treating the race as a business casual Friday at the office. And Tim Reid looked very bad in his boat, reinforcing the age old stereotype (hey - he brought it up, not me!).
After ABC trounced the other two teams, Gifford looks to get a reaction from Conrad, who, "pretends" he isn't too upset with his team's performance, and suggests this race is "sophisticated." I spend a good 15 minutes trying to figure out how, and come up empty.
Event #3: Dunk Tank
The dunk tank is back...with some tweaks that really make no sense. Instead of people choosing who they want to go in the tank, it's now up to the captains to sit on the perch. That's all well and good, but...have you seen these captains. I don't want to be presumptuous, but aside from Conrad's Jack LaLane physique, these guys aren't giving the female viewers much to fantasize about (aside from the Kaplan tickler he's been cultivating on his top lip for quite some time now). Luckily, Arledge realizes the captains' lack of sex appeal and gives us Pat Klous to be dunked to go over the arcane dunk tank rules. Unrelated, those traditional green suits of BotNS show off the areola really well.
We're introduced to the commissioner of the festivities, and it's none other than Sparky Anderson, famed manager of the Cincinatti Reds. I'll never understand how a commissioner is chosen, or the need for one, but it does make for another awkward moment as Sparky has to speak.
The one intriguing moment of the dunk tank event is when Conrad, throwing for NBC, is facing Kaplan in the tank. After a few select barbs tossed at one another, Conrad throws at Kaplan (safely inside the cage), to send a message, which is all fine and good, but then is still given his three throws at the target. Hey, if you're going to throw a purpose pitch, it should count. It does in the majors. Where's Sparky on this?
NBC wins after LeVar Burton for CBS fails miserably to come within 6 feet of the target with his throws. Cosell tries to cover the awful performance by suggesting Conrad's heckling had something to do with it, as though Conrad was a quick-witted master improv performer.
After the dunk tank, the scores are:
NBC - 275
ABC - 225
CBS - 175
Event #4: Obstacle Course
This event is always fun to watch. It's easy to see all the action and it's fun to compare past and present competitors, and thhis year is no exception. Billy Crystal is back after missing Battle 4, in hopes to atone for his awful performance in the III battle. You'd think Crystal spent summers with Cosell and Gifford with the way they're fawning over his athletic ability. Letterman barely gets an introduction as his competitor (Quick aside on Letterman. It's obvious he doesn't want to be there. and it's also obvious that he's a decent athlete, but I think it's his attitude that does him in. Frequently he's seen in background team shots of CBS, giving his now traditional sarcastic expressions. I love him for it).
Well, Crystal makes it through unscathed, but doesn't have the time to beat the two finalists: Tim Reid and Bill Devane - 2 great competitors.
I have no idea why I'm so excited that Devane is competing; it's possible that as a child, watching Knots Landing with my mother, I developed a fascination with his overacting and devious ways on that show. Currently, I'm thrilled that Devane is slowly taking over the Dobson role for the show; steely eyed, competitive, and handsome.
Tim Reid is no stranger to me either. Frank's Place? Great show. And I bet the other 4 people who have seen it agree with me. But it was Venus Flytrap from WKRP in Cincinatti who will always hold a special place in my heart. Cool, smooth, funny and down with the soul.So how can I choose a favorite between these two major television influences on my life? I can't. I can only root for a good race.
Unfortunately, it's not. Reid wins going away. Devane tried everything , but couldn't answer the long stride of Reid.
On the ladies' side of the event, it appears to be one of the stronger groups of competitors in the history of BotNS to date. Both Gifford and Cosell have been falling over themselves to compliment Brianne Leary's (of CHiPs fame) athletic ability. Apparently she used to be a gymnast at one point, before becoming an actress. Unfortunately, her "athleticism," doesn't translate well to the obstacle course, and her time doesn't hold up.
In Pat Klous' heat, she missteps over the water jump, resulting in a bruised ankle; you'd think she were shot however with the amount of fawning Cosell and Gifford do. The aid the medical team came up with to cover it doesn't do her any favors either; the guy in "Johnny Got His Gun (the Metallica video "One" for all you troglodytes) had less bandages.
The finals pit Valerie Bertinelli against Wendy Rastattar and in a very boring race Bertinelli clinches it. What isn't boring is LeVar Burton taking credit (and not in a joking way) for Bertinelli's victory, throwing McLean Stevenson under the bus. Hey, that guy was in MASH! Show some respect Burton!
Scores after the obstacle course:
NBC - 350
ABC - 275
CBS - 275
Event #5: Running Relay
Much like the rowing event, ABC has succeeded in the running relay, and a lot of the success can be attributed to Kaplan's pre-race strategy. But this race might be his toughest yet. Crystal and Hatch do everything they can, but Brianne Leary and a shirtless Conrad (why would he race in a shirt at this point?) are too much for ABC to overtake. In fact, Burton comes out of nowhere, making up for a baton drop (between Lou Ferigno and Bertinelli - which after the race Ferigno squarely throws the blame on Bertinelli) and eeks out second place for CBS. Along the way, he takes all the credit for it as well.
But the race belongs to NBC; Bottoms and Devane hold their own, and even with Tim Reid "running like a deer," (Cosell's description) no one can beat the NBC juggernaut.
Scores after the running relay...
NBC - 450
CBS - 350
ABC - 300
Event #6: Football
Aside from the very first running relay, with the Kapln/Conrad controversy and eventual run-off, this might be my favorite individual event. The amount of entertainment, intrigue and tension that took place on this football field in November of 1978 is hard to rival. I don't think I've made it a secret that I'm an ABC guy when it comes to who I root for, and before this event things looked bad for them to make it to the Tug o' War, which they have yet to miss. Mired in third place, they not only need to win, they need CBS to come in third.
Right off the bat, we see CBS roll over and play dead, as we're treated to a finals of CBS vs. ABC. Each team is given 6 offensive plays to score; a touchdown is worth 5 and all other catches are worth 2. A catch outside the endzone cannot be advanced however.
Now, the cynic in me briefly wonders whether Conrad would be cagey enough to throw this event in order to face ABC. It's no secret he hates Kaplan and ABC, plus, if he wins he has to face CBS and Lou Ferigno, and I don't see anyone beating that juggernaut. However, after watching Conrad's bizarre profile here:
I now realize there's no way Conrad would ever throw anything. (Aside: how many of you watching this thought it was a joke in the first 30 seconds, only to get a weird feeling in your gut when you realized Conrad was dead serious in the way he coached these kids. "Conditioned their bodies?" "Got these boys in shape?" You want to talk about unintentional comedy? Here you go ladies and gentlemen.
Instead of trying to describe just how incredible this football event is, I'm just going to let you watch it, in all its glory. Enjoy...
Highlights/Things to look out for:
Devane makes a game saving defensive play, batting down a pass
Need video proof that natural breasts look better than artificial ones? Check out those cheerleaders!
Bottoms takes a shot from someone on ABC; I want to say it's Crystal, but I'm not 100% sure
Richard Hatch's catch might be the best I've seen at any level.
Kaplan sack's Devane; it's the first time I've ever seen someone get sacked in this event.
Listen for Conrad tell his team toward the end to just go for 2 pointers because they can "score more than 14" with that strategy.
ABC pulls out the victory, ensuring they will make the finals against NBC.
Event #7: Tug o' War
It's too big a mountain to climb. After an epic battle in the football competition, it doesn't look like ABC can muster enough strength to beat NBC. Here are the guys on the rope:
NBC
Swaim
Devane
Shatner
Bottoms
Conrad (sans shirt of course)
ABC
Urich
Kaplan (anchor?)
Williams
Crystal
Hatch (wearing a parka, as he is possibly suffering from heat exhaustion)
Kaplan quickly assesses the situation and devises some crazy strategy of telling his team to not make an initial pull, in hopes of NBC falling off balance.
It doesn't work.
Sparky Anderson, the consummate commissioner keeps his eye on the flag and declares NBC the winner after about 90 seconds. While I'll always appreciate Kaplan trying new and different things, I'm not sure this was the time to employ something crazy. And he admits as much at the end, in the postgame interview, suggesting his team might have been able to pull off the upset had they simply gave the effort.
Two more random thoughts from this...
Caskey Swaim (he of one of my favorite shows of all time) is about as personable as a turnip.
Before we get out, we of course have to get one more Ork joke from Robin Williams, whose looks ready to murder the next person who says "Nanu Nanu."
Battle V is in the books, and we learned a lot of things. We learned Conrad certainly knows how to lead a team, whether it's a bunch of celebrities, or a 12 year old football squad. We learned William Devane is a very capable athlete, and may be a "Conrad in training." We learned CBS is satisfied to coast after their sole victory. We learned William Shatner likes to keep everything semi-formal. We learned LeVar Burton thinks very highly of himself.
And we learned that no matter what, athletes can be just as competitive as athletes, and definitely just as entertaining.
Until Battle VI, I bid you adieu.
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