NASA's Big Announcement

Today, at 2:00, NASA has scheduled a press conference. Some are speculating they might announce the discovery of extraterrestrial life. Others, not so much (arsenic based life forms? That demands a press conference?).

In honor of the press conference today, I have created a list of potential announcements...

After 43 years, after countless hours of number crunching, we finally figured out the ending to 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Roddy Piper was right, and we should indeed put on the glasses.

The ending to Moonraker was totally real, totally badass, and way better in actual space. Also, Richard Kiel actually was stranded in space to achieve the real poignancy.

YES! We faked the moon landing. Al that footage? It's actually Mars.

That space ice cream that sell at the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum? Yeah, marketing gimmick. None of our astronauts eat that. In fact, we fucking hate the Smithsonian.

We totally made up the planet Venus.

Deckard wasn't a replicant! His lack of humanity and emotion was to show a stark contrast to how the replicants wanted to achieve human emotions! Idiots.

Yes, there's water on like 6 of the other planets in our solar system. Big deal!

On the other side of the sun, in the exact same orbit as our Earth, is an Earth 2. Everything is exactly the same there as it is here, except one thing: Rutger Hauer survives at the end of Nighthawks.

Seriously, we know it isn't PC, but we just can't take Stephen Hawking seriously when he talks.