Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Links of Interest 6/30

Throwing it all away to raise goats.

And that’s why I always lick my toilet, and never lick my money.

An interview with Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy.

The Sony Walkman is 30.

See how sports mascots break down throughout sports.

Driving through the Six Flags Great Adventure Safari may have been one of the top five funniest moments of my life.

Sam Waterston tried to warn us before, but we didn’t listen. We will only have ourselves to blame.

Are we becoming a nation of cyborgs?

Taste testing
stuff you might see in the supermarket, but aren’t ready to buy.

Dillinger was a smart robber. These guys are not.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Links of Interest 6/29

An oral history of the Manson murders, 40 years later.

Won’t someone please think of the animals? MJ’s animals to be more precise.

Ever wonder what it would be like to listen to a DJ set spun by David Lynch? Wonder no more!

The coolest plane you’ll never fly in.

7 places you would at least think about sacrificing an appendage to work at.

Some people think the signs are all there and that the apocalypse is coming.

It’s summer so it must be time to go swimming in your favorite pool.

So what would you do if you lost your job?

I’m not going to tell you there’s no need for something like this, because I’m sure there is, but I doubt I’ll be playing it with my kids anytime soon.

In one year it will be 2010, and you know what that means, right? The census!

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Week That Was: 6/22 - 6/26

After Vh-1 canceled (or as they say, put it on hiatus until January of 2010 - just in case anyone wants to star their calendar), I realized I had no place to get my sarcastic pop culture references. After a lot of soul searching, binge eating and a Scientology audit, I realized what I had to do - I create my own pop culture revue on the web. I figured I'd only be competing with a few million other people, (being that sarcastic pop culture comments is the internet's currency) but dammit, I wanted to fill a void my 12 faithful visitors had.

And so I created, The Week That Was. (Seriously, I'm sure I'll rename it. Please don't turn your monitor off in disgust and go outside. There's nothing out there.)

TWTW is just a quick look at some of the big stories that happened in the past week, with some commentary lightly sprinkled through, like saffron on paella (I wanted to spike in chefs visiting for some reason).

Please enjoy...

Death Comes in 3s...
Not a good week to be an aging/cancerous/weird celebrity in Hollywood apparently. Early on, we said goodbye to Ed McMahon, who passed away (or faked his death to rid himself of debt (Click that link for the awesome outfit alone)). Mainly famous for ass kissing on late night television, his life was certainly much more accomplished, starring in several films, serving in the military, hosting Star Search and delightfully intro'ing hilarious bloopers and celebrity practical jokes...

Of course, I'll always remember him for being the side kick and announcer for one of the greatest talk shows of all time...Alf's Hit Talk Show:

Godspeed Mr. McMahon. You'll be missed.

Unfortunately, Mr. McMahon wasn't the only celebrity to die this week. After battling anal cancer (not a joke, and quite possibly the worst cancer to think about) for years, Ms. Fawcett succumbed this week to the disease.

One of the original Charlie's Angels, Fawcett shot to fame and soon became a sex symbol and quick go to lady for teenagers everywhere. Of course it wasn't until The Burning Bed however, that people really stood up and realized that yes, she could be ugly if she really, really tried.

Personally, I loved her most during her Battle of the Network Stars of course...

Watch this and enjoy her genuine indignation with the competition:

(Please also watch the awesomeness of Telly Savalas, the "subtle" racism of Robert Conrad, and the hidden athleticism of Gabe Kaplan. Want to know more? Check out my rundown here. I will never get tired of this clip. Dammit the 70s were awesome! )

I can't and don't ever want to think about the pain Ms. Fawcett was in at the end, so I can only hope she's now in a better place. Fare thee well, Farrah, you are gone, but certainly will never be forgotten.

And yet, possibly the most surprising death of all hit us just yesterday when we all heard about Michael Jackson first going into cardiac arrest, and then passing away. The pop world needs a new King. Regardless of the extracurricular activities we all heard about, no one can deny his talent and the mark he left on the world. I mean, the album the Thriller alone gives him unbelievable credibility. Just go here to see the list of ridiculous parodies the song alone has inspired.

The one biggest thing I'll probably remember him for that no one is mentioning? (Aside from his reverse Ralph Ellison experiment) is his sense of humor. How else would he repeatedly give Weird Al Yankovic the chance to parody his songs?

Enough about death though, let's move on to more things that are easier to make fun of...

Band of Brothers II: Taking it to the Water!
Earlier this week the trailer for HBO's The Pacific, the Japanese front bookend to the Band of Brothers miniseries HBO did years ago. And with the involvement of Spielberg and Tom Hanks, I think we can say it will be worth the watch. The trailer alone is full of the best parts of Saving Private Ryan mixed with character development that is sure to leave us all weepy when they get killed.

The Pacific

Too bad it wasn't like the end of Rocky II
Ok, because I neither care nor want to care about either Perez Hilton and Will.I.am of the Black Eyed Peas, this is the best summary I can come up with of this supposed altercation after 6 seconds of googling.

Perez Hilton was in Lady GaGa's entourage in Toronto. That statement alone could probably be a great headline for Star, but the story continues. They went to a club, where some? all? of the Black Eyed Peas were. Due to some earlier comments Hilton had made about some of the BEPs (possibly Fergie - and I called her out here so I could justify posting a picture of her) that were less than flattering, they confronted him at different parts of the evening.

Things possibly escalated, and Hilton said he called Will.I.am the harshest thing he could think of, which was, "Fag." Which...quite possibly is not going to overtake Roots as a symbol of equality in this country.

Apparently though the slur worked, and Perez was attacked. And then stalked back to his hotel by the BEPs, who were also staying at the same hotel. I guess they were heading back, but they were heading back in a threatening manner that Hilton couldn't deal with. And so he "tweeted" his distress to get the police to come. I guess because there is no website out there that imposes a 3 digit maximum that he could use to hit 9-1-1.

And of course, both parties involved had to immediately get their own "dis" video out there.

Perez Hilton video.

Will.I.am video.

I also wanted to quickly point out the irony of getting a black eye, from a Black Eye (d Pea). I'm sure that's the first mention of that!

"Crying in Argentina?" More like...well you get the joke.
It seems that all it takes is to become a governor and you lose all sense of reality. At least that's what happened to South Carolina's very special governor Mark Sanford, after taking a week off to get a little play time with the bathing suit area of a delicious Argentinian news reporter.

Something tells me this isn't going to help his 2012 presidential run.

Although we may be over blowing some facts out of proportion. This article suggests that once he left the country, he "put his state at risk." Now, while I'm sure people were alarmed when he didn't show up and couldn't reach him, I'm also not 100% sure what risk South Carolina would ever be in. Maybe that's just me though.

Of course, if the story seems bizarre, the press conference takes it to a whole new level:

Some of my highlights include:

  • The clever euphemism he uses for lying: "Creating a fiction." I create a fiction every day when I tell my boss I have yet another dentist appointment.
  • He's a "bottom line kind of guy." Is it just me or should you think about not using the term "bottom" when admitting to an affair?
  • What the hell is the woman behind him laughing at? Ok, bad question, but really given the circumstances, she might not be the best choice to be standing back there.
  • Going to the Appalachian Trail is at once both a great and terrible excuse. Great because, really, who's going to go out there looking for you. Terrible because, really, who goes to the Appalachian Trail ever?
Maybe taping every conversation wasn't the best idea...
So this week also saw some more Nixon tapes released to the public, where he shows his rampant racism, sexism and many other isms I never knew existed. Look we all pretty much thought Nixon was a douche (look at how he treated that poor reporter in Nixon/Frost!) but these recent tapes pretty much cement it. Especially the abortion comment.

Transformer! Robots in Disguise...of money!
Despite Roger Ebert's "slightly" negative review, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen made over $60 million in it's first day out (Wednesday), which certainly lends credence to the idea that people love fighting robots and hate plots. When asked to comment, director Michael Bay blew something up.

Superstars. The poor man's Battle of the Network Stars
I didn't watch it. Not because I didn't want to, but because I wasn't home. But even if I were, I'm not sure I could have stomached ABC's Superstars. Not because I hate reality shows, but because I think they should just go ahead and pull out all the stops and bring back Battle of the Network Stars.

Regardless, Superstars pairs professional athletes and, I don't know other types of professionals (models? stars? sorta kinda famous people?) in teams to compete against one another. One team, comprised of current Buffalo Bill wide receiver Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa, who, her wikipedia page lists as an actress and model. I'll go with that, though I'm not certain starring in Max Havoc: Curse of the Dragon makes you an actress.

Anyway, doing what thousands of fans have wanted to do for years, Krupa rips into TO after his poor performance in the obstacle course here:

To be fair to TO, they were going up against the powerhouse team of Dave Charvet and Jennifer Capriati.

So there you have it, the first The Week That Was. I hope you enjoyed it and since I'm always looking for ways to improve things, please offer suggestions, comments, vitriol and cash offers in the comments. And please, if you have ideas what we can cover here in the weeks to come, send them along! Thanks again.

The Best Tweets of the week 6/19 - 6/26

Every week I go back and post my favorite tweets I got during the preceding week. Want to be included in the lunacy? Follow me and be funny, interesting, or threatening! As always, here are the rules:

  • I skew toward the amusing
  • I won't publicize anyone's stuff if they are locked unless they give me permission (the KChop rule)
  • @ replies rarely get on here unless their self explanatory and don't need set up
  • I do love me the setup and punchline stuff, but if they span over multiple tweets, I'm not inclined to include them.
  • Diplo is immune to any of these rules (and now so is Yoko Ono).

Ok, let's go to the tweets...

sunnythaper Too many cooks in the kitchen sounds like a good problem to me. Think of all the extra pie!

diplo Philly - major lazer instore @ fye on broad.. I'm not satisfied unless someone robs us @ the instore.. Happed to twista last time, lesgoo!!

BlueLanugo Good news: This month, fewer people are on unemployment. Bad news: It's because, last month, so many died in knife fights behind CostCo.

patkiernan NJ highway sign. "Police Monitor CB Channel 9". Really? Still waiting to see if cell phones are a fad?

eightblockwalk I would be completely satisfied with a Jeff Goldblum level of fame.

nickthune Serendipity was a great word. Until it got Cusacked.

Jessabelle2o7 I had a horrible dream that my mother could see all of my online porn search terms. Just think about that for a sec. You're welcome.

keithwade 8:30 am and it's already 83 degrees. By my calculations, I think that means we should hit 117 by 4 pm. Did I mention I was an English major?

hotdogsladies Realizing: 1. Most of my work is rephrased Buddhism, plus a poop joke; 2. I'm weirdly okay with that. Get it? "Poop." Boom.

slag_mag Father's Day Weekend: can't decide if I want to crack some skulls with my motorcycle gang or make waffles.

ScottAukerman Oingo Boingo: There is nothing weird about YOUR science - the science of making HITS. It is always a Dead Man's Party on MY radio. Bless u.

CourtneyReimer My laptop asked me to "abort script" so many times this week I wouldn't be surprised to receive a threatening letter from a pro-life group.

keithwade Letting the kids run rampant in Pottery Barn Kids. Good thing there's no actual pottery - we'd be buying a lot of broken stuff. Or fleeing.

Jim_Hamilton A survey of classical sculptures proves that my penis is larger than average. Though I did count the children.

trumpetcake Can you taste all 23 flavors in Dr. Pepper? I can only taste three: 1.) bananas 2.) sock 3.) castles made of stars

PFTompkins Happy Fathers Day! On a train to Philadelphia to see my Dad. Then I shall slay him, consume his flesh, and absorb his power. Family!

Jessabelle2o7 It's been raining so long in this town that I think all my sins have been washed away. So, INTERRACIAL BI-CURIOUS ORGY at my house, y'all!

dpressman It's time to gather up my followers and turn this shit into a fuck party! (high fives Daniel Baldwin and jumps out window)

diplo How did chevy chase get his own bank and town? He hasn't been hot in a minute!

sashafrerejones Retire "cheese"--the perfect photo smile word is "assblaster."

wood In Kingman AZ "clean restroom" apparently means "does not contain a dead prostitute."

PFTompkins On return train to NewYork. Sitting in the club car across from a total stranger, who has yet to offer to murder ANYONE for me. Uh, manners?

kolchak So I left the house for a few hours and forgot my blackberry. It went okay. Wait. Whose blood is this? And why am I wearing a cape?

adamisacson Belgium is a leading producer of beer, chocolate, and weapons. I picture a country full of very well-armed fat people. Another one, I mean.

RexHuppke Ugh. Father's Day and son's birthday in the same weekend. I've downed so much sugar I just had to chase Wilford Brimley off my lawn.

Tony_D Sadly, I'm getting to that age where I can't remember whether Skeletor is a cartoon villain or a prescription med for osteoporosis.

BlueLanugo Not too worried about computers taking over; I defeated this laptop with just a splash of coffee.

hotdogsladies I wish more things felt like the first 10 seconds of "Born to Run."

randomleopard i have a small mexican town in my belly with fireworks, shooting guns, riding horses. are fetuses south of the border stereotypes? que?

RonnieBquotes Women will never shake the gas hose. Why? Because they don't have dicks. They don't know you jiggle to get those last drops out.

CranberryPerson Hope the kid in that bike booster seat can read tribal languages, or else that low back tattoo he has to stare at would be total gibberish.

FartSandwich A good thing to listen to while receiving a customer call is Ol' Dirty Bastard. I reek of professionalism, which smells of jackass.

kolchak Thanks to this tempur-pedic mattress, I can beat people to death without spilling the wine glass on the other side of the bed!

CcSteff The gold standard of awkward: making eye contact with someone through the crack of a bathroom stall door while you're standing at the sink.

michaelianblack Question for carnival workers: are you really violating parole or is that just the dress code?

morgan_murphy I ordered decaf but I think starbucks gave me real coffee. this is bad. it's like getting rufied but without the sex or decent nights sleep.

rainnwilson Went on a hike with my son & had 2 furiously protect him from Mosquitos. Now I know how the dad from Cormac McCarthys 'The Road' felt.

RexHuppke Financial tip: Turns out Def Leppard collectibles ARE NOT as safe an investment as gold. Anyone want a "Pour Some Sugar On Me" sugar dish?

davio1962 Son finds new braces uncomfortable. Rest of us, however, find endless hours of fun tossing refrigerator magnets his way.

kolchak I'm beginning to suspect Harrison Ford is lying when, whenever he's invited over to my house, his family mysteriously "needs saving".

CranberryPerson Dunno when I'd wear a tie featuring a skeleton riding a chopper on a spiderweb background, but for $1.99 I'll FIND an occasion.

CranberryPerson For my son's 3rd birthday we're letting him chase his lifelong dream of child modeling so we can get new vinyl siding and maybe a kegerator.

DrLawyercop My buddy claims there is simply no way to successfully deliver the line: "Megatron wants what's in my mind!" Try it yourself!

ZaraFS Yahoo! answers says for jury duty I should "dress as though you were going to a luncheon." So, coral lady suit, scarf, pearls, pumps? Check.

mtmodular "And then we get this hot dog cart, right, and its on fire...so we push it down the hill..." I wish we wrote down our great movie ideas.

davio1962 "Danger Will Robinson!" That's fun to shout out loud sometimes. Although, apparently not in a stall in a crowded mens room.

slag_mag My notebook and pen say "I care about this gathering"; my Joaquin Phoenix beard and 1,000 yard stare say much more.

thebrianposehn Off to the gym. Not really,but everybody tweets that. Really gonna watch The Blob(the one with Kevin Dillon) and have a coke for breakfast.

chantalclaret Was planning on neked swim party of 2 today but realized today is when gardener &pool guy comes,change of plans.Neked swim party of 4 maybe?

richardroeper NOW they're going to have 10 Best Picture nominees. That's a year late to rectify the "Zohan" snub, my friends.

DrLawyercop Nothing says "upstanding citizen" like hanging out in front of a Rite-Aid.

Kathy_L Sometimes I eat a lot of brocolli and prunes when I have some really good bathroom reading material I want to get to.

artichoked It's only 7:30 & already in the 80s. So far summer is synonymous with boobsweat.

kolchak Someday I might be able to look into a child's eyes and say "Because I'm doing your mom, Charlie. Now go clean my car". Best. Stepdad. Ever.

seancorcoran Donuts are good. Free donuts are better. Stolen donuts are the best.

mtmodular Pants get in the way of everything good in life.

CranberryPerson RIP Farrah Fawcett, who gave us the only thirty seconds of "Dr. T. and the Women" that was worth watching.

Rayke I bet Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon are totally having hot afterlife sex right now.

BlueLanugo Want a new job title, here at the celery farm. "Stalker" isn't doing me any favors with the chicks that hang out around the Snapple machine.

paulscheer Sometimes I think that the workers at Subway don't take their title of "sandwich artist" as seriously as they should.

Jim_Hamilton I survived "Transformers 2" and all I got was this pounding headache.

adamisacson I once visited the Italian island of Capri. There was lots of sun. But no drinks in little foil bags. Nobody even got the joke.

Links of Interest 6/26

Probably only cool for designers and whatnot; what people call company logos behind closed doors.

Alec Baldwin offering sage advice about the Mark Sandford scandal.

Maybe the Barney song gets to me, but the other ones? Turn it up!

Worst vice president ever?

The history of levitation.

Gossip is obviously what rules our roost. But have you ever taken a close look at what the magazines report on a weekly basis? How can it all be true? Is there accountability?

Is the tennis grunt that bad?

The government conducted tests. Now the subjects want to know about what they found.

The secret of the over supply of lobster.

And it didn’t even take Indiana Jones this time. I still have my doubts.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Links of Interest 6/25

A look at the life of author J.G. Ballard.

One day the fossil fuels will dry up; what do we do then?

The kidnapping and escape of a journalist.

Note to aspiring newspaper people looking to ignite a spark in your subscriber base. Do not promise buried treasure.

R.Kelly’s latest – free.

Become a famous chef, get the sex.

The strange story of the FOX show/potential series/mistake Virtuality.

What happened to Asian cinema in America?

Becoming a minimalist – and liking it.

An interview with Harvey Weinstein.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Links of Interest 6/24

History of roller coasters.

And you thought the whole “Paul is Dead” thing was the biggest Beatles’ controversy.

Hopefully they don’t run into any C.H.U.D.s.

Do people have a responsibility to debunk conspiracy theories?

More about conspiracy theories – maybe they are good for something.

The huge popularity of zombies.

So how do strippers really think?

The celebrities we worship now are the common folk – until we destroy them.

Ah, summer flings…a pool at night is so sexy!

Photos completing pictures found on album covers. It’s way cooler than my description.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Links of Interest 6/23

An interview with Harold Ramis.

Flying out of town soon? Try to decipher your new fees.

Old timey temporary ski jumps. These are badass.

Sure it may be ostentatious to own your own island, but c’mon, if you had the money, wouldn’t you at least think about it?

I’m getting vertigo just looking at these pictures, so I can’t imagine riding a bike around up there.

Before you start up your very own Ghostbusters’ company, make sure you have the capital.

A few movies you might not have heard about, but might want to see.

Kinda cool waterslide trick. Video is enhanced because it is from Japan.

Weird stuff that doesn’t act the way you think it should.

Weird, I just read this article in Ad Age saying Burger King ads were working. This one takes the opposite side of the coin. Just goes to show that no matter what the opinion is, there’s always someone out there to oppose it.

And if you missed it from yesterday, the greatest video starring mormon siblings and Paul Lynde.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Good...The Bad...The Beautiful #46

Never before have I found video that so encompassed the Good, the Bad and the Beautiful so well as the following video. I don't want to ruin the surprise so I'll just give you a few hints...

Kris Kristopherson
Redd Foxx
dancing stormtroopers

and of course...Paul Lynde

If that doesn't get you to click through - well then this blog really isn't for you.

Take a look on the flip side. And please leave your thanks in the comments. You're very welcome.

Thanks to coudal.com for linking to this. I can't really ask for anything ever again.

Movie Trailer Reviews

Every so often, I take a look at upcoming movies, choose some of the more interesting ones, and decide whether it will be any good based on its trailer. Fair? Of course not! But this is the Internet - where the young bucks can do and say what they want, and the old folk can call us fools and say we live in our mother's basement. And the wheel in the sky keeps on turning. So let's get started, shall we?


Within the first 30 seconds of this, I thought to myself, this pretty much looks like a combination of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. 30 seconds later, the trailer name checks both those movies. Not since Dennis Quaid have we had a more ill-suited action star than John Cusack. Don't get me wrong either. There's only so many romantic comedies you can play the lead in before wanting the big payday. And what's with our obsession with destroying the White House? Why doesn't Emmerich simply make a Discovery Channel television show using the latest and greatest special effects to show the destruction of historic landmarks in different cataclysmic events? We wouldn't have to trudge through cliched plots - we'd get the good stuff. Actually, now that I think about it, why not? I'm being serious. Does anyone have Roland Emmerlich's email address? I could produce the fuck out of a show like that.

More on the flip side...


Yes Warner Brothers, Kate Beckinsale in a parka is exactly what I want. Kudos.

The Goods

A great idea for a movie, the hijinks on a used car lot, this trailer still leaves a bad taste in my mouth within the first 15 seconds. I don't get the whole cigarette-on-the-plane-speech at all. Obviously it is used to show how obnoxious the Jeremy Piven character is, but something tells me there are other examples they could have pulled.

Speaking of Jeremy Piven, has there been another actor so liked onscreen but so reviled offscreen? I think he plays great characters, but the more he opens his mouth in real life, the harder it is to defend him.

Links of Interest 6/22

People in motion. Awesome photos.

Even rich people default on loans. That’s where super repo men come in.

A look at population control, and what controls it.

It’s funny. I talk to people who complain about how cold this year has been so far. Turns out it’s not been that cold.

To turn climate change around, we might have to do something else other than stop using so much hairspray.

A baby boomer takes a look at Facebook. I wonder, when the radio first came out, did many people deride it too?

Lower back tattoos – love ‘em or hate ‘em?

The detectives solve the crime, but who cleans it up?

With summer finally here, it’s time to look at water pistols.

Seriously, don’t call me Liz.

A profile of Rafael Nadal.

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Best Tweets of the week 6/12 - 6/19

Every week I go back and post my favorite tweets I got during the preceding week. Want to be included in the lunacy? Follow me and be funny, interesting, or threatening! As always, here are the rules:

  • I skew toward the amusing
  • I won't publicize anyone's stuff if they are locked unless they give me permission (the KChop rule)
  • @ replies rarely get on here unless their self explanatory and don't need set up
  • I do love me the setup and punchline stuff, but if they span over multiple tweets, I'm not inclined to include them.
  • Diplo is immune to any of these rules (and now so is Yoko Ono).

Ok, let's go to the tweets...

Quick note - apparently this week I leaned to more of the cruder humor. I'd rate this post an R for language. You've been properly warned...

KBAndersen On warm damp humid days in New York City, is the cat-urine-y smell the result of some smog-like chemical inversion? Or just...cat urine?

adamisacson The people at Borders get a bit snippy when you ask where the Kindles are.

joselynhughes i'm getting into every nook and cranny of this english muffin, hardcore. it's like bread porn.

cellebelle Hey lady in the cafe this morning chit-chattin about the Lord, your thong is on display while I'm waiting for my breakfast. So... thanks.

diplo Di gal dem want to take me to burger king @ 5 am and jump thru the window and fight the burger queen gyal for not havin no more burgers dem

slag_mag Is Pop Tarts and two Marlboros a weird lunch? I call it the Lou Piniella.

calindrome Anyone else turned on by conference calls today as much as I am? My job's like a bag of onions. Slippery wet onions. So many juicy layers.

Jim_Hamilton Different bar, same vice cops. Pointed them out to a friend then told her, "So when we have sex in the bathroom, I can't pay you."

diplo Switch is orderin lil hashbrowns in a lil baggy from the burger king @ customs on route to jail.. Who neeeds sleep ! Sob's we comeee!!

trumpetcake Been on the road for four hours now!! And by "on the road" I mean on the couch in my boxers sipping coffee. Yup, I sip.

grahamelwood Saw a man try to kiss a hooker. Like a dog eating guacamole.

joeschmitt My wife made porridge for breakfast, but I couldn't enjoy it because I kept looking over my shoulder for a blonde girl coming to eat it.

drew42e My 15 month old is like the Keith Moon of toddlers. Every night we go to bed the house looks like a Holiday Inn on the Who's first US tour.

wood Waiting with The Boy for Land of the Lost. Wondering if George Lucas is grateful there's a new rapist for my childhood waiting in the wings.

BlueLanugo Vin Diesel is our Telly Savalas. Only whereas Telly sucked on lollipops, Vin sucks at acting.

nottjmiller My cousins wife is going to home school her son. I just asked if I could go to the prom. Laughter, while I cried inside for him.

Jessabelle2o7 Can anybody help me exorcise the ghost of Jackie Gleason from my home? I'm so sick of my living room smelling like gin farts and carnations.

keithwade Pizza place tonight was playing an easy listening station. Creed came on. There was nothing "easy" about that listening experience.

michaelianblack Lesson learned: they don't give you second cookies at the Doubletree even when you accuse them of hating Jews.

cellebelle Oldies station played Smooth by Rob Thomas/Santana. I'm too busy shaking my fist & yelling at kids to get off my lawn to call & complain.

ChrisSpags Why was Super Mario brought into Mushroom Kingdom? When I think of a savior, I don't think, "Hmm, I need a pudgy, short, Italian plumber."

hotdogsladies I wish Michael McDonald would follow me around, occasionally harmonizing on dependent clauses. And maybe helping with light housework.

ScottAukerman How do you make a film like A Fish Called Wanda- where each scene is perfect- and then do Fierce Creatures- where each scene is EVEN BETTER?

Jim_Hamilton I think "Star Wars" would have really benefited from the line, "Wow, that is fast. I can't even do your mom in 12 parsecs."

Netbus Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which is why I guess many of us died of tuberculosis.

GhostPanther Don't order a bear claw if your anywhere north of Calgary and expect a delicious breakfast treat.

diablocody I feel like these Home Depot commercials are bullying me. "Do it yourself! Save money! Pick up a hammer, you slothful whore!"

slag_mag Everybody is freaking out about Iran. It's almost as if they've forgotten that Sandra Bullock has a delightful romantic comedy out right now

FartSandwich A sasquatch must be secretly showering at my apartment, judging by the size of the hairball I pulled out of the shower today. Yeti pubes.

NotGiamatti Iranian students use twitter to start a revolution. I use it to exchange messages with @phillypoeguy about Porky's II.

clubtrillion Shaq for the Cavs would be like morning wood--A usually great thing at a far less useful point in time.

Jim_Hamilton I broke my simile machine. I feel like a duck without its sombrero.

seancorcoran As far as you know, I'm awesome at Russian Roulette.

80miles I never get asked to join any street dance teams. I mean, I can't really break dance, but they don't know that. They could at least ask me.

keithwade I made it to the gas station tonight with only "8 miles to empty" on the meter. Who say you can't live on the edge when you have kids?

Jim_Hamilton Jealousy is ugly. But if you'd seen the cock on that homeless man, you'd be jealous too. The cock was mine and it was on his sleeping face.

CourtneyReimer In the past day at least 12 of you changed your profile image. Trying to steal the spotlight from Chastity Bono, are we?

FartSandwich Watched Walker, Texas Ranger, while working out this morning. That's like a hot beef injection, administered through the ass. OF JUSTICE.

AlisonRosen I just made my first purchase ever on eBay. I've officially joined this century. (Well, kind of. I bought a covered wagon.)

nathanrabin has a lot on his plate right now: namely, crying himself to sleep each night, then crying himself awake each morning.

mtmodular Man Man makes me yearn for the days when I was a homeless circus worker with a handlebar moustache and a drinking problem.

Jim_Hamilton Just read about the Fire Letterman protest. Fifteen people showed up. I could get more to show up to a Rape Leno protest.

shareyourdonuts Dog readjusted grasp during tug-o-war and clamped down on my nipple. Related: one sexy dog for sale.

morgan_murphy got on the wrong subway twice today. blind guy on the first one. he's figured it out. I'm fucked.

AndeeD I'm pretty sure that while I slept, my mouth was open and tiny gnomes went in and used pickaxes and shovels on my throat - hurts

BlueLanugo My new girlfriend is smoking hot. She's not into mind games! As soon as this wire transfer clears, we'll be TOGETHER FOREVER! Jealous much?

yokoono You are water. I'm water. We're all water in different containers. That's why it's so easy to meet. Someday we'll evaporate together.

slag_mag The job market for people who drink coffee, eat granola bars, and mess with their iPhones all day has really dried up.

Jim_Hamilton How many babies have to fall down wells before we stop making babies?

FartSandwich I'm ambidextrous! During conference calls, I use both hands to pantomime masturbate. Was my face red when I found out it was a video call.

Jim_Hamilton I bet the guy with the "Honk if you're horny" bumper sticker regrets it now that I'm driving behind him.

FartSandwich The words "boner" and "stab" shouldn't appear in the same sentence unless you're saying, "I just stabbed your mother, with my huge boner."

matt_morrell I don't like to talk about where I work too often, but these "wanted" mugshots taped to the wall by my desk just get me down sometimes.

BrickHousen Are the people upstairs playing hopscotch? herding elephants? attempting to dislodge the drywall from my ceiling?

FilmDrunk Zombieland is a movie so gimmicky it looks like it was written by Judah Friedlander's hat. http://is.gd/16gGZ

Links of Interest 6/19

Agree with this list of top creative minds in television and film?

You’re 13 and your parents just don’t understand you. They keep giving you Hardy Boys’ books for Christmas, but you’re so over that man. You want something deeper, something dark. So you’re finally ready to give that new author Stephen King a try. Well, here are some tips.

Here’s some fun science fiction that is feasible for the real world. Take a train from New York to Paris!

I guess it’s looking at us funny? Or maybe some NASA scientist got stoned, totally didn’t prepare for his meeting and when called upon for his ideas, blurted this out. And since everyone loves blowing stuff up…

Going to be in Chicago July 11th? Why not register for the US Open – of miniature golf.

A look at phantom traffic jams. You know, when you’re sitting in traffic, and you assume there’s an accident or some other event up ahead that has stopped all these cars, but as you continue to inch along, you see no debris or evidence of said event?

The revolution in Iran is being fueled by Twitter?

Father’s Day humor for your upcoming Father’s Day.

I’ll be honest with you, I’m not a huge aficionado on hard liquor – especially bourbon and scotch. But if I want to live in a Mad Men world, I guess I have to start educating myself.

Let’s hope the demand for good workers is a little better in 2039 too.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Links of Interest 6/18

No Ferran Adria? This list is bogus! Please buy me his El Bulli book. Please?

The story behind the website awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Woody Allen is reaching JD Salinger territory when it comes to being a recluse. That’s why this interview is so novel.

I’d rather they simply remade Teen Wolf 2.

What does Betty White have to say for herself these days?

Why they differentiate between the first and second Death Star here (other than to be clever) I won’t understand.

I really think “fisticuffs” should be on this list.

Do you think these things would help the world?

True story. A friend of mine saw a guy lifting weights while driving.

The Illuminati have to exist. What else could possibly be keeping me down?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Links of Interest 6/17

Baldwin says a lot of things in the heat of the moment, so I’m not 100% sure he’s going to retire once his contract is up.

We’re getting closer to figuring out the origins of life.

Love the irreverent humor of Jeff Foxworthy on “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” and want to experience it live? Want to get up close and personal to Drew Carey on “The Price Is Right?” This site can help.

Oh good. So “nuking the fridge” will have a cousin. I’ll be over here weeping.

So what’s Rush Limbaugh up to these days?

Catholicism is such an easy target when it’s rife with conspiracy theories.

Speaking of conspiracy theories, this is kinda why so many people believe in them.

When did you favorite sci-fi movie supposedly take place? Find out with this cool graph!

So much is owned by so few. But do you know just how much, and by just how few?

Cool video of the top 10 tornadoes, at least according to some guy. Of course, that guy also has devoted his life to tornadoes, so I’m not going to argue.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Movie Trailer Reviews

Every so often, I take a look at upcoming movies, choose some of the more interesting ones, and decide whether it will be any good based on its trailer. Fair? Of course not! But this is the Internet - where the young bucks can do and say what they want, and the old folk can call us fools and say we live in our mother's basement. And the wheel in the sky keeps on turning. So let's get started, shall we?

Shutter Island

You don't fool me Martin Scorsese. I saw Session 9 too (What's with the #9 these days? You'll see one pop up later as well). Actually, this almost feels like the prequel to Session 9, being that it's based in a creepy New England insane asylum where no one seems to know what is real and what isn't.

Has Scorsese done a movie like this before? I assume there aren't any supernatural elements (contrary to what the trailer is representing) and his name alone is probably going to get people to the theater, but aside from the big names in this, it kinda feels like a run-of-the-mill thriller. Ben Kingsley acting slimey; Patricia Clarkson acting crazy; Max Von Sydow acting creepy. If it wasn't for the gore I'd suggest we might see something like this on Lifetime with Michael Gross as the director of the facility, Meredith Baxter (Birney still? She got divorced - did she change her name) as the crazy woman and Mark Ruffalo as the agent in over his head (the Leo role. Obviously, it doesn't take a sleuth to figure out Ruffalo meets his untimely demise in this movie, based on the fact he's in it for about 8 seconds - and that's not a spoiler. I have no actual knowledge, and hope he lives through this terror. I just have a pretty bad feeling.).

Scorsese gets me in the door, but here's to hoping he's not coasting after the uneven and overrated The Departed.

Sherlock Holmes

Wow - this trailer starts out great. Gritty, ominous, complex...and then we turn the lights on and the true colors reveal...it's a Guy Ritchie template all over again. Right down to guys shirtless and punching each other.

I want to create a new category of movie; the "clever" action/adventure film. It's the type of movie you'll watch and realize you're always watching a movie. Let me try to make that clearer. When I watch Raiders of the Lost Ark, I get nervous for Indy during the truck chase, even though I've seen it roughly eleventy billion times. Why? Because I get caught up in the whole yarn. It's almost impossible not to. Now, when I watch The Mummy, never for a second do I fear for Brendan Fraser. Because I know it's Brendan Frasier and it's a movie. Competently made, at no point however do I ever lose myself in the story or care about the characters. And yes, I know that my age may have something to do with that, but seriously, mentally I'm still about 10.

And I'm afraid Sherlock Holmes will fall into the latter category.

I want Guy Ritchie to choose a tone and stick with it here. Make it humorous or realistic and stick with that. I think making that choice early would help the film immensely. But as it stands now, the humor weakens the peril, and vice versa, leaving us with a watered down movie, which includes a bare knuckle fight. Is there something you want to tell us Mr. Ritchie?

District 9

Blair Witch, V, and World War Z influences are certainly going to get me interested. I didn't find much information on District 9 (my crack research being to wiki it) but what I did find seems pretty cool. Based on a short film by the same director, the movie is about aliens coming to Earth (South Africa to be exact) and immediately being quarrantined. Less to do with the violence something like this would cause (at least from the trailer) the movie delves into the social issues of the visitation. Obviously an allegory for racism, it has a cool viral campaign to go along with it.

Hopefully, it expounds on more than just the "concrentration camp" mentallity the trailer hangs its hat on (seriously - read World War Z for an awesome account of what a society would do when confronted with a global issue similar to aliens) and evolves into something more than Alien Nation (which is a movie near and dear to my heart).

Links of Interest 6/16

The picture is what really makes this a must read. Pollution and pork.

Marvel superheroes that might be good movie fodder.

This guy just really likes Spiderman.

Houses (and owners) that refuse to give in to urban sprawl.

A look at how those movie courtroom scenes that inspired you to be a lawyer may have been slightly misleading.

And you thought waterboarding was bad.

I’d certainly at least think about San Fran if I had to take up residence in a city and be homeless. Liberal, pretty and fairly easy to score heroin.

Expensive booze. Really expensive booze.

I like caves – until they get too tight, then they’re scary. These don’t look like they do that.

So maybe David Carradine was onto something.

Monday, June 15, 2009

The Good...The Bad...The Beautiful #45


The sexual tension on the stage feels like overcooked pasta. I do love the fact that Hudson can't get through the term "amyl nitrate." No idea why.

Bad and Beautiful on the flip side...


C'mon. If you're at a wedding and Antibalas is the band, you've got to show some more love on the dancefloor. Their "I-absolutely-do-not-want-to-be-here-playing-this-honky-song" attitude makes this video. Seriously, these guys put out tremendous political activist funk music, and here they are blowing out a cover of Van Halen's "Jump."


In one minute, David Fincher tells a story that many other directors could never do in 3 hours. I realize it's a commercial for Nike, but they've definitely transcended the concept of "ad" and moved it (at least partially) toward the idea of art.

Links of Interest 6/15

Superheroes that should get their own movies.

So maybe there is something to dreaming.

Sometimes, Time magazine writes about silly stuff.

I need food trucks like these outside my work. And my house.

A list of fights that have happened in pop culture.

Learn some cool facts about the moon - with animation and everything.

When the reign is over, and world peace has been accomplished, what do former beauty queens do?

It’s like the book, The Ruins, only real, and not crappy.

So, 1959 was an important year.

Who knew the phrase “essence of potato” could cause so much trouble?