Saturday, November 22, 2008

Week 12 NFL Picks With Cline -- I Miss Herb Tarlek

Loyal Readers,

I don't have a ton of time to pound out a long post, so I'll get to the picks shortly. I will say that the next couple of weeks will be crucial in the titanic tilt between Goose & myself. I've got a 4-game lead and there's only 6 weeks of regular season games (and 11 playoff games if we want to extend things). That's not much of a lead (even with my rampant cheating), but Weeks 12 & 13 will determine whether Goose will be staring down the barrel of an insurmountable lead or if it's going to go down to the wire.

The theme of the items I'll be including in my picks is simple, yet stupid. I'm going to do a Google Image Search for random items from each city and analyze the comparison. Will the results influence my picks? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Apropos of nothing, here's a really cool video of Dylan reworking Shelter from the Storm in 1976.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check the UPS tracking for my Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll....

... OR AM I?

On to Week 12 in the league where they play... FOR PAY!

Week 11 Records:

Cline -- 10-6 (+$240) (LOTW=L -- BDCS=W)
Goose -- 9-7 (+$40)

Overall Records:

Cline -- 76-52-1 (.594) +$1110 (LOTW=5-3 -- BDCS=4-4)
Goose -- 72-56-1 (.563) +$310


Schedule/Lines


THURSDAY

Cincinnati at PITTSBURGH (-8.5)

Because of stupid Thursday games, this one's already in the books. Apparently Cincy was driving to try and score (and cover), but an interception TD by Polamalu made the final score more lopsided than it was.

"Cincinatti lopsided"

"Pittsburgh lopsided":



GIS Winner: Cincy. EA's ass is nice and all, but when shit goes down, I'm gonna be looking for protection.

SUNDAY

Houston at CLEVELAND (-1)

It's not a night game, so I'm a little hesitant to take the Browns. But I think they be putting on a nice little run to close the season and tease their fans yet again.

"Houston tease"


"Cleveland tease"


GIS Winner: Houston. Always go with BBQ.

San Francisco at DALLAS (-6)

I can also see Dallas putting together a run to end the year, especially with Romo back in the saddle.

"San Francisco saddle"



"Dallas saddle"



GIS Winner: Dallas. It's just so cute.

TAMPA BAY
(-7) at Detroit

Detroit was frisky last week vs. Carolina, but I think (a) TB is better than Carolina and (b) the spread is not ginormous. I just love the tradition that Detroit gets to play every Thanksgiving day. Is there any reason why they shouldn't schedule some higher profile games? I guess they figure people will watch no matter which teams are playing just to avoid talking to their family.

"Tampa Bay frisky"


"Detroit frisky"



GIS Winner: Tampa Bay. They're both sexy, but only one has gunplay.

N.Y. Jets at TENNESSEE (-1)



Tennessee screwed me out of my Lock of the Week last week with a big second half comeback. I think they destroy Favre and the Jets hopes of being a major player this year.

"New York screwed"


"Tennessee screwed"



GIS Winner: Tennessee. I just like how the little girl is dancing, wearing the wrong color, and facing away from the camera.

BUFFALO (-5) at Kansas City

If New Orleans can go into KC and win easily, then there's no reason an equally mediocre Buffalo team can't.

"Buffalo mediocre"


"Kansas City mediocre"



Winner: Buffalo. Never fuck with a guy dressed as a jack-o-lantern man, especially when one of his hands is already bandaged before he even put the body paint on.

CHICAGO (-4.5) at St. Louis

Orton's second week back and St. Louis still blows.

"Chicago blows"



"St. Louis blows"



GIS Winnner: St. Louis. Charlie, Cheney, Britney, J. Lo, Village People, Jacko,Cruise, & Tyson? Do I need to explain?

NEW ENGLAND at Miami (-1.5)

I think Belichick's had this one on his calendar for a while after getting a wildcat drubbing early in the season.

"New England drubbing"


"Miami drubbing"



Winner: New England. Soft helmets always trump stool softener.

Minnesota at JACKSONVILLE PICK

Minnesota is circling the drain. Jacksonville is still fighting. It's that simple.

"Minnesota fighting"



"Jacksonville fighting"



GIS Winner: Jacksonville. Cruel isn't cool. Neither is octogenarian life partners.

Philadelphia at BALTIMORE (-2.5)

This Eagles team is like a fighter that's been punched repeatedly, but not precisely, staggering around the ring without the good sense to fall to the canvas. I'm looking forward to the next era of the Eagles, whatever that entails.

I'll actually be at this game, thanks to K-Chop's large of heart and large of bra roommate. It'll be interesting.

"Philadelphia staggering"



"Baltimore staggering"



GIS Winner: Philadelphia. I'm not telling the big dude in the wife-beater that he lost anything. I'll take my chances with the chubby beard guy.

Oakland at DENVER (-8.5)

Unless we start seeing spreads over 2 TDs, I won't be taking Oakland the rest of the year. They're not just bad, they're flaccid.

"Oakland flaccid"


"Denver flaccid"



GIS Winner: Denver. You can't beat MC Cain and ample side boob. Also, the awesome Ahnold image from "Oakland flaccid" didn't come up.

Carolina at ATLANTA PICK

Atlanta's been good at home, and Carolina's the most unispiring 8-2 team in the history of 8-2 teams.

"Carolina uninspiring"



"Atlanta uninspiring"



GIS Winner: Carolina. I have to go with my man Rufus.

N.Y. Giants (-6.5) at ARIZONA



I don't have a great feeling about this, but some of the pieces are in place for an Arizona upset. It's at Arizona, 1/3rd of the Giants great running game will likely be inactive, and I hate the Giants.

"New York piece"



"Arizona piece"



GIS Winner: Arizona. I like Steve Kerr's hair. I'm only human.

WASHINGTON (-3) at Seattle

Seattle stinks. Washington doesn't. I'm not going to overthink this one.

"Seattle stinks"


"Washington stinks"



GIS Winner: Seattle. You'll see why, if you're not at work. Also, I'm tired of Goose's factory farming shirt.

INDY (-4) at San Diego

San Diego inspires no confidence in me. Indianapolis is starting to play like the team they've been the last few years.

"Indianapolis confidence"



"San Diego confidence"



GIS Winner: San Diego. Kelly Motherfucking Leak

MONDAY

Green Bay at NEW ORLEANS (-1.5)

Like Cleveland, I remember New Orleans also plays well at night, though I don't think an inspirational Katrina-like disaster happened yet. Maybe one will in the morning.

"Green Bay disaster"




"New Orleans disaster"



GIS Winner: Push.

3 comments:

Goose said...

Bravo - good idea for picks. I laughed.

Especially at the Manson pic.

gdr said...

If you miss Herb Tarlek & Co, then (a) switch to Service Electric cable or (b) tell your cable company you want American Life TV Network. WKRP every Monday night, 10:00pm. (c) you could always steal my DVR.

Cline said...

Thanks for the kind words. All of the images were from the first page of the GIS's, btw.

I had to come up with something after my similarly-themed use of Life images was chucked out the window by your post.