Remember when the Sports Guy was funny?
Ok, that was a low blow. I believe ESPN does censor him a lot and takes away a lot of his bite. Whose fault that is, I’m in no position to comment on definitively. What I can say is I miss his golden era of writing, when it seemed like he had a real passion for sports.
What does this have to do with a post about picking NFL games? While I don’t have the talent or ability to match his old school writings, I do have the desire to at least make an attempt. So not only will this post include mediocre football picks for week 4, it will have a number of arcane references, silly ramblings and stuff that makes no sense to more than 6 people.
Everyone – welcome to the The Popcorn Trick’s NFL Week 4 picks!
If you haven’t been following the hotbed activity of the comments sections, you may have missed that The Popcorn Trick is no longer simply making NFL picks. The two main authors (more like the one main and the coattail hanging on guy) have chosen to go head to head with their picks. Beer and sushi (yeah we’re that nouveau – but don’t worry, it’s cheap sushi) are on the line. After trying to bamboozle me and include my earlier picks in the total, we hammered out a semi-cohesive challenge. Honestly, it’s a lot more inane than even this paragraph, and hopefully (don’t count on it) next week we’ll make things a lot easier to follow.
Since there is now something to play for, you’d think I would start putting some research into these picks. Remember, this all started because I wanted to show that research didn’t really help when it came to the NFL.
Not the case.
Honestly, before Friday I don’t even look at the matchups. I spend about 6 minutes making my actual picks. I barely follow any other football (other than the Eagles) on Sunday. I’m the one guy that isn’t involved in a fantasy league.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I’m confident that even though I do less preparation than Scott Linehan I will still beat Cline and enjoy free beer (Schlitz – the beer that made Milwaukee famous) and cheap sushi.
So without further adieu (and that’s a WAY inside joke), the picks…
(My choices are BOLD and CAPITALIZED)
CLEVELAND +3.5 @ Cincinnati
Does anyone outside of Ohio care about this game? Does anyone in Ohio care about this game? Picking this game is like choosing whether you want to be stabbed repeatedly or torn up by wild dogs. Of course, either is better than having to watch this thing. Has the Ocho Cinco thing been resolved? That’s the only reason I would tune this game in – to see what name Chad Johnson wore on his back. I heard he couldn't wear “ocho cinco” until he bought all the old jerseys back with Johnson on them…seems a little steep, but apparently it’s in the collective bargaining agreement? If I were him I’d get out a calculator, do a little number crunching and see if that would be more or less than the fines he would incur every week for wearing Ocho Cinco. But I’m spiteful.
Minnesota +1.5 @ TENNESSEE
Speaking of bad matchups – Gus Frerotte vs. Kerry Collins. Neither coach can be happy with their spot in life when they have to trot these options out there. If the Titans win, they would be 4-0! Do you think the old Dolphin players are getting nervous? Do they still get nervous? Or did last year’s Giants victory give them something to hold on to? I’d love to be in the room where they have to decide whether they should still meet and toast champagne after the last undefeated team loses, or if that tradition is over. Just one more thing the Patriots messed up when they lost to New York. Thanks fuckers.
Denver -11.5 @ KANSAS CITY
This is where I get into trouble. I see a double digit favorite playing a division rival on the road and figure there’s no possible way they can cover. Then Monday rolls around and the score will read Denver 74, Kansas City -12. But I’ve got one thing to hang my hat on:
Don’t think KC would get fired up having Tony D’Amato as coach? Heck, at this point I’d take Al Pacino as coach over Edwards.
SAN FRANCISCO +3 @ New Orleans
Mike Martz turned Kurt Warner into A Quarter Back, and now he has superstar JT Sullivan to work with. Listening to the radio this morning (First team on FOX with Steve Czaban – I’m going to be honest, I think it’s decent) someone on there suggested the 49ers are doing well because Alex Smith refused to 100% buy into Mike Martz system, and therefore got into his doghouse. Apparently Sullivan buys in. It sounded like logical advice, so I’m going with it. And because we’re on the subject of San Francisco, I’d be an awful person if I didn’t tell you to eat here when you're there.
Don’t look at the menu, just tell them it’s your first visit. In a couple of hours you’ll be drunk and have no idea what you ate, but it will have been good.
ARIZONA PK @ Jets
Wow, are these games uninspiring. Let’s go with the Cardinals because Favre is hobbling around apparently and the Jets stink. At least I think they do. I think I heard somewhere too that since the Cardinals had two east coast games (last week Washington, this week Jets) that they stayed out here the whole time instead of flying home. Insight like that has to account for something.
GREEN BAY -3 @ Tampa Bay
If you’re a quarter back on Tampa Bay, I feel sorry for you. I’m guessing Garcia slept with...well depending on what rumor you're likely to believe I'll simply say a member of his family, because to start Brian Griese…well…
Atlanta +4 @ CAROLINA
I have absolutely nothing to write about this game, so I’ll instead ruminate on the David Blaine special from Wednesday. First of all, dive of death = LAME.
Here’s video shot from the crowd. Stay with it for the audience's reaction:
Second, did we really need John Saunders announcing this? We couldn’t get someone else with ruined credibility already? They had to go and ruin his now?
HOUSTON +7 @ Jacksonville
Houston has to show something at some point, and Jacksonville doesn’t feel like a blowing-out-the-opponent kinda team to me. With a huge win last week, coupled with a Houston team they probably think they can beat easily, I’m going with the Titans here.
SAN DIEGO -8 @ Oakland
My total befuddlement with Oakland continues. I'm just throwing darts at this point.
Buffalo – 9 @ ST. LOUIS
9 points is a lot for a team to cover. And last week I picked them to cover big at home, and they didn’t, so I’m obviously going to make a rash decision and go against them.
Washington + 7 @ DALLAS
Huge NFC East game. I remember when Dallas stunk, hadn’t won a game and went into Washington and won for their only victory on the year. If it had happened last year I would say Washington would be playing for revenge. But it was close to 20 years ago so I doubt either team cares.
Philadelphia -7 @ CHICAGO
I certainly don’t blame Kyle Orton for last week’s loss. Heck, I’m absolutely stunned by his performance. No, I blame the defense, and maybe the refs a little bit. Anyway, the Eagles are banged up, and while I think they’ll win, a touchdown is a lot. Look for Orton to keep it close.
Baltimore +1.5 @ PITTSBURGH
Apparently Philly figured out how to beat the Steelers – blitz 15 guys every down and hope the refs don’t count. Unfortunately, it probably won’t work 2 weeks in a row, so Baltimore will have to figure out something else. Are they up to the task? It’s Monday night, and even though Pittsburgh is banged up and Walker isn’t playing, I don’t see them dropping 2 in a row.
As it stands right now...