Cool Shit 7/10

I'm sure I've posted about the mystery and weirdness of Voynich Manuscript before, but here's another take on it, this time from the New Yorker.

Anything with "the worst video game ever created" in the title, piques my attention. And no, it's not about the Atari 2600 game E.T. It's a video game Penn and Teller created, and its about driving a bus. For a loooong time.

Most people have heard about the Roswell UFO incident, but here are 6 other historical UFO sightings you might not be familiar with.

The Wolfram Alpha site is awesome. More awesome than you probably know. How so? Take a look.

Here's all the awesome stuff we have to look forward to thanks to climate change!

Links of Interest 3/4

Kevin Smith’s next movie will apparently be about detectives, starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan.

More on that Greek guy that broke out of prison via helicopter.

Here’s what really happened between Frost and Nixon. It makes me hate the phone call even more.

An interview with food guru Michael Pollan.

And an interview with Sully – that guy that landed the plane in the water:

Want to see a UFO? Travel to some of these places:

Stuff you didn’t know about the sun.

Suppress the First Amendment? Why not?

A look at America’s worst traffic intersections:

Britney’s back! Here’s a review of her current performance:

Authors get rejected all the time. Even the famous ones:

Links of Interest 1/21

The transition that has to happen when presidents change.

A funny article about wine from the New Yorker.

Methane discovered on Mars makes the potential for life to be there or have been there that much more possible.

Want to read the inaugural speech from Millard Fillmore? Taft? Polk? They're all here.

On a day we move forward, it's still important to not forget the past 8 years.

Now that Mr. Bush is unemployed, here are some possible careers he could pursue.

Caught in a snow storm? I hope you read this then.

Cool satellite photo of the inauguration yesterday.

A disgraced video game champion from the 80s. Is there any other kind?

Civilizations that just weren't cool.

Hands smell like onions? Use toothpaste – just one of the many uses for household items you might not know about.

A cool look at the infinite monkey theorem. I estimate it would take about 3 monkeys a day and a half to recreate this blog. Actually, that's a cool idea for a meme, no? I call dibs.

Like space videos? Then here you go. There's a whole bunch of them. Including one of a UFO.

Links of Interest 1/8

I love Dr. Who. Not because I ever have any idea what's going on from show to show. In fact, I like it especially for that reason. The ingenuity, creativity, and absolute absurdity of the show appeals to me. Actually, as effects have slowly become easier and cheaper to produce, my interest in the show has waned. Give me Baker and his fabulously long scarf every day of the week and I'll be happy. Regardless, here's a look at all the good doctors over the years.

Someone extolling the virtues of atheism on a street corner almost seems more insane than preaching about God, no?

A list of people that influence the web.

I twitter. I bet you can't believe that. Anyway, this guy hacked some celebrity accounts and had some fun.

It isn't too surprising murder is getting easier. All I have to do is turn the tv on to see how they would catch me and change my plan accordingly. Plus, Grissom can't work in every police station.

I'm not 100% sure I believe UFOs are buzzing wind turbines. But I don't have a better explanation either.

That tuna on your plate? Chances are it didn't get there humanely.

Making sure everything is kosher.

Stores do everything possible to make sure you continue shopping there.

People trying to save rock and roll.

It's a long sordid history as to why marijuana is illegal.

What would we do if aliens landed on Earth?

This is a "humorous" piece I wrote a few years ago, in hopes of it catapaulting me to fame. Yes, I'm that stupid. Anyway, please feel free to read it, or ignore it completely. I have no ability to force your hand.

It’s only a matter of time. It’s no longer a question of if, merely a question of when. As soon as that guy on Mars found all that water, preparations should have began. And yet I can find nothing. I’ve surfed around the web at least four times looking for anything that might be considered any sort of plan of attack, and I’m very disappointed with the lack of information I’ve found.

Earth is completely unprepared for an alien encounter.

Please, people out there prove me wrong. If you are a top-level government employee, perhaps even the president of a country, have access to a plan of this sort, and are reading this, drop me a line and assuage my fears. I promise I won’t tell anyone. Until I get that phone call however, I will operate under the assumption that no plan exists. And since there is a void, I have decided to use my expertise to help out. For a small fee and a personal hovercraft, I will offer my services to anyone who wants to know how to deal with a potential alien encounter. I also wouldn’t be opposed to either, "Commander of Galactic Affairs" or "The Han Solo of the Free Planet Earth," as a title, but we can work all that out later.

Why me? I’m glad you asked. I am aware my expertise may come into question, so I have gone ahead and made a list of credentials:

1. I have seen a good number of science fiction movies, some involving aliens. From Independence Day to the one about the creatures that try to blow up the world, science fiction movies have a lot to offer.
   
2. About 20 years ago, when I was a young lad growing up in the backwoods of the Philadelphia suburbs, I’m pretty sure I saw a UFO. My dad had decided to take my friend and me to the park, and when getting out of the car, my eye caught a shiny object in the afternoon sky. It appeared to be metallic and traveling faster than a car could, if a car was capable of flight. My first ten-year-old thought was that it was a plane, but that explanation was quickly scuttled when my friend, who also saw the object stated, "there is no way that is a plane." As he was ten at the time as well, and coincidentally shared the same birthday as myself, I considered him a suitable enough expert in the field of aeronautics, and took his opinion as fact.
   

Most of my other qualifications rely heavily on owning one of those cool pen telescopes you can buy at the Smithsonian Aerospace Museum and the occasional perusing of Time magazine, but I don’t want to bore you with anymore technical jargon.

I do realize there may be a few of you out there thinking that alien contact will be beneficial for the human race. I’m sure some of you will even think my ideas are a little "harsh," or "extreme," or "absurd," or better yet, "non-sensical." Well, you’re wrong. Aliens would like nothing more than to use our toes as garnishes to their alien martinis.
So go ahead and call me Space Nugent, or The Hunter S. Thompson of the Milky Way, but don’t come crying to me when you’re getting herded into the De-Boning Facility to be processed as a breakfast for Luron, the Space Lord of Nebula Greneth.

This is why my approach to aliens landing on Earth is similar to the popular strategy new inmates are told to adopt when going to prison. Kill the first guy you see and show everyone you ain’t takin' crap from no one. Once the aliens see we mean business, serious negotiations can begin – we can decide whether to initiate intergalactic glasnost or initiate the countdown to an ass whooping.

The following guidelines are to be used in the event of an alien encounter. Now, these should be treated as simply that – guidelines. They aren’t set in stone, since no one can predict the future. Except maybe The Amazing Kreskin. Only he’s getting pretty old, and unless aliens land in the next week or so I fear he will be dead before we can use his amazing powers. So until we have figured out how Kreskin does those crazy card tricks, or we decide to keep his brain alive in a jar somewhere, these guidelines are all we have. Here we go:

1. Once aliens have landed on Earth, trust no one. Not your mom, not your best friend, not the whore you visit every Tuesday night. Assume alien beings are disguising themselves to look like the common housewife, or have the ability use some sort of space voodoo mind control to take over people’s bodies. If you don’t, it will only lead to confusion and the faux pa of telling embarrassing, personal stories not to your priest, but to a vile, blood sucking zombie creature that looks like your priest. Don’t let it happen. Err on the side of caution when coming in contact with anyone you suspect of being an alien in disguise with either vague pleasantries or a shotgun blast to the face.
   
2. When first greeting the aliens, whether it is in your backyard or in the middle of the desert, blast them in the face with some oxygen when they first come down the ramp. Maybe we get lucky and the thing we need to survive will be the one thing that will kill them.
   
3. Don’t send the President or any other people deemed important to the first alien meeting. I’m not suggesting rustling up hobos to go shake hands, but we definitely don’t want anyone there who makes the big decisions. Send a couple lab techs out there – people who can remember some basic instructions, but won’t be missed if the aliens decide they need to take some "specimens" back to the hive.
   
4. If the negotiations start going downhill, give up Australia. Somehow it got continent status way back when, so the aliens will think it’s somehow "important" to us and that we’ll "care what happens" to it. If that’s not enough, throw in Scandinavia. Stupid fjords.
   
5. Remember – objectivity is the key when dealing with aliens. No type of alien – neither the scaly eight-foot tall, toothy face-suckers, nor the cute, poofy-looking ones that want to cuddle can be trusted when it comes to this type of meeting. Sorry ET, you’re not fooling me. Sure, your stomach lights up and you’ve got big eyes, but behind that lovable exterior lies something dark. Why did you come to Earth? Why didn’t your pals come back for you once they saw your empty seat in the spaceship? Why did you get so attached to a nine-year-old kid?
   
6. Set up a resistance group right away, regardless of what you think the aliens’ supposed intentions are. One day they’re your best friend, the next they’re stomping puppies and eating all our ice cream. Don’t get bamboozled! I’d much rather be a part of an Earth resistance group fighting against these potential overlords than getting hoodwinked because we believed the "we’re so far advanced war, is extinct" rhetoric they were spewing. Marc Singer got it right. If aliens show up on Earth, it’s most likely because they need something. And they don’t like to ask. Besides, isn’t being in the resistance just plain cooler? On the off chance you actually defeat the aliens, two words – mucho sex. Plus, you know all the hippies gravitate toward resistance groups. All the good strains of the Mary Jane are gonna be flowing through your hideaway! Resistance Group = primo weed.
   

Am I overreacting? It’s quite possible. Am I crazy? I think we all know the answer to that. But I hope I’ve opened your eyes at least a little to the possible danger lurking out there in the cosmos. If we’re not careful the world is going to get caught with its pants down, and that’s no way to greet an alien race. Sure, nothing would be greater if aliens came down and we all got along like the Care Bears. I’m just worried that the Care Bears scenario is too fictional. Because we live in a non-Care Bear world. Aliens could come anytime, from anywhere, and for any reason. War…peace…a rest stop on the galactic highway…anything. It’s why I carry a sock full of lye wherever I go. As my crazy moon shining uncle used to say, "A poor man’s shotgun is just as good as the real thing."

And I can’t think of a better reason to carry that sock today other than to defend my universal freedoms and melt the face off of some nasty alien.

Links of Interest 5/14

Can Beck be considered underrated? Probably not with the critics, but I don't think he gets the credit he deserves with the buying public. And that's a shame, because I can't think of too many artists out there right now to rival him. So you can imagine how excited I am to hear his new album might be coming out in June.

What kind of idea is this. I remember being horrified when I saw 'Bad Lieutenant." But that doesn't mean I didn't respect it. For lines to be crossed, there are few that come close to this one. And now they're remaking it. Are they going to water it down? Because if so, then what's the point really?

It probably says a lot about who you are if you're known for "bathing in blood." And I'm not even sure that's the worst of this list! I do like the fact that neither the Taliban nor Al Qaeda are on this list. I guess they might be considered terrorist groups and not gangs, but where's the line that divides the two? And I'm guessing it's a minor quibble to try and classify these groups in either of those two.

So the National Archives over in Great Britain decided to start releasing its records on UFOs. So far, it seems like all it is is a bunch of stories from people out in the country talking about how they were abducted. Hey, if I wanted that I would rent Communion.