Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Top Fictional Sporting Events You Wanted to See PART 1: Just Missed the Cut

Perusing through Bill Simmons' ('s The Sports Guy) new book "The Book of Basketball", I stumbled upon an intriguing premise Bill casually mentions in a footnote.

He casually brings up the idea of attending fictional sporting events, throwing out that the top 2 events that are can't miss are Teen Wolf's first "wolfing out" basketball game, and the Allies vs. Nazis soccer game from Victory.

(2 brilliant choices by the way)

Anyway, that of course got me thinking - what are the top fictional sporting events you would want to attend? I mean, there are a lot out there, and if the Internet can't have enough of is a list of things!

So I went to a secret cabal of people (aka my bored friends) to help me compile a list of events that would be on a "must see" list if you suddenly found a time machine and also could magically turn fiction into reality...

I've broken the list into 3 parts:

Just missed
Honorable Mentions
The Top 10

As always, I say this in the beginning of pretty much all my lists...I'm sure I've missed something, so by all means, let me know in the comments section. While I did extensive research (google, wikipedia, youtube), some things always slip through the cracks. Where possible, I have also included youtube clips of the events.

Now remember, I stuck with fictional games, so no sporting events that were fictionalized were considered.

Let's get to it...

Just missed

Little Giants title game

Going for it:
It has an obvious David vs. Goliath feel and it also highlights many plays you often think your favorite professional team should try because "why not?" climactically ending with the now famous "Annexation of Puerto Rico."

Going against it:
Giants vs. Cowboys? Seriously? It's like rooting for Stalin over Hitler. Why couldn't you just make it the Sparrows vs. the Robins and avoid the NFL tie in? Also, at the end of the day, it's a small town pee wee football game; exciting for the residents, but probably won't garner a lot of national attention. It would be nice to say you saw the original "Annexation of Puerto Rico," but it's not a life altering event.

Bring it On National Cheerleading Competition

Going for it:
It's a cheerleading competition!

Going against it:
It's a cheerleading competition.

The final game in Dodgeball

Going for it:
It's on the national stage with with a lot riding on this game, including an illegal bet made by one of the players involved. Think of the scandal. And that's only one of the 75 other subplots' conclusions that rest on the outcome of this game.

Going against it:
I know it's a comedy, but I think I would have a hard time getting over the costumes of some of the teams. Then again, I play Ultimate. Also, the sudden death felt too much like a shootout. Let these two battle it out in a war of attrition. It's not like the games were creeping up on cricket length.

The karate finals between Daniel and Johnny

Going for it:
He's on one leg. He's got a crazy old janitor as a trainer going up against the Cobra Kai dojo. The place is packed. And he pulls off some random never-should-have-worked crane kick (seriously - Johnny couldn't defend against this? Daniel only held his position and telegraphed the kick for a good 45 seconds) to take home the trophy and win the respect of Johnny? (Not Kreese though - if nothing else, you have to admire his hatred).

Going against it:
Again, at the end of the day, it's really nothing more than a regional karate tournament. Sure, you'd brag to your friends about seeing it, and about the storybook ending, but they'd probably counter with, "you went to a regional karate tournament?"

And they'd kinda be right.

Ridgemont vs. Lincoln (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)

Going for it:
Charles Jefferson (Forest Whitaker) misled to believe his Camaro was destroyed by his high school's rival goes ballistic and singlehandedly wins the game for Ridgemont. Seriously, all he had to do was send tape from this game off and he can write his ticket to wherever he wants to go. And high school football, under the lights, playing your rival and watching such a dismantling - well there's few fervors quite like it.

Going against it:
It's high school football, and even though it's a ridiculous performance, it's probably not that big a deal. Maybe the local news picks the story up.

The yacht race from One Crazy Summer

Going for it:
As far as yacht races go, this is pretty exciting. It has the typical "rich kids vs. misfits" subplot, a crossbow attack, a water rescue, and a tricked out boat with a Ferrari motor in it. That's going to beat the Americas Cup every day of the week.

Going against it:
It's a boat race. Around an island. Plus, afterward you most likely have to listen to Demi Moore sing.

Tomorrow - the top 10 Honorable Mentions...

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