Deconstructing Jonny Quest (or - What were my parents thinking?)

Every now and then for whatever reason (you can't define inspiration) I'll jot something down in a notebook, to look up later on youtube. Hey, it gets me through the day. Anyway, for whatever reason, the other day I wrote "Jonny Quest." I vaguely remember being entertained by the cartoon on Saturday mornings, the one day I was allowed to simply go downstairs and watch television without bothering my parents. It's a wonder I survived my Amish beginnings.

Now, I know the show was created in the late 60s and then simply ran ad nauseum for years on whatever network would pick it up - though I haven't seen it recently. So I figured youtube was as good a place as any to find it. And find it I did.

Good lord was this show awesome.

And by awesome I mean violent, raw, scary, thrilling and kickin. "Kickin" as in it may have had the best cartoon soundtrack I have come across. This show had it all, and quite possibly holds the answers to what makes me who I am today.

Rather than waste it in a Good, Bad, Beautiful, I thought this needed its own post. There's so much going on - and that's only in the opening credits of the show. Honestly, I can't think of a more action packed 45 seconds of entertainment. But I'll let you be the judge. Take a look on the flip side...





Not your average start to a child's cartoon, right? I count 2 explosions, 6 gun shots, and 10 acts of violence/aggression - and that's in 50 seconds. Thankfully, they slow it down when introducing the characters, or I'm not sure my head could take it.

But let's break it down as only we know how here at The Popcorn Trick...

The show Jonny Quest was about a scientist and his son who travel the globe battling...um...things (creatures, robots, evil doers, etc.) with the aid of a secret agent (Race Bannon - quite possibly the greatest name in the history of names. You know what exactly the type of guy you're getting with a name like Race Bannon), an Indian kid adopted by the good Dr., and a dog. Obviously the dog is there for comic relief/to get into situations in order to be saved, but still, the inclusion of Bandit almost invokes my rule of "never watch a show/movie that exploits innocent animals to tug on the heartstrings of the audience." It's why I will never watch I Am Legend or King Kong. Quest gets a pass because even the devious creators of this show would never kill an animal. I don't think.

No one is going to mistake what the show is about after watching the opening credits. What you see in the first 50 seconds, is what you get for a half hour. And I don't want it any other way.

We start off immediately on an off-colored note, with a number of natives chasing what may or may not be a minority through the jungle. We'll see more of the natives in the closing credits, so don't you worry. That scene cuts to a screaming dinosaur bird, that does nothing more than scream and scare the bejesus out of everyone. It really comes out of left field, and continues to do so. A little animal montage of a panther and alligator is thrown in for good measure before we suddenly see 2 army guys sitting in a trench unloading an M-60 on a mechanical Daddy Long Legs.

What?

As far as opening credits go, this is what we in the industry call a left turn. No where was this scenario set up. I love it. And I can imagine my 6 year old mind orgasming over it...in a completely innocent 6 year old way.

And we're just getting warmed up, as the driving cocaine beat of the music suggests at this point in the credits.

The M-60 had no effect on giant Daddy Long Legs, but the tank and mortar shells certainly do. Explosion #1 and mechanical Daddy Long Legs is a mess of brilliant flashing colors.

Yet there's no rest for the weary here. New scene - new enemy. We're transported to...oh let's say Egypt for argument's sake, inside some sort of tomb with a giant mummy walking around looking pissed. It's also one of the scarier mummies I've ever seen. Bursting through a timber door that may or may not have entombed him (I hope not, since it hardly seemed to slow the mummy down) he is met with a barrage of gun fire from two guys suited up in biohazard gear, apparently under the impression that becoming a mummy may be contagious. Note we have yet to see one major character from the show yet.

The mummy, angered either by the gun shots or saddened by the fact that there are guys invoking early 80s doctors' practices of dealing with GRID patients, does what any normal misunderstood creature would do. He grabs the nearest Shriner and lifts him over his head. Oh but look, Race Bannon is there sans containment gear (he's the Matthew Modine of this bizarre And the Band Played On interpretation) shooting his gun and causing a lot of rubble to fall on the mummy and presumably kill him! That the Shriner is also underneath that rubble is an unfortunate but common occurrence in times of war. And I assume that fighting mummies would cause an act of war be declared.

Before the next Jonny Quest adventure, we enjoy a slight reprieve of men in orange suits floating over an alien landscape in giant hovering coffee mugs. Never seen again, I certainly don't trust 'em. Especially when immediately following their arrival we cut to a giant vulture/turkey buzzard/turkey (seriously, bird experts, what is that?) swooping down to grab Bandit.

Obviously, Bandit is not going to die; he's listed in the credits for Christ's sake. Still, the look of evil on the turkey buzzard (really, it looks like a turkey, right? But I can't and won't believe the animators were tripping enough to get away with drawing a psychotic looking turkey swoop dive and grab a dog. Even if it is a pug. So until I'm proven wrong, I'm going with turkey buzzard), coupled with the look of fear on Bandit's face as he's picked off the ground like I pick an olive out of an Outback Steakhouse side salad is the sort of thing that will keep me from sleeping tonight. His small little pug legs betray him. It's quite sad. Had he been a border collie I no doubt he would have been able to run away. I have to imagine that scene alone is why I will never watch I Am Legend.

(Seriously, why kill the dog in I Am Legend? Fuck you if you haven't seen it and are screaming for a spoiler alert. If you couldn't figure out they were killing that dog when you saw him in the trailer then you're an idiot. You wanna know why they killed the dog? Because we, as a society demanded it. Because the story was about "the last man on Earth" they certainly couldn't show gore by killing another person so early in the movie; there weren't any to kill off. But that explanation wouldn't satisfy the gore hounds that go to movies these days. The people that pay the Will Smith paychecks and buy the producers' gas for their diamond planes. So something needed to die.

And so concludes my Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes morality moment. Back to the Quest.)

Luckily, the bird/dog confrontation is quick and again we can feel content with the fact that they're not killing a supporting star of the show - at least until February sweeps. Something my 6 year old mind only had a rough grasp of (I knew about May and November; I could never remember the February sweeps). Slithering snakes of indeterminate species transition us into what may be the weirdest shot of the entire credits montage (and that's saying something) and also the most mysterious. Two creatures, possibly from the dragon family are seen trudging through a swamp. I say dragon because I think I can make out a forked tongue that keeps sticking out as they chomp their mouths in a sign of aggression, suspiciously looking as though they're chasing something. Weird, but not Mummy picking up a Shriner weird - except for the fact that each dragonthing is LEASHED. Either they're pulling a sled, or are being held back by a giant type being. Either option is at play as this is still Jonny Quest!

We never find out the dragonthings mystery as we now find Race Bannon getting ready to swing off what appears to be a raised sunken pirate ship. It's a little unclear in the 2 seconds it's on.

Bannon swings from the deck, through a shipyard, the docks, possibly a small town and then another 400 yards to knock either A) a guy dressed in a frog (aka SCUBA) suit; B) an actual frog creature; C) a "handsy" uncle; or D) all of the above. Mission accomplished. This appears to be the start of the climactic battle scene of the opening credits, as the J. Quest molester's partner (or the original guy is just really really fast) is seen back on board the raised pirate ship firing off a technically advanced cannon of some sort. Shooting at what, we don't know, we only see the beam phaser off into the distance.

Dr. Benton Quest (making his first appearance in the credits), has a technically advanced cannon of his own - and isn't afraid to use it. I can't believe he's down at the docks though, as his cannon is large and bulky; moving it from place to place would require at flatbed of considerable size at the very least. So don't ask me where Dr. Quest is during this whole fire fight. Maybe Race is calling him in for an air strike or something, and he's hanging out back at the base where there's a plethora of cannons that shoot cool.

Whatever the case, Benton strikes a direct hit on the pirate ship, decimating it completely in the credit's second large explosion. And finally, we can slow down. We're 50 seconds in and haven't had a chance to catch our breath. The next 35 seconds (an eternity in Johnny Quest credits time) is spent introducing the characters onboard what I can only guess is the Quest jet. You might think it's enough time to get in 15-20 introductions with the breakneck pace that has been established, but no, just the 5 main characters, in order of appearance on the plane:

• Jonny Quest
• Dr. Benton Quest
• "Race" Bannon
• Hadji
• Bandit

Thankfully, we end in a state of calm, the plane banks off into clouds, obviously off toward their next adventure. If it's anything like the opening credits, I can't wait.

So there you have it - a deeper look into what I consider one of the most influential shows of my childhood. I'll never forget the invisible monster (and the noise it made when it was close) this team defeated with paint and possibly electricity - either using an electric fence, or a net. It's a little hazy in my head, being I last saw this show 30 years ago. Don't hold me to specifics, just enjoy the show for what it was, lament in the fact that they don't mass produce awesomeness like this for kids' consumption anymore and enjoy this little bonus of closing credits action without my longwindedness...

Johnny Quest closing credits:



(and yes, I realize I just wrote 2000 words on 1 minute and 24 seconds worth of cartoon, but seriously, they really pack a lot in there - and think of it this way - I was really close to deconstructing the end credits too)

Battle of the Network Stars - November 1978

I wonder if Roone Arledge has a time machine.

After my last rant about Suzanne Somers not being up to snuff for color commentary for the May 1978 battle, changes were made. Now, due to the paradoxes time travel introduce, it's impossible for me to know whether or not Arledge, the producer of the Battle of the Network Stars, (or a descendant wanting to buff the resume of the great producer, since Arledge died in 2002) invented time travel after reading my last blog post and told him to find someone better, or if he simply realized Somers wasn't good. Either way, we have a new color commentator for Battle of the Network Stars V.

Unfortunately, it is not the triumphant return of Telly Savalas.

It is Cosell's Monday Night Football partner, Frank Gifford, his head still on a swivel keeping an eye out for Bednarik coming 'round to level him.

It's your call on whether you think this move is an upgrade over Somers.

I'll say this, it adds another level of professionalism on an event that walks the line between seriousness and absurdity. I mean think about it (and I have), what current celebrities would do this today? What production companies would allow it? What insurance companies would? In this battle alone I counted 4 injuries to celebrities. Some even looked real. I doubt many agents, managers, assistants, lawyers or publicists would allow their clients to participate.

And that's a shame. Because Battle of the Network Stars November 1978 upped the ante a bit. Sure it starts off a little slow, but by the end you can tell these teams want to win...

Let's meet those teams...

ABC

Gabe Kaplan (captain)
Debby Boone
Billy Crystal
Joyce DeWitt
Richard Hatch
Maren Jensen
Robert Urich

CBS

McLean Stevenson (captain)
Valerie Bertinelli
LeVar Burton
Lou Ferigno
Pat Klous
David Letterman
Tim Reid
Charlene Titlon

NBC

Robert Conrad (captain) (he's back!)
Joseph Bottoms
William Devane
Pamela Hensley
Brianne Leary
Wendy Rastattar
William Shatner
Caskey Swaim

It's easy to handicap the event looking at these rosters. CBS, basking in their battle IV victory, seem content to mail it in; McLean Stevenson as captain is an insult to the other teams. ABC keeps Kaplan and immediately has to be considered a favorite, while NBC, obviously embarrassed after their last performance, does what it takes to get Conrad back to lead their team. He's on the team because he starred in a miniseries called, "Centennial," and if that's not bending the rules to get his experience on the team then I don't know what is. I mean look at the picture they used to hype him up. Aside from looking as though he's about to attempt to regain an oil rig from Anthony Perkins (I dare anyone to get that reference), this man is balls to the wall ready to win this competition.

Speaking of stacking the deck, CBS does tries the same trick with the addition of LeVar Burton to their roster for starring in One in a Million: The Ron LeFore Story. And that's not even a mini-series like Centennial. I get the feeling that NBC and CBS are playing pretty loose with the eligibility rules.

Event #1: Swimming

Swimming, the one true event that really highlights a player's strength or weakness doesn't disappoint. At first, I pegged Joe Bottoms for the "i'm-taking-this-more-seriously-than-any-acting-gig-I've-ever-done" (aka The Kevin Dobson Award) but then he showed off his ass when teh announced him for the swimming event, and that's not anything Dobson would approve.

Of course, Bottoms does appear to have grown up at least near water as he knifes through the water giving NBC an insurmountable lead, and a new swimming record. Devane helped as well, though he doesn't have the breathing down pat; had he breathed to the side NBC might have been able to lap the other two.

After the race we're also treated to a very lame and unfunny skit involving Kaplan and Robin Williams. As Williams is on the show because of his portrayal of Mork (from Ork of course) Cosell and Gifford repeatedly (ad nauseum actually) set him up to riff in "Ork" language. Kaplan "translates." It's hard to watch.

After swimming:

NBC - 100
ABC - 75
CBS - 50

Event #2: Rowing

ABC has a stranglehold on this event, having never lost (unless they did during the lost '77 battle). This race is no exception. ABC cruises to victory as Kaplan doesn't even get wet rowing the anchor leg of the race. I did enjoy William Shatner's polo shirt and popped collar look, treating the race as a business casual Friday at the office. And Tim Reid looked very bad in his boat, reinforcing the age old stereotype (hey - he brought it up, not me!).

After ABC trounced the other two teams, Gifford looks to get a reaction from Conrad, who, "pretends" he isn't too upset with his team's performance, and suggests this race is "sophisticated." I spend a good 15 minutes trying to figure out how, and come up empty.

Event #3: Dunk Tank

The dunk tank is back...with some tweaks that really make no sense. Instead of people choosing who they want to go in the tank, it's now up to the captains to sit on the perch. That's all well and good, but...have you seen these captains. I don't want to be presumptuous, but aside from Conrad's Jack LaLane physique, these guys aren't giving the female viewers much to fantasize about (aside from the Kaplan tickler he's been cultivating on his top lip for quite some time now). Luckily, Arledge realizes the captains' lack of sex appeal and gives us Pat Klous to be dunked to go over the arcane dunk tank rules. Unrelated, those traditional green suits of BotNS show off the areola really well.

We're introduced to the commissioner of the festivities, and it's none other than Sparky Anderson, famed manager of the Cincinatti Reds. I'll never understand how a commissioner is chosen, or the need for one, but it does make for another awkward moment as Sparky has to speak.

The one intriguing moment of the dunk tank event is when Conrad, throwing for NBC, is facing Kaplan in the tank. After a few select barbs tossed at one another, Conrad throws at Kaplan (safely inside the cage), to send a message, which is all fine and good, but then is still given his three throws at the target. Hey, if you're going to throw a purpose pitch, it should count. It does in the majors. Where's Sparky on this?

NBC wins after LeVar Burton for CBS fails miserably to come within 6 feet of the target with his throws. Cosell tries to cover the awful performance by suggesting Conrad's heckling had something to do with it, as though Conrad was a quick-witted master improv performer.

After the dunk tank, the scores are:

NBC - 275
ABC - 225
CBS - 175

Event #4: Obstacle Course

This event is always fun to watch. It's easy to see all the action and it's fun to compare past and present competitors, and thhis year is no exception. Billy Crystal is back after missing Battle 4, in hopes to atone for his awful performance in the III battle. You'd think Crystal spent summers with Cosell and Gifford with the way they're fawning over his athletic ability. Letterman barely gets an introduction as his competitor (Quick aside on Letterman. It's obvious he doesn't want to be there. and it's also obvious that he's a decent athlete, but I think it's his attitude that does him in. Frequently he's seen in background team shots of CBS, giving his now traditional sarcastic expressions. I love him for it).

Well, Crystal makes it through unscathed, but doesn't have the time to beat the two finalists: Tim Reid and Bill Devane - 2 great competitors. I have no idea why I'm so excited that Devane is competing; it's possible that as a child, watching Knots Landing with my mother, I developed a fascination with his overacting and devious ways on that show. Currently, I'm thrilled that Devane is slowly taking over the Dobson role for the show; steely eyed, competitive, and handsome.

Tim Reid is no stranger to me either. Frank's Place? Great show. And I bet the other 4 people who have seen it agree with me. But it was Venus Flytrap from WKRP in Cincinatti who will always hold a special place in my heart. Cool, smooth, funny and down with the soul.

So how can I choose a favorite between these two major television influences on my life? I can't. I can only root for a good race.

Unfortunately, it's not. Reid wins going away. Devane tried everything , but couldn't answer the long stride of Reid.

On the ladies' side of the event, it appears to be one of the stronger groups of competitors in the history of BotNS to date. Both Gifford and Cosell have been falling over themselves to compliment Brianne Leary's (of CHiPs fame) athletic ability. Apparently she used to be a gymnast at one point, before becoming an actress. Unfortunately, her "athleticism," doesn't translate well to the obstacle course, and her time doesn't hold up.

In Pat Klous' heat, she missteps over the water jump, resulting in a bruised ankle; you'd think she were shot however with the amount of fawning Cosell and Gifford do. The aid the medical team came up with to cover it doesn't do her any favors either; the guy in "Johnny Got His Gun (the Metallica video "One" for all you troglodytes) had less bandages.

The finals pit Valerie Bertinelli against Wendy Rastattar and in a very boring race Bertinelli clinches it. What isn't boring is LeVar Burton taking credit (and not in a joking way) for Bertinelli's victory, throwing McLean Stevenson under the bus. Hey, that guy was in MASH! Show some respect Burton!

Scores after the obstacle course:

NBC - 350
ABC - 275
CBS - 275

Event #5: Running Relay

Much like the rowing event, ABC has succeeded in the running relay, and a lot of the success can be attributed to Kaplan's pre-race strategy. But this race might be his toughest yet. Crystal and Hatch do everything they can, but Brianne Leary and a shirtless Conrad (why would he race in a shirt at this point?) are too much for ABC to overtake. In fact, Burton comes out of nowhere, making up for a baton drop (between Lou Ferigno and Bertinelli - which after the race Ferigno squarely throws the blame on Bertinelli) and eeks out second place for CBS. Along the way, he takes all the credit for it as well.

But the race belongs to NBC; Bottoms and Devane hold their own, and even with Tim Reid "running like a deer," (Cosell's description) no one can beat the NBC juggernaut.

Scores after the running relay...

NBC - 450
CBS - 350
ABC - 300

Event #6: Football

Aside from the very first running relay, with the Kapln/Conrad controversy and eventual run-off, this might be my favorite individual event. The amount of entertainment, intrigue and tension that took place on this football field in November of 1978 is hard to rival. I don't think I've made it a secret that I'm an ABC guy when it comes to who I root for, and before this event things looked bad for them to make it to the Tug o' War, which they have yet to miss. Mired in third place, they not only need to win, they need CBS to come in third.

Right off the bat, we see CBS roll over and play dead, as we're treated to a finals of CBS vs. ABC. Each team is given 6 offensive plays to score; a touchdown is worth 5 and all other catches are worth 2. A catch outside the endzone cannot be advanced however.

Now, the cynic in me briefly wonders whether Conrad would be cagey enough to throw this event in order to face ABC. It's no secret he hates Kaplan and ABC, plus, if he wins he has to face CBS and Lou Ferigno, and I don't see anyone beating that juggernaut. However, after watching Conrad's bizarre profile here:



I now realize there's no way Conrad would ever throw anything. (Aside: how many of you watching this thought it was a joke in the first 30 seconds, only to get a weird feeling in your gut when you realized Conrad was dead serious in the way he coached these kids. "Conditioned their bodies?" "Got these boys in shape?" You want to talk about unintentional comedy? Here you go ladies and gentlemen.

Instead of trying to describe just how incredible this football event is, I'm just going to let you watch it, in all its glory. Enjoy...



Highlights/Things to look out for:

Devane makes a game saving defensive play, batting down a pass
Need video proof that natural breasts look better than artificial ones? Check out those cheerleaders!
Bottoms takes a shot from someone on ABC; I want to say it's Crystal, but I'm not 100% sure
Richard Hatch's catch might be the best I've seen at any level.
Kaplan sack's Devane; it's the first time I've ever seen someone get sacked in this event.
Listen for Conrad tell his team toward the end to just go for 2 pointers because they can "score more than 14" with that strategy.

ABC pulls out the victory, ensuring they will make the finals against NBC.

Event #7: Tug o' War

It's too big a mountain to climb. After an epic battle in the football competition, it doesn't look like ABC can muster enough strength to beat NBC. Here are the guys on the rope:

NBC

Swaim
Devane
Shatner
Bottoms
Conrad (sans shirt of course)

ABC

Urich
Kaplan (anchor?)
Williams
Crystal
Hatch (wearing a parka, as he is possibly suffering from heat exhaustion)

Kaplan quickly assesses the situation and devises some crazy strategy of telling his team to not make an initial pull, in hopes of NBC falling off balance.

It doesn't work.

Sparky Anderson, the consummate commissioner keeps his eye on the flag and declares NBC the winner after about 90 seconds. While I'll always appreciate Kaplan trying new and different things, I'm not sure this was the time to employ something crazy. And he admits as much at the end, in the postgame interview, suggesting his team might have been able to pull off the upset had they simply gave the effort.

Two more random thoughts from this...

Caskey Swaim (he of one of my favorite shows of all time) is about as personable as a turnip.
Before we get out, we of course have to get one more Ork joke from Robin Williams, whose looks ready to murder the next person who says "Nanu Nanu."

Battle V is in the books, and we learned a lot of things. We learned Conrad certainly knows how to lead a team, whether it's a bunch of celebrities, or a 12 year old football squad. We learned William Devane is a very capable athlete, and may be a "Conrad in training." We learned CBS is satisfied to coast after their sole victory. We learned William Shatner likes to keep everything semi-formal. We learned LeVar Burton thinks very highly of himself.

And we learned that no matter what, athletes can be just as competitive as athletes, and definitely just as entertaining.

Until Battle VI, I bid you adieu.

How to make Wipeout a good television show

Summer television fare is, well there are few things to describe it that don’t immediately bring up images of garbage. It used to be networks simply repeated their regular season series, simply giving up on ratings. But then reality television exploded on the market, giving the networks something to cheaply produce, and giving the audience something new to watch.

Say what you want about the current crop of reality television shows. I’m not here to denounce the entire genre (is it considered a genre?). The debate of whether people enjoy reality television for its worth, or simply because that’s what’s on at the moment is not going to be broached here. I don’t have nearly enough psychology doctorates to come up with a sane thesis on the matter anyway. What am I here to do is look at one of the more recent offerings of reality television, called Wipeout.

Wipeout is ABC’s latest attempt to cash in on a cheaply produced show that features regular people falling down, slipping into pools of mud, getting punched in a variety of places on their body and generally making fools of themselves. The immediate problem that I have with the show is that it’s just interesting enough to make me want to tweak it into a success. Unfortunately, I don’t have that power (ABC executives, if you’re reading, I have a couple notes that probably wouldn’t even cost too much), so I’m just left with ranting about it here.

The premise of the show is simple: ordinary people run through try to complete different obstacles in the fastest time to continue on to the next round. Each round eliminates a number of contestants, until we’re left with four individuals who take on the grand finale course. The one with the best time wins 50,000, and probably some sort of post traumatic stress syndrome (being attached to something that spins at a high speed repeatedly has to do something to your insides).

The show brings to mind a similar type game show, called Ninja Warrior, exported from Japan. This show too shows people attempting to best a number of obstacles

Now, while I’m not 100% sure, I assume ABC took it’s influence from the popular Japanese game show Ninja Warrior. This show, popular on the G4 network, is similar in people are competing against a challenging series of obstacles that get increasingly harder after each round. Here’s an example of Ninja Warrior, a montage of Nagano, one of two contestants to ever win. You can see the seriousness and challenge one must face:



And here’s an example of Wipeout:



Obviously, you can see both the similarities and differences. But they don’t stop there. With Wipeout, there is a winner every week; with Ninja Warrior, in the 20 seasons it has been on, it has only been completed twice. And that fact, not only highlights the difference between the shows, but also between cultures. I doubt the American viewing audience would have the patience or the respect needed to watch failure after failure of people attempting the best a course. I’m also guessing that’s why the producers of Wipeout gave each show a definitive winner. So I’m not going to suggest to make Wipeout a better show to change those things.

But I will suggest Wipeout could borrow a few things of Ninja Warrior and become a much more popular show. So here’s what I would do to make Wipeout better…

Make obstacles achievable.

I understand that there is a lot of humor watching someone do a head first dive into a pool of mud. I’m not above laughing at that myself. But when every competitor falls into mud, it begins the act begins to lose its appeal. The problem with Wipeout’s first course of obstacles is that they’re designed to be next to impossible to complete. Competitors routinely attempt an obstacle, fall off and then are left to swim or trudge to the next. Completing the course then becomes a competition against the clock and not the obstacles. So rather than build any kind of minor tension to see if someone can finish the course, the viewer is left with simply waiting for the contestant to fail. And while the failure is often spectacularly painful looking, it will eventually become redundant, and viewers will start looking to NCIS for their entertainment.

Have a healthy respect for the obstacles.

I don’t know if contestants are told to have fun with the course, or producers screen for a certain type of person, but so far everyone I’ve seen on the show has been fairly stupid, fairly ignorant or a combination of both. It seems that the show doesn’t know whether to be a comedy or a sporting event, and not making that decision waters the entire show down. The absurdity of obstacles and falls of contestants will always breed comedy; I don’t need average people trying to be funny. That just makes it more unfunny. And speaking of funny…

Get rid of the current announcers.

Not only is it obviously scripted and then taped to be played later, Jon Anderson and John Henson are the wrong fit for this show. Snarky attitude and scripted jokes take the joy out of allowing the viewer to make those jokes while watching. Bring in a real play-by-play person, have him announce the situation while it happens, and comedy will come through the spontaneity of it all. Heck, maybe these two are the right choice in this format. But scripting the show hurts the entire vibe of the competition, and it’s difficult to focus on the individuals competing. I’m interested in seeing them try these goofy things and seeing how far they can actually make it. Let the announcers be in the moment.

Bring in a live audience.

I think the creepiest thing for me is the fact that this giant course appears to be out in the middle of nowhere, and the contestants are shipped in ala Running Man. Seriously, why not hold the competition in front of an audience react to what’s going on? It would add to the level of excitement and get a buzz going.

As I said before, I don’t think Wipeout is bad, but I do think it will have a short shelf life if it doesn’t make some changes. Already after watching it twice I’ve caught myself wondering if the Law & Order episode on TNT is one I’ve only seen 4 times before. Tweak now, or look for another show to run into the ground next summer.