Cool Shit 2/17

Really cool idea of pairing food with music. Specifically, a dinner with Radiohead's Kid A. Possibly the first time I've wished I lived in Detroit.

Good God there is such a level of pretentiousness within this article about what constitutes the great American novel, from both American authors and the author of the piece. That people sit around and think that other people actively think about this stuff (I'm talking normal people, not authors and critics) is insanely stupid. If the book is good, it's good. If it has a message that is digestible and intriguing, that will find the surface organically. So stupid.

Do you live in a above normal, normal or below normal area during this winter season?

Look, I love Robocop (the original) as much as the next person, but to place the label "Christ allegory" onto it seems a little heavy handed.

Hacking is still something people don't truly understand. Sure, there's the concept of hacking that we have from skimming news sources, hearing about it on the news and getting notifications about it from your service provider, but the common person on the street doesn't have any idea about how truly damaging it can be. Thankfully, this guy is trying to counter that.

Seems like that story about the real life castaway might be true?

Cool Shit 4/18

Just when I thought I've been completely been desensitized to the Internet, it somehow reaches back and gets that extra 2-3 mph on its fastball and shocks me once again. In a world filled with false hyperbole, I think this is one of those rare occasions when "worst" is used appropriately.

While I enjoyed this 8 minute "diatribe" by Patton Oswalt on Parks and Recreation, I also believe I could do a similar job. Now, I have no training in improv whatsoever and am probably stupid for thinking that, but I DO know I have a plethora of useless knowledge to call upon should the moment ever arise.



I simply appreciate that someone out there saw a problem like this and came up with an app that could solve it. Soon, cousin fucking will be a thing of the past!

Audition tapes of famous people before they were famous auditioning for the roles that made them famous.

Gleaning all you can from a bomb.

New trailer for a movie called R.I.P.D. Something something zombie cops fighting the dead. Just assume a complete rip off of Men In Black. I predict this movie will fail miserably.

The New Radiohead Album: The King of Limbs

Thought I would try something new. New for me, at least. I swear I was three quarters finished with this before I saw Ross McCammon's piece in Esquire basically doing the same thing. So much for being original. Still, it was fun to do, and I'm hoping to do it with other albums. Though Radiohead seems perfectly created for the experiment.

What the hell am I talking about? I simply put on Radiohead's new album, The King of Limbs and did a kind of stream of consciousness thing for each track. Don't take it as analysis, or examination - think of it more as a description of feelings and thoughts that the album created. Nothing's right; nothing's wrong.

I hope you enjoy it.

First, here's a youtube with the whole album, if you'd like to listen as you read...

Bloom - A musically better version of Revolution #9. Slightly better.

Morning Mr. Magpie - If Les Claypool played all the instruments the same way he played bass for the band Oysterhead, but didn't sing. Or, if the rain falling on a windshield suddenly got very rhythmic/hypnotic and an offkey singing angel, sitting shotgun, noticed and sang about it (because an offkey angel would still sound pretty goo, right?).

Little by Little - A belly dancer with oddly shaped castanets dancing for a largely apathetic crowd, in a small, smoky club that sits underneath an insurance office in Topeka Kansas. The belly dancer mistakenly thinks she is of middle eastern descent, but she's Irish/Italian.

Feral - When a musically inclined child, who nevertheless has never had any lessons or opportunity to see where his talent could take him, bangs on a casio keyboard just messing around.

Lotus Flower - What Tilda Swinton with a beard would dance around to for five minutes.

Codex - a hymnal/song for a high school student from your class that has died in a violent car crash. A childhood friend of his sits and reflecting on himself while looking in a mirror in the dark of the bathroom in the school, using only the light of the crescent moon to illuminate anything.

Give up the Ghost - Hey...what's that? Behind the many many computer boxes and things that are electronic...it's an acoustic guitar and write a song about how it's become a ghost! Does anyone know how to play it? Oh for fuck's sake just program that electronic thing to make an acoustic guitar sound and bang on it occasionally. AND SLOW IT THE FUCK DOWN - what is this an Old Crow Medicine Show album?

Separator - A ball bounces rhythmically down the street. A mother wails melodically for her child out of the window of her row home pleading for him to come home and eat the hot dog casserole she made. Her attention is diverted to the ball. The spark of an idea forms in her head - she suddenly realizes her dream of being a Tom Jones' backup singer is attainable. All is right with the world.

Links of Interest 12/22

The best television of 2009.

…and then, more specifically, the best moments on television in 2009.

Ugh, the whole set up and announcer for this almost made me skip this, but I’m a sucker for messed up newscasts.

Even He-Man and She-ra celebrate Christmas.

If you believe in the power of aphrodisiacs, seek these out.

Speaking with Radiohead’s Ed O’Brien about the decade that was for Radiohead.

Anyone else like Tori Amos’ Little Earthquakes? If so, you’ll enjoy her talking about it, track by track.

Going deeper into Avatar: Watch this “documentary” on the life of Pandora – the planet from the movie.

Definitely a “smoke some pot and ponder this!” link.

Be careful with those Facebook updates – they could lead to bigger things.

Rock out with the 70s!

Radiohead is obviously the face of genius music. I'm not here to argue that. U2 is slowly kicking and screaming their music in sold out arenas, and I'm not about to criticize them. Pearl Jam quietly nabbed the elder statesman, tied him up, threw him in a closet, and took over his duties. I'm not one to question their behavior. All these bands are successful, critically acclaimed (occasionally) and play to their fans. And they should.

But don't you ever find it all a bunch of pussy music sometimes?



I'm not talking specifically about these bands either, because I know they rock and can get a sea of people to waver their hands in the air and "move as one" to their music. I'm talking more about the state of music in general. Emotional rock and roll seems to be sitting at the end of the music table desperately trying to hear the conversation the other genres are having, straining its ears but only catching bits and pieces. Sure, occasionally it will speak up, and the others will lend a polite ear, but for the most part it's left alone to wallow in its boiler makers, remembering the old times.

And that's a shame.

Because it used to be that roaring guitars, smacked, machine gun drums and screaming singers ruled the roost. I'm of course talking about good old fashioned 70s hard rock and roll. Back when picking up instruments and playing a gig at night meant coke and blow jobs. Back when the music meant something other than a simple paycheck.

Of course, I certainly am by no means an expert on this genre of music. So I went to the round table of experts. A group I can't name here for fear of wiretaps. A gang of guys that don't have nicknames; they have aliases. A bunch that have listened to Jethro Tull's Thick as a Brick n its entirety...more than once.

So please, think of this as a time machine that can only go back 35 years or so, back to a time when you played music to get over the fact that you weren't gonna get laid.



Whaat did I miss? Include that I shouldn't have? Let me know in the comments below.

The irrelevance of the 2009 Grammys

Stuck in an era when black face was considered legitimate entertainment, the Grammys have two choices: Change the game or roll up the sidewalks and call it a day.

Last night, with the allure of Radiohead playing with the USC Marching band drawing me in, I decided to watch the Grammy telecast. I'm pretty sure it's the first time I ever have. It didn't hurt that I received rave reviews of my Golden Globes Twittering either. But that was a cake walk compared to what I had to witness last night.

Hip acts intermingled with tired acts, and bizarre pairings ruled the night, and the stamp of "irrelevant" came down hard. Even the hip acts appeared confused, as though the organizers didn't know what to do with them, and they didn't know what to do back.

In a phrase, it was a glorious mess. If you find entertainment in that sort of thing, then you were in heaven. If you just wanted to see whether or not Metallica would win a grammy, then you were in for disappointment.



The following is a quick recap of the night based on my tweets and a little more in depth analysis. If I can stomach it.

And let me preface all this by saying if I didn't have DVR, there's no way I would have watched the Grammys. I would have watched the awesome made for TV movie with Val Kilmer. Title? I have no idea. Some roman numeral, so you know it had to be good. Anyway, on with the show.

The "evening" started early, with E rolling out the red carpet probably around 9 AM. Seriously, I flipped it on at 5 to see Seacrest in all his awkward glory trying to kill time as busboys were arriving to start setting up tables. As the night moved on and more musicians began to show up, I realized one thing - Ryan Seacrest does not know how to interview someone. Example - here is with John Mayer...



Fantastic. Great start to the evening.

Here are some of my tweets as the red carpet began to heat up...

"kardashian (grammy red carpet covereage) looks as though she should be beckoning Richard Dreyfuss onto a space ship. Alien much?"

I wish I could find a picture of her stretched back look, and will update if I do. But seriously, she might have hid behind a drawer and scared the bejesus out of Christopher Walken before getting to the red carpet.

"if death cab for cutie had called themselves "abusement park," I think I would have listened to them."
"Just heard this from Seacrest: "TI, on a serious note, you'll be in jail soon." How can you not love the Grammys red carpet?"

Now if only the actual awards show was as exciting.

U2 starts off the evening with what I can only assume is their new single. Since I really have no opinion on U2 one way or the other, it doesn't strike me as anything special, but it also wasn't aurally offensive, so I'll say no more. But their performance does highlight one of the bigger problems of the evening, and that is the absence of a host. Say what you want about bad hosts, but if nothing else they do perform one important job - they announce what is going on. Sure, most people recognize U2, however, as the night goes on, sometimes it gets difficult to figure out who is playing what.

Thoughts from the Grammys (tweets are in blue)...
Whitney - how about a hotdog occasionally? C'mon!


Honestly - she needs some food. Never mind the fact she is slowly morphing into Tina Turner. I was out of the room but heard her out of place tribute to Clive Davis. I get he's a huge figure in music, but I'm not 100% sure this was the soapbox to preach your love for him. Maybe it's just me.


Jennifer Hudson looks like she's wearing a penguin.

Robert Plant's head seems to have consumed his neck.

Jay Mohr and LL Cool J? can we get more bizarre pairings tonight? Mohr looked as though it was the first time he saw a black person.

Mohr looked about as uncomfortable as you could get. He made some bizarre shout out ( I forget what it was) and then chastised the audience for not getting it. Jay, it might work when you sub in for Rome on his radio show, but it's not going to work on the crowd at the Grammys.

Why does USC Marching band get all the cool gigs? First Tusk with Fleetwood Mac (at their heyday) and now Radiohead.


It's supposed to work like this. Dorks and nonsocials gravitate toward the band. Sure, a college marching band might move you up a rung, but it's still pretty much the second rung up. Yet now, the USC marching band is disrupting the socioeconomics fo this tried and true adage. How much poontang you think those trombone players scored last night after backing the greatest living band at the Grammys? Ok sure, i twas the Grammys, but still...

It's an insult to Richard Roundtree to play Shaft when Samuel L Jackson comes on stage.

Samuel L. I know John Shaft. You are not John Shaft. As long as Richard Roundtree is alive, he and he alone should be able to come out to that song. Don't agree? Watch Shaft in Africa and get back to me.
oh good, an old white guy to ignore.

I tuned out with this guy. Did he really suggest there should be a Secretary of Arts? Um, how about not bringing this up as the country is on the verge of the greatest economic collapse in the history of history. Just sayin.

Jamie Foxx doesn't belong on the stage right now.

It' hard for me to describe exactly what was going on during the tribute to the lone remaining member of the 4 Tops. Luckily, I don't have to...



Sweet Caroline? Really? How about a Brother Love for the fans?

Of course no matter what he played, he not only brought down the house, but gave the telecast the energy is was sorely missing. Watch it here.

When I think music, I think Gary Sinise.

The sentiment was there, as he introduced a tribute to New Orleans led by Little Wayne that ended with members of the Dirty Dozen Brass Band in the audience, but the network synergy is getting a little annoying.



and...Stevie Wonder plays us all out in a most bizarre ending to a very bizarre evening. FIX THE GRAMMYS and MAKE THEM RELEVANT

Honestly - the Grammys have to reinvent themselves...and I'm not just talking about the telecast. Sure, watching The Jonas Brothers destroy any and all my good feelings of the song Superstition (I've included the video, but I suggest you don't watch it): to Miley Cyrus calling her shouting with "melody" singing... (same warning applies to this one) it's obvious the telecast could use some tweaks. But the larger problem is that people look at the music industry in a different light now. Regardless of how you feel about online music, it's here, and it has to be addressed. And that includes awards shows.

Even with the rap acts and th eR&B infused in last night's telecast, the show felt dated. It seemed as though old white guys simply sat in a room and figured getting some hip hop acts would make the Grammys relevant. And that couldn't be further from the truth.

I have an idea - let's let some of these acts do their own thing. Give them a blank canvass and see what they come up with. You think Kanye West can't get crazy and bring something we haven't seen before? Jay-Z and Chris Martin from Coldplay together? Cool I guess, but it's been done. Let's branch out. How about a deejay always on stage, spinning us in and out of breaks? I don't know, I'm just riffing - but it seems like I'm the only one doing it.

Until that feeling of irrelevance is shaken off, the Grammys, much like traditional CD sales will taper off into non existence.

Links of Interest 2/6

Way back in the day when New York was living in its Mad Men glory, John Updike wrote about a shortcut he found in Manhattan. These guys retraced his steps to see if they could recreate it.

Here's a look of the top robots from 2008.

2005 brought a mysterious, sweet syrupy smell to the streets of Manhattan. 4 years later, the source has been identified.

Go to school to learn about The Wire. Skipping season 2 is a mistake in my opinion though.

The meaning of Radiohead? I'm not sure what that means, but this article attempts to define it.



Not since the "hand of god" has Britain been hoodwinked by soccer.

So there is culture in New Jersey. Who knew?

20 "trials of the century." The last century of course. A list for this century's would be kinda lame I think.

Driving the google maps car lets you see a great many things. Some good, some not so good.

Because God hasn’t installed the fluorescents yet. Duh.

The individual histories of video game consoles.

Interview with David Fincher.

Daily Links 1/26

Radiohead playing the Grammys - hip or trying to be hip and failing?

Does Billy Joel get a bad rap here? I mean, he only wrote the late 80s and early 90s college student's life soundtrack.

Saw Che and still wanted more? How about a Q & A with director Steven Soderbergh?

Ranking the Beatles songs. I'm sure there will be no arguments about this list.

Tips on how to get your island dream job.

What do you think the world's worst smell is?

Slot machines are designed to make you fail. Or something like that.

Want to have your real life close encounter? Scientists peg these areas as the best for having alien life.

I would have loved to ridden shotgun on this roadtrip through the Arctic Circle.

Of music criticism and grunge music in Seattle.

The Ring of Fire, as it pertains to astronomy.

How the "day the music died" really came to be.

The Good...the Bad...the Beautiful #16

THE GOOD:



A Michel Gondry production. Watch the landscape change as the beats in the song change. Something tells me that wasn't by accident.

Bad and beautiful on the flip side...<

THE BAD:



Yes, I know it was a joke, it's just not a very funny one. It's very difficult to go out and make a cult movie - I'd say one of the most successful ones is THe Big Lebowski. I'm hoping the makers of this movie tried and this isn't just supposed to be a straight up comedy. Otherwise I'd list this as "Worst." Why can't people just put a little more effort into the writing of these things?

THE BEAUTIFUL:



It's like a Sprint commercial, but good. Plus, it's got Radiohead.