My Inspiration: Salvador Dali

Salvador Dali was many things: artist, provocateur, stylish bon vivant.  But we can now add another entry to his curriculum vitae:

 

Awesome Game Show Contestant Who Thinks He’s Getting Paid By The “Yes”

 

 

Most importantly, without Mr. Dali, these pictures might never have existed.  You’re welcome, Internet.

 

 

Links of Interest 8/19

I've always loved Robert Wagner. And after reading a few details about him and Natalie Wood, I love him even more. He almost shot Warren Beatty!

Ok look. I realize that lists of no value other than to spark debate, and I also realize a website called TV Crunch is not the authority on much, but still, this list of the top 25 worst game shows is atrocious. Never mind that they included Legend of the Hidden Temple, a children's game show that is adored by many, but Supermarket Sweep? Are you kidding?

We here at The Popcorn Trick, love Michael Gross. If you've never seen this, or this then I don't know what to tell you. Regardless, this news will have our DVRs humming during the afternoon.

Want to read about why a woman might head into high class prostitution? Here you go. Though I don't think the author does a real good job of intertwining her experience into the article. A lot of sizzle, but not a lot of steak at the end.

A video of cliff diving that is just so much more than that. It might have inspired a new series here at the Popcorn Trick. I live its weirdness and non sequitors.

Betty White: Return of the Queen

Last night on CBS, Betty Motherfucking White was back doing what she was put on this earth to do.

Letting Knight & McLeod double team her in a broom closet?

Nope. As stimulating a mental image as that may be, I'm talking Password.

Million Dollar Password to be precise.

Like the Stones once sang, I had no expectations. I sat down for an evening of TV last night, figuring I'd flip around until Game 4 of the Lakers/Celtics started at 9 (don't get me started on that particular NBA idiocy, or the 347 Hancock commercials they show every game). I initially thought I had hit the jackpot when I saw one of the Top 3 high-stakes beach volleyball movies ever made was playing on MY PHL17, the Howell/Horton/Kozak cinematic behemoth, Side Out. The frisky yet obtainable Kozak was in the middle of a particularly impressive 2-year run which also included Parenthood, Arachnophobia, and Necessary Roughness (co-starring again with Side Out's acting prodigy Kathy Ireland).

But as many characters in the Airplane! movies said, that's not important right now..

Many a summer weekday morning were spent watching The Queen of Game Shows ply her trade on all the Password permutations, though the Convy years stick out most in my mind.

But this was like turning on the NHL Finals and seeing Gretzky or Montana lace them up one more time. Well, to be more precise, Gretzky if he had a little twinkle in his eye that indicated he knew every dirty joke you know and another hundred you don't. Or if Montana were hot - in a drunk Betty Crocker kinda way.

That was the beauty of Betty White. She had the perfect combination of sweet and sinful. I picture her with a pan of fresh-baked cookies in one hand and a pair of handcuffs in the other.

The way she wielded her rapier wit on Password (or any of a hundred other game shows), there was no doubt that she could hold her own in any dive bar, stag party, or juke joint. Her zingers were surface-clean, but there were layers. Dirty, innuendo-soaked layers rife with horny traveling salesmen and randy farmer's daughters.

After watching last night's MDP, she may have lost something off her fastball, but she still paints the corners with the best of 'em.

She flirted with Regis. Her reply to Regis saying she was an "old pro", is that he was half right. And she ordered a vodka rocks at one point.

She also had several awesome in-game moments, the last of which might be one of my favorite moments in television history.

1. You can see this in the YouTube preview below, but the way she says "Hello" kills me.
2. The password was "paws".
   1. She was receiving (the clues) from the contestant.
   2. 1st Clue: "dog"
   3. 1st Guess: "tail"
   4. 2nd Clue: "feet"
   5. 2nd Guess? "Pedicure"
3. The password was "balloon"
   1. The first 3 clues were "air", "helium", and "party".
   2. She responded as any 86-year old woman would: "Rave"

I had problems transcribing it without giggling. The fact that she knows what a rave is, much less have it in the forefront of her brain when those clues were presented, shows that she's a party girl of the first order.

I did have a few quibbles with the Million Dollar Password format:

1. Too lenient with the "close" guesses. "walnut" was an acceptable substitute for "nut"? I think not.
2. Too lenient with penalizing bad clues. "Boyfriend" should not be an acceptable clue for "girlfriend".
3. Ugh, enough Regis. Besides being tired of his shtick, he only did the condescending Dick Clark 25K Pyramid "suggest the perfect clue after the contestant has lost" once. Grow a pair, Reeg.
4. I miss the Super Password! gimmick where all the words were clues to another word, and whoever guessed that won the round.
5. The money round is similar to Millionaire, in that you keep moving up levels of money, but you can lose the money you won if you go too far and fail.
   1. After each successful level, you have to decide whether you want to continue playing and risk the money or as Betty so eloquently put it "take the money and run like a thief". Though if the cameras weren't on, I'm sure she would've worked something in about Puerto Ricans. Betty White *hates* Puerto Ricans.
   2. The producers decided to pop a hole in the tension balloon by showing the contestant the first 5 (of a potential 6) words in the next-to-last ($250K) round. Both times the contestants took the $100K they had won, and I can't blame them, since the $250K words did look tough. But that's making it too easy on the contestants.
6. The less-hot of the 2 contestants won each time. We need to get David Stern in charge of this show and reverse that trend.
7. The Babazoni guy's eyes scared me. They bugged out like he was a lecherous cartoon wolf.

Anyway, it was a delightful surprise to see Betty White back where she belongs. Actually where she belongs is in a time-machine to become my aunt who would sneak me sips of beer and countless Charles Nelson Reilly stories. Or maybe as a wise but libidinous English teacher who would introduce me to the ways of Keats and languid love-making.

Some streaming video goodness:

Betty takes over briefly from the master (Gene Rayburn) during Match Game.
Stroke that skinny mike, you minx.

A promo for her on MDP:

The full MDP episode from CBS' site (with ads, FYI):

Lake Placid - "If I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it"

And to put the perfect cherry on top of this ice cream sundae of awesomeness, here's what a minimal amount of Googling for Betty White info led me to. Prepare your souls for the long, dark tea-times they're about to experience:

Elton & Betty White (not what you think) (at all) (really)

Cline

The top 7 Nickelodeon Kids' Game Shows

When Nickelodeon’s Games and Sports (GaS) channel was dropped from cable, we all lost something. Whether it was the chance to relive our childhoods of being babysat by sweet television, or kick back and giggle at pre-pubescent children thrust together on a team try to awkwardly high-five each other, GaS had something for everyone.

And then Comcast yanked it away from us, forcing it to only live on in our memories, and the occasional you tube video.

But that will never change how super awesome these game shows were. And so, to honor them, I have ranked the top 7 children’s video games as they appeared on GaS. With rumors of nick.com possibly streaming them online I wait with baited breath. Until then however, this is all we have…

7. Get the Picture



Teams took turns eliminating giant blocks that hid a picture of…whatever. It could be a rose, it could be Kid n’ Play. The reason to catch episodes of Get the Picture were for catching the ever elusive Power Surges that were sprinkled into the game play. Actually, the Power Surge wasn’t all that exciting when you got right down to it, but host Mike O’Malley certainly didn’t let that bring his excitement level down. I also loved that someone had to come out and lift up some sort of safety bar for the kids when they competed in Power Surges, as though they would hurl themselves into the giant video screen had there not been some sort of barrier to corral them.

O’Malley made this show what it was. Carefree in attitude, he blatantly acted as though he needed to get his contract voided so he could start on Yes, Dear a few years early. He openly scorned and mocked contestants for not knowing something. I guess the allure of being on television (and getting to compete in a Power Surge) kept the line of contestants coming, because it certainly wasn’t O’Malley’s amicability. But I like that in my kids’ game show host. These kids don’t need to be coddled, not even on Nickelodeon.

6. Finders Keepers




Finders Keepers had the distinction of switching hosts as much as Card Sharks did. Unfortunately, they never found their Bob Eubanks, instead winding up with 2 guys that were immediately forgettable. One hated his life and openly pined to get fired, the other had a ‘Black Hole Sun’ look to his face that had to scare the constestants on a daily basis.

Still, neither host could destroy the thrill of trashing a room – which was the object of Finders Keepers. Teams competed against one another to search one of the rooms in the Finders Keepers mansion for items that were “cleverly” hidden, usually in a faux Ming Vase or a vat of dirt (because you know, every house has a giant vat of dirt). The challenge at the end had the winning team traipsing through a variety of rooms looking for more hidden objects. I loved the dichotomy between many teams; some would take a Little House on the Prairie approach and daintily pick up bowls and what not looking for clues, while others got very Hunteresque in there, treating dishes and glasses like a perp with an attitude problem. It was always interesting to guess which way a team would go.

Unfortunately, Finders Keepers doesn't have a huge web presence, which is a crying shame. But here is another link that can give you an idea of how crazy this show really was.


5. Double Dare



The Jeopardy of kids’ game shows, Double Dare mixed standard trivia with manic, LSD-inspired “physical challenges” for the kids to opt for if the questions got tricky. The winning team then got a chance to take on the obstacle course, a series of messy, disgusting Mouse Trap-inspired activities. Each accomplishment in the obstacle course won you a truly awesome prize, whether it was a pair of roller blades or your very own karaoke machine.

And how awesome was it, years later, when we all found out Marc Summers had OCD? Now we had an opportunity to go back and check the old shows as though they were Zapruder films to see Mark flip out when chocolate frosting splattered across his face.

Please don’t get this confused with Double Dare 2000. Jason Harris didn’t have the natural geniality Summers had, and the show suffered.

4. Figure it Out



I could easily write 10,000 words about this show, and still might some day. I’d love a tell-all book about what went on behind the scenes on Figure It Out, from how funny Kevin Kopelow really is, to the sexual tension between a post-puberty Danny Tamberelli and the always sexy host, Summer Sanders. Unfortunately, I think I might be the only person calling for something like that.

A child’s version of I’ve Got a Secret, Figure it Out always turned up the bizarre quotient. Lori Beth had to have been hated by the contestants, as she always seemed to guess the answer at the last possible moment, sending the children home with a piece of the Aggro Crag, and not a cool trip to Space Camp.

I’ll stop now.

3. GUTS



Oh how I miss thee, GUTS. Mike sending it over to Mo, Mo pretending she and the judges huddled together to confer about a rule discrepancy before making a final ruling… O’Malley’s complete sell of each competition as though it happened during the 1968 Olympics. He could have mailed it in, but ever the consummate professional (possibly the first time he’s ever been described like that) he took his job seriously and announced Ragin’ Rapids without a hint of irony.

I won’t go into a detailed account about what happened with Bebe on an episode of GUTS. What I will do is beg nick.com to start streaming these episodes online soon, so that I may one day share it all with you. And if you did see that episode with Bebe, you know what I’m talking about.

2. Legends of the Hidden Temple

http://www.geocities.com/lotht2001/heartroom.html



A talking rock…a final obstacle course that truly went on forever that featured guys in skimpy clothing jumping out and grabbing pre-pubescent children…a host that rappelled into the arena to start the show…there are so many great things that Legends of Hidden Temple had going for it.

One of the more demanding kids’ game shows, Legends of the Hidden Temple also appeared to have the largest budget for a game show. Papier-mâché boulders cannot be easy or cheap to make – and Legends had an abundance of them. The other thing I loved about LotHT was how elaborate the entire show got. From starting out with 6 competing teams of 2 children, to 4 eclectic rounds highlighting different talents, I’m shocked it lasted 3 years. I mean, I still see no reason to have a talking, animatronic puppet delivering the “legend” when you had a perfectly decent host in Kirk Fogg willing and able to read a 3-paragraph story to the kids.

Silver Snakes was my go to team. They were always a safe bet to make it at least to the second round. Of course, it was next to impossible to accurately handicap a team at the beginning, since intelligence is not an easy trait to read in a 13-year old child.

And then there was that final challenge of recovering the ancient artifact from the temple…one of the hardest things I’ve ever seen a 13 year old child accomplish. The number of obstacles they had to overcome was astounding. I can only hope there were plenty of spotters behind the scenes to ensure the kids’ safety on the show.

Here's just an awful attempt at trying to do the Silver Monkey room. I mean this is simply terrible...



And I link to this awesome site because A. it probably has the most information about Legends of the Hidden Temple out there and B. because I had no idea geocities still existed.

1. Nick Arcade



On the surface, Nick Arcade is surprisingly ordinary. Kids playing video games against one another for points? Ho hum. So why does it deserve the number one ranking? Two words: Phil Moore.

Perhaps the greatest game show host in the history of game shows, Moore knew no equal. His classic early 90s wardrobe always matched the Japanese anime/rave décor of the set, and his classically manic dance moves, coupled with his scat (the jazz, not the porn) prowess made watching Nick Arcade a must. Just take a look at what I’m talking about here…

Remember when I said Legends had one of the hardest things for a 13-year old to accomplish? The end challenge of Nick Arcade was the hardest. Channeling their inner weatherman, children had to react to “video game” obstacles that came at them on a green screen. Remarkably complex, I might have seen it defeated once in my life. The producers could have listed the gold of Fort Knox as the prize, and still felt relatively confident that no one was coming close to getting their tiny hands on it.

Take a look...



And this was one of the easier final challenges!

Finally, this video, while not capturing the true essence that is Phil Moore, comes closer than anything else I can find. Enjoy...



So there you have it - unfortunately these are the best things I could find as examples of these shows...why youtube isn't peppered with more great clips of these shows I'll never know. Comments? Questions? Rants about the rankings? Give a shout in the comments.