Cool Shit 8/22

Confessions of a serial killer. And he's from Sweden, so you know he's especially fucked up.

If you were/are a big Cheers fan, you will enjoy these facts about the show.

Here's a quick look at what's in demand for the rich in China. I, too would enjoy a gold car.

The novelist Elmore Leonard passed away a few days ago. Among other talents, he was especially good at writing opening lines. Here are all of them.

Be thankful you live in modern times, or you might be rubbing day old sour cream over yourself as a remedy for chapped skin.

Those bands you listen to weren't always named that. My favorite old band name? The Polka Tulk Blues Band. Think that would have had the same success as Black Sabbath?

The moral of this story is, don't get on the bad side of a Mexican drug cartel.

Cool Shit 4/10

We're becoming the "all things Alec Baldwin" blog! Today's news: NBC might be considering him for late night television.

Aside from the effects, I thought District 9 was overrated. It's smash you in the face racism analogies didn't leave any room for nuances, and the second half of it played more like a bad Rambo sequel. So I don't have too much hope for Neil Blomkamp's new one, Elysium. But I'm sure there are people out there who are...



A look at what made Cheers arguably the greatest sit com of all time, and 10 episodes that prove it.

I bet a guy with a horrible personality but a big penis funded this study.

Listen, we all have our sexual quirks. Some people like physically toned women. Some like masturbating to women while driving at 90 miles an hour with their penis out the window. Who am I to judge?

Links of Interest 3/5

I really don't care what beliefs celebrities have. There are plenty of them who have strong/crazy left wing beliefs, and hey, who am I to say they're wrong. Except possibly when they suggest Obama is the anti-christ, or "there are no Palestinians." Ok, so maybe then they might be wrong.

Honestly, I just linked to the article because it made a brilliant, obscure reference to one of my favorite Cheers episodes.

Grading the last 25 #1 picks in the NBA.

Game shows are a great source of comedy.

Office based movies have become a dime a dozen. How do you refresh the genre? Shoot the entire thing using an office copier scanner.

Rabbits are good to eat. Especially when you kill them with your own bare hands.

In honor of Alice in Wonderland, here's a look at some of the other adaptations of the story through the years.

So, what songs work for a stripper when she is on stage? Let's hear from an expert.

Interview with Billy Corgan, former lead of The Smashing Pumpkins.

The first Tron didn't really do much in the world of pop culture when it came out. Will it's sequel?

Here's a nice little mountain trail to enjoy on your bike.

Links of Interest 1/8

Disappearing in the mountains of Chile. Accident or something more sinister?

Fast food and chain restaurants lying about calorie amounts in their food? What’s the opposite of shocked?

Want to live to be 100? You might want to watch this.

I like books, so I’ll continue to link to lists like this one.

You know those KY Jelly commercials, insinuating the volcano of pleasure it can deliver? Well, does it really deliver?

Planning a trip to Legoland? Here are some helpful tips.

Ten scariest moments in film from the last decade? I think they may have missed one - ours! (Be sure to register and vote! If we win we get it screened in Vegas! Don’t you want to see what we could do in a town like Vegas?)

Take a spin through the Grand Canyon. This is majestic.

It’s absurd someone out there thinks Frasier was a better show than Cheers. And that’s not taking anything away from Frasier. It was a good show. But it’s no Cheers. (via popcandy)

The Avon Barksdale Story. A documentary on the real life drug dealer that inspired The Wire. (via kottke)

YouTube Treasure Trove: FatalFarm's Re-Imagined TV Opening Credits

I'm back after a long township-imposed hiatus that involved a little bit of travel, a lot of work, and even more laziness. For possibly the first time ever, I shan't be recapping a Podcast, or dissecting in minute detail a little slice of TV heaven.
Inspired somewhat by Goose's recent 3-packs of YouTube goodness, I'm going to delve a little deeper into one group's YouTube efforts.
The good folks at FatalFarm have apparently decided to squander their brief time upon life's stage by re-imagining the opening credits to classic TV shows.
And even though the results are decidedly a mixed bag, I'm glad they did.

• Sometimes the new credits are one-note efforts that either (a) kinda work (Home Improvement) or (b) fail miserably (Baywatch).
• Sometimes the credits are largely intact, with images or videos inserted in a manner that undermines the original's message (ALF, Dynasty).
• Sometimes the credits are totally re-imagined and re-constructed into an absurdist masterpiece (Golden Girls).
• And sometimes...
• Sometimes...
• Sometimes your passport is stamped for a destination much, much darker than the one which you left (DuckTales).

Some of these have adult themes, so those are marked with "NSFW" (Not Safe For Work). You've been warned.

I'm going to include more of the hits than the misses, but if you want to check out all of FatalFarm's work, here are a couple of links:
FatalFarm Home Page (includes other projects by them, including a live-action take on Garfield)
FatalFarm YouTube Page
So here we go...

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Top 5 FatalFarm TV Opening Credits

1. Golden Girls - Cooking in the Post-Menopausal Kitchen

An ex who liked Golden Girls more than is probably healthy tipped me off to this video and it was the gateway drug to the rest of them.
The first half of this is vanilla video of a faceless chef who makes Gingerbread cookies that look eerily like each of the main characters on the show.
Then the cookies morph into video of the real characters.
Then it gets weird.
Who cares? I just want to motorboat Gingerbread Blanche.

Stupid media companies have taken down the YouTube version, so check out the one on the Fatal Farm site.

2. Dynasty (barely NSFW) - The Real Dream Team

I never watched this show much, but if they had filmed it with the cast in this clip, I would have crazy glued my forehead to the screen for fear of missing it.
You start with a murderer's row of Forsythe, Evans, & Corley. Than sprinkle in the likes of Tandy, Olmos, Cheadle, Stockton, Farrakhan, and a double shot of Weller.
And there's a surprise NSFW A-lister who's playing Alexis. I won't spoil it for you, but hang in till the end. It's worth it. Trust me.

3. ALF (NSFW) - Chuck Berry's New Favorite Show

Who knew that ALF was into such kinky shit? Well, apparently the Tanners did. At best they excused Mr. Shumway's depravity with a chuckle and an uncomfortable "That's just ALF-being-ALF". At worst, they would get a good family circle jerk going every time ALF got a new tape.

4. Zoobilee Zoo (NSFW) - Levar Burton Meets Bacon in Wild Things Meets Keitel in The Piano Meets Puppetry of the Penis

I think this was after my time. Yeah, I'm old.
But now? Now, it's squarely in my wheelhouse. Religious harangues that make me think of Tijuana donkey shows + dancing + dangling wangs = "How can I intern on this show?"

5. Ducktales (NSFW) - Howard the Duck: SVU

There's more cartoon action in the Dynasty one than this cautionary tale of Internet romance gone horribly, horribly wrong. But you'll be ready for a Shawshank Delousing after this one.
And the Dre/Diddy shout-out the end? Nice touch.

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Respectable Runners-Up

1. Cheers - Shelley Long Is Learning Arabic As We Speak

Praise Allah!

2. Home Improvement - A Man of 7 Faces

Apparently the Binford Tools magnate is quite rich and a master of impersonating head shots.
Not creepy at all.

3. Designing Women - Ring My (Southern) Belle

A guy with really weird eyes (special effect-induced or otherwise) whose cartoon word bubbles give birth each of these sassy Southern ladies? Check.
A frisky Annie Potts? Check.
Shirtless, bowtied weird eye guy in the tub when he "speaks" Meshach Taylor, thus rendering you unable to watch Mannequin or Mannequin 2: On the Move without that image popping into your head? Check and Mate.

4. Munsters - The Tortellis on Shrooms

If you like Dan Hedaya, you're gonna love this. For some reason, this was the only one not uploaded to YouTube.
Munsters QuickTime Movie

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Zuh?

1. Baywatch - Who Doesn't Love Fruit Snacks? Me.

I'm guessing whoever came up with this idea came home from the bar at 3 AM and gorged themselves on artificially flavored fruit snacks while jerking off to Baywatch. And in the pud juice-soaked aftermath, they decided to try and write the fruit snack purchase off as a business expense by putting together this cinematic bucket of week-old afterbirth.
The only upside is that I get to link to the sorta-newsworthy item that Hasselhoff's son from the show is in a "celebrity" sex tape.

The Rest

1. 
   
   The Facts of Life
   1. 
      
      Not great, but the part about Tootie feeling marginalized made me chuckle.
   2. I was annoyed by the shoddy Charlotte Rae impersonator in the last shot. Weak.
      
2. 
   
   Doogie Howser, MD
   1. 
      
      Weird guy is Gumped (Zeliged?) in all of Doogie's press clippings.
3. 
   
   Night Court
   1. 
      
      Into puking as much as this guy? Than you can add this to your porn collection.
4. 
   
   Happy Days
   1. 
      
      Or maybe footage of staged suicides is more your bag?
5. 
   
   Knight Rider
   1. 
      
      Technically impressive, but otherwise dull.

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Hopefully you enjoyed these as much as I did, if not more.

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