Cool Shit 10/28

Mary Carver, of Simon and Simon passed away this weekend. She was 89. Sad as this news is, it does give me reason to post this…



It's crazy to me the path companies sometimes take toward turning as big a profit as they can. Take for example airlines. This article says they are making seats smaller, in order to get more of them into the plane. Which of course goes against the trend of people getting bigger. Something has to give. Unfortunately it seems it will be a seat once a stockier character sits in one.

Want to make an appearance at your next Halloween party? Take a look at this list of costumes you can buy off Etsy. And cry.

Real life and fiction are mixing like a Dark Tower novel! The hotel that was the inspiration for Stephen King's The Shining is planning to dig up a pet cemetery in order to expand. Which begs the question: Who put a pet cemetery so close to a hotel in the first place? Also, even Stephen King thinks this is a little preposterous.

Speaking of Stephen King, enjoy this look at the theory that he killed John Lennon, as well as 9 other literary conspiracies.

So you want to keep your computer activities hidden from the NSA. Good luck with that. But here are at least a few tips so that your "furry yiffing" folder on your hard rive is a little tougher for them to find.

I was really kind of hoping that news that the Following had been renewed for season 2 was no more than some sort of fever dream. Apparently it wasn't. Quite possibly the worst show on television.

And finally, the greatest Halloween costume ever. There is no debate.

The Following: 3rd episode (The Poet's Fire)

Apologizing for being so late with this (I know the new episode airs tonight), but honestly it is so difficult for me to write about this show because there are so few things I enjoy about it. But that's not to say there aren't any good things. So what I've decided to do is start out with a list of things I like about the show. Followed by a list of things I don't like, which will then be followed with a theories section...


Things I like...

• The Poe mask from the past two episodes is genuinely creepy. I'm not sure if they actually exist, but if I saw people wearing them I'd immediately be suspicious of their intentions (which also suggests I would probably not let anyone wearing one get close enough to me to light me on fire, but that's neither here nor there right now).

• Kevin Bacon's performance. He's not given much to work with, but he's doing what he can. Of course, the emotion of "brooding" can only go so far, so let's hope he's fleshed out a little more (sadly, I'm afraid they might do it in a weird, completely unbelievable way, but we'll get to that in the "theories" section).

• Call me crazy, but I also enjoy Natalie Zea, who plays Claire Matthews. She too is not given much other than despondent ex-wife who wants to see her kid back, but her moments with Bacon add a little depth of compassion to this show.

• I enjoy that the investigators, up to this point, have absolutely no idea what's going on. Yes, Hardy caught Carroll before, and so I guess we can consider him an expert, but 3 episodes in, and he's pretty much been only able to figure things out, either as they're happening or after they've happened. Which is a good thing! It's refreshing to see a show that doesn't have an investigator make ridiculous leaps of logic that help him/her catch the perp. Now, obviously there's still plenty of time for The Following to muck this up, but so far, it's nice to see the "plan" play out in real time and have the investigators simply react.

Things I don't like...

• The "cult" of serial killers is an easy crutch for the writers to lean on whenever they back themselves into a hole (which is often). Yet again they did it with the wife of the pyro guy actually being in the cult. Yes, it was a twist, and we demand twists in our entertainment, but the show is going to this well early and often and establishing a pattern that the audience is going to get tired of. Seriously, right now, I simply assume everyone is part of the cult, except for Hardy, and even he has secrets. 

• The "cult" core of the fake/not-entirely-fake gay couple and psychopath girl Emma (and it's saying something to be labeled a "psychopath" when you're already in a murder cult) is just completely all over the place, both acting-wise, and intent-wise. Emma's decision to slash the maybe-gay guy's arm as he's trying to make peace makes no sense whatsoever. And the fact that she complains after he storms away in the car (with her look of surprise) is just the icing on the cake, that the character's actions are just used to advance the story and nothing was thought out in this show. Case in point, when we have a little bit of sympathy developed for the guy with tangled emotions leave after being sliced on the arm, and we start feeling something for him, he goes and violently kidnaps a woman, to destroy everything that was developed for him.

• Joe Carroll (James Purefoy) seems like a decent actor and intriguing character, but having him in the prison only forces the writers to concoct increasingly dumber scenarios to get him screen time. Honestly, it appears the FBI have set up shot at the prison and are running the investigation from there, and also brought the cop serial killer there to keep him under observation. I don't know what the regulations are of running an FBI investigation are, but this seems slightly unusual.

• The stupid pacemaker Hardy has - enough. It's only going to cause viewers to question what happened about it when we see Hardy doing strenuous activity. It's one of the stupider plot devices that has so far gone nowhere (can't wait until Carroll hacks it though).

• This show is grim! It's easy to understand why Mandy Patinkin left Criminal Minds. These shows about serial killers offer lots of gore and depravity to the audience, without offering much hope. It seems they're created and then written to one up themselves. But what's the point exactly? I have no problem with people being interested in serial killers and enjoying scares and gore, but at the end of the day don't we want to see them get their comeuppance? And yes, I understand it's series and there's a 99% chance we will see it, but how much dark muck do we have to wade through to get there? It's getting tougher and tougher.

Theories...

• That young FBI guy Mike Weston is in the murder cult. They've been setting it up for awhile now. He's definitely interested in the whole case, and in the most recent episode he was left with the injured FBI agent who then wound up dead. The clues are there! (Also, from a writing standpoint, giving him sympathetic, even mildly humorous dialog will only make the twist that he's a bad guy even more shocking - and they've done that in spades with him).

• The main FBI woman, Debra Parker, is not in the murder cult. I know they cast suspicion on her when she gave Carroll the book, but I believe that was a red herring. Otherwise, the theatrics of getting the cop serial killer to talk would be just that: theatrics for the audience, and I'm hoping the writers didn't succumb to that.

• Hardy and Carroll were romantically involved at one point. It could kind of explain my annoyance of Hardy being in the locale of the crime scene when he originally caught Carroll, and this most recent episode certainly alludes to it with their "date." Because there's definitely something more going on between the two of them. 

Please feel free to disagree with me, agree with me, or call me an idiot in the comments.

The Following: Week 2

It's not that I set out not liking shows. Honestly, I want to like a show like the Following. There's a concept in there that could be taken and shaped into a compelling drama. Heck, it could even use some of the old tropes that many serial killer shows before it had and still be an entertaining series.

Unfortunately, the show has decided to take a different route; a route where a cheap, non sensical twist is a frequent rest stop for this show, eschewing a tight plot and sensible story structure.

This week we saw the introduction of a new character, Annie Parisse, an expert on cults, brought in to lead the investigation. And boy oh boy is she going to bump heads with Bacon's Hardy! Because they have different investigating styles! And are attractive! And will undoubtedly hook up at some point this season...because that's what evil Tom Carroll will have puppeteered.

The crux of this episode is to learn more about the 3 people that kidnapped Joey, the offspring of of Joe Carroll. Already thin on believability for at least a thousand reasons, we are to believe that Carroll, from prison concocted and brainwashed 3 college-aged students to wait 5 or 6 years to pull off this heist. (Quick aside: why did he wait so long to put this plan in motion?)

So anyway, the three (the nanny and "gay" couple) are now simply living in a house in some remote area, keeping an eye on Joey, playing house and raising and lowering the internal suspicions within the group like a stereo equalizer. Because apparently the nanny (Emma) was one of the "gay" guy's girlfriend - set up by Joe. While he was in prison. Oh and she killed her mom in front of him.

It hurt to type that last paragraph out.

Meanwhile Hardy is saving the day by figuring out another one of Carroll's disciples was set on murdering Carroll's former wife.

There's a whole bunch of other stuff that happens too - including a man in a really awful papier mache Edgar Allen Poe mask beating up Hardy and then later setting a man on fire in broad daylight. Oh, and we're led to believe that FBI Agent Parisse could be in cahoots with Carroll. Of course, with the premise of the show that Carroll is some sort of modern day Jim Jones, don't we have to suspect everyone? In fact, because of the blatant suspicion they threw on her, I'm going to put her in the "she's not working with Carroll" column. In facter, she might be the only one who isn't at this point.

The point is, it's ok to add a twist or two on a show...but when you build you entire plot around twists, they quickly lose their spontaneity and effectiveness. I predict that will happen very shortly with The Following. And since the show really has nothing else going for it (aside from A game Kevin Bacon, who I really feel bad for) it leaves us pretty much with nothing.

Theories!

The young FBI kid is working with Carroll.
Kevin Bacon has a lot more secrets...including working with Carroll at one point.
The one "gay" guy is really gay even though he says he was only faking it.

What are your theories?

Thoughts About FOX's New Show: The Following

So, FOX has created a new show about a serial killer and hyped the fact that it you won't believe it isn't on cable.

It's called The Following.

It stars Kevin Bacon. And that might be the only reason you wouldn't believe that it's not on cable; the fact that Kevin Bacon is in this.

Because seriously, after the first episode, the number of suspensions of disbelief this show asks the viewer to make hover in the triple digits.

Let's get a brief summary of the show out of the way. Pretty much the set up is that of Michael Mann's Manhunter. An FBI agent hunts and captures a serial killer, but it takes a lot out of him - including his heart! (you see he has a pacemaker now keeping him alive. Also he drinks a lot. Unless the shot of him pouring vodka into a water bottle was to fake drink around people really was set up as pouring water from a vodka bottle into a water bottle for the audience. Because that's how this show works.)

Anyway...

The serial killer escapes. And escapes gorily. So the FBI calls in the former agent (that's Kevin Bacon if you haven't figured it out) to "consult." on catching him again. Which is fine, except for the fact that the "consulting" he does (meaning figuring out stuff the FBI and police can't) is really bare bones and kind of academic to police investigation 101. (Seriously, he was the one to figure out this guy was on the internet when he was allowed to go to the library to "research his case?")

So now that we know Bacon is a badass with a pacemaker, we are slowly immersed in the serial killer's new plan for infamy: teaching people how to be serial killers. As in, he finds (or found) people online during his prison stay, saw some psychopathy in them, and trained them to kill.

If you can get past that hurdle, it gets better, in that he also has them devise an incredibly intricate plan, that took years in the execution, to not only kill the one surviving witness that helped put him away, but also to kidnap his son. All in an effort to embarrass the FBI agent that caught him.

I think.

Look, Kevin Bacon is decent in this (he's not given a whole bunch to work with) and the guy who may or may not have been in The Faculty (I'm too lazy and ashamed to look him up) is eager to be decent in this. The rest of the actors though are cliched and boring. And the plot - I mean, at first, when I found out he was training serial killers I figured that's how they would keep this show going, by making it a "catch the killer" of the week. But watching the previews for the show, it seems it is not going in that direction at all, instead becoming a singular story about finding the missing child, which...

Look I'll suspend my disbelief for a show if I think it's going at least in a decent direction. But in the first hour of The Following, 3 characters "flipped" from being sympathetic to evil simply to shock the audience and make it extremely easy for the serial killer to pull off his dastardly plan. There was no set up, which meant the payoff was hackneyed and tacked on. Because now, we can't trust any character on the show. None of them. It has been established that apparently anyone can turn into a serial killer at any point when the show needs them to, including the MAIN CHARACTER (I'll get to that point in a moment). I guess that can work in this first hour, but now that it's been established so early on, I refuse to trust anyone on the show. And that's not fun for any viewer.

It also seems that FOX thinks that gore is the key to success, as many of the killings were staged with as much blood as possible. It seems in fact, that that is what FOX believes is the key to cable programming: gore. You know, since Mad Men has all that blood.

These of course aren't the only issues I had with the show, just the major ones. I'm sure they have set up some scenes to play off of and "twist" in later episodes. I'm also not sure if the pace will slow down as we move forward, or attempt to match the runaway train speed of the pilot. I'm hoping for the former; I'm betting we get the latter. I just wish the standard serial killer tropes were so abundant. It's as if the creators figured by stuffing more in, the viewer would be excited.

And then there's the Kevin Bacon role. As of right now, he's playing every cliche of a former, now disgraced FBI investigator. We're subjected to a few flashbacks from his initial investigation to show us how he got this way, (obviously he got TOO CLOSE to the case!) and what this entanglement will mean going forward. I will say this - and this is what I alluded to earlier...

I was mildly intrigued by the events of the night Hardy (Bacon's investigator) caught Carroll (the serial killer). It had been established early on that Hardy had started following Carroll, recognizing him as the main suspect. And since Carroll was a professor, Hardy was on the college campus a lot (it wasn't made clear whether he was posing as a student or what, but he alluded to hearing Carroll lecture, so I don't know other than I'm reading way too much into a show that doesn't deserve or hold up to this scrutiny). So, we see in flashback Hardy walking down a path and bump into 2 girls who are on their way to a house which, you guessed it - Carroll is waiting for them in. Hardy lets them go, then follows them back to the house, hears a scream and blammo goes in and gets stabbed but shoots Carroll and blah blah blah.

What I want to know is, it seemed as though when Hardy bumped into the girls, he was walking away from the house. It seems ridiculous as a coincidence, which would then suggest he knew Carroll was there. But if he did, he didn't act as though he did once he heard the scream.

It's all very confusing and obviously could be chalked up to an incredible coincidence...but if they introduce some sort of hypnotism plot line, I'm going to be very disappointed.

Even more disappointed than I am currently with this show. And that's saying something.

Cool Shit 1/22

Are these the best songs from Quentin Tarantino films?

Last night FOX premiered The Following, a Kevin Bacon starred show about a serial killer and other stuff. I should have my thoughts on it soon - but first read the A.V. Club's take on it.

That movie that was all shot at Disneyland sans permission? Here's a trailer for it. Probably the most footage we'll ever see of it before Disney lawyers get their claws into it.



The pain that is on display in the NFL. It is my theory that we're currently at the peak of the NFL's popularity and is slowly on the decline. Articles like this one are chinks in the armor.

A documentary (maybe) on what an ACE Hardware employee would do when suddenly faced with the zombie apocalypse.