The Best (or Worst) Sexy Halloween Costumes of 2013

Halloween. A time for kids to get candy, and ladies to dress provocatively without fear of being called a slut. Well, in theory anyway. Seriously, within the past ten years, young ladies have slowly tugged this holiday away from kids to take it and put their own sexy spin on it.

Of course in the past we've had sexy nurse, sexy teacher, sexy student, but those have become almost cliches. And, always willing to push the envelope (and take full advantage of the concept of capitalism) it seems sexy costumes companies (what, your town doesn't have a sexy costume district) are exploring more and more ways to make things sexier for ladies to flaunt. Now, I am on record as saying the "Sexy Rick Grimes" costume is the most outrageous "sexy" costume this year, but that won't stop me for pointing out some of the other outlandish sexy costume choices women have this year...

Sexy Wolf

Yes, of course Little Red Riding Hood drips with major sexual overtones throughout its telling (Google "sexual undertones in little red riding hood" to fully explore that nightmare). So I guess it's not a far reach to imagine a sexual wolf. But this costume is barely a wolf (yes, ultimately I realize that's the point) and more of a female Russian army member who go too close to a land mine (Get ready for the "Sexy female Russian army member who got too close to a land mine" costume next year.) This isn't even enough for furries to effectively yiff with. Well, maybe the headdress. But you get my point.

"Super Gamer Girl"

Oh what a great label...but I see through your charade "sexy costume place." You don't have the rights to call it "Sexy Mario" so you got clever. Of course, a "sexy gamer costume might actually be interesting, instead of this male/female juxtaposition caricature of an Italian plumber. Seriously, the mustache is weird, no? And the transgendered approach of turning a male Italian plumber into a sexy object of lust for men to ogle is weird too, right? Have we exhausted all sexy costume ideas that we now have to reach into the male world?

Pac Family Model?

This costume cleverly gets around the male/female confusion of the previous costume simply by using both Pac-man AND Ms. Pac-man chomping on some boob. That neither of these creatures probably have working genitalia or gender identities is beside the point; look where the ghost shows up!

Ninja

I have to imagine, in a practical sense, this would be a bear for an actual to wear to do ninja things. I mean the boots alone look like they would take 10 minutes to get on.

Undercover Cop

The sexy cop has become cliche in recent times, so I applaud the attempt to take it to the next level and offer something different. However, aside from attempting to infiltrate a Sexy Cop costume convention, I don't think this is the best choice for an undercover cop.

Jolly Rancher

The irony of dressing up as an actual piece of candy in order to get a piece of candy is not lost on me. Also, not enough ruffles. And what flavor is she? You'd think the makers of this costume were mailing it in!

Obviously this is a a small sample of the ridiculous costumes out there. Make sure you bookmark The Popcorn Trick to see what other outlandish costumes are out there later in the week!