Friday, April 3, 2009

The Best Tweets of the week!

Every week I go back and post my favorite tweets I got during the preceding week. Want to be included in the lunacy? Follow me and be funny! As always, here are the rules:

  • I skew toward the amusing
  • I won't publicize anyone's stuff if they are locked unless they give me permission (the KChop rule)
  • @ replies rarely get on here unless their self explanatory and don't need set up
  • I do love me the setup and punchline stuff, but if they span over multiple tweets, I'm not inclined to include them.
  • Diplo is immune to any of these rules. .

Ok, let's go to the tweets...

nathanrabin that new Air Bud sequel with the puppies in outer space doesn't look very realistic. I worry that the franchise has jumped the shark.

cellebelle its 8:30 in the morning and i think that hearing someone use the term "granny sex" is going to be the highlight of my day.

james_gunn My electric toothbrush broke. can't believe I have to move my arm up and down to brush my teeth. I am 1 with the suffering of my forefathers

shareyourdonuts We reached the bathroom at the same time. "You first, I insist." "No no, YOU first." Okay, it's pretty obvious that we both have to poop.

Caissie A sign fell down on Whitestone Bridge. Sad, 1 person was hurt but disagree with reporter's assessment that it is "absolute devastation."

shareyourdonuts My cabdriver's name is Islam Mohammed. Or, as NYC tourists read it, "FearMe McTerrorTown"

manicsocratic What the hell? This is a recession! Why am I still wiping with 2ply at work? They should just have a bucket of leaves at this point.

james_gunn Just watched a few minutes of Hannah Montana for the first time with my nephew. This may be the worst thing Jesus has ever done.

seancorcoran Barely above a whisper, a voice in the stall next to me said, "oh no, this is ... serious."

julieklausner I saw Leah and Hosea walking together around Astor Place. I thought it was Frankenstein's monster walking his whore at first.

AlisonRosen I'm thirsty but don't want water and am too lazy to go to the store. This is prob how I'll die. Dehydration by pickiness.

brendancollins When I'm at the pearly gates and St. Peter asks me why I watched fifteen minutes of tonight's Two and a Half Men, I won't have a good answer

diplo I was just on ichat with tiesto and now I'm smokin weed with Booboo behind landerland on f st tryin to find "his" cardigan

ScottAukerman Got upset, so put my wife in a sleeper hold. "Don't fight it...shhh, don't fight it." Think it might have turned into a not-breather-hold.

Jim_Hamilton Also, I know the liquor store owner's name. And his wife's. And daughters'. I met his dad when he was in town. Maybe I drink too much.

diplo Went 2 a bookshop yesterday.. What's the best book here? After a lil debate I ended up with a 80yr old version of lord jim and I'm like huh?

80miles One of my coworkers just came up and smeared his own doo doo all over my laptop and then said "April Fools!" I have to say, I don't get it.

Caissie I just misspelled "red." How long before I hit myself in the face with the phone receiver accidentally? Probably within minutes.

diplo added twitter directory under: #music #travel #zombies ITS GOIN DOWN YALL PEOPLE! DREAMS COME TRUE! ZOMBIES MUSt die!!

andychef I would kill a cow with a cinderblock for a Klondike bar.

ScottAukerman Jordana Brewster is the next meryl Streep. If meryl Streep was the worst actress in the world.

michaelianblack Decided to start acting douchier. Not sure how yet, but I think it might involve Ugg boots.

kwade15 If I put as much effort into my real work as I do with my research for my fantasy baseball draft, I'd at least be a failed bank CEO by now.

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