Monday, April 13, 2009

Celebrity Apprentice - I'm getting smarter

Let me preface this summary of the show by saying I saw about 18 minutes of the 2 hours last night. I don't believe that means I missed any of the substance, but I am nothing if not full disclosure, so they're you have it. Easter skewed the schedule a bit, and I found myself in a house full of friends, flipping back and forth to a whole bunch of shows, including this one that capture our interest the most.

River Monsters.

Apparently, this guy who only has one shirt (or it's lucky, or he has a moth problem at home) travels around searching for elusive creatures found in our world's fresh water rivers. This week's search was for the mysterious Goonch, a giant catfish that legendarily ate a buffalo and person. So yeah, obviously that's going to trump a Brande/Melissa Rivers passive aggressive bitchfest.

Check it out...

In this clip you can get a sense of what they're looking for, and see the host's very old t-shirt:

And in this clip, you can see the white whale for yourself:

Don't get your pants in a wad about me not watching the entire episode of Celebrity Apprentice though - I saw the important stuff. Ok, that's not true. There's no such thing as important stuff on Celebrity Apprentice. But I still saw stuff.

The first challenge was to create a promotional outdoor (possibly a lobby ad) campaign for Lifelock - a service that flaunts it's online protection security by openly showing the CEO's social security number on many of their ads. A strategy that might not have been the greatest idea. Maybe that's why they've come to Celebrity Apprentice for their new marketing strategy.

Long story short - the team with Brian McKnight loses. How do I know? Because he was the project manager and he is no longer on the show. There was a lot of chatter before the boardroom meeting about people throwing Melissa Rivers under the bus and getting her fired, which led to Joan Rivers smashing champagne glasses on the floor, but that didn't go anywhere. Prety sure Trump knows the Rivers brothers dynamic is too good for television. Plus, I might tune in again solely to see Joan Rivers douse herself in champagne while attempting to create fake rage at her daughter's distress.

But wait, there's more. Apparently the Lifelock challenge couldn't be stretched into a 2 hour episode (they must have been really boring for that to happen) Trump immediately starts the next challenge, which is to sell jewelry. Teams have to pick out jewelry, pick out models, pick out clothes, etc. More backstabbing, more speaking-to-the-camera confessionals, and of course, nothing gets accomplished. It was cool to see that even celebrities revert back to petty high school namecalling and facemaking when they need to go on attack. You go Melissa.

By the end of the show Trump, for whatever reason, goes to great lengths to hide the identity of what he is apparently considering (really I have no idea what purpose the whole last five minutes accomplished or why it needed to be shrouded in secrecy) a corporate spy to both teams. It's finally revealed that Trump wants the first winner of the first Celebrity Apprentice, Piers McBritshguywhoalsojudgedAmericasgottalent to "find out" what's going on with the teams during this challenge. Which, if I were Ivanka or Trump Jr. or that old guy (someone at my house asked if it were Cheyney) I'd be a little annoyed. Like they weren't doing a good job?

Told that there's a lot of "conflict" within both teams, Piers dutifully accepts his challenge and heads to, I have no idea. The end. And I have to say, I enjoyed this abbreviated watching of Celeibrity Apprentice. Not only did it not seem like I wasted my Sunday night, I got to see a catfish the sze of a car.

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