Recapping the 2009 Golden Globes

I twitter. If you don't know what that is, then don't worry about it and don't try to figure it out. It quite possibly could consume your soul.

But if you do, please feel free to follow me! I provide plenty of insightful updates about my super exciting days sitting in a drab, grey office contemplating packing it all in to go live in a cabin in Alaska.

What does any of this have to do with the Golden Globes? Pretty much nothing other than the fact what started as a humorous line on twitter last night, turned into me pretty much constantly updating the events as they happened. And so I figured I would include it here, with a little more detail and analysis for your reading pleasure.

On the flip side, a journey (figurative) to the Golden Globes...



I'm not going to make excuses or deflect the guilty pleasure I get watching awards show, or more specifically, watching the pre-shows of awards shows. The unintentional comedy that happens on them can't be beat, regardless of the subject matter. Take for instance the awkwardness of the Tiki Barber/Jeremy Piven exchange last night.

First of all, how emasculating must it be for Tiki Barber to be hanging out on the red carpet interviewing Hollywood stars and starlets while playoff football is going on? Is NBC punishing him for something, or is Tiki punching his own ticket to these events, trying to distance himself from sports?

Anyway, on the red carpet, Tiki stops Jeremy Piven and Mark Wahlberg, presumably together due to their connections to the show Entourage. After asking Piven some stupid questions about whatever (I might watch, but I certainly don't listen), Wahlberg brings up Piven's "mercury poisoning," which "forced" him out of the Broadway play he had been in. Completely unprepared to speak about it, Piven stumbles through an absurd excuse about how continuing with the play would have been against his doctor's orders. To which Tiki brilliantly replies, "if the doctor told me I couldn't play, I'd wait a second and go right back in."

To his credit, Piven comes back rather quickly with an, "that's because you're an iron man, Tiki," but says it through clenched teeth, probably realizing that he couldn't take a swing at either of these two, since he would immediately get stomped.

Just a rare true moment in the heart of fake.

Anyway, here are a couple more random comments/musings from the Globes...

Sting looks homeless. Seriously. Did he lose a bet? Or his mind?

I hate to say it, but Robert Downey's theatrics on the red carpet suggest he may have toppled off the wagon again.

What was Steven Speilberg doing on the red carpet with Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Wil Arnett?


Jessica Lange looked about 3 operations away from this. Or possibly starring in a remake of Mask.



Eva Mendes introduced some Cuban guy - when he came out I so wanted him to bust out with a little Senor Burns. Sadly, it didn't happen.

"The trouble with holocaust movies is that there's never a gag reel." I think I'd pay money to see Ricky Gervais host the Oscars.

Gabriel Byrne couldn't be there to accept his award. I bet Brad Pitt was upset that they couldn't reminisce about Cool World.

I picture the place looking like Grand Central Station when they go to commercial - celebrities getting up and hobnobbing with whoever they can. Would it kill NBC to have a live feed of this?

Laura Linney wins...would it have killed her to accept the award using Amy speak?

Tracy Morgan should be a spokesperson for a lot more than just 30 Rock. In fact, I wonder how much he'd charge to do my voicemail?

Isn't that ABBA movie basically My 2 Dads with an extra dad thrown in for good measure?

Whoever chose to exclude The Lost World and The Terminal from the Stephen King retrospective...good move.

Speaking of Steven Spielberg, is there anyone with more power in Hollywood right now? I mean he gave that boring speech about how Cecil B. Demille inspired him to crash his toy trains, and really, even though it was boring, he kinda made it interesting. He had such a "I'm a cool cat and own everyone of you" vibe, it didn't matter what he said up there.

A lot of playoff beards in the house tonight.

Mickey Rourke made an interesting choice wearing a bedazzled scarf to the awards. But hey, who am I to question Harley Davidson? ( I did like Seth Rogen's earlier cocaine joke about him, but wonder how Rourke felt?)


Is it me or does it look like Darren Aronofsky should be tying a damsel to some train tracks?

And so ends another Golden Gloes telecast. And while I didn't start out with the intent of live blogging, or twittering, or whatever you want to call what I've done, I enjoyed it enough to say that I'll be doing something a little more formal come Oscar time. So stay tuned...