Hey, have you heard of this Twitter thing? I'm really expecting it to take off!
Ok, so that was a bit of sarcasm as you can't even go over to your shut in grandmother's house to escape the hype behind Twitter. And because everyone seems to be on it, I thought I would start collecting the best "tweets" (really need to come up with a better word than that so I don't feel like pageant show mom when I type it) of the people who follow me from the last week.
Since I only realized this idea on Wednesday, you're only getting the best of the past 3 days right now however. Anyway, these are my favorites I've read from the people I follow. Feel free to follow me, and get my attention and you too can some day make the list. If you're funny. Or wise. Or prophetic. Or threatening.
On with the show. Here are my favorites from the past week...
shareyourdonuts How the hell did the heat get turned up to 78? I feel like I'm in a sweat lodge (minus the hallucinations and future genocide of my people)
janiehaddad Going to start calling my fiance my "ol' man." 70's style! Like, "Me and the ol' man are going to build a shed in the back."
Jim_Hamilton Loud knocking. I open the door to a hunchbacked Wednesday who says, "I can't find Jesus." I help Wednesday look knowing we won't find Him.
janiehaddad Mom: "Jane, this day is a gift and that is why they call it 'the present'." Me: (scowling) "Where'd you get THAT?" Mom: "Kung Fu Panda."
CourtneyReimer Just witnessed a guy reading SPIN. Haven't seen that in a long, long time. Perhaps he was using it as a disguise for Big Juggs magazine.
biloon What the hell, Oprah? How did you manage to turn the awesome topic of "Girl Who Was Raised by Animals" into a SNOREFEST?
diplo Man this airplane haz a broken lil diddley doo and we sittin on tarmac thirsty as a mutha fucka
(note: This is the most coherent tweet I think I've ever read from diplo. His normal stuff is completely insane and completely awesome.)
letsshakeitup So in a 4 hour shift, I have been lucky to see a bum sing to the wind, collapse with his six pack on main st & flirt with truck drivers.
Victoria_aliceWhenever I used to see this emoticon ":3" I always used to think, "Hey, your smiley has balls on it's chin."
BeckyBuckwild Thinks my neighbor is a fat lonely bitch who needs to get some dick instead of bitching to me about her plumbing issues! Don't shit so much!
diplo Miami u r crazy for a wednesday.. big up to chromeo contra and jake tha snake .. Tommorow I'm gettin some one pregnant in orlando
(see what I mean?)
DougBenson I bet the participants in an AIDS Run would break records if they were actually running from AIDS.
DaveHolmes At jimmy eat world. Guy next to me: FREEBIRD! And his date roars with sincere laughter. She even shakes her head like: "how does he do it?"
andychef Ever notice how you never see Doc Gooden and Whitney Houston in the same place at the same time?
manicsocratic There is no type of driver on the road that deserves more hatred than the Minivan driver. Oh I could go on for days...