- I skew toward the amusing
- I won't publicize anyone's stuff if they are locked unless they give me permission (the KChop rule)
- @ replies rarely get on here unless their self explanatory and don't need set up
- I do love me the setup and punchline stuff, but if they span over multiple tweets, I'm not inclined to include them.
- Diplo is immune to any of these rules. Trust me on that.
Enough of this silly stuff, on to the tweets...
nathanrabin is watching "The House Bunny". Anna Faris sure is teaching those misfit sorority girls a thing or two! Also, feminism is apparently dead.
nottjmiller Talking to a heroin addict makes you feel better about the 6 pack you just drank. Natural ice. No tract marks.
drew42e Ford should show all the real men that bust ankles, pull hammys and twist knees tryng to get out of the back of their Siverados sans manstep
slapclap The LSU cheerleaders should get an excellence award for excellence in spandex.
nathanrabin if you want to feel thin, attractive, well-dressed and continental I very much recommend visiting Old Country Buffet.
slapclap When you see weirdos hanging out in front of your building at 5 in the morning you realize quickly that you are up with the weirdos.
LillyHisenaj Left cell in car on way to airport, had to use a pay phone to get it back. Me & cuban drug smugglers- only people who were using a pay phone
stuntbrain Just heard that the space shuttle astronauts must test the new system that turns pee into drinking water. Who lost that coin toss?
diplo Uhh just woke up with my church shoes in my pocket.. Now its sabbath in the park time atx yeah!! Let's fly!!
kwade15 Has there ever been a Cheaters episode where it was just a case of simple misunderstanding? Throw us a swerve every so often, Joey Greco.
ScottAukerman Just saw this wk's Biggest Loser. Fatties bigger than me run a marathon. The only marathon I could complete is of Biggest Loser episodes.
CourtneyReimer Good news: people are starting to buy the condos across the street. Bad news: I have to start wearing pants (or buy curtains).
doug_smith Responsible time-travel tip: be prepared for all monetary incidents. It's bad form to hand George Washington a bill with his face on it.
nathanrabin just got ink all over his jeans. Aw crud. There are times when I wonder if people with more than one pair of pants are onto something.
kwade15 My kid said he needed "2 more minutes of sleep" before going to preschool this AM. Yeah, because finger painting requires tons of energy.
diplo Sittin here in first class .. Boysnois tried to pull out some lufthansa mumbojumbo and they were like turn ur swag off bro - u in 25G
nerdist Just dreamt that an Elf wanted to have sex w/ me but I refused b/c I didn't have a condom. Stupid! Humans can't get EIV (elvenimmunovirus)!
PFTompkins Waiter handing me a menu: "There you go, pimpbot."
samantharobot I wanted to walk to Chipotle for dinner but now it is raining. Why doesn't Jesus want me to have tacos?
blogofhilarity Wow Tweetie tells me what twitterers are near me right now. Ladies, start your rape whistles!