As some of you may know by now, I keep a list of the best twitters I've seen over the past week. Basically they're just the ones that made me smile, laugh, or guffaw (It's true, I guffaw a lot. Probably more than the average person)
Feel free to follow me and send me twitters, to see if you made the cut next week. You can do so by going here.
Onto my favorite tweets...
saraschaefer1 hey guys, i just turned on my heart light.
samantharobot Been in NY for 10 weeks now. Still haven't joined street gang OR dance crew.
DaveHolmes I think it's a shame that nobody called her "Sarah, Palin and Tall." I blame myself.
phirm Going paintballing. Forgot to get a cup. Experimenting with prayer.
macstarr Im thinking I should rinse my dishes better cause my breakfast kinda tastes like soap.
ztnewetep when leia says to han "i love you" and he says "i know"- that was the exact moment i believed in blasters instead of the force. so sweet.
Jim_Hamilton Can't figure out what's happening on Telemundo. It's either a soap opera or a children's game show.
michaelianblack To my knowledge, the epicurean sorcerer Gargamel never actually ate a smurf. He just wanted to eat one. Like me and babies.
mmmeghan FYI world, I always put pants on before Monday morning meetings. Even though I work from home, I think it's just polite.
cwalken I made a little pimp outfit and put it in the yard. The bluejay hasn't come back since. Some weird shit going on with the squirrels though.
shareyourdonuts What's worse at an airport baggage claim: hunger pains or diarrhea cramps? I'll tell you which. BOTH.
paulfeig Thanks to my wife, I now have the theme to Dancin' with the Stars stuck in my head. Time to jump off the roof.
biloon Twitter is still eating my tweets. Why is Twitter trying to stifle the broadcasting of my brilliance? Twitter and I got beef.
paulscheer U know you are in a good restaurant when u ask the waiter, "What's good here?" And he says, "I don't know, man. Chicken?" So I ordered it.
diplo shit theres a fuckin eagle out side the studio window! where the fuck u come from lil buddy, north dakota ?
shareyourdonuts April Fools Idea: leave note behind in my therapist's office that says "Suicide: Pros and Cons". Under Cons, list "necrophilia, worms, etc"
cellebelle Finished reading Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. :) Cant wait to see the movie. (also need to cancel my subscription to Behind the Times)
JimNorton I fucked my girlfriend on her period. This morning my cock looks like a hotdog with dried salsa on it . Showers are for rookies.
michaelianblack Overcast and rainy. Perfect day for cutting!
shareyourdonuts That grilled cheese should have been called "A stick of butter stuffed with butter and fried in butter sauce between two slices of butter"
calliekimball Subway Stats: 1 mouse, 1 albino w/a beehive hairdo, 2 indigents getting into it, and 1 lovely 12-minute pause in the tunnel.