Monday, March 30, 2009

Celebrity Apprentice - We've passed the pathetic mark

(I dare you to watch this whole episode.)

I just want to start off by saying that the coming attractions they show in no way entices me to watch. I watch because I've mistakenly started writing recaps of each episode, and through some bizarre sense of duty/OCD/stupidity I continue to do it. I mean there might be 2-3 people out there that are not only enjoying the show, but also enjoying my recaps. Ok, so 2-3 might be a high estimate, but still...

So going into this show, I knew based on those awful promos from the week before that Dennis Rodman's drinking problem not only would hinder the men's team, but also be addressed "intervention-like" in the boardroom. Which is to say, not really addressed at all except by one other person. But as usual, I'm getting ahead of myself.

This week's challenge - run a hotel. And because Trump needed sponsors to keep this terrible show on the air, instead of using one of his hotels (which still got product placement and a plug) he had the Loews take the hit and house this train wreck of a challenge.

In a nutshell, the two teams had 6 rooms to manage at the hotel. They were responsible for room service, maid service, check in, concierge and everything else that a hotel does. At this point in time, it seemed like the women had a pretty distinct advantage, since they had 2 extra people on their team and this challenge appeared to be a numbers game. But whatever, debating the fairness of a challenge on Celebrity Apprentice is probably reserved for the 11th or 12th circle of Hell, so we'll move on.

Project Managers were Tionne (aka T-Boz) for the ladies and Rodman after being called out last week for not really doing much. I can only imagine Tionne immediately realized she got immunity after hearing who she was going up against.

To be fair, Rodman started off fairly strong, pitching and receiving ideas from the guys in order to get the hotel running. From there it went a little downhill, in much the same way Mickey Rourke's career was a little stalled in the 90s. Rodman's behavior began to get a little eratic, culminating at one point on day one in a debate on whether or not to get cool looking cars in front of the hotel because people like to see cool cars. Rodman surprisingly was for this idea.

We're then treated to both teams stumbling through the "comical" mishaps of trying to run a hotel. I don't want to get into too much detail, because I don't feel like stabbing my eyes out. Let's just say the celebrities all looked into the camera at one point (or used voiceover) to say they had a new appreciation for hotel workers, and leave it at that.

I will say that I loved the fact that Trump (who said as much in the boardroom) got Billy(?) Baldwin and the guy who played Big Pussy on The Sopranos to go over and wreak havoc on the teams, going so far as to label them "celebrities" as well. I wish I had the patent on air quotes right now.

The women run their hotel efficiently and still have issues; the men fly by the seat of their pants and yet still manage not to burn the place down (T-Boz sighs in relief). That's at least how the editing made it out so that we had a modicum of suspense in the boardroom. At one point during the evening, Rodman actually takes two of the guests for a night out on the town, an experience I'm sure the two actors (there is no way the people checking into this place were simply off the street), leaving the rest of the team to play catch up. He comes back, orders more drinks, spouts off more nonsense and then leaves again. Really, I have no idea what's going on at this point.

So let's move on to the boardroom. Yap yap yap Trump does his best to instigate drama. He really is a terrible television personality. Darrell Hammond nails his awkwardness perfectly on SNL. In fact I wish it were Darrell Hammond in the boardroom. Jesse James for the guys bites the bullet, and in the first true genuine, stop-the-presses moment, calls Rodman out for his behavior and suggests he drinks too much. There was much nodding by the rest of the people in the room (though no one else really spoke up) and so James was left to take the brunt of Rodman's ire, which admittedly was meek and boring. I did wonder why Rodman kept defending himself in the challenge, telling Trump he did most of the work and even suggesting Brian had the idea to get cars to sit in front of the hotel. It makes me think that even with all the shenanigans he pulls, Rodman still wants the acceptance of everyone, which is truly sad and hopefully is seen as a cry for help.

Enough of the "very special Celebrity Apprentice" though. The men scored an 86 out of 100; the women a 91, and forgoing the pageantry of everyone leaving and coming back and hearing argument and blah blah blah, Trump puts us all out of our misery and fired Rodman on the spot. About 6 weeks too late, but maybe Trump has a thing for black guys.

And with that, the "intervention" is over, save for the white text on black screen PSA at the end that tells us all who to call if we know someone who has an alcohol problem. Very classy.

Next week - Trump apparently does something heinous that the celebrities can't believe! You'd think I made that up. I only wish I had.

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