Friday, October 3, 2008

The Popcorn Trick - NFL Picks Week #5 (Cline) - I Miss Irv Cross

I'm going to start off with a mea culpa, a valentine to the Sports Guy, and some vitriol.We both went 7-6 last week, so here are the updated totals:

Cline 18-11 (.621) +$410 (and a combined 0-2 for my LOCK & COVER graphic specials)
Goose 16-13 (.551) +$10

First, I’d like to apologize to all current and future fans of the Georgia Bulldogs football team for the obvious jinx/hex/juju I placed on the Red & Black with last week’s picks. Herschel Walker, I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. Now go do some more push-ups and take your lithium.

Second, I’m fighting the urge to go over to ESPN and read The Sports Guy’s weekly picks, lest my objectivity be sullied like a prom dress in a oil-streaked puddle. I do recommend reading his highly entertaining opus on the Manny Ramirez situation

Third, the sound of a child’s laughter cut through Moe Sizlak like a dentist drill. Such is the effect when I hear Phillies’ fans celebrating. Met up with a bunch of folks at Barrister’s last night to pre-game for the Felice Brother’s show (which was incredible, btw). “Luckily”, I arrived about 5 minutes before Victorino grand slam. Awesome. Go back to Guam or Micronesia or one of the islands from Lost. Just leave me alone and go fuck a coconut.

On that peppy note, on to the analysizing…

Is it me or has Vegas just thrown their hands up and said “We don’t fucking know what’s going on either”? Four pick-em’s and all but 2 games have a spread of 5 or less.

I’ll take that as a sign of weakness and continue to build on my imaginary bankroll.

If you want some reading music, check out some videos I took of the aforementioned awesome Felice Brothers at house concert back in June (and a cool tool from the makers of Muxtape):

Here are my picks (in CAPS) for Week 4 in the league where they play...


TENNESSEE at Baltimore -- PICK

Flacco looked good last week, I’m developing a taste for crabs (and the skills to increase my CROI (Crabmeat Return On Investment), and Kerry Collins is still an racist drunk.

That being said, Tennessee looks too good to not beat a Ravens team on short rest that has to be deflated after losing to the Steelers.

On a side note, what did Ray Rice do to piss off Harbaugh? In the pre-season, he looked electric and there was talk of “when” not “if” he would take over for McGahee. Now McGahee goes down and they start running this fullback? Screw you Harbaugh. You were a mediocre Big 10 QB and you still are.

Kansas City at CAROLINA (-7.5)

How bad is KC? They beat Denver by 2 TDs and still are one of the only dogs getting more than 5 points.

That’s enough for me to go against them.

SAN DIEGO (-3) at Miami

I wouldn’t mind living in either of these 2 sun-drenched locales.

That has absolutely nothing to do with this pick.

Washington at PHILADELPHIA -- PICK

The Eagles are fast becoming my Oakland (i.e. the team I can’t figure out). They have to be a little desperate and I’m hoping Westbrook plays.

I think Andy Reid is somewhat taken for granted by Philly fans leading to knee-jerk criticism, but how do you decide that 4 runs (3 by Buckhalter, 1 by Hunt) gives your team a better shot to score than at least one play with the ball in McNabb’s hands?!?

INDIANAPOLIS (-4) at Houston

This is my last stand with the Colts. If they don’t man up an beat a mediocre Texans team, they are in serious trouble.

Seattle at N.Y. GIANTS (-5)

I knew Plaxico’s a head case, but he’s been fined for missing meetings, etc. 10 times already this year? It was 3 weeks into the season when they suspended him. That does not bode well.

That being said, the Giants are still good, Seattle is still a Civil War battlefield (post-battle) on the offensive side, and Seattle’s flying across an estimated 5 time zones. Good enough for me to take the NYFG.

Atlanta at GREEN BAY (-4.5)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: I think I’ve figured out the Falcons. At home they win big, on the road? They lose by a score of 24-9.

Chicago (-4.5) at DETROIT

Being Millen-free has to count for something, right? At least a narrow cover against the Bears.

You sensed it was coming… My BIG DOG COVER SPECIAL! I’m 0-1 with these, but I was looking pretty good until some tasered the Cards in the second half last week.

Tampa Bay at DENVER (-4.5)

Ah, the joys of growing up in the South. One of my earliest memories was as a tow-haired first grader the Monday after the 1979 NFC Championship game between the Rams & the Bucs. I was walking with some kids discussing the game and one said “Tampa Bay wouldn’t have won if it weren’t for that nigger quarterback.” The fact that I’m considered only mildly racist is a testament to my own steely resolve and the intensive brainwashing I underwent in the lily white schools of Rockville, CT.

Buffalo (-1.5) at ARIZONA

Not sold on Buffalo yet. Especially not traveling to the Valley of the Sun. I think they could melt.

NEW ENGLAND at San Francisco (-1.5)

Really? New England’s fallen *that* far? They’re dogs against the fricking Niners?

No way. No how. I don’t care if Seymour Cassel is their QB. No way in hell they’re losing this game.

Cincinnati at DALLAS (-11.5)

The other big road dog (no, not Jesse James). As a TO/Barber owner, I’m hoping Cincy keeps it close enough that Dallas doesn’t feel the need to pull their starters. That’s eminently possible.

Pittsburgh at JACKSONVILLE -- PICK

Pittsburgh’s banged up, Jacksonville has to start playing some D, and most importantly, the Steelers’ mascot looks like he should be dodging sparks while listening to C+C Music Factory and making steel girders.

MINNESOTA at New Orleans – PICK
A team that can’t throw versus a team that can’t stop the pass. I’m reminded of the immortal KITT/KARR battles, except less competent.

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